Shelly NitNots @MsNitnots Twitter profile

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

I would like to possibly have sex again before I die.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

1 year

Office selfies are back. 😉

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

12 years

I wish they made shut the fuck up spray.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

I'm sick and I am going to complain all day about it like a man.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

12 years

I love that moment when the grin turns evil.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

Omg I kinda wanna lick you.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

I just had a full blown argument with myself in my head. I'm winning by the way.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

Girl in front of me on the bus just sent a text that was like a novel and the response was like a word and now even I'm pissed off about it.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

I really wish my dog would use his inside bark.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

You not blocking me tells me that you're probably crazier than I am.. That's hot.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

12 years

Just for the record, "No one" is always two words. Noone is NOT a word unless you add "r" at the end.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

Relationship status: If you had a bunny, I'd fucking boil it.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

I got problems... Not like 99 but I got a few.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

Giving someone false hope is the most heartless thing a person can do.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

The reason you don't like each other is because you're both at the same level of cunt.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

What happens if they fool you like 10 times? That's a shame on me, right?

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

I don't care who unfollowed me.. As long as it wasn't you.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

12 years

You know you're getting old when you start noticing how hot the dads are on the Disney channel sitcoms. 😏

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

12 years

Holiday weight gain makes my bra cup runneth over.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 months

Only good thing about the fall is football. Let’s go Eagles!! 💚🦅

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

It's very sad how one person's pain can be another's entertainment.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

11 years

Is it weird that I just got a little turned on by the way my pants were brushing against my butt while I was walking?

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

Look at you being all sexy and shit.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

1 year

Happy place… 🍷

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

Can’t ghost someone that won’t miss you.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

I deleted all my dms.. And now I'm a virgin again.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

1 year

#NewProfilePic

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

I smelled alcohol and got all excited then realized it was only hand sanitizer.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

It seems Twitter went from all sex to all politics. Sex is better people.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

My car is so filthy it should have a twitter account.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

Don't flatter yourself, I was bored.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

2 years

Literally just me and my grapefruit in the office rn.. #allbymyself 🎶

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

Everyone is mad at me for doing to them exactly what they do to me.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 months

After my workout earlier today.. sweaty Shelly.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

1 year

Run time! 🏃🏻‍♀️

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

You're just as insane as I am, only you're in denial.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I may be a little angry this year.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

I'd let you lick my donut.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

I'd like to think that batman and superman are fighting over me.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Turns out, I don't need to be on vacation to get drunk.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

I’m tired. But I keep going because I’m not a pussy.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

Let's plan to run into each other unexpectedly.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

Don't fuck with me, I'm smarter than I look.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

4 years

Before the run... #procrastinationselfie

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I wonder what today will bring. *brings more shit*

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

6 months

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

You know you're old when you feel like you partied like a rock star but really it's just because you went to bed at 10 instead of 9.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Maybe he likes clown eyebrows, you don't know.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I'm funny, you just have to catch me on the right day.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I'm trying to choose happiness, really, I am. I just don't think that's how it works.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

I can't wait to read longer versions of all your crappy joke formats.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

6 months

#NewProfilePic

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

I’m not asking for sex, I’d settle for a sneeze.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

I stared at his crotch and I wasn't even ashamed.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

My office crush got fired... now I really have no will to be here.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

1 year

Good morning from NYC. 🍎😘 #bigapple

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

Holy fuck, you're annoying.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

6 years

Got about 5 compliments on them in less than 5 minutes. And they’re comfy af.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Just banged my knee on my desk.. At least some part of me is getting banged.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

They only waste your time if you let them.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

I think it's too rainy to go on the treadmill today.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

4 years

I feel so peaceful after 2 bottles of wine.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

When you’re bent over in the shower but only because your back hurts.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

3 years

Time for a run.. selfie first.. ✌️ #peaceloveandrun

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

You ever just want to be dead instead of being at work?

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

I have an issue with children in a movie that’s rated R. If kids can’t see it, why are kids starring in it?

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

Relationship status: sucking the stripes off candy canes.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

I promise to behave unless you would prefer I didn't.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Be a decent human being then I might take you seriously.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I swear the people that sit there and preach how you should be more accepting and loving are the meanest motherfuckers around.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

1 year

I gotta get up early tomorrow and here I am drinking a bottle of wine.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

It’s not creepy, it’s curiosity.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Don't you want to be happy instead of content?

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I don't want romance, I want sensual passion.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 months

At the office today feeling pretty good… haven’t had any alcohol since New Year’s Eve. 🙂🥳

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

10 years

Don't subtweet.. Just tweet stupid shit that has nothing to do with them, that'll piss them off more. We'll call this one "inspirational"

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

6 months

You wanna see crazy? I’ll show you crazy.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Work is such a horrible waste of my time.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

My dog is having sex with his bed. He should be on twitter.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Whatever, stupid feelings. Whatever.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

I'm not even tired. *passes out*

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I hate this world, people have no heart, everyone is fake.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

Shaving is for pussies.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I hate when people talk.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

You’re like a thong on backwards. Annoying and a little painful.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

4 years

Perfect day today.. ❤️☀️🏖

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Stop being all adulty and play with me.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

I’m more than enough and you just can’t handle all of my enoughness.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

That made me laugh. And for that, I thank you.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

If you have sex with someone and then say "April fool" after, does it count?

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

If you're a close talker, I'm licking your face.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

1 year

Anybody wanna fuck with me cause I’m feeling frisky.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

My hair looks better dirty. Then again, isn't everything better when it's a little dirty.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

I don’t need to take pictures to prove I’m having fun. I’m having fun so I don’t have time to take pictures.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

Nothing worse than someone making excuses for another persons bad behavior.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

5 years

Don’t just watch the shit show BE the shit show.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

I have a whole bottle of tequila in my desk drawer and no one to drink it with. 😢

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

9 years

*aggressively procrastinates*

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

7 years

I'm no good under pressure but I'd be great under you.

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Shelly NitNots

@MsNitnots

8 years

Reflection..

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