Stu @RandBallsStu Twitter profile

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

10 years

This is a $1 coupon for an ice cream cake at the Dairy Queen in Belleville, Kansas http://t.co/50bsJ7fBmM

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Last Seen Profiles

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

Paragraph 1: ok Paragraph 2: ok Paragraph 3: wait Paragraph 4: OH Paragraph 5: *airplane flies overhead with a banner reading WELCOME TO HELL MOM*

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@RandBallsStu

3 years

Picture day for the bus drivers at my elementary school was always a blast

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@RandBallsStu

5 months

Does…does she know the sun is coming back

KARK 4 News

@KARK4News

5 months

Gov. Sanders declares state of emergency ahead of eclipse

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@RandBallsStu

7 months

MLB: You sew those new uniform pants yet? Fanatics: Sure did boss, real fuckin sexy just like you asked. MLB: what

chris kreider respecter

@jonmoxIeys

7 months

i love baseball

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@RandBallsStu

2 years

Why should I have to change platforms, he’s the one who sucks.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

Keri Russell never getting an Emmy for The Americans is like when Elizabeth had to keep killing people while Philip went line dancing and fucking up at the travel agency

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@RandBallsStu

9 months

Swiftie who started following the NFL ten weeks ago: Mahomes needs a true #1 WR, these struggles will continue otherwise. Dumper Dave, co-host of Dumper and Drillbit on AM 760, the Sports Eagle: The tight end’s girlfriend is a distraction. And she’s woke.

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@RandBallsStu

1 month

Some of those that work forces Are the same that fuck couches

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

5 years

This is Minnesotan for "nobody will find your body"

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

SERVER: We have Coke, but it's just one can and it has all the world's COVID-19 in it. Is Pepsi OK? ME: No.

New York Post

@nypost

4 years

All the COVID-19 particles in the world could fit in a Coke can, scientist says

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

There is a 1000% chance Trump is still eating Monday night's leftovers

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@RandBallsStu

16 days

Feels like a honeypot for people who owe child support

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

5 years

60 years of New York Jets football in one image.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

5 years

Get rid of about 10-12 bathrooms, replace them with more fireplaces, otherwise quit wasting my fuckin' time with 19 fireplaces.

Star Tribune Going Out

@StribGoingOut

5 years

Massive $2.1M St. Paul mansion comes with 19 fireplaces and 17 bathrooms

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

7 years

Roses are sad Violets too macho

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

22 days

Stop calling us weird anyway here are just some of the inconsistencies I’ve found in Gov. Walz’s turkey taco recipe 1/37

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

I'm a fearless, independent thinker. My pronouns are Second/Amendment. I'll never bend to the woke mob. Also, I live in mortal terror of vaccines and Minneapolis.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 months

The line for full-flavored craft IPAs is very short at the Olivia Rodrigo concert

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

22 days

I don’t know, my aunt Gina who has fallen for multiple MLM scams says different

Daniel Dale

@ddale8

22 days

I got in touch with 10 school districts around Minnesota. All 10 said their schools do not provide tampons in boys' bathrooms, because the law signed by Gov. Tim Walz does not actually require schools to provide tampons in boys' bathrooms:

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

7 years

Dose Martha Stewart with ayahuasca and set her loose in a haunted Dollar General with a bucket of white paint

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

this is how I know the leader of the free world is talking

Chris Hayes

@chrislhayes

4 years

Please don't inject or consume disinfectants.

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@RandBallsStu

1 month

They are the weirdest motherfuckers alive.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 months

FUCKING AROUND ON A JET SKI

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

Beginning to think the MN GOP's strategy of calling the cities where all the voters live uninhabitable hellscapes backfired.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

3 years

"See?" --Aaron Rodgers' immediate family

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@RandBallsStu

3 years

Everyone in Minnesota: "He's from Minnesota."

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

26 days

Our shenanigans are cheeky and fun. Their shenanigans are cruel and tragic. Which makes them not shenanigans at all, really.

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@RandBallsStu

1 month

Coley Harvey

@ColeyHarvey

1 month

Name a better sporting venue ever to exist. I’ll wait.

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@RandBallsStu

1 month

Building a time machine to tell 1988 me that Sebastian Bach has way better politics than Morrissey.

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@RandBallsStu

6 months

Ok I have my next season of true detective answer

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

3 years

He really did boycott the Super Bowl.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

that pollster who keeps showing Trump way ahead looks like he's mad at Stuart Little for foiling his art heist

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

1 year

If you’re trying to make your party even less appealing to women or honestly anyone normal, use the words “abortion tourism”

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

1 year

TOM COTTON: The military should not be paying for abortion tourism SHANNON BREAM: So what should women who are in uniform in a place where they cannot access an abortion because they are there on orders, what should they do? COTTON: They have 30 days of annual leave

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@RandBallsStu

17 days

Walz didn’t even mention the Halloween Blizzard or the Vikings quarterback room. Saving it for the debate I guess.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

@jkcarnah

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

I know doctors, scientists, and epidemiologists are urging us to wear masks, but the guy from my hometown who drank 19 Busch Lights at the after prom shared a Facebook meme that raises some valid points

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

Herschel Walker and Brett Favre battling for Most Despicable Ex-Viking while Adrian Peterson and Darren Sharper exist #skol

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

1 year

The most diabolical thing the Minnesota Vikings have ever done is convince the Giants that Daniel Jones was good.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 months

The weirdest people you’ll ever avoid in your goddamn life are mad about this.

Mpls.St.Paul Magazine

@mspmag

4 months

Minnesota's new state flag will officially be flown at the State Capitol and other government buildings starting today for Statehood Day.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

That son of a bitch

CNN Breaking News

@cnnbrk

4 years

Authorities are investigating a fire that broke out at a summer camp started by the late actor Paul Newman for seriously ill children and their families

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

Packers only play here once a year, dickhead.

WCCO | CBS News Minnesota

@WCCO

6 years

“You have had a lot of problems in Minnesota with people coming in.” |

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

7 years

The trick or treaters have all been rowdy teens. One of them said "nice shirt" so I changed shirts. This is horrible.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

Bunch of quiet Lutheran dads get all "U mad bro" whenever Virginia asks for its shitty flag back and it fills me with boundless love

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

5 years

@TeamCornyn These are good jokes, thanks for resurfacing them! Patton's the best.

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@RandBallsStu

8 years

Week 3: Stefon Diggs eaten by coyotes Week 4: Linval Joseph lost in Canadian wilderness Week 5: Harrison Smith gets typhoid fever

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

did a deductible write this

Senator John Cornyn

@JohnCornyn

4 years

The left, including Joe Biden in Tuesday’s debate, overstates the problem of pre-existing conditions to justify political control of health care. via @WSJ

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

Minnesotans: if you start saying goodbye right now, you can leave your mom's house in time for Vikings/Patriots

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@RandBallsStu

6 months

Two true things: 1. Curses aren’t real. 2. Minnesota sports are so, so cursed.

Shams Charania

@ShamsCharania

6 months

Just in: Minnesota Timberwolves All-Star Karl-Anthony Towns has been diagnosed with a torn meniscus in his left knee and is out indefinitely, sources tell @TheAthletic @Stadium .

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@RandBallsStu

7 years

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 months

Thursday night Twitter, 1994

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

3 years

It takes an almost supernatural amount of racism to get mad about an extra day off in the summer.

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@RandBallsStu

2 years

Ideally Jensen's next loss is his medical license

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

Can’t believe someone this scared of Minneapolis is at a bar in Minneapolis

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

This is art.

Dylan Anderson

@DiamondDigest

6 years

When everyone simultaneously forgets how to baseball

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

The rare tweet that gets worse with every. goddamn. word.

New York Times Music

@nytimesmusic

6 years

Tech elites are attending so-called songversations, gatherings that combine philosophical rap sessions with improvised music, run by a ukulele-strumming songstress who describes herself as a “heartist”

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 months

Those Naz Reid tattoos are glowing like the pulp fiction briefcase right now

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 months

If this is the hardcore band’s rhythm section you’re going to die in the pit.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

When the small town diner has hot coffee, biscuits and gravy, and no apparent MAGA/blue lives matter signage

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

He looks like the DJ at a bar with no upper case letters

Green Bay Packers

@packers

2 years

Touchdown in Minnesota 🛬😎 #GBvsMIN | #GoPackGo

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

5 months

This might be unfair but please understand I don’t fucking care.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

7 years

You will never get me to care about the stolen US Bank Stadium seat.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

1 year

A guy no one has ever heard of before this week has his own Supreme Court justice and a room full of Rommel's dentures and you want me to be mad about drag queens

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

Ok, *now* you can use Orwellian

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

DID YOU KNOW? North St. Paul's Emperor of Hell statue awakens every 75 years to judge the wicked and righteous alike!

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@RandBallsStu

19 days

the audacity of ope

beer person

@CantEverDie

19 days

i don’t think anyones ready for the american midwest total cultural victory that’s coming

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@RandBallsStu

1 year

30-50 hogs on the loose the same day as @JasonIsbell drops a new record. There are no coincidences, people.

KARE 11

@kare11

1 year

The Minnesota State Patrol has shut down a busy stretch of I-694 at I-35E after a semi rolled, releasing pigs to wander the roadway. Avoid this area as delays should be significant while the animals are rounded up.

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@RandBallsStu

6 years

Backstory from @MyLittleBloggie here:

Settling old scores on the obituary page

Generally speaking, settling scores in an obituary rarely makes anyone look good. But, according to this obituary in the Redwood Falls Gazette on Monday, maybe Gina and Jay have been waiting a long...

newscut.mprnews.org

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

7 years

*Perd Hapley voice*

Adam Schefter

@AdamSchefter

7 years

Saints gave Adrian Peterson a two-year deal. They would like him to play two years and he wants to play the two years.

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@RandBallsStu

5 years

I have found the opposite of clickbait

Stereogum

@stereogum

5 years

Foster The People singer apologizes to Imagine Dragons singer

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

Honestly think this sealed the deal for the DFL.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

5 years

You thought Edwin had two sides. You thought wrong.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 months

Why Raylan, as I live and breathe, you appear to have joined one of those rock and roll bands.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

8 years

Roses are second Violets are third

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

8 months

Person whose favorite song of 2023 was something like “Keep Your Pronouns Outta My Small Town” by Cody Hitlerson: I’m tired of musicians getting political.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

The President, seen here introducing the finalists for America's Next Gym Teacher Who Resigns and Moves to Another State Under a Cloud of Suspicion, had no comment on the Mueller investigation.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

9 months

It’s better than the old one and it drives the Chauvin Innocence Project dopes insane.

Brian Bakst

@Stowydad

9 months

Minnesota's new flag

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

29 days

People using family court WiFi profoundly disagree

The Minnesota Star Tribune

@StarTribune

29 days

Fact check: Tim Walz did not redesign Minnesota’s flag to look like Somalia’s flag.

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@RandBallsStu

11 months

I need the Twins to advance far enough that people can wear 2023 versions of these hideous bad boys for the next 20-30 years.

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@RandBallsStu

10 months

@RonNehring have you tried being normal

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

3 months

People paying for a free website are extremely triggered in the mentions

Minnesota Twins

@Twins

3 months

All are welcome in Twins Territory! Happy Pride Month! 🩷🩵🤎🖤❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

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@RandBallsStu

10 months

It was 90 degrees on October 1st and they had to cancel a marathon so people wouldn’t die.

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@RandBallsStu

7 years

anyway, please enjoy this story about your dad stealing everything that wasn't nailed down at Met Stadium in 1981

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@RandBallsStu

4 years

BROKE: Doomscrolling WOKE: Coomscrolling

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

The Queen's Gambit, but about an orphan who has mastered this

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

Logging off is the coward's way.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

9 months

I know we're all celebrating today, but I'd like to hold some space for my friend Harry Ellis, who we lost 35 years ago today during the events at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles. He really loved cocaine.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

@Ahmadinejad1956 @Kaepernick7 10 team league, standard scoring, no PPR: Should I start Royce Freeman or Lamar Miller week 1?

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

The next three months are going to be the dumbest motherfuckers alive pretending a Catholic grandpa and a district attorney are Antifa terrorists.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

3 years

"I've done my own research" = someone who without fail should have the research done for him

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

3 years

The thirst by right-wing shitheels for riots tonight is being offset by the local news showing a brass band playing in George Floyd Square.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

7 years

Perhaps even more noteworthy is that Packers stock has plummeted from an all-time high of $0.00 to a new low of $0.00

Sunday Night Football on NBC

@SNFonNBC

7 years

Resale prices for Packers tickets decline 50 percent after Aaron Rodgers injury

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

Black Lives Matter supersoldiers are not coming to your suburb tonight. Please calm down.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

1 month

He is legitimately unliked in the parts of Minnesota where they play The Fall of Minneapolis on the side of the abandoned Red Owl. But the only democrat those people will vote for is George Wallace and he’s real dead, so whatever

Steve Kornacki

@SteveKornacki

1 month

The results of Walz's '22 GOV race in MN don't suggest he provides an obvious boost with the blue collar voters Dems have been shedding in WI/MI/PA:

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

5 years

*person taking bus from second job to third job voice* oh, good

CNBC Now

@CNBCnow

5 years

BREAKING: Dow hits 29,000 for the first time ever.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

1 month

How’s the boycott going

Austin Karp

@AustinKarp

1 month

Live coverage of women's gymnastics final at Paris Olympics on Tuesday afternoon (12:15-2:30pm ET) averaged 12.7 million viewers on NBC/Peacock Beats out: 🔲 Every game of the 2024 NBA Finals 🔲 First round of the 2024 NFL Draft

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

4 years

Some personal news: I've used these months and months of staying home to cultivate no new skills or interests.

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

@DanCrenshawTX your tweets are bad

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

3 years

Every third commercial is "Hi, I'm Rob Gronkowski, and I don't know how insurance, loans, or banking work. I'm an oaf, a clown damned by God himself."

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

2 years

Welcome and farewell to my new followers

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Stu

@RandBallsStu

6 years

I agree that she sucks, but if you throw water on Tomi Lahren after midnight you get a bunch of Ann Coulters, gotta be careful

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