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Proper Facts

@Proper_Facts

6 years

In the North West of England, Kylian Mbappe is known as Kylian Mbarmcake.

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4 years

In the North West of England, Kylian Mbappe is known as Kylian Mbarmcake.

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3 years

In the North West of England, Kylian Mbappe is known as Kylian Mbarmcake.

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3 months

The 47 tattoo on Phil Fodens neck is to commemorate his highest break at Hazel Grove snooker club

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4 years

The same person who counted the Government’s 100,000 test figures , does the original RRP at TK Maxx

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3 years

More people played bass in The Fall than voted for Laurence Fox

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4 years

The Stone Roses are named after a bar in York.

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3 years

Matt Hancock's sister has a 60% stake in the European Super league

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3 years

Remember to leave a saucer of Monster out tonight for Goths who had just woken up from Summer hibernation.

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7 years

Paint watches Ed Sheeran dry.

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6 years

Ahead of his visit to Manchester, Kylian Mbappé has changed his name to Kylian Mbarmcaké.

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2 years

Rishi Sunak waters his plants with San Pellegrino.

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4 years

Frank Lampard is the only Tory to be sacked since the start of the Covid pandemic.

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1 year

Glastonbury is filmed in September the week after Jools Hollands hootenanny .

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4 years

Ian Brown thinks the moon landing was filmed at Granada Studios.

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5 years

Superdry takes its name from how it makes all women feel on seeing a man wearing it.

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3 years

Pint sized fascist Tommy Robinson has had his Quad bike repossessed by Bright House

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4 years

Everton’s notorious hooligan firm The County Rd Cutters . Always take their litter home after a rumble .

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9 months

Tommy Robinson used to have a box at Luton Town FC. To stand on. The fucking shortarse.

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3 years

Contrary to her surname, Kerry Katona is not a cat owner.

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5 years

Bbc Question Time have already booked the Bulgarian racists .

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7 years

The Pyramid stage is based on the Co-op building in Stockport.

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7 years

Peter Hook now operates a toll system on the ‘Joy Division bridge’ in Hulme. It costs £5 to walk across it, plus an additional £10 for a photo. He will however tell you that ‘Bernard is a twat’ for free.

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3 years

Omicron B is an anagram of Ian Brown.

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6 years

The Arctic Monkeys only have one song. It’s called ‘D’Ya Fancy it Brenda, Or What’ and it’s 90 minutes long.

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3 years

Saudi Arabia is now selling crude oil in giant Sports Direct mugs

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4 years

Matt Hancock sleeps in a racing car bed.

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6 years

Happy Mother’s Day

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3 years

Nicolas Witchell has now been awake for a longer period than Bez was in the 90s .

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4 years

Boris Johnson has today surpassed Shannon Mathews record for hiding under a bed .

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6 years

Jools Holland’s real name is Julian Netherlands.

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6 years

Sergio Ramos parks his car over two disabled bays

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4 years

Priti Patel does the original RRP at Tk Max

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5 years

Paul Pogba is the daughter of former England midfielder Carlton Palmer.

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3 years

Chesterfield FC have launched an urgent appeal for fans to raise funds to ensure their players can go to Alton Towers as a reward for reaching the FA Cup 3rd round.

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6 years

Piers Morgan has a hacked phone tattoo on his leg

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4 years

Anyone over 50 , who has worn Stone Island in the last two years is considered to be too hard for the Covid Vaccine , and will have to go to the back of the queue .

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Proper Facts

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3 years

When asked by President Putin for her favourite Tolstoy quote . Liz Truss replied To infinity and beyond

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3 years

Sheep count Danny Murphy

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4 years

Wigan Athletics new Spanish owner , was gored in the leg by a bull . But doesn’t like to talk about it .

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3 years

Frank Lampard's hair dye is the same shade as Rio Ferdinand's beard dye .

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3 years

When Jacamo announce their summer sale.

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6 years

The first episode of Countryfile was aired in July 1988. Since then, exactly the same episode has been shown over and over again and no one has noticed.

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4 years

Wearing a black North Face jacket shields you from 5G phone mast radiation .

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5 years

Rebekah Vardy’s Instagram password is ‘password’.

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6 years

British weather is so hot . The government has issued a degree , allowing middle aged Casuals to unbutton the top button of their Lacoste polo shirts .

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7 years

LinkedIn is actually a dating website for people who vote Conservative.

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4 years

Donald Trump is allowed to wear his own clothes and bring a game in tomorrow.

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5 years

Newcastle United club doctor , Esther McVey . Has declared Andy Carroll fit for work .

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4 years

The person who valued Sir Keir Starmer's donkey sanctuary also does the RRP at TK Maxx.

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3 years

A pint of Beavertown craft ale is only £2.50 but they charge you £5 for the glass you pinch .

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3 years

If you play an Adele album backwards . She gets remarried and lives happy ever after

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3 years

The clocks go forward this weekend, except in Burnley, where they haven't moved forward since the 1970s.

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2 years

The energy generated from Liam Payne's jaw could power Wolverhampton.

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6 years

The person who works out the street value of drugs , also works out the original prices at Tk Max

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5 years

Nazi midget , Tommy Robinson , buys his jeans from Lidl .

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5 years

Cocaine users - only 4 sleeps until Christmas!

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3 years

Robbie Savage has a loyalty card for Dorothy Perkins.

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3 years

The hopeless place in which Rihanna found love was Burnley, Lancashire.

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5 years

'Dario Gradi' is Sicilian for 'Gary Glitter'.

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5 years

Hacienda Gin , is distilled using water from the Manchester ship canal and flogged dead horses .

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4 years

Frank Lampard was once the Vice Chairman of the Young Conservative Party.

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6 years

Elon Musk claims he’s invented a machine that can stop Peter Hook and Bernard Sumner arguing about money for as long as 15 minutes.

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4 years

The first 24 hour vaccination centre is to be opened by Shaun Ryder and Bez .

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4 years

Tommy Robinson has been spotted panic buying poppies.

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5 years

Prof Brian Cox has today unveiled the only constant in the universe . Ruby Turner is on Jools Holland tonight .

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1 month

In the North West of England, Kylian Mbappe is known as Kylian Mbarmcake.

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3 years

Piers Morgan has joined Mumford & Sons

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7 months

Tranmere Rovers demotion to Division two in 2021 was decided by the Horizon computer .

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7 years

Mark E Smith of The Fall is the only person to have both played at Glastonbury and been glassed in Bury.

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5 years

Pint sized , rabble rouser Tommy Robinson. Has planned his demo at Salford Quays , so he can take his Stone Island Junior jacket back to the outlet centre .

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3 years

Scott Parker buys his clothes from Oak Furniture Land.

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3 years

Tommy Robinson is currently listing all of his Stone Island on eBay.

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2 years

Lurpak is now worth more than a kilo of cocaine stuffed inside a Build A Bear .

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7 years

Mick Hucknall is Ed Sheeran's mum.

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3 years

Matt Hancock wore his school uniform on non-uniform day.

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6 years

The Official Central Manchester Big Coat Committee has decreed that it is acceptable for Oasis Dads to undo the top flap of their Massive Eff Off Coats by two inches during the current heatwave, but only between the hours of 1pm and 2pm.

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3 years

More people watched The Sex Pistols at the Lesser free trade hall , than voted for Laurence Fox

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3 years

There's no measured unit of time faster than it takes a Liverpool fan to get a banner made .

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7 years

Legendary Manchester United hit man Denis Law has a daughter called Sharia.

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5 years

Everyone in the Crystal Palace Ultras group has a girlfriend nobody has ever met who lives in Canada.

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6 years

The first nightclub to play ‘Acid House’ music was The Bamboo Club in Hazel Grove in 1979.

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11 months

The Ryder Cup is named after Happy Mondays frontman Shaun

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5 years

A new dating show for vain , vapid football hooligans has been announced. Love Stone Island , begins tonight .

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3 months

Sunderland have declared in the General Election

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4 years

Tim Westwood once took part in a drive-by shooting involving a musket.

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3 years

Heinz 57 are a group of Wiganers wrongly jailed for a 1970s pub bombing .

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7 years

Chris Rea has just set off.

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4 years

Sunderland has just declared in the US Elections.

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7 years

Fergus Beeley once kicked a dolphin to death.

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2 years

Richard Keys is Hasbulla's Grandmother.

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7 years

Donald Trump has create global outrage by recognising that Stockport is in Greater Manchester and not Cheshire.

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5 years

Sam Al Adyce has been named as the new leader of ISIS

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3 years

No one has bought a new gift bag , for a wine bottle since the first one was sold in 1983 .

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6 years

Pep Guardiola buys all his clothes from Sue Ryder in Ashton-under-Lyne.

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3 years

Matt Hancock was promoted to Minister for Social media this morning.

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5 years

Tommy Robinson gets his hair cut at Sports Direct.

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5 years

The death of Neil Innes of The Ruttles , leaves Oasis as the only Beatles parody band .

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3 years

Jordi Alba is Newcastle based Gaelic television channel

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10 months

The Rugby World Cup has lasted longer than The Falklands war

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