Michael @Schmutzie_ Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@NMBJ_

@AA_Koptev

Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 months

@pastorb_ifb @JohnFugelsang Jesus tells you to love your neighbor. He doesn't specify what kind of neighbor. Fake Christian.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

You MAGA dopes can have Ted Nugent and Kid Rock. We'll take Linda Ronstadt.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 months

@pastorb_ifb @JohnFugelsang (you're also not the one to decide what is, and what isn't, a sin.)

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 years

Imagine you're Matthew Petersen. A lawyer with no trial experience suddenly nominated for a seat on the DC District Court. What do you do? Begin cramming like a mofo. You ask friends/lawyers/judges what to expect from Congress. This guy, apparently, did nothing. He's Betsy DeVos

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

3 years

@Ndeyake @shesboujiee @BURGERFI That's the way to focus on the important stuff Ndekaye. Where were the stairs heading.... Dumb shit.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@KevinMKruse @HouseGOP Two years with control of the House spent on nonsense like Hunter Biden and Anthony Fauci investigations, followed by lame excuses about the Dems being the reason nothing got done, followed by Dems taking back control of the House in 2024.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 months

Looks like a lot of people didn't know Jack Nicklaus is a MAGA dipshit.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

3 years

Seriously, I don't think the game moves too quickly for Justin Fields. I think the game moves too quickly for Matt Nagy.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

16 days

Kamala Harris/Michelle Obama I'd vote for that ticket.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

8 years

College swim coach of @realDonaldTrump shoots down rumor that #TrumpCantSwim - "Best damn breast stroker I ever saw"

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

#BoycottTuckerCarlson is trending. That's like telling me to give up eating live scorpions for Lent.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

@RexChapman Nah. Anyone who is willing to tolerate a racist is a racist.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

I think all of the MAGA dipshits who are freaking out about lost Twitter followers this morning are actually paid crisis actors. #TwitterLockout

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 year

@BrianKarem You can be a Trump supporter, or you can be a Christian. Not both.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@AP Somebody please inform the Fuhrer that we signed an agreement - The Outer Space Treaty- in 1967 that said we won't militarize space. Not that 50 year old agreements mean anything to that bloated waste of oxygen.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@RyanAFournier I also have a friend who attended #UFC244 and they told me not one person in that crowd is friends with you.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

Anyone else think Bob Woodward should have revealed that Trump was intentionally downplaying the threat of COVID while he was STILL president?

Jon Cooper

@joncoopertweets

2 years

Anyone else think Maggie Haberman should have revealed that Trump was illegally flushing documents while he was STILL president? ✋

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@Acosta Up until 2 weeks ago she'd never heard of George Soros.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@thehill Isn't Kevin McCarthy the same guy who was caught on tape in November 2016 saying he thinks Trump is paid off by Putin? I'm quite sure I remember it. Maybe he should shut the fuck up and let the investigation run its course.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@neiltyson That's just one galaxy. There's no way the entire universe could fit in that cup. You'd need a Thermos.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 years

@mitchellvii It's entirely possible for both Trump to be unpopular AND the Cleveland Browns sucking.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

As someone who has suffered from both anxiety & depression let me say if you're struggling, talk to a professional. Therapy and/or meds can change your life. Probably saved mine 30 yrs ago. There is no shame, and there is no stigma. Be good to yourself. Also...FUCK SKIP BAYLESS!

Rex Chapman🏇🏼

@RexChapman

4 years

Skip Bayless thinks Dak Prescott is weak for admitting he’s suffered depression following his brother’s suicide and during the Covid-19 pandemic. He says leaders don’t do that. Disgusting take. Leaders help others. Dak is helping teammates and fans alike by speaking up.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 month

@Jacob63862 @JohnFugelsang If you see a same-sex couple walking down the street holding hands, and you're instantly disgusted by them, the last thing you're thinking of is Jesus. It's just homophobia. Don't use the Bible as a weapon to defend your prejudice.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 months

I saw Derek Chauvin trending and thought maybe somebody had stabbed him a a bunch of times again. No, it isn't that.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 month

The Steele Dossier trend is hilarious. They're still claiming Trump's campaign didn't collude with Russia in 2016. Not only did they collude with Russia, Trump spent his entire 4 years in office humping Putin's leg. He's still humping Putin's leg!

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@usatodaysports Tony's right on this. The time to voice your objections is during the field sobriety test.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

@HamillHimself Trump fired Sydney Powell because he was afraid his legal team was making him look bad....and then he RTd Randy Quaid.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@KevinMKruse @TwitterDesign You can get old twitter back by: 1) Click on Settings & Privacy 2) Click on About Twitter 3) Click on Directory 4) Upper left hand corner click on the little house.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@robreiner There IS something in the Constitution that anticipated a criminal fuck in the White House. Based on what we already know Trump should have been impeached & removed by now, The fact that he hasn't been impeached means our Congress has been utterly derelict in their duties.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 years

@jaketapper We've reached a point where I don't know if Trump quotes are real or just spoofs from The Onion.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

And just like that the Bears have the hot young QB in the division, and Green Bay has the creaky old anti-vax weirdo. I knew if we waited long enough this would happen.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@DLoesch @zen310 Wayne LaPierre is a registered lobbyist.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

If Cody Parkey married Chris Blewitt he could be Cody Parkey-Blewitt

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 months

Jim Nantz calling Moore a "throw in" on the trade is just so stupid.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 year

@Variety Remember when @ElonMusk decided not to buy twitter because he was worried about all the fake accounts?

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 months

@pastorb_ifb @JohnFugelsang Once you start out trying to use Jesus and the Bible as weapons, it's not long until you're cherry picking scripture to meet your bigoted world view, and lying about what scripture says in the process. Jesus would puke at the sight of you.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@aaronsibarium So Yale law students are engaging in heated debates? Is that right? Wow. Huge if true.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@washingtonpost Should Liz Cheney really be mocking somebody else about ancestry?

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

8 years

@CBSNews @CharlesMBlow How would he know this? Did Putin tell him?

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 year

@jacksonhinklle @AdamKinzinger You're a traitor and a gutless turd Jackson. Move to Russia.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

@BrianKarem @KellyannePolls I hope someone explained to Kellyanne that she isn't the person who determines protocol on mail-in ballots. She's strictly in charge of lying for Trump and arguing with her husband during the ashtray fights.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 months

Here's what really happened. Trump lost. He didn't want to accept that. He told his cult to show up at the US Capitol on Jan 6, to stop the steal. They did. They tried to storm the US Capitol. They fucked around, and they found out. And, Ashli Babbitt should have had company.

Ram ben Ze'ev

@rambenzeev

7 months

Here's What Really Happened on January 6th @TuckerCarlson @RepClayHiggins

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

9 months

Thinking back to a better time, when I could steal from Mississippi welfare recipients while selling miracle copper elbow sleeves on squigglevision....

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@yesnicksearcy @JohnFugelsang Nick Searcy is the Chuck Woolery of Scott Baios.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

3 years

When the Cubs front office claims to be losing money, they're lying. They intentionally fail to mention the increasing (constantly) value of the franchise. They paid $850million for the team in 2009. The Cubs are now valued at $3.35Billion. Quadrupled their money in 12 years.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

3 years

Cancel Culture is a myth. Assholes deserve to lose.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 months

@tomselliott @GovStitt Who decides which SCOTUS rulings are unconstitutional? The role of the Supreme Court is to determine constitutionality. Did you eat paint chips as a kid?

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

@robreiner Twitter should lock him out. He's endangering the public.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@renato_mariotti Narrator: The Congressional Republicans did nothing

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

❄️❄️45 minutes shoveling my car out. Dude sat there idling for 10 minutes, watching me. I know he wanted my spot. I know I should have told him I'm not leaving. But oh the look on his face when I tossed the shovel in the car and walked back to my front door. Wonderful. ❄️❄️❄️

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@nowthisnews It's not that he can't throw, it's that he's terrified of being roundly booed by 50,000 people on live TV.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

9 months

According to his fans, if you break windows in Kenosha, you deserve to get killed by Kyle Rittenhouse. However, if you break a window at the US Capitol, get shot in the neck, and bleed out of the floor like Ashli Babbitt, you're a victim.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

8 years

@CharlesMBlow @piersmorgan You have a little Trump on your chin Piers. Let me get you a napkin....

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@robreiner Really makes me wonder what was in the boxes he stole and took to Florida.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 years

@PrisonPlanet @JackPosobiec Super Brain Juice 9000 only available on Infowars!!

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

@ddale8 Notice how it's "my" stock market (when it goes up) but when it's bad news it's not "our fault". Nothing. Is. Ever. His. Fault.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 month

Uranus is trending because Musk told the same joke we all heard in 3rd grade and the Muskovites are clapping like trained seals.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 year

@BrodyLogan Donald Trump. After he fired @pennjillette on Celebrity Apprentice I told him that at least Penn makes money for casinos, rather than bankrupting them. Still blocked too.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@joshtpm

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@DLoesch @zen310 (you're)

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 years

@jaketapper How do I describe Camille Cosby? A wife living in denial after decades of enabling her sexual predator husband.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@katknapzzzzz @thehill Hey at least with Rohrabacher the dude doesn't even try to hide the fact that he's a Russian asset.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

3 years

@RepStefanik Cool story. Now do Trump.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 years

@RandPaul @realDonaldTrump I think maybe your neighbor knocked you loopy Rand. Go see a doctor, maybe get a CAT scan.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@AP Obstruction of justice charge was already going to be easy to establish. This is just gift wrapping it and putting a bow on top. Trump is doing the heavy lifting for Pelosi. #ImpeachTrumpNow

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 years

@nytimes That's OK, he may not have Secret Service protection but he's probably got a lot of FBI guys following him around anyway.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 year

@propublica Amazing how these "justices" keep winding up as friends with billionaires.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 months

101 yard of total offense. 2 FGs. Packers have the Bears doubled in total yards. Tony Romo is impressed by Luke Getsy.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

After the Civil War is over, and the South has lost, AGAIN, we need to make some changes. First of all, the Electoral College really needs to go. #CivilWarSignup

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@NPR Sure it will. And Mexico will pay for it. #SpaceFarce

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

Let's be honest. They didn't "storm" the U.S. Capitol. They were invited.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 days

Charlie Kirk, Alex Jones, and Tim Pool. Dumbest cult in the history of the world.

Kelly Domination

@Domination2030

6 days

Why is Trump in Chicago like it's 2016 still dealing with the fakenews media. I don't get it, we're supposed to be past this. he should be doing interviews on Charlie Kirk, Alex Jones, Tim pool. forget ABC and the fake news media

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 months

@DefiyantlyFree @RepSwalwell They didn't lie about Russian collusion. There was Russian collusion. See: Lavrov & Kislyak with Jess Sessions, and Nataliya Veseelnitskaya with Trump Jr, Kushner, and Manafort at Trump Tower. You're a cultist loser.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@waltshaub If Cy Vance Jr hadn't been paid off we'd have heard a lot more about Ivanka Trump's con. See: Trump Soho

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 months

Is it too soon to talk about the looming Caleb Williams vs Tyson Bagent QB controversy? Let's hear from Boomer!

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@RealAlexJones Your children? I don't think those are your children Alex. I think they're hired crisis actor kids.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@ericgarland cc @DrPaulGosar

Paul Gosar Allegedly Met With Oath Keepers and Said the U.S. is in a Civil War

Paul Gosar's brother, Dave Gosar, reportedly said that the congressman is heavily involved with the Oath Keepers.

www.phoenixnewtimes.com

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@washingtonpost Trump's next Secretary of the Interior

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@TayFromCA It wasn't a raid. It was execution of a search warrant. Try to keep up son.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@robreiner "Russia, Russia, Russia. It's a big hoax. I have no connection to Russia. I have no business with Russia." - Trump He's been in Putin's pocket all along, and now he has the cult on board.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

2 years

@drewharwell @MikeKellams Said it before, and now again. Truth Social was never meant to be a success. It was meant to make money for Trump before it collapsed under its own dead weight, like all Trump "businesses."

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

@ddale8 @realDonaldTrump In reality Trump showed up, and the race was postponed.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@TheRickWilson Honestly, at what point do we begin using the word fiasco to describe the entire Trump presidency?

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 years

98% of black women voted for Jones. 63% of white women voted for Moore. 93% of black men voted for Jones. 72% of white men voted for Moore. Jones won by 1.5% No mystery about what happened in Alabama. Black people saved us all from having a child molester in the US Senate.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 months

@_justinwilliam @pastorb_ifb @JohnFugelsang Think you're forgetting about Matthew telling you to not judge others. Think you're also assuming being LGBTQ+ is a sin. It isn't. You also seem to think you're in a position to decide what is a sin. You aren't. Piss off, homophobe.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@Cole42435082 @DexterFowler Because @Cole42435081 was already taken.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

6 years

@realrambogotier @delittletings @TheRickWilson You capitalized the pronoun he. Twice.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

3 years

@JoshMandelOhio Everything we stand for? You mean cheating on the wife? Hooking up with a campaign worker? Do your 3 kids cry when they see you and your new girlfriend?

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 year

Paul Vallas has the endorsement of the Chicago FOP. They also endorsed Donald Trump and Darren Bailey. If Chicagoans are dumb enough to elect this asshole, they'll find out quickly what he means by an increased police presence. He wants to ease the rules on police chases ffs.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@Fahrenthold @realDonaldTrump Real billionaires don't loot the petty cash.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 year

@GentrifiedA @Hersheys I know it's tough, but try to cope

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

@RepDanCrenshaw Trump's feet-dragging allowed this pandemic to spread across the country. Can we sue him?

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

11 months

He's right. If you're in Hyde Park after 10PM the odds are pretty good that you'll encounter roving gangs of economics majors. And if you see a car load of law school students, just keep on walking, bitch.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

3 years

Dan Bernstein has raised a lot of money for kids with cancer over the years. I mean...a lot of money. Proud to call him a friend. He does a hell of a job with the puzzle clues too.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

1 year

@ratemyskyperoom @RobertKennedyJr *In 1982 Kennedy was sworn in as an assistant district attorney for Manhattan. After failing his bar exam he resigned in July 1983. That September he was charged with heroin possession and pleaded guilty in February 1984. He received to two years probation and community service.*

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

5 years

@gtconway3d @RexHuppke I believe that's called "fraud"

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

8 years

Hey @USGA #USOpen Well?

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

4 years

@sarahcpr When Obama took office, McConnell tried to tell him how things work. Obama told Mitch to sit down and shut up because "I won. Elections have consequences." That left a permanent scar on McConnell. He has never recovered. Mitch no like when the colored folk talk to him like that.

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Michael

@Schmutzie_

7 months

Normally I make fun of networks for sending reporters out in the brutally cold weather to talk about how cold it is but if NBC wants to leave Tony Dungy out there all day I'm good with that.

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