Fillmore Wilbury 🎶 @RussRoth4 Twitter profile

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 months

Just playing Devil’s Food Cake Advocate

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

25 days

My neighbor’s kid said hi but I couldn’t think of his name and said “Hi son of John” like some biblical dude

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Please listen carefully as our menu options are stupid

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Midnight Oil: how do we sleep while our beds are burning Me: move to the sofa

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

1 O’clock 2 O’clock 1 O’clock Rock 🎵 ~ Bill Haley during the time change

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Ask your doctor if your dominant hand is right for you

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

11 months

Do I ask questions and then answer them myself? *adjusting monocle* Yes, yes I do.

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Friend: *sets up chess board* Me: Oh yeah? Two can play at that game *sets up another chess board*

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

When one trap door opens beneath you the same trap door soon closes above you

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Challenge insomnia by wearing a fake mustache to bed

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

@StainsQueen Old enough to remember Wacky Packages? 🤣

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Me: Bill please Waiter: *returns* Here you are Sir Bill: Ready for your check Sir? Me: Yes please Bill: *returns* Here you are Sir Czech: *heavy accent* Hello Sir, are you ready to pay?

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

10 months

Every kiss begins with Gene & Paul asking Peter & Ace to join

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

feeling dizzy highly recommended, many stars

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Them: the proof is in the pudding Me: banana pudding? Them: Me: Them: maybe Me: I knew it!

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Wearing my lab coat and safety goggles to a wedding cuz it’s a dangerous experiment

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Officer: How many times has he wandered off? Mrs. Dracula: I lost count. Officer: Yes, we got that, but how many times has this happened?

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Me: Sometimes I feel like I’m damaged goods Therapist: Well, ‘goods’ implies things with quality or value

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Only ghosts know that there are upper and lower case spaces

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

I’m glad houses and buildings don’t move around, that would complicate everything

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

I spilled my flow chart all over my Venn diagram, now it’s a Rorschach test

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

#CombineTwoBands Clash Test Dummies

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Asteroid sizes are often measured in bus lengths to help you imagine if Evel Knievel could jump over them

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

6 months

I’m at the age where lawn gnomes speak to me and tell me to prioritize silly stuff to keep them happy

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Rebel status: Exceeded the water limit in the Keurig

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Friend: Do you like Google Chrome? Me: Man I Google all kinds of stuff

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

My mistakes from 1800 to 2019 ~ a graph

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Successfully launched * a satellite ** into orbit *** and returned to the launch pad **** * dropped ** my kid *** off at school **** home

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Hells to the maybe!

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Her: stop messing with the cat we have to go Me: a cowboy hat and boots hardly count as messing, it’s not like the whole suit of armor deal

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Neighboring universe: hey, nice bang Us, blushing: see something you like? Nu: hubble hubble!

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

4 years

Murderer: it’s curtains for you Me: thanks! *starts measuring windows*

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Just for today 🤓😘😍 🎶you’re once, twice, 3.14 times a lady🎶

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Capt. Jeff Lynne: Battle stations! I have a feeling those guys are headin’ for a showdown Capt. Tom Scholz: Oh it’s more than a feeling

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Serving size: 1 Potato chip factory

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Assert dominance by inserting ‘earth’: Them: How’s it going Me: Okay by earth metrics

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

4 months

I can deal with the dream police but if they send in a dream taxman there’s gonna be trouble

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 months

Captain Kirk’s Modeling Agency’s motto: Set looks to stun

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

6 months

If I see a squirrel during a meeting I’m like excuse me I’ll be right back

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

4 months

If you can’t dazzle them bedazzle them

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 months

Egad! It’s the electronic version of Gad!

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Murderer: *stabbing me* Phew, getting tired Murderer’s Fitbit: 10 more stabs!

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

James Bond film execs: we need an intense title for the next one Me: how about ‘Time to Die Twice - Because Tomorrow is Double Death Day’ (now we wait to see if it is accepted)

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Blondie: Call me! Backup singers: Call me! Me: C’mon guys I can’t call everyone

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

8 months

I’m two picnics short of a picnic somehow

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 months

Take me now ~ my future nap

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Note how you never see your kitchen and your garage in the same room at the same time

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

4 months

Birds of a feather should have more feathers

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

6 months

4 out of 5 Sleepologists recommend microdosing hibernation. The other one is a bear.

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Friend: *asks a question* Me: hmm that’s the second most recent question I’ve heard today Friend: Me: Friend: not falling for it

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Me: chicken pot pie please Waiter: of course, how many minutes? Me: about 10 Waiter: power setting? Me: 80%

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Villian: one false move and you’re history Me: ok wait does that mean one true move and I’m the future? *eyes welling up* Very inspiring sir thank you

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

6 months

You can have it one way or both ways You can’t have it both ways

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

4 years

My mystery books

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

*calling the pet food store* Me: do you have any Big Friskies? For my elephant? Clerk: no, you’re the 2nd person to ask for that today Me: oh that was me too, but it was for my pony that time

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

You don’t take your bunny for a walk You take your bunny for a hop

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

4 months

Me: time’s a funny thing Time: your shoelace is untied

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

My dream woman sitting at the edge of the pool with her white knee high boots in the water

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

A raised pinky when you’re holding a drink is your first step toward becoming Dr Evil

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

At least I can identify spinach in a lineup of criminals

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

The life or death race to center the QR code in the square before it reads

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Just driving along and my phone keeps asking these random questions like are you driving

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

8 months

If only Amelia Earhart could’ve landed on Gilligan’s Island, they might have been picked up for another season

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

I mixed Boo Berry with Count Chocula to prove I’m not afraid of you monster cereals Narrator: he was never heard from again

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

A ‘baby on board’ sticker on a demolition derby car? They’re bringing that kid up right.

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

6 months

I think those boots were made for selling, Nancy, but please carry on

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Her: omg you dummy it’s not rocket science Me (a rocket scientist): that’s why I don’t get it!

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 months

Confucius say sup gurl

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

7 months

I’m putting on my ‘I’m putting on my hat’ hat

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

7 months

*artfully shifts the blame from me to not myself me*

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

9 months

Thank you inner voice for telling the wolves to stop chasing the butterflies

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Me: *playfully shooting finger guns at the sky* Angels: *return fire*

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

11 months

Whenever 2 people are talking at the same time in a Zoom or Teams meeting I always join in and say ‘yeah I think we should all be talking about this thing right now’

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

(trying hypnotism) Genie: When I snap my fingers you will say ‘I wish I could give you lobster’ *snap* Fast food guy: Sorry Sir, we do not sell lobster here.

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

4 years

[working at the DMV] Me *covering phone mouthpiece*: a Mr. Godzilla wants to know if he can upload his photo or does he have to come here? Boss: *sweating profusely*

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 months

Your confirmation code has been sent to the top of Mt Everest Enter here 🔲🔲🔲-🔲🔲🔲

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Me: Come with me if you want to live Friend: Come with me if you want to live happily Other Friend: Come with me if you want to live so happily you’ll freak

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

8 months

Top reason to let your 1 yr old drive a car: Learning to stand while teething on the steering wheel

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Her: did you deal with the spider in the bathroom Me (a manager): yes I promoted him to Outdoor Spider with relocation benefits Her: thanks Me: but umm, he wants you to move him

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

4 months

Time to change your password’s diaper

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Senility isn’t really a thing, or so my ancestors say as I wave back to them in the mirror

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

11 months

Still waiting for Clippy: the movie and all the merch, well at least the cereal

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 month

🎵Sign says Stay away fools Me: hangs my head, mopes away

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 months

I weep then read ‘em to get the emotions out of the way

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Wife: They found remains of a women in a suitcase Me: Geez, that’s horrible Wife: Oh, now I’m getting ads for suitcases on my screen Me: Better not be full ones

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Mozart: where are my music sheets, it was my new masterpiece Larryzart and Curlyzart *hiding crumpled paper balls*: um, not over here

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Them: Long time no see Me: Big now yes we

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 months

Three vampires walk into a bar (Alpha vampire): Let’s grab a bite to drink eh eh

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Judge: Jury Foreman how do you find the defendant, Ms Brickhouse? Me: Builty

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

If you didn’t hear the song today then you don’t have to Wang Chung tonight If you did hear it you know what to do

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Glue to make the ❤️ stay sold separately

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

1 year

Nancy She Drew

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

7 months

Let’s point the way we’re going while walking around so we don’t confuse anyone

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 years

Monkey see monkey sue Me: monkey can’t prove it Monkey provide overwhelming evidence

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

5 years

Waiter: for your appetizer? Pac-Man: dots please W: and to drink? PM: dots W: and for your main course? PM: dots W: PM: W: and a blinking power pellet for dessert? PM: woohoo YES! with blue ghosts!

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

3 years

Mrs. Duckworth: you’re worthless Mr. Duckworth: well not totally

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

7 months

Snoozefest is short for Snooze World’s Intergalactic Naptime Representation Festival

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Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

@RussRoth4

2 months

Waiter: Water? Me (a horse): Okay but who’s drinking it? Waiter: uh Me: Waiter: me? Me: see you’re catching on

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