nat towsen @NatTowsen Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

nat towsen

6 months

Last year, I was given an hour to write a standup set about St. Patrick's Day and then perform it, untested, on the Tonight Show:

The Tonight Show

@FallonTonight

1 year

Battle of the Instant Stand-Ups: @NatTowsen on St. Patrick’s Day 🍀 #FallonTonight

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Last Seen Profiles

@CrimeCymru

@mattbauer04

@hey_hey_coachk

@bokeplokalmalam

@Yahya52311

@81idd

@HoopWhs

@_avatree

@pobredasofertas

@opera

@nftcarrot

@lilskifer

@3f_88

@q8yxp

@NWumpires

@riwujin_

@Medic

@steven_salz

@raL9q

@C11katao

@xtszv

@springeneticist

@TheDomsMom

@samuel_costner

@ChynaCream

@xhdie5

@Risottoro_

@YoungOffenders_

@MatsuiCenter

@switchsoku

@Toumeiru

@195874653Thor

@88x2w

@sanitater88

@Perry__PRO

@T2MTW

nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

Am I insane to not want to catch covid even if the symptoms are mild? I feel insane.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

Sorry if this is too controversial but it's actually bad if a person dies needlessly even if they are not American.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

Notice how they phrase the numbers when they want it to sound like too much money. That's a lot of zeros instead of just saying "3%".

NBC News

@NBCNews

3 years

Jeff Bezos would owe $5,700,000,000 in taxes for 2020 under the Ultra-Millionaire Tax Act proposed by Sen. Sanders and a group of Senate and House Democrats. - @CNBC

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

Quick punctuation lesson: Hyphen (-): connects two words En-dash (–): indicates a range, e.g. 2–8 Em-dash (—): Ahhh, you seek to understand its ways, weary traveler. Nay, behold! This dash provides to you whichever function you most require. You need only listen as it whispers…

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

the NYPD is not even pretending to try to hide it

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

"you're gonna get it eventually" No, not here in my living room I'm not.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

@krowe_william @bobbyleelive damn dude, it's a good thing you didn't develop empathy as a result of your struggle, that was a close call

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

@BoydPetrie @shananigans022 @Uber Oh fuck thank God you're here to defend Uber

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

There's a security delay at JFK and sales people for CLEAR are approaching the line, offering to let people skip for $150. This whole country is a such a scam.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

On one hand, the Senate could codify Roe v Wade in a law and save thousands of lives. On the other hand, they don't feel like it(?)

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

Thanks to everyone who has responded to this. It's still maddening but I feel less alone now.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

What's an example of a genre parody that ends up being a good execution of the genre?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

@lulu_main @elaadeliahu People protesting while breaking the law is literally how America was founded.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

A reminder: Civics doesn't work the way it does on Schoolhouse Rock. Yelling at politicians is the main way that anything gets done. By all means, vote in November, but yell at them every day.

President Biden

@POTUS

2 years

Today I signed an Executive Order to protect the reproductive rights of women in the aftermath of the Supreme Court's extreme decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. It formalizes the actions I announced right after the decision and will add new measures to protect women's health.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

Hey, If you're mad about that New York Post article, stop quote tweeting it. Their whole business model is based on you doing that!

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

@aedison Not liking the movie is fine but that's a pretty cynical interpretation of the message, which was more about having empathy for people in varied circumstances than about absolving their behavior.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

@MorningBrew I think he was also being paid for the nonverbal parts

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

@AkilahObviously Thank you. That's what I keep coming back to. We just don't know. And I don't want to live without my sense of taste or smell, for example. I'm trying not to freak anyone out or stigmatize having it, but I think my fears are still legitimate.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

@kenicemobley Bold move of them to finally advertise to the vast majority of people who but their product

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

She's incredible but white people's rush to lionize Stacey Abrams betrays our desperate need to believe in heroes/saviors instead of understanding that we need to do the work ourselves.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

okay this is what the internet is for

Dudes Posting Their W’s

@DudespostingWs

4 years

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

they tried, I guess

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

there's no such thing as c*ncel c*lture you idiots there are two rapists on the supreme court

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

I asked a mathematician and he said that one brown person is actually the same number of people as one American.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

@ElSangito Ah yes, Miyazaki-inspired art, famously unpopular on social media

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

I'll go: Kung Fu Hustle

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

I also want to thank everyone who has chosen to interpret this in the worst faith possible. You are obviously outnumbered, but I love your ambition.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

NYC: There is a heat advisory today. PLEASE stay hydrated while you piss on the Elon Musk statue.

Public

@public

3 years

And because Elon’s ambition (and maybe ego) is definitely not miniature, we dropped a life-sized statue on 14th St. and The High Line stairs in NYC. Go say hi. 👋

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

8 years

You know the fourth estate is broken when @People Magazine runs a more truthful, responsible headline than @CBSNews .

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 month

I'm glad that Democrats are finally moved on from "when they go low, we go high". But the reason it works so well when Walz calls people weird is because he uses it as a counterpoint to what government should be doing: passing substantive policies that improve people's lives.

Morning Joe

@Morning_Joe

1 month

. @GovTimWalz : "People like JD Vance know nothing about small town America... He gets it all wrong. It's not about hate."

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

@krowe_william @bobbyleelive You're not a counselor, you're a stranger tweeting at a comedian. I'm sorry that condescension is so essential to your ego, but don't pretend like you're helping someone when you could have said nothing at all. Your response is for you, not him.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

My dad looked at this tweet for about 45 seconds and then said "I don't understand how something so long and erudite is popular."

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

@annevclark This is a real WWDITS act one problem

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

Comedy is wild because you'll see someone perform at a dive bar and think "they're pretty funny, just need some practice", then the next week you see them on Fallon and google them to discover their mom is the NBC peacock and their dad is Henry Kissinger.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

7 years

*gender reveal party* "Our baby's gender is..." *I cut into the cake. Jelly filling pours out.* "...fluid!"

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

Kate is right about this. If we had shared the vaccine a year ago, there would be no omicron. It's that simple.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

@realJacobAirey @birdsofpreywb guys a conservative christian blogger thinks it looks dumb, cancel the movie

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

a man on the street just stopped and asked if I was okay because I was laughing at this so hard that I was visibly crying

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

6 years

Please @Nintendo is it so much to ask for a game where Waluigi has to make very bad sandwiches and you get points for how bad the sandwich is?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

just caught myself getting excited that a celebrity retweeted my friend's GoFundMe for cancer treatment, I hate this country so fucking much

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

@Naw_G @miskeencore @jaydotjpg so... it's them

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

okay but really how do we *get* the vaccine?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

@casualafro Do people know that you can just make food?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

but if a fast food worker starts to make as much as tech support, then the tech support worker might realize that THEY are underpaid, and that is why we can never increase the minimum wage, thank you

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

source:

NYPD Defends "Challenge Coins" That Call East Flatbush Precinct "Fort Jah"

“There’s always nicknames that fly around, they’ve floated around since the 1980s, 1970s."

gothamist.com

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@NatTowsen

1 year

@andersleehere Did she do it?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

my take on the bodega tweet is that we are all experiencing a prolonged mass trauma and won't really be able to put our emotions into context until it's over

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

NYPD squad car number 5170 just tried to hit me! I had to jump out of the way. He took aim at a bunch more protesters, going about 30 mph. Then this car did the same thing. #BarclaysCenter #blacklivesmatter

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

@hamishsteele @boschbot The leap into frame is a little much

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

@dingus_rob It's also an admission that the TSA is purely theater. It's ESSENTIAL to our safety that you remove your shoes...unless of course you have $150 to spare.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

7 years

@carljonard @botnikstudios It's not automated! We have a team of writers who all use the Botnik predictive text keyboard. We trained keyboards on all 7 books and had a big writing jam. Then I took the best pieces of copy, arranged them into a narrative, and wrote some copy to fill in the gaps.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

@anylaurie16 There are two options: 1. Chop up a bunch of vegetables (and some meat?) and put them in a covered pan in the oven at 350. Check on them at 45 minutes and see if they are food. 2. Chop up a bunch of vegetables and put them in a big frying pan with a little oil, stir until food.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

if this doesn't go viral then I don't know what the fuck you people want

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

@honeyroastedgod @demilina__ @retroguygaming @WesternWatchman wait until he finds out who invented algebra

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@NatTowsen

4 years

@jeremywins @fecklesswizard @kendrawcandraw and the other one signed off on the military budget that paid for that tear gas

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

Before you take care her opinion of Bernie Sanders too seriously, consider

Newsweek

@Newsweek

5 years

Hillary Clinton defends Harvey Weinstein association: "How could we have known?"

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

sorry if this is controversial but it costs too much money to be alive

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

7 years

@SoonerSower @stillswaggon @CGage44663269 @IngrahamAngle Yeah, it's so scary when you can't see someone's face.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

7 years

@THEDOGPOUND1 @KatiePavlich yeah, no matter what the people who's job it is to find information in the interests of our country say, we all have pixelated jpgs we can trust

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

Good riddance. This place once charged me $9 for three condoms. I hope it gets replaced with a business for people who fuck.

B e a u

@Beau_LaBranch

4 years

The Astor Place Walgreens has fallen.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

@neumaverick @LizzyHedgehog @elaadeliahu Not just cameras, they hired a bunch more cops, who of course have violent and racist tendencies. People are "bring rebellious" because it's one of the only ways we have to seek justice when injustice is legalized.

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@NatTowsen

3 years

(or saying $5.7 Billion, or mentioning how much money he made this year)

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

when you got got good

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

@9jwhite @MorePerfectUS This is going to come as quite a shock but liberals do bad things all the time

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

@FATJEW haha you used instagram to make a fortune by stealing people's jokes, eat shit dude

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

Details: I've had 3 Pfizer doses, have never had covid, test regularly. Was exposed recently (at least once) but didn't get it.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

@ForeverInvolved @Jezebel The wealthy gradually consolidated power while elected officials mimicked the aesthetic of progressivism instead of materiality improving the lives of their constituents. The power disparity became so exacerbated that citizens need to take more extreme measures to survive.

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@NatTowsen

3 years

If you are frustrated by the pathetic federal pandemic response, please consider getting involved in direct action. Join an activist org for a cause you care about, attend protests, write letters. It's painfully clear that "vote blue no matter who" does not protect us.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

Oh, never mind, I'm watching Fox News and a commentator just said "they haven't spilled the blood of their bravest patriots like we have". I didn't know that.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

@evapunk333 @kendrawcandraw This is definitely a joke

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@NatTowsen

4 years

doing semiotic research to determine whether the GOP are white supremacists

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@NatTowsen

3 years

I had to read this four times before deciding it was not an absurd joke. Animation writers deserve more money.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

So sick of the idea that Bill Gates is a "good billionaire" because he focuses on global vaccination efforts. His money should be taken away from him and better distributed.

Freyja Valentine, Girl IRL Cat URL

@FreyjaErlings

3 years

It's a grand fucking irony of our age that people think Bill Gates is trying to implant us all with microchips when the actual conspiracy he is behind and which is completely open and on record is preventing open source vaccines, preserving copyright and slowing vaccinations

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

Almost missed my flight because, right before I could show the TSA my passport, they kept letting people who paid for CLEAR cut directly in front of me.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

you can write whatever you want on tripadvisor

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

@SpaceGhostx @is4tu @ArcStrider5 @glockmodel @tycoonsgp I actually went to high school with him and he's really rich now

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

god damn it

nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

So do we think SNL is going with "Weird Ass President" or "White American President" this weekend?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

ah shit, there's a white lady playing bagpipes in the park, my rent is about to go up

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

I found out I didn't get a job that I applied for and JK Rowling is transphobic, so I made a cheeseburger for breakfast. Who gives a shit.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

@_natastrophe_ How is this a gotcha? You can be bisexual, "appear gay", and be married to someone of the opposite sex. Lots of people like that still experience discrimination.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

@CryptoParadyme @Twitch damn I can't believe she is ruining the sanctity of a platform where teenagers over-modulate their mics while playing video games, smh

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

@m_e_i_s_e_l Finally, someone has arrived at the source material that made me ask this question in the first place

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

Another entry: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

2 years

I admit I don't fully understand the British government...How many people have to die in order for Paddington to assume the throne?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

3 years

@sasimons "reasons no one can remember" is extremely telling

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

Every time I express a political opinion on this website some liberal shows up to say "well then why don't you VOTE". I'm a poll worker, you West Wing cosplay dorks!

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

Have people forgotten that Power Rangers was…not a good TV show? This isn't a Batman: The Animated Series situation. Each episode cost forty dollars and we liked it because we were literally stupid.

Netflix

@netflix

1 year

Once a ranger, always a ranger! Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Once & Always premieres April 19!

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@NatTowsen

1 year

@JarrodPack @ABC because shouting is different from breaking in and destroying things?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

@joshgondelman Sandwich names are on a photo printed sign that looks like nothing else in the store, above the sandwich guy's head at an angle that he can't see. The sign appears to have been printed by an unrelated business, possibly in another reality.

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

1 year

@CityOfLasVegas @seaweedanxiety Lol "what if there's a fatal accident, which this could easily cause?" "That is the fault of a private corporation, which we are promoting for free"

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@NatTowsen

3 years

The NYPD deleted this tweet bragging about how it took them 23 warrants to recover $1800 in baby formula and diapers.

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@NatTowsen

1 year

@justwaitforit0 @0liviajulianna "probably" says the man with no information

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

Now that the federal government is invading cities and disappearing citizens, it's pretty clear that the militia types aren't going to do shit about it. But what did they think the rise of autocracy would look like? Were they expecting the secret police to be black?

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

5 years

is capitalism good

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@NatTowsen

3 years

"You're just posting about Wordle to prove you were in AP English" honey we are guessing five-letter words, is that what you think AP English was?

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@NatTowsen

7 years

Thor: Ragnarok is NOT about colonialism. It's just a fun flick about a society with a ruling class that tried to hide their imperialist past instead of making reparations for it, which ended up being impossible and destroying their society from within. Jeez!

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nat towsen

@NatTowsen

4 years

@kdrum This is actually millions of people Kevin

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@NatTowsen

6 years

@Tat_TvamAsi @BSO @BacwardsQMark Honestly I'm surprised he doesn't have "I killed Osama bin Laden" tattooed across his face.

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@NatTowsen

4 years

@Keepingitblurry @brendanowicz @thamosdeaf @charles_kinbote yeah man most people are struggling and don't have sympathy for rich people complaining about being rich

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