Patrick Star @Patrick_Star Twitter profile

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Happy St. Me Day! May you be as lucky as I am.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Is SpongeBob a hard worker? I don’t think so. Sponges are soft! He’s a soft worker.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I’ve been called “Lazy” so many times, I’ve considered changing my name to “Lazy” ... but it just seems like too much effort.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

SpongeBob and I have been friends for as long as I can remember! In other words, at least five days.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

How come Squidward gets to have a huge nose, and I get no nose at all? I smell unfairness – and I don’t even have a nose to smell it with!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

A true friend doesn’t want to lead you or follow you. A true friend walks by your side and shares his ice cream with you!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

SpongeBob and I don’t always agree, but we’ve learned how to disagree without remembering what we disagreed about.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s Laundry Day! But I only have one pair of shorts, so it is also … Naked Day!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

SpongeBob and I don’t always see eye to eye. But if he stands on a crate, then we do.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

How do I stay happy? I don’t know, I never really thought about it before. And thinking about it is making me miserable … AHA, that’s how to stay happy: stop thinking!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I’m easy to love. How do I know this? Well, I love myself – and I only do things that are easy.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

SpongeBob and I are pink and yellow, just like the two kinds of lemonade: pink lemonade, and, uh … I want to say, lemonade lemonade?

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s true, Annoy Squidward Day only comes once a year. But sometimes it takes the 364 days just to finish what we started.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

SpongeBob told me love makes the world go around. Does that mean love is gravity? Heavy …

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I slept through Napping Day again?! Tartar sauce. Now I’m just going to have to make up for it by napping all day today.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Lately, I’ve picked up the ukulele … But I couldn’t figure out how to play it, so I just put it back down.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

If you want to be happy, don’t do today what can wait until tomorrow. If you want to be even happier, don’t do it tomorrow either!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

9 years

It’s never too late for ice cream. It’s also never too early. Ice cream is always right on time.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Squidward asked me, “Do I have to explain everything to you?” I have no idea what he means by that … should I ask him?

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

The most important meal of the day is whichever one I happen to be eating right now.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

If you’re ever doubting your ability, just remember, I believe in you! And I have no idea what you are trying to do.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

So many fish look upset about having to go back to work on Monday. Have they tried not working? Works for me!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Is it Sunday? Is Sunday the end of this week, or the beginning of next week? Is time just a circle?? Is anything true?!? See, this is why I should never ask what day of the week it is.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

This Halloween, I saw someone who looked just like me! Squidward said it was a mirror, but that wasn't it. I KNOW what a mirror looks like.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s the first day of spring?! That means I completely missed the last day of winter! NOOOOOOO!!!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Why do people go to night school? Isn’t it weird that there’s a whole school just for studying nighttime? What’s there to know, other than “it’s dark”?

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Why can’t I sleep tonight? I’ll bet Squidward would know – he’s smart! Time to wake him up and ask him.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I hear Saturday is a great day for outdoor activities. Let me know how that goes.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s Saturday, and you need to slow down and relax! If you don’t know how to do that, I’ll teach you. Just do exactly as I do … trust me, it’s even easier than it looks.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

What?! It’s Friday morning? Oh, no! That means I forgot to sleep in!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Working at the Krusty Krab would be very difficult! I don’t think I could just hand over all those yummy Krabby Patties … maybe if the customers let me take a bite of each one first, I’d be okay with it.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

When it comes to math, I’m only good with round numbers. 0, 3, 6, 8, and 9 are fine. 1, 4, and 7: you confuse me! As for you, 2 and 5, make up your mind: are you round, or angular?

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Happy Buy a New Calendar Day! Some call it New Years Day, but that doesn’t help me remember to buy a new calendar.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Tomorrow is International Pi Day! Do you know what that means? Allow me to demonstrate with this delicious pie. You see, if you divide the circumference of the pie by the radius of the pie, the result is: I ate the whole thing.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Will you be my Valentine? It’s only a one-day commitment. Then you can go back to just thinking I’m a pretty swell guy.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I caught an orange colored jellyfish, but it didn’t make orange flavored jelly. Awful!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Who needs pets when you can have parasites? They’re easier to take care of – and almost as cute!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

The clarinet is supposed to sound sweet. But when Squidward plays it, it certainly does not! Hopefully the cup of molasses I poured in there will help.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s Monday or as I sometimes call it, No Work Day (this nickname works for other days too!)

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s easy to make friends. Take this toaster, for example: might not look that friendly, but I put a pair of googly eyes on it and I’ve made a new friend!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s important not to be narrow-minded. After all, your brain isn’t narrow – it’s round! So be round-minded.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I’ll admit, Saturday got a little wild ... which is probably why I now find myself in a Sundaze.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I’ve been thinking about getting more exercise. I call this a “thought exercise” – and it feels pretty intense to me!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

When the chips are down, the best thing to do is just pick the chips up and eat them off the floor.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I guess this sink isn’t going to un-clog itself … But then again, you never know! I think I’ll wait another week.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Mr. Krabs said his employees are like a team – and I’m not on it. That’s okay, I didn’t want to be on the team anyway. Instead, I’ll be a Krusty Krab cheerleader! I’ll take Krabby Patties in lieu of pay.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

So glad we finally made it to Friday. Listening to other people talk about their busy week has been exhausting!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

How many siblings did famous explorer Leif Erikson have? Only his mother, Tree Erikson, knew for sure …

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Thursday is bath day! Kidding, of course: I don’t bathe once a week. Bath day is every other Thursday.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

They say it’s the little things in life that make us happy. Does that mean there’s something depressing about large objects? Just curious.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Before you make a big decision, you should sleep on it. And if you like how that feels, don’t decide at all – just keep sleeping!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

It’s Christmas Eve and I can’t sleep! This is very disturbing to me. Sleeping is usually my strong suit.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

I’ve been thinking of picking up a new hobby: thinking!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

On Sundays, I like to take a moment to reflect on my accomplishments last week … which were none. That was fast!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

To celebrate World Condiment Day, I’m using twice as much ketchup, mustard and mayo as I usually would – and that was already a lot! Wait a minute: it’s World COMPLIMENT Day?! Okay, in that case, uh … my compliments to the maker of condiments!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Wait a minute: there’s an actual KEY to happiness?? Did anybody think to check the Krusty Krab lost and found? The key to happiness might be in there!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

There are some things you really shouldn’t try to catch with a jellyfishing net. For example: the bus. Now I know.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Wednesday is my catch up day. Oh, sorry, I meant Ketchup day — it’s the day I put ketchup on everything! Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be going — late for my ketchup bath.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Maybe I am a weirdo. But it’s better than being a normal-o.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Merry Christmas, everybody! So, did you end up on Santa’s “naughty” or “nice” list? I’m not on either – didn’t do enough to qualify!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

It’s Free Balloon Day! Time to turn my rock into a blimp.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

They say Wednesday is the middle of the week, but when you’re on an endless vacation, there’s really no middle.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Tuesday is my day for studying strange, gooey fluids, or as I like to call it, "Oozeday."

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

What did the banana say to the leprechaun? I guess we’ll never know, because I ate the banana.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s Wednesday, and that means the trash man is coming … but I’m just not ready to part with this so-called “trash” just yet! Time to hide the garbage bin for another week.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Sure, I have a pet: my pet rock! Does your pet provide shelter for you and never need to be fed? Clearly my pet is superior.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Attention All Monsters: SpongeBob is not afraid of you, or anything! Also, SpongeBob would like me to stop telling everyone that.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Happy Presidents' Day, or as I like to call it, Happy Fish Who Appear On Coins Day!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Happy Father’s Day to a dad who tried to teach me lots of stuff, but still loved me even though I forgot every lesson!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

SpongeBob told me it’s important to always remember that jellyfish are wild animals. Good point! I’ll just write that down on this bread, in jellyfish jelly … and then, eat the bread. Mmm, remembering stuff tastes great!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

I have a few friends who would call me “athletic”. Sure, they’re imaginary friends, but that doesn’t make their opinions any less valid!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

It’s Bikini Bottom Annual Free Day! I can’t wait to go get lots of free stuff. But first I’ve got to find my shopping list … I swear I’ll find it, even if it takes me all day!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

If life is a game, can I start over? I didn’t know we’d started playing yet.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Happy Fourth of July! Today marks the day when fireworks declared independence from the ground.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Squidward said he no longer wants to hear the sound of my voice. But how will I order a Krabby Patty from him without talking? Disaster!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

8 years

This Thanksgiving, I give thanks for all the things I DON’T have: bubonic plague, a toupee, skin inflammation, a job etc.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

It’s National No SpongeBob Day?! But I just brushed up on all my SpongeBob trivia for National Know SpongeBob Day! Whoops.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

What am I up to today? Hopefully nothing above sea level.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

It’s New Year’s Eve, the night we say farewell to last year and welcome, uh…. What year is it? I’ll try a guess: 7? The year 7. Close?

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I wish I were a pet — I’d have it so easy! Well, except for having to go for walks ... and grooming ... and getting shots at the vet. You know what? Never mind, I don’t want to be a pet anymore!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

I support Random Act of Kindness, except for the “Act” part … When I’m being kind, I’m not acting! Is everyone else? Are most people just THAT good at acting??

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

8 years

I’ve heard really funny jokes are called “gut-busters”. That sounds painful! Please only tell me moderately funny jokes.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

I dreamed I was working at the Krusty Krab… and woke up screaming! For me, nothing is scarier than a “work dream”

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

8 years

Don't flush your dreams down the toilet! Put them in the trash instead - you don't want to add a clogged toilet to your woes.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Want to know the key to happiness? Know as little as possible! It works for me.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

Whoa, Tuesday really snuck up on me! I had no idea days of the week had the ability to be sneaky. This is a disturbing development.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

10 years

I don’t think I should have pets. I consider myself my own pet! And I’m pretty high maintenance.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

6 years

If Thursday is the new Friday, does that mean the old Friday is just taking a break? While he’s on vacation, I wouldn’t mind spending some time with Old Friday.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

9 years

Who's hungry? I mean, other than me.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

9 years

Happy Dad’s Day to my Dad! People say I’m just like my dad, but that’s not true. He’s a lot older.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Happy Hanukkah, friends! If you lost your dreidel, let me know – you can take me for a spin instead.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

It’s Saturday, which is SpongeBob’s day off – and my day off from being without SpongeBob!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

8 years

Mr. Krabs asked me to “keep an eye out” for Plankton, but I will do no such thing. My eyes are staying in my head where they belong!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

I would very much enjoy working at the Krusty Krab, if we could just leave out the “working” part.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

9 years

The best solution to most problems is to just call them solutions instead. Problems solved!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

This yeast is a little too lively – my bread dough just got up and walked away! Don’t go, dough! I knead you.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

8 years

I haven’t seen SpongeBob in over five minutes! Oh, he’s still sitting right across from me. I should look up more often.

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Friday sounds a lot like “fried egg” but does not taste like fried egg. Weird!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

How do you know a friend is your best friend? Easy: there’s no one best-ier! Happy Best Friends Day to my best-iest pal SpongeBob!

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Patrick Star

@Patrick_Star

7 years

Squidward is in a great mood today. It’s creepy.

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