Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey @MonkeysMarch Twitter profile

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

I'm a social vegan, I don't like meet.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

5 months

Sarcasm is just intelligence dipped in hot sauce.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

4 months

I have anxiety today which basically just means my depression had an espresso.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

7 months

You know what’s wrong with kids these days? Their parents.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

7 months

I’d go more places if more places had less people.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

5 months

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin . . . so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Give me a sec, I think I can make this situation worse.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 months

Marry someone who is weird and can always make you laugh. Everyone gets old. We don't need boredom to kill us too.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

6 months

Gets out of bed, has coffee and climbs back in, I love Saturdays.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Just because they're not saying anything doesn't mean they don't have anything to say.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

I'm the kind of person that greets your dog before acknowledging you.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Real men don't play high school relationship games.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Love is... never having to beg for morning sex.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

10 months

At my age, the older I get, the uglier I'm willing to go out in public.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

I was going to go for a run on the treadmill but I was too lazy to fold all the clothes on it.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Don't tell me how much you love me, show me.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

1 year

Figuring yourself out is a lifelong project.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Stay away from people who fuck up your vibe.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

9 months

I don't know why I drive so fast, I rarely really want to be where I'm going.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Relationships? Yeah, I don't recommend them.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Blond women don't have more fun, fun women have more fun.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

My favorite type of women put their jeans on in this way; left leg, right leg, wiggle wiggle jump jump.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Nice guys always end up in the friend zone.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

5 months

Never give up on your dreams . . . keep sleeping . . .

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Once I've lost my ability to trust you, it is almost impossible for you to earn it back.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

My next marriage will include a prenup for sex; how, how often and how much.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Curvy women with a great attitude are sexy af.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

10 months

I look the most homeless when I'm at home.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Sometimes people get mad at you because a lot of other people love you.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

You don't have to be thin to be sexy, you just need the right attitude.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Give your love to the one who makes you feel sexy and wanted.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

7 months

Any night I don't have to get up to go pee is a victory.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

7 months

Sometimes the best thing you can do for some people is allow them to forget you.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

7 months

I'm not good with names. Or faces. Or Conversations. Or people. Or directions. Or life.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Life is too short to be in a fucked up relationship.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Rain all day means you can take unlimited naps, that's the law.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Love is a word you should never use lightly when you're talking about your feelings for someone.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever met anyone that had only green flags.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

I'm too old to give too many fucks about anything.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Don't tell me what you think I want to hear I prefer you tell me the truth.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

6 months

People who sit and blab while their pizza is getting cold give me anxiety.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

8 months

When I was a kid, I never would have thought fun for me as an adult would be doing nothing.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Doesn't cost a dime to compliment someone, make them feel good today.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

You can't get mad at someone for having an opinion even if you feel it's wrong.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

7 months

In a world you can do anything, do it over there.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

6 months

My favorite thing to do when it's cold outside . . . is not to go outside.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

I'm grateful for everything I have and I appreciate having it.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Lies by omission are still lies.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Once you escape your hell, Never let your guard down. Satan never gives up.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

This weekend is certainly snugglefuck weather.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Not getting enough sex leads to depression and anxiety, help someone out today.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 months

If you think about it, adults are just kids that have debt and drinking problems.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

If you love something set it free, unless of course it's money, you'll want to hang on to that.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Nothing changes until your lifestyle changes it's as simple as that.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Unlike stupid people, smart people don't need to prove they're smart to anyone.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Never stop caring for the people you love, some days they need you more than others.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

6 months

I don't know if ignorance causes bliss, but it would be great if it caused sterility.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Hate to say it but some people are just not worth the heartache.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

7 months

After taking some time to reflect on my life, I've decided to never take time to reflect again.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

4 months

Life is better when you're laughing . . . at the people who try to bring you down.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

9 months

Ladies you really don't need a knight in shining armor, what you really need is man that makes you laugh.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Sometimes a broken relationship is best left in pieces.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Sundays are for laying around and doing absolutely nothing, it's in the Bible look it up.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Romance isn't dead, you just need to find the right partner.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

8 months

Mind your own business she said, after posting all her business on FB.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

8 months

That panicky feeling you get when someone's baby crawls towards you and you have to act like you like it.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Quiet women could be fun or could be dangerous, you have no idea what they're thinking.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Everything is not about you, that subtweet was for my dog.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

9 months

Sometimes my mind works a lot better when it's not working.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Diet and exercise may allow me to live a longer life but I know that eating pizza will definitely allow me to live a happy one.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

In eighth grade a nun brought me into the office to paddle me because I was talking in class, the first whack I yelled out oh yeah baby harder, it was the last time she paddled me.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

6 months

I could be skinnier but then I would just be hungry and that doesn’t sound like fun...

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

1 month

Sometimes you have to trust your own madness.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

7 months

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Be yourself because why the hell would you want to be someone else, you're awesome.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Platonic relationships are cool and all until someone gets horny.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

6 months

Some ladies play hard to get. Others play hard to get rid of.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

6 months

Any pan can be no-stick if I no-cook in it.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

I have struggled a lot in my life, what I have never done is given up.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

1 year

If they lie to you once they'll lie to you again.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Be happy, slap your own ass and smile.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

If I'm in love with you I will trust you until you show me that I can't.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Hear me out, smart glasses that allow you to immediately see red flags and avoid them.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

What I've learned in life is that there is a time and a place to be funny, what I haven't learned is to distinguish those times.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

9 months

Getting old isn't some sort of organized process, one day you just wake up and you're old.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Once you're in love with a person you shouldn't be looking for alternatives.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Getting fucked over so many times is why I have trust issues.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

Just because they're in love with you doesn't mean you should take advantage of them.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

4 months

If I'm ever possessed by a spirit, I hope it's that of George Carlin.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

1 year

Mental health is important and all but have you ever had sex with a psycho.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

A lot of you can’t sit quietly in a room and it shows.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

You shouldn't bitch if you create all your problems yourself.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

2 years

It's hilarious to watch two stupid people say great minds think alike.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

If they say they love you, ask them what that means, they more than likely don't know.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

6 months

Thought all these voices in my head meant I was crazy, but one of them is a therapist and he says I'm fine.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

I love her not only for her beauty but because she's smart and funny too.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Confident curvy women are the best.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

10 months

Never become so old in your soul that your heart forgets how to laugh.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

3 years

Some people push you away just to be able to say you weren't there for them.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey

@MonkeysMarch

1 year

Netflix and chill is cool and all but have you tried chocolate cake and nap.

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