William Shakespeare @Shakespeare Twitter profile | Pikagi

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William Shakespeare

@Shakespeare

51,310

Followers

1,684

Following

184

Media

18,699

Statuses

An upstart crow! A tiger's heart wrapped in a player's hide! Able to bombast out a blank verse! Goats and monkeys! -Robert Greene, E! News Daily

Bankside

Joined December 2010

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

3 years

Shakespeare's holiday from twitter hath gone so well he hath decided to make it permanent. Let this page stand as an archive of a dead man's decade of tweets. Eighteen thousand is enough, methinks. Will may pop back in from time to time, but expect him not. And thank you.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Look, I know I don’t mention this at the time, but Rosencrantz and Guildenstern’s back story is a very passionate, physical romance.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

So @delta hath decided my Julius Ceasar (ca.1599) is too "graphic." My plays are nothing like Delta Airlines. My plays move people.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

That moment when Hamilton and Lafayette seized our airports was truly a surprise move. I thought they were riding through a marsh.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Today is the #IdesOfMarch . So do what Julius Caesar should have done: #StayTheFHome

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

My rapper name is “Will.iamb.”

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

@louisducdanjou Monsieur, When the angry mobs gather in the street, perhaps best NOT to identify thyself as the heir to the Bourbon monarchy, yes?

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Ladies, if he -ne’er returns texts -won thy heart with false dice -hath one foot on sea, one on shore ‘Tis not thy man. ‘Tis all men.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

3 years

If thou dost stand accused of complicity in political bloodshed, perhaps quoting Macbeth is not thy best move.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Beatrice no longer able to eat Claudio’s heart in the marketplace due to public-health restrictions, will be eating Claudio’s heart live on Zoom.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Richard III wants you to know that the Princes in the Tower aren’t dead, he wasn’t the one who killed them, and anyway they had it coming.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

If someone tells thee “The peasants need food,” and thine answer is “Everyone needs food,” everyone can just stop listening to thee from then on.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

What do you call it when the heir to the throne has murdered someone and no one will do justice? Act One. #ReadMoreKyd

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Neil Simon hath joined us in the writers’ room. He’s still a bit nervous, so just whispering in mine ear.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

@Lin_Manuel 'Twas the surest way to get cast. I am sure that thou, homeboy, canst relate.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Run hence, proclaim, cry it about the streets.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Whene'er someone says something is "worse than the Salem witch trials" they mean 'tis worse because 'tis happening to a man.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Hint: if thou must needs cite the Magna Carta to flout the lockdown rules, thou shouldst also insist on trial by combat. With a mace.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Advice to my characters: if you don’t want to die a tragic death, be funnier.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Always a bad sign when the murdered ghost of the last king shows up with a bucket of popcorn.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

My general experience is that telling anyone named Elizabeth to shush ends quite poorly.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

10 years

Thanks for the many birthday wishes! I am, alas, still dead.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

My days were crude and unkind. Village folk would mock the local idiot with savage cruelty. But at least we did not let him tweet.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Breaking: John Falstaff no longer biggest buffoon to visit Windsor.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Home from college, wearing black, moping in iambic pentameter. #ExplainACharacterBadly

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

@JoyceCarolOates I want thee to leave me out of thy nonsense, Joyce.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

How could a boy get into the Capulets’ garden? There was a wall.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

The answer is To Be. Always, always, To Be. Give thyself a chance at another soliloquy. #WorldSuicidePreventionDays

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Stick with the classic plots: Boy meets girl. Girl meets girl. Tyrant meets inevitable downfall. Identical twins meet after extended hijinks.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Next time thou art putting witches to death ask thyself: If they were really witches, would it be this easy?

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Iago now wonders if he should have been using the Ambien excuse all along.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Since everyone’s decided to write King Lear while quarantined, let me give you all one tip: You can change the ending if you like. I did.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

Oh, please. I still remember fanboys moaning that Spenser had "ruined" the Faeire Queene when Britomart turned up in Book III. #DoctorWho13

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

BREAKING: Richard III admits the Princes in the Tower have been killed. Vows thorough investigation.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

So #BabySussex is seventh in line for the throne? Name him Richard and wait for the fun to start.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

How is Batman like Hamlet? Murdered Dad. Revenge. Dark clothes. Tights. Anyone you cast gets told they don't measure up.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

Dost thou actually think thine NEA gave me a grant to write Julius Caesar? I weep for thy schoolmasters, boy.

@DonaldJTrumpJr

Donald Trump Jr.

@DonaldJTrumpJr

7 years

I wonder how much of this "art" is funded by taxpayers? Serious question, when does "art" become political speech & does that change things?

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

I have a Lady Macbeth joke but I need to clean it up a little.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

A chill November night is the perfect time to curl up in bed with Jane Austen. Or even with one of her novels.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Why, rejoice therefore!

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Newton and Stephen Hawking are having a long, boozy argument that I can’t understand. I’m just glad they’re British. Welcome, Doctor.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Things to do during the pandemic shutdown: Read a book. That wasn’t so bad, was it? In fact, quite nice. Look at all these lovely books!

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Pretty sure my fiancée is cheating on me. Planning to clear the air with her in public during the wedding ceremony. AITA?

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Summer is coming. That TV programme is finished. Time to watch some live theatre outdoors.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

2 years

Should this site collapse like the tulip-bulb-based investment vehicle it so oft resembles, thou canst find me upon my favourite platforms: Libraries Bookshops The living stage

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

By the pricking of my thumb, Someone's tweeting something dumb.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Dear men: What preventeth ye from looking like this?

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Say what thou wilt about Lady Macbeth, but she doth her part to fight coronavirus. Keep washing those hands.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Hamlet, being Hamlet, cannot decide what to do for #FathersDay . He’s narrowed the choices to “bloody revenge” and “brunch.”

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

I am working on a device that removes carbon from the air. I call it “a forest.”

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Macbeth’s State of the Union guests: Witches Spirits Disembodied heads One bloody child, one crowned child Bunch of Scots Kings Banquo

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Sometimes when I say “A plague on both your houses,” I’m speaking to one rich toff with houses in the country and city.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

BREAKING: Richard III offers kingdom for a horse. Horses ask to be taken out of consideration for the job.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Oh, all right then.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Please. Even Marlowe wouldn’t risk the pub at a time like this.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Anne Hathaway is with child? Feels like old times.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

"Mama, just killed a man." - Freddy Mercury "Mama just killed a man." - Euripides #PunctuationMatters

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

11 years

@officialjaden I am thrilled for thee, child, but I cannot stay up late. I am over 400 years old and I have a matinee to do.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Just a girl Standing in front of a boy Dressed as another boy Asking him to love her But not especially directly.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Hamlet should have just said, “Oooh, how scary! Thou dost look just like my father’s ghost!”, handed out a little Cadbury and shut the door.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Moral of my Julius Caesar: Getting rid of the vainglorious tyrant with the combover doth not solve the underlying problems. #IdesOfMarch

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Today in bad cross-over ideas: Hamlet meets the Wizard of Oz. Pay no attention to the man behind ... oh, dear.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

I only do business with actual Amazons. Support thy local bookseller.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

Things that can get you killed in Hamlet: - picking flowers - standing near curtains - delivering mail - poisoning half the props

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Banquo is dead. But Macbeth keeps angrily tweeting about him.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

“We had nothing to do with the Archbishop’s murder. We were innocent tourists who had come to visit Canterbury’s famous cathedral.”

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

I am 456 years old, but mine agent assures me I can still play 390. #Shakespearesbirthday

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Everyone in my writing workshop told me Hamlet should be “more upbeat.”

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

The good news: my tragedies remain timelessly relevant. The bad news: 'tis because no one's gotten any smarter. Alas.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

At least when George III went mad, we put someone else in charge.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

BREAKING: French Dauphin declares victory at Agincourt, demands English bowmen stop firing.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Sent Macbeth a large shipment of Christmas trees, just to watch him panic.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Here cometh ye sunne, Here cometh ye sunne, And I say thee, ‘Tis all right. Happy #SummerSolstice , Britain #ShakeHenge

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Breaking: Tybalt insists his street fight with Romeo “not decided yet,” asks courts to declare him legally alive.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Just saw Orwell in the pub. He still really, really hates Nazis.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Richard III would like everyone to know that the princes in the tower died in a rogue operation that was only meant to rough them up a bit.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Stan Lee hath joined our dice game in the back room of the pub. Welcome, good sir. Excelsior!

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

I don’t mean to profile, but we need to be on the watch for the leading sign of impending murder: soliloquies.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Doctors currently doing a presser on Lady Macbeth’s health: “frequently up and about” with “excellent attention to hygiene.”

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

“Let’s get this thing wrapped up by Easter.” —Pontius Pilate

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Yes, Hamlet is a great story. It has to be. It kept Horatio out of prison when he was found standing among four dead bodies.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

We thought ‘twould be perfect to act Macbeth on Halloween, and now Sean Connery hath arrived to play our leading man. Welcome, noble Scot. Most welcome.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

8 years

#FirstSevenJobs 1 Mewling infant 2 Unwilling schoolboy 3 Sighing lover 4 Bearded soldier 5 Wise justice 6 Slippered pantaloon 7 Ghost

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

8 years

Consider a longer engagement, kids #DescribeAMoviesPlotIn5Words

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

My thanks for all the lovely birthday greetings. I wish I could celebrate with you all on stage. But it may not be. But thou canst always find me on thy bookshelf, too.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Rehearsal hath stopped. Everyone in the room is crowding to welcome Sir Ian Holm.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

Everything sounds sexier in pentameter.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Op-Ed: I Am a Scottish Thane Secretly Working Against Macbeth. Sooooo Secretly. But I Don’t Want Malcolm, Either.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

9 years

I have written a new part for the great Alan Rickman. I hope he likes it. I'm a bit nervous to meet him.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

5 years

We left a Starbucks cup on stage during Macbeth. That’s where the whole curse thing started.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Enough! Speak no more of him!

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

Yes, of course, today is only approximately my birthday. But today is the day people bring gifts and wine, so I roll with it.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

Wouldst thou like to be an angry, deranged Elizabethan pamphleteer? But hast the attention span of a drunken gnat? Twitter is for thee.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

If thou art trying to be Romantic, beware thou dost not take it too far and end up being Gothic.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

7 years

Miranda longs to see The Last Jedi. She wants to know what it would be like to be on an island with an old man who would actually train her.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Oh, they’re remaking West Side Story? And they’re, what is it? “Nervous about updating a classic”? Funny thing, children ...

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

6 years

Do not make up quotations and pretend I said them. But if thou dost, say they’re from the Henry VI plays. No one will check.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Macbeth currently giving a marathon press conference about how no man of woman born can defeat him.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

Verona hath suffered in quarantine, but having the Capulets and Montagues locked down hath been *such* a relief.

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@Shakespeare

William Shakespeare

4 years

The King, the King’s to blame.

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