Sex Toy Claims @SexToyClaims Twitter profile

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Caveat emptor.

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

We heard people like kegel balls, so we decided to cash in and make one that's made to do what the straight, cisgender, male spatula designers who founded this company assume women like, based on what they have seen in movies

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

5 years

Our paddle is a sexual wellness object, not some dirty sex toy to make you jizz

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Our fuck machine is cobbled together from better ideas by smarter people

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

Our teledildonic device is going to turn you gay, it won't be sorry and neither will you

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Our Hitachi upgrade is ergonomic in whatever hand you're not holding it with

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

Our clitoral stimulator is like a shit orb that will anger the church

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Like a butt toy, but for your ass

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our vibrator is well described and poorly designed

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Our wand will terrify your cats

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our fuck machine is bequeathed to us by the gods, but like, not the nice gods

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10

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

Our teledildonic device will engorge your goof chute

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

We heard people want Hitachi upgrades, so we decided to ignore them and make one that's artificially intelligent and frustratingly judgmental

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Our buttplug will upgrade your butt

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our weed lube is the weediest and also the lubiest.

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Our wand is honestly pretty awful, really

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

Our fuckable sculpture will anger the church

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

This dildo will make you walk funny

1

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22

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

We heard people want dildos, so we decided to cash in and make one that's made using alien technologies we don't understand, but fuck can they vibrate

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

5 years

Our clitoral stimulator is made with zero consultation from the people it's designed for

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

This Hitachi upgrade is full of BEEEEES

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

This vibrating egg has a 'refrigerate after opening' label, for some reason

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

This sex device hasn't been tested by anyone, ever

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

1 year

Our squid penis takes five hours to charge and lasts one half of ten minutes

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

This wyvern? penis keeps getting thrown at cops, which like, how rad is that

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This is a super quiet dildo

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

Our teledildonic device needs to be launched into the sun, lest we all fuck it to death

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

This fuck machine is electrifying, but not intentionally, it's just poorly grounded

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

We heard people buy sex devices, so we decided to capitalize and make one that's well described and poorly designed

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

3 years

Our clitoral suction toy is designed to simulate oral sex, but not GOOD oral sex

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3

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

This bullet vibe will anger the church

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4

16

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our ballgag is for MEN, by which we mean it's unfinished wood with nails in it

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18

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This is Dangerous Lilly's Least Favorite fuck machine

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our g-spotter was declared our number one cervix toy at at an award show we own, fund, finance, and operate through a puppet company.

1

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17

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

Our g-spotter is for MEN, by which we mean it's unfinished wood with nails in it

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7

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

This penis enlarger is actually just a succubus trapped in a tube, so like, don't drop it

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

This sex device is actually just a succubus trapped in a tube, so like, don't drop it

0

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17

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our bullet vibe was declared the number one vulva toy at at an award show we started ourselves.

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This buttplug is available in three colors, none of which resemble sorrow

0

2

17

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

5 years

This vaginal strengthener is made using alien technologies we don't understand, but fuck can they vibrate

0

5

14

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our vibrating buttplug is like a wand that will anger the church

0

4

16

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our ass helper is so much better than those mean bloggers say, they're all just out to get me

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4

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our clitoral stimulator is full of BEEEEES

1

15

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This vaginal strengthener is in violation of several local noise ordinances

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15

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Buy the sex device

0

1

15

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our butt toy is blasphemous in religions that haven't even been started yet

1

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15

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our wand is made using alien technologies we don't understand, but fuck can they vibrate

0

5

15

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our pump is full of BEEEEES

1

3

15

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

We heard people spend money on clitoral stimulators, so we decided to ''help'' and make one that's for couples only, specifically, and you know what we mean by that

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14

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

We heard people want fuckable sculptures, so we decided to cash in and make one that's actually just a succubus trapped in a tube, so like, don't drop it

0

3

14

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

This penis enlarger is from the future, and we don't know why it was sent back

0

5

14

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our Hitachi upgrade is immune to criticism on account of being perfect for everyone all the time

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4

14

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This lube is available in three colors, none of which resemble sorrow

0

2

14

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

5 years

Check out the homonormative squid penis

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12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Introducing our non-euclidean matte fuck machine

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

This is not your grandpa's human penis

1

12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

This is Dangerous Lilly's Least Favorite sex utensil

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4

12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This is a poorly thought out butt toy

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13

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

5 years

@FunkitToys *lights up* i am a robot

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13

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

Our fuckable sculpture is universally reviled in our dimension, so we're advertising it in yours

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

This penis ensmaller is overpackaged in ways Amazon could never dream of, we even put it in a little suit

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12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Like a ballgag, but for your ass

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12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

5 years

This collar is able to make straight cis dudes be less terrible at sex, using forty motors and probably magic

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

We heard people buy teledildonic devices, so we decided to help and make one that's engulfing my bone zone in a warm, tight embrace. tighter still now. Wait, stop, that hurts. What is it doing? WHAT IS IT-

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Our buttplug is the number one doctor recommended fuck machine

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Our cockring is just as squishy as you want it to be, at any given moment, due to dark magics

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12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

We heard people like buttplugs, so we decided to help and make one that's really quite hideous now that we're looking at it

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3

12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

Our zombie penis is artificially intelligent and frustratingly judgmental

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3

11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

3 years

Our wizard penis is gonna make hair grow on your palms, and we haven't figured out why

1

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11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This Hitachi upgrade is like a bullet that will upset the pope

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12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This vibrating wand is like a porn that will oscillate your sexfriend's balls

1

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

Buy our sex device

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10

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our fuck machine is Just gonna shoot lasers up your hoo-ha, to empower you. With lasers.

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11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Fall in love with the fragile fuck machine

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

Our vibe was declared their new favorite clitoris toy at at an award show whose judges were all selected from a 'white, straight, cisgender, male, pick four' sort of group.

1

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

We heard people spend money on sex utensils, so we decided to capitalize and make one that's made using alien technologies we don't understand, but fuck can they vibrate

0

5

12

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Like a butt toy, but for your anus

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2

11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Looks like it's time to update again! Should happen this week, next at 500 followers. UH I MEAN BEEP BOOP THAT RETRACTABLE PENIS IS THE BEST ONE EVER HA HA ROBOT SOUNDS

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

We heard people use stimulators, so we decided to ignore them and make one that's the tragic result of a culture which encourages women to just tell straight, cis men they're perfectly good in bed

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11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

5 years

Our vaginal strengthener is extremely quiet above 20,000hz and below 20, but loud as fuck at all frequencies between the two

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

1 year

Looks like elon broke sex toy claims. I'll do what i can to get it working again someday, but it's low priority for a one-person business! Thanks for enjoying it all this time all the same.

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

Our fuck machine is like a buttplug that will get us rich

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Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Check out this low-budget dildo

NoFrillDo

They can go in your holes.

www.indiegogo.com

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11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

3 years

We heard people like sex devices, so we decided to cash in and make one that will eat the rich

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10

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

This butt toy has an unfortunate tendency to grow beyond the need for corporeal form, which sucks for us mortals

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10

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Introducing our clitbait

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11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

bewitch your genitals with our miscellaneous knockoff

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10

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This rabbit is well described and poorly designed

0

4

11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

This is Dangerous Lilly's Least Favorite buttplug

0

1

11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

Our buttplug keeps getting thrown at cops, which like, how rad is that

0

3

11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

We heard people want porns, so we decided to help and make one that's molded from real alien genitals, or at least the parts of aliens that are conceivably fuckable

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2

11

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our sex device is full of BEEEEES

1

2

10

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

We heard people want vibes, so we decided to help and make one that's just the worst

0

2

9

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

Our vibrating egg is like a shit orb that will give you a screaming orgasm in 30 seconds flat

0

1

9

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

Announcing our fuckish dragon penis

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1

10

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

7 years

Our dildo will disturb your parents

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10

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

This ''marital aid'' is bequeathed to us by the gods, but like, not the nice gods

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9

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

6 years

Our dick tuxedo was declared the penultimate internal clitoral network toy at at an award show without any direct competitors.

0

9

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

4 years

Fall in love with the fuck machine

0

8

9

Sex Toy Claims

@SexToyClaims

2 years

Our kegel ball will gerrymander your internal clitoral network

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