Robby Slowik @RobbySlowik Twitter profile

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Robby Slowik

6 years

Hi folks, this is my Conan set from last night. I’m proud of it and I hope you like it.

Robby Slowik: Countries Don’t Need Theme Songs | CONAN on TBS

Robby thinks America is a little thirsty for demanding that people stand for the national anthem and pledge their allegiance to the flag.Subscribe to watch m...

www.youtube.com

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Last Seen Profiles

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@bokeplokalmalam

@tobi_bayom

@ebad73

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@TheMittani

Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

The last thing the world wants right now is raw, unsanitized bat.

IndieWire

@IndieWire

5 years

Pattinson’s 'Batman’ Will Be ‘So Raw’ and ‘Not Sanitized,’ Says Cast Member Peter Sarsgaard

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

Bittersweet announcement but after an amazing 2 years as an infectious disease expert I am moving on. I am now an expert in no-fly zones and Eastern European affairs. Excited to make the most of this new opportunity.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 months

I say give them both a Roku remote and the first one to start a movie gets to be president

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 months

The girl from the chess show? Good luck.

Film Updates

@FilmUpdates

6 months

Aaron Taylor-Johnson has reportedly been offered the role of James Bond. ()

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

*Neil deGrasse Tyson angrily walking out of A Star is Born*

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

Truly weird to wake up in America and be like "What hath the council of six decreed today?"

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 months

Person: I can’t afford a house America: You are under arrest

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

The PR work TV has done for cops is wild. SVU would have you believe there's a dedicated team of professionals committed to investigating every rape and not just two dudes with punisher tattoos being like "sounds like a misunderstanding"

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

Shout out to my girlfriend, my rock, the love of my life, for getting published in Cosmo! Can't wait to read it!

Cosmopolitan

@Cosmopolitan

5 years

I've Cheated on Every Boyfriend I've Ever Had, and I Don't Regret It

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 months

Lin-Manuel Miranda angrily crumpling up his convention rap and starting over

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

This is one of those movies where an uptight adult's childhood imaginary friend reappears and wreaks havoc but also reminds them to loosen up.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

I just know this will somehow lead to an email where Nancy Pelosi asks me for $15

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

I’m not accusing this guy of being a secret centaur. I’m just saying if I was a secret centaur this is how I would dress.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 months

Yelling "I'M WALKING HERE" at a tectonic plate

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

*Starts making decent money for the first time* The Universe: "Money is worth less now"

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

They started shooting each other???

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

10 months

You gotta admit Wile E. Coyote going through the entire process of making a movie just for it be scrapped as a tax write off is incredibly on brand for him

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

1 year

The CEO of OpenAI hoping a movie about the man who made the literal worst thing on earth would inspire kids to be scientists tells you everything you need to know about OpenAI

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

7 years

Mnuchin on CNN - "This is about respect for our military." As OneWest CEO he broke rules by foreclosing on 54 active duty military families.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

Queen Elizabeth dresses like she’s about to go to prom with Steve Harvey

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

8 years

People are protesting this sign. They say it's anti-police. They think not shooting unarmed humans is anti-police. I have nothing to add.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

I fucking dare someone to slap me while I'm on stage. Try me. Slap me and see what happens. I dare you. Spit in my mouth. Call me a little joke pig. Doesn't even have to be on stage. It could be in a motel room. By the airport. I dare you. Slap me in a motel room by the airport.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

This a throwaway joke but I never imagined a world where Cosmo would be defending my honor against Comedy Central

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

This John Wayne thing is funny. We go one day without having someone to cancel and twitter is like "let's go to the archives."

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

My Harry Potter house is the one he lived at in London with the abusive family

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

Guys!! Stop listening to White Christmas ASAP.

The Washington Post

@washingtonpost

4 years

Every time you listen to Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas,” about five people have died from the coronavirus between the beginning and the end of the song.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

RIP Princess Diana. I wish more than ever you were still here so you could be seen necking Pete Davidson on a flume ride at Busch Gardens Tampa.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

This is why there are no good cops. It’s not that only bad people want to be cops. It’s that the institution won’t allow them to be good. It will punish and expel them for doing what’s right.

Scott Hechinger

@ScottHech

3 years

A cop slapped a handcuffed man dying of a drug overdose. Called him a “bitch.” Shoved a baton in his mouth. That cop got suspended 6 days. But the cop who revealed the cruelty was expelled from the cop union. Now faces 20 years prison for whistleblowing.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

Biden should nominate three black women and make it The Supremes court

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

My building has a group where people give away free stuff. This post is basically the Hemingway baby shoes thing.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

I ran a weekly show in LA for 3 years and no one had trouble staying home then

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

Ok this is surprising

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

Gen Z gonna be big mad but I gotta do me

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

ICE just detained all these other British rappers: Tea-Pain A$AP Cockney Jane & Michael & Lloyd Banks MAS£ Young Chimney Sweep Lil Guvna Travis Scotland The Crime Minister 50 Pence Drake O'Malfoy Meghan Marklemore

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

I just accept the characters you give me. You tell me Wonka is horny for chocolate, he's horny for chocolate. I don't need a whole "why" movie.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

Yeah, it's called podcasting.

New York Post

@nypost

3 years

'Super flexible' Joe Rogan says he can perform fellatio on himself

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

16 days

Just want the haters who said I’d never amount to anything to know that in the last 24 hours alone I’ve received texts from Barack Obama, Kamala Harris, AND Tim Walz

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

My four year old son asked why I was crying and I told him I was sad about the death of our democracy. He looked up at me with his young, hope filled eyes and said, “this is why mom is cheating on you, you absolute fucking loser.”

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

RIP to a legend

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

8 years

These sexualized TV slogans are getting ridiculous

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

As opposed to the non-dark very cool reasons for a grown man to marry a child

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

Guys should I spend $12000 to make a movie with B actors entirely through Cameo?

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

If you were defrauded by Steve Bannon's wall fund Venmo me $30 and I'll help you recover your money

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

They never made Boys Gone Wild DVDs because it would just be school shootings

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

7 years

Now every weeknight at 7pm I can do what Chris Cillizza has done his whole career: miss The Point

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 months

Absolutely cooked me

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

RIP Donald Rumsfeld. He died doing what he loved, causing a family to grieve the loss of a loved one.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

If I was on trial and the prosecutor was like, “that man is the murderer!” and pointed at me so the jury all turned their attention toward me, I’d have a hard time not waving at them.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

No thanks SoulCycle, I'll get my workouts the American way; running away from gun shots.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

8 years

An SNL writer made a joke people didn't like. She got suspended & may be fired. The cop who killed Eric Garner got a pay raise in September.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

When the ones who will never be president say, “when I’m president” I audibly awwww as if a 4-year-old showed me their drawing.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

For a ship captain this is career suezcide

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

I stand with Ellen, on a PAs back, so we can reach the champagne flutes some other incompetent fuck put too high up.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

9 months

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

My wife took a trip to Australia and wrote about it for cosmo 😍😍😍

Cosmopolitan

@Cosmopolitan

3 years

I F*cked My Australian Tour Guide in the Middle of the Desert While Everyone Else Was Asleep

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

The Lincoln Project headquarters look cool

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

William H. Macy sentenced to two weeks vacation

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

Comedy fact: Every comic who complains that comedy has gotten "too PC" is guaranteed to be wearing all 3 of these items.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

W’s post-presidency

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

If you're not ignoring a pandemic, you're not making a Reagan biopic

‘Reagan’ Biopic Halted In Oklahoma After COVID-19 Outbreak Among Crew

Production of a Ronald Reagan biopic starring Dennis Quaid has been temporarily halted in Oklahoma after an outbreak of COVD among crew.

deadline.com

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

Sex for men is mostly just trying not to disturb a fully masturbating woman

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

1 year

I’d bet my life both shooters watch Fox News. They’re force fed a narrative that our country (roughly as safe as it’s ever been) is filled with violent criminals out for blood. This is the outcome. Kids getting shot by old folks afraid of a place fox invented to win elections.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

The Bagel Boss video is Ben Shapiro's origin story

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

Ok so I read through Kamala's student loan forgiveness policy and it's just the lyrics to "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree?

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

Let's put all these Virginia blackface politicians in a room with Liam Neeson and let this thing sort itself out

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

It’s weird to me that a lot of you follow rich and famous people but want them to pretend to not be rich and famous

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

Blackrock and Vanguard own about 12% of Norfolk Southern so we don't need to wonder why the media is ignoring the train catastrophe

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

If you saw Joker and hated it you’re an idiot. If you liked it, you’re also an idiot. If you didn’t see it you’re still an idiot. Look you’re an idiot I don’t know how else to tell you.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

I think they could have done better

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

When you’re the New York Times and you have to endorse a presidential candidate

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

@BubbaSiemens Where were you when I was drafting this tweet Harris

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

Better choices?

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

I don't have anyone's phone number memorized. If I were arrested my one phone call would be to Empire Carpet.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 months

@chesscom Ok, I will. Thanks chess dot com.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

Does anyone in real life call their in-laws mom and dad or is that strictly a tv/movie thing because I couldn’t even fucking imagine doing that

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

1 year

The combined annual cost of what the WGA & SAG are asking for, spread across every studio and network, is less than Fox News (a single division of a single company) paid out in ONE lawsuit this year. What are we even talking about here?

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

7 years

The police office responsible for this murder, Philip Brailsford, was acquitted this morning. In his testimony he said if it happened again he would handle it the exact same way. This is murder by the state. This doesn't happen in other western democracies.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

Ok so today’s Twitter thing is an aspiring TV writer tweeting that she thinks something is good and then a bunch of actual TV writers calling her dumb. Cool website everyone!

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

I love MoviePass. I’m about to see a movie where, best I can tell, The Rock fistfights a building.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

Italian Limp Bizkit did it all for the gnocchi

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

Nineties love songs were just descriptions of women who could never survive in society like 🎶She only eats food when there's lightning And she'll never use a verb🎶

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

*has sex once* *kills the night king*

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

Just got Paramount+ and I highly recommend this third Hannibal special. It's nothing like his other two.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

7 years

Congratulations to my incredible girlfriend who once again got her work published in Cosmo! Love you!!!

Cosmopolitan

@Cosmopolitan

7 years

My boyfriend can't keep an erection, and it's only getting worse

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

8 years

Donald Trump Master Negotiator (A play in 3 acts)

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

How does one do a The Big Short because I would like to one

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

Michael Jackson’s no celebrity role model but at least when he bought a bored ape he bought an actual bored ape

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

7 years

Voting booths in black neighborhoods in Alabama

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

I've been cooking this one up for 22 years and the day is finally here: More like George L Bush

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

8 years

This has to be the first election where two candy companies have been forced to make a statement right?

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

8 years

Walking in New York City this morning. Everyone looks like they were unexpectedly served divorce papers last night.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

7 years

What do you mean by "immediately?" Like how easy do you think it is to organize one of these?

Cosmopolitan

@Cosmopolitan

7 years

5 Girl on Girl on Girl Threesome Positions You Need to Try Immediately

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

6 years

The people condemning AOC for dancing in high school would also earnestly share a story like - Inspiring: This Girl Didn't Have a Prom Date so she Brought Her Rifle

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

He died the way he lived: suspiciously

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

1 year

@zachsilberberg

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

2 years

@SenWarren Thank you for standing up for the little guys who just want to build death machines for the big guy ❤️❤️❤️

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

@dianaberrent @melwedde A simpler time

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

5 years

Me and the boys are taking Todd Palin out to get his mind off things Alaska style. I’m talking snow baths, bear kissing, fish fights, lumber runs, icecapades, dressing like Elsa and Anna. You name it, we’re doing it. Our boy Todd P needs us.

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

4 years

How low should minimum wage be? Establishment Dems:

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Robby Slowik

@RobbySlowik

3 years

When Ghislaine does it, it’s actually called trafficqueen

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