One year ago I spent 7 weeks on a trauma unit after being hit by a train in an attempt to take my life. These were dark days, but every day the man that delivered meals wrote me an inspirational note. I kept them all with hope for better days to come.
#SuicidePrevention
I have epilepsy and had a seizure tonight. I am in emerg causes I smashed up my head pretty good. I am hoping I get to go home tonight. I could use lots of positive vibes! Thankyou!
1st floor balcony facing the parking lot. You get what you can afford, but I am still incredibly grateful to have a roof over my head and to be able to get to pop outside for fresh air!
Update: The doctor and I have decided I will go into a long term mental health rehab program at AHE and there is a doctor willing to do DBT therapy with me. This ensures when I leave hospital I am in a solid position to be healthy and never end up back in hospital.
One thing that consistently brings me joy is watching Gurdeep. A hard day today, but your videos put a smile on my face and tell my heart to keep fighting!
One thing is always alive, consistently healing and eternally calming – that's nature.
From my cabin in the pristine nature of the Yukon, I am dispatching joy, hope and positivity.
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Watch on YouTube:
9 days ago I asked the doctor if I was going to die. He said he had to be honest and said I very well could. Today I got off the unit alone to get myself a coffee and walked a little with physio.
I was 12 years old when I 1st tried to take my life. I am now 37. I had a thought this morning: I have spent so much time, energy, and effort trying to die in the last 25 yrs. I wonder what would be possible if I put all the energy used trying to die into trying to live?
My glasses broke during my last seizure. Thank you to Millcreek Optometry for taking the old lenses and putting them in a new frame for free. I could not afford new ones so this kindness was greatly appreciated.
At about the age of 30 I was put in a seniors home and all my independence was stripped away. It was a nightmare and I did not excel. Now that i live independently I find beauty in things like cooking, cleaning and laundry. I am so grateful to live independently!
You strive for success and perfection, but when it doesn't happen, you feel disappointed and hurt. However, this doesn't mean you have to live with resentment and grudges towards yourself and others. Find moments of peace and joy, even when things don't go as planned. From my
I’ve fought a 26 year battle with mental Illness. It is fair that many ppl have a hard time understanding it. I am in hospital recovering from a suicide attempt. I have facial fractures, a skull fracture, brain bleed, and new pelvic fracture, so won’t be online much.
#recovering
Since the Olympics are on I’ll share this. This is me at the 2000 Olympic Trials at the end of the 800 free. I was 11th and didn’t make the team, but amazing experience!
Happy Holidays to all my friends near and far. This angel was made for me by a close family friend when I was born 38 years ago, so I hold it close to me throughout my journey. ❤️❤️❤️
Can’t wait! DATS is picking me up at 8:30am at the U of A Hospital to go home for 1 night! All the pain, the suffering, the doubts, the PTSD….I clawed my way out of that horrid darkness and now this! Fresh air, my own bed and visit from a friend!
I had deactivated my Twitter account while going through very tough stuff. I got a few FB messages that people are very worried. Thankyou very kind of you. I am currently in hospital for physical and mental reasons and in good hands. 💕💕💕
Today was tough. I’m proud that I called a crisis line when thoughts overwhelmed me. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. I have a life to live.
#mentalhealth
#suicideprevention
#SickNotWeak
I just opened my email and I have been APPROVED for the suite in the building next door and also got a signing bonus for appying within 24 hours of viewing the suite. I am so incredibly grateful.
Meet Nancy! She is a HCA at the U of A and saw me on Twitter and decided to bring me coffee and treats at the U of A Hospital. Such a lovely gesture and made my day so much brighter!
After 10 months of being a formal mental health patient I am no longer certified! What a journey it has been and it is finally great to have the hard work pay off👍😀
I have always been a believer in miracles. I have fought 25 years with suicidal ideation (and serious attempts). I have worked diligently every day for a long time on things to combat this chronic ideation and now I am so happy to say it is no longer there!
Each day is a gift. Today I sat in my wheelchair 2 times 1hr and the rest was in bed. I also did 2 laps of the trauma unit in my wheelchair. I am learning to balance rest and movement and respect what my body needs. This will be a long recovery, but I know I can do it!
I start working in the Apparel Shop at Alberta Hospital next Wednesday. We only make $3.50 an hour, but the experience is incredibly valuable since I haven’t worked for 14 years due to my illness and intend on working again during and after I finish my schooling.
Mom stopped by and was telling me she wants to take me on a 40th birthday trip and the tears started flowing. She asked me what’s the matter. I told her I never ever imagined I’d make it to 40, but I’m going to be effin 40 in November!
#SickNotWeak
Smiling because I just had an appointment with my family doc who is also a sports doc. He recommended a physio that deals with multi traumas and vertigo. On the prescription he also added “must be able to play sledge hockey by Sep”. Love it!
Today I turn 39 and I am so grateful to be alive and for the people that helped make it possible. No big get together this year just a zoom therapy session and a day to chill out and create art.
My Christmas present (dresser drawers) is now ready for use. For many years I have been folding clothing in neat piles in my closet. I’ve been off work since 2008 and couldn’t afford one. Santa surprised me this year.
#grateful
This is not where I wanted to be 4 months into my hospital stay. I thought I would be home by now. I thought life would be back to “normal”. I’m fighting for my future right now and maybe life doesn’t always have to be this hard. One foot in front of the other!
The Royal Alex is amazing. There has been zero judgement from the second I was brought in after ingesting Draino. I have been helped in so many ways and I am still alive. Social work just dropped in and they are helping me sign up for Foodbank
#Grateful
Got a check-in email from the police officer who responded to my 9 story jump in 2010. Brought me to tears. He is a person in my life who I will forever and always cherish.
I’m so proud of myself for not choosing suicide after this recent seizure and fall. I was so frustrated I thought about it. However, then I thought about how much there is to live for and I’m so happy I chose life.
#SuicidePrevention
#SickNotWeak
Just found out I can work in the garden at AHE for $3.50/hr. Yes, it isn't much, but it is something and it is about gaining confidence that I can work again and gaining references. I am all in!
I’m still so weak, nauseated, dizzy and in pain, but I am determined to enter 2022 with a smile. I believe with everything in me 2022 is going to be better for all of us. May all your dreams come true in 2022!💕💕💕
I accept the journey ahead isn’t easy and I accept I have lot of trauma to undo. In the words of the ER doc “you are lucky to be alive”. I won’t take being alive for granted anymore. This will be a physically and mentally painful journey, but I am ready to take it on and rock it.
Tough weekend, but I made it through without taking my life or ending up in hospital. Each time I make it through the dark timesI realize my skills are buillding and realize I CAN do hard things.
#SickNotWeak
#MentalIlness
#SuicidePrevention
#BrainInjury
I just want to make sure my Twitter friends know that despite the frustrations this week my mental health is ok. I’m tough and I know I will get through this physical stuff even if the ride is a bit bumpy.
38 is tomorrow. Will be having a quiet lunch with Mom, Dad, and sister to celebrate and the start of 7 days home from hospital. 2 days later I’ll discharge after 11 months in hospital.
#Grateful
#Mentalhealth
#Recovery
#Family
2022 was rough and I almost didn’t get to see 2023. I am so thankful for all the support, love and care I have received and I whole heartedly believe 2023 will be a wonderful year. Happy New Years to you all! ❤️
I had a Zoom call with my medical team yesterday. I was asked how long it has been since I was suicidal. It has been 8 WEEKS! I survived multiple near lethal attempts since I was 12, so this is incredible. It has taken hard work and I am so grateful for those helping me!
Im taking a public health course and I love it. I’ve definitely found what I love. My ultimate goal is to get my masters in PH from the U of A and I would love to get into research. I might be almost 40 but it’s never too late to go back to school.
I'm part of a very intensive mental heallth treatment program that only takes on critically ill patients and it has saved my life. It has taught me to believe in myself and my recovery. Suicide is no longer an option and I am excited about the future!
#SickNotWeak
Today I broke down. I've been in hospital since December 21 and so badly just want life to go back to "normal". I know I have to be patient, but some days it is just all too much to handle.
#NeverGiveUp
If you asked me 2 months ago I would have told you that eventually my life would end in suicide. Now I can tell you something so much different, which is that I have a future of hope and dreams and a lot of hard work ahead of me!
1-Today is 1 month since I was last in hospital. Doesn't sound like a lot, but is huge breakthrough because I have spent most of the last 13 years in hospital. Not only have I been out of hospital, but I am learning to live a life which brings me happiness.
It's crazy to think much can change in 6 months. 6 months ago I made a decision that could have easily ended my life and jumped in front of an LRT train. My head was 2 inches from being crushed. I am so grateful to be a alive to today and to be experiencing life
#grateful
Woke up this morning with a smile on my face, in my own bed, knowing the next part of my journey has begun. I can now start all the things that had to be put on hold this past year while in hospital. I am so excited and beyond grateful to start this next part of my life.
I wish I had some good news, but I am back on a medicine unit at the U of A. I was encouraged by a friend to talk more about my mental health. I am still weak and not mobilizing yet, but in time I will tell more of my story and what landed me here. Thank you for your support.
Mentally and physically exhausted today, but I remain in good spirits. Sat up in my wheelchair for 40 minutes with no interruption and no vomiting as a result, so that is a record!!
I found a non-profit organization that helps people who have been underemployed or unemployed for several years due to disability and mental health issues find work. I started the process and submitted the first form. Excited for this next step!
#Mentalllness
#Work
#SickNotWeak
In the last 24 hours I have been surrounded by a lot of love and support on and off social media. After a tough day yesterday I truly appreciate this.
#thankyou
Life has never been easy for me. It has always been a battle physically and mentally. Many times I have fought for my life and come so close to losing it. This Thanksgiving I am thankful I no longer live with suicidal thoughts and ideation. What a blessing!
I get to go home on pass from the hospital for the weekend. I have improved significantly over the past few weeks and am so excited to sleep in my own bed for a few nights!
Sneaking up on 4 months out of hospital. This might not sound like a lot, but it is huge because I’ve spent most my adult life in hospital. I am so grateful for the help I have received to make this happen.
I’ve come a long way in 6 weeks and I’ve got my smile back. I remember the early days when I repeatedly asked the doctor “when am I going to feel better”. I’m still in significant pain, but I’m just grateful I have my life.
#survivor
#brokenneck
#brainbleed
#mentalhealth
Tired eyes after my first week In the mental health rehab program, but eyes full of hope, purpose and future oriented. So many people have been part of this journey since my first psychiatrist appointment 15 yrs ago. Thankyou for getting me here.
Never say never. After sustaining a brain injury and also having sever ADHD I thought returning to university was impossible. However, I am now taking 3 university courses and LOVING them!
I have stayed in touch with CST. Filion since she responded to my suicide attempt a few years ago. Such a genuine, caring person who I am so grateful for.
#mentalhealthmatters
For the first time since I was 12 yrs old I want to be alive and am genuinely happy to be alive. This is on a large part due to the amazing medical staff that have been working so diligently and patiently with my at the U of A . Can’t wait to see what the future brings!
So many tears this morning I could see myself slipping into depression. However, I’m a fighter…I made my bed, did exercises on the floor mat, had a cold shower, ate a healthy lunch. I am so grateful for the staff at the U of A, friends, family.
This weak I was thrown a curve ball with 2 seizures. Banged up, bruised, concussed, in a sling, but not broken. I move forward with the strength I have gained these past few months.
I am off to get tests done this morning! I am so thankful for all the love and support I have received over the past two weeks it truly means the world to me ❤️❤️❤️