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Mario Lanza

@MarioJLanza

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The comedy writer, not the dead singer. Creator of the Funny 115, Survivor Historians, Staff Picks, Mario Stories, & lots of other stuff. Mariners fan since ‘82

Upland, CA
Joined May 2008
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 months
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@PowellAnalytics
Dylan
5 months
Who is your all time favorite fictional coach?
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
Here's a rare picture of @SandraDTwine posing with Russell.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Survivor Flashback - South Pacific, ep14. One of my favorite Survivor moments of all time. Coach is delivering a dramatic monologue about how Brandon always walks up and interrupts people. And in the middle of it, Brandon walks up and interrupts him. Thus ruining the monologue.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Best moment of the finale: Tony goes up in his Spy Nest, and watches as Sarah coaxes out that Natalie has a hidden idol. So Tony goes back and says SEE, I SAW IT! THE SPY NEST WORKS! Completely ignoring the fact that all Sarah had to do was talk to her to get the exact same info.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
If you start Survivor: Samoa at exactly 11:58, Russell would have already lost the season at midnight.
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Mario Lanza
3 years
Survivor Flashback - South Pacific Finale. Sophie destroys the final puzzle, and literally beats the snot out of Ozzy.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
Probst: "Rudy, do you think it's okay for them to drink the bad water?" Rudy: "Yeah." Probst: "Are you just saying that because it's the other tribe?" Rudy: "Yeah."
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Here's a little sneak peak of my upcoming Funny 115 entry.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 months
In Survivor news, you guys will be happy to know we're recording a new episode of Historians this weekend. First one in two years.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
Here's how popular Rudy Boesch was. After Survivor: Borneo ended, he said he wanted to go on another show. So Mark Burnett tried to put together a new show where Rudy would go up into space. It never wound up happening but that's the legend of Rudy for you.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Jeff Kent received 27.5% of the Hall of Fame vote today, but it was really closer to 40% when you factor in how many votes Obama took.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
6 months
I'm not gonna lie. This Nick Wilson story is gonna single-handedly inspire me to go finish my Funny 115 South Pacific entry. Especially because the whole theme in South Pacific is you don't screw your family.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
2 months
A very special thank you to everyone who has ever listened to our podcast, The Survivor Historians. Because yesterday we just hit our millionth download. Thank you again! It's one of my favorite projects I have ever worked on. P.S. Paul was wrong. Jeanne is the best.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
After sixteen years of knowing her through emails and social media and podcasts and the Funny 115, I finally got a picture with the queen. Thank you @SandraDTwine !
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
@imchriskelly @amycookuws In St. Olaf we call that a Clappenfelhaaler.
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Mario Lanza
2 years
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Game changing moment, 2011. @the_real_coach becomes the first player in history to give the immunity idol a sexy little spank on the bottom.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Coming soon on the Funny 115. The #1 entry.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
I know Helen Glover was just on RHAP today, so let me dig up a blast from the past and present the Helen vs Eliza parallels. This is one of my favorite Survivor things ever.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Coming soon on the Funny 115: Entry #10 : Dead Fish
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Rewatching South Pacific, and I'm now strongly in favor of Coach and Stacey joining forces and being a team on The Amazing Race.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
I don't post about the modern seasons all that much, but I really enjoyed Karishma as a Survivor character. It's a shame she'll probably be overshadowed by other events from this season.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Thank you to Reddit for pointing this out to me today… but to this day, Thailand is still the third most-watched season of Survivor.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
Good news for my Survivor friends. The Funny 115 will start up again and I'll be adding new entries starting in February. Survivor Historians is about to start up again as well.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
"He's fat but he's good" has never gotten enough credit for what an important quote it was in Survivor history. And that line only comes out of Rudy's mouth. I'd make the argument no other player was ever more important to the history of the show.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
I always get the greatest feedback.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
I just want to thank everyone who has followed the Funny 115 over the years. Version 3 (the current one) just passed 1.3 million unique readers who have visited the page. It's going to pass version two (1.4 million) one of these days. Thanks again for supporting my work!
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
The most important vote in Survivor history aired twenty years ago tonight. R.I.P. Gretchen and the Pagongs. Oh my god. It’s you.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
I've been seeing so many new Survivor fans start getting into the show over the past year or so, and it's made me realize one thing. "I believe that Russell should have won" is now basically a Disney Princess phase. It's more or less a natural stage of new fan development. <3
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Most of the time when I use Twitter, I am joking around, but in this tweet I am dead serious. One of my hobbies I do in my spare time is I am a prison advocate. I help people who are in prison earn their college degrees. And I help them with info and resources from the outside.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
In honor of @SandraDTwine tonight.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
I miss the “Previously on... Survivor” segments. I would have liked to see how Parvati was going to get credit for blindsiding Kellee and Jamal.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
2 years
Someone pointed out to me the other day that this week marks the ten year anniversary of The Survivor Historians. Thank you to everyone who has listened to and supported our little show over the past decade. Please celebrate by enjoying a Snickers bar.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
About to binge watch a bunch of episodes to prepare for our Historians taping tomorrow. I hope the BB/Ramona well alliance works out this time.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
I’m happy to announce we are recording a new episode of Survivor Historians this weekend.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
On this date in Survivor history, eighteen years ago today. One of the most important moments in Survivor history, the first twist. Somewhere, Silas "Chip" Gaither is still weeping.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
I was going through Cagayan to work on my next Funny 115 entry, and I found one of the greatest examples of unintentional comedy I have ever seen. Check out this screenshot.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
@SandraDTwine Hope you don't mind me saying this on your behalf.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
6 years
Excited to announce that I'll be doing a home & away with @robcesternino over the next 2 weeks. I'll be appearing on RHAP to talk podcasting & F115 stuff, and he'll be coming on Staff Picks to do an episode with me. This should be fun, we always have a blast when we collaborate.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 months
You guys will be happy to hear this. I'm starting up the Funny 115 South Pacific entry again. Working on the next Ozzy chapter today.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
The Funny 115 is back, with my first new entry in almost a year. It's also one of my longest F115 entries ever. My tribute to @KassMcQ : #37 . The Trials of Chaos Kass.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
On this day in Survivor history, ten years ago today we learned that Danger Dave's sport was making love.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
The Funny 115 returns with entry #30 : The Quiet Adventures of Purple Kelly
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
@robcesternino I'm 150-200% dissatisfied with this low ranking.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
If you're a Historians fan, our gift to you for the holidays is that we're recording part 5 of Heroes vs Villains this Sunday. Because I feel that exploring the Sandra vs Parvati debate is what the Christ child would have wanted.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
There's something fitting about the fact that Rudy and Marge Boesch both died on the same day. RIP to the greatest Survivor legend of them all.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 months
Well you asked for it, and you got it. We finally finished Redemption Island on Survivor Historians. Episode #69 - "Well, You Gotta Vote for One of Us" is now available! It will show up on itunes later tonight, but you can get it here right now.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
2 years
I've been taking a break from writing the Funny 115 for a while because, to be honest, it has been hard to focus on writing. Between work, vacations, and, you know, *gestures around* all this. But I'm pleased to announce that starting this weekend I'll be starting back up again.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
I'm thrilled we don't have to discuss this episode on Historians for 6-7 years. Feel bad for @robcesternino who has to jump right into it.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
The Funny 115 was just upgraded to its new permanent private server. It should be back up and running by the end of the night. Thank you to everyone who helped save it.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
To the one and only @SandraDTwine . A serial killer never becomes famous until they get caught.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Coming soon on the Funny 115: Entry #6 : The Rise and Fall of a Survivor Badass
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Mario Lanza
4 years
This just made my day.
@the_real_coach
Benjamin Coach Wade
4 years
@MarioJLanza Sometimes I want to go back on survivor just to crack the funny 115 again
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Mario Lanza
3 years
Here's a fun little moment I just caught in South Pacific. God told Coach to vote out Brandon, and then God told Coach to give Brandon a hug. And Sophie is incredibly happy that the jury is witnessing this horseshit.
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Mario Lanza
7 years
Here's one of the most pants-wettingly funny things I've ever posted on the Funny 115. @SandraDTwine as Jesus:
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
That was an especially cinematic episode of Survivor. Nice work, whoever put it together. It reminded me of the Rupert vote out episode in Pearl Islands. The music at the start was fantastic.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
1 month
@crocophant That depends. How many big moves did the dog make? What was its resume?
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
6 years
The Funny 115 reaches its greatest heights yet on Friday, when I get to meet Brad Culpepper for lunch.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
Please help save the Funny 115. It's now or never, it needs an upgrade or it's gone (and so is Historians.) You can read the entire story here:
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
6 years
Survivor fans-"Jeff Probst has turned into a joke, stop whining about big moves, big moves are silly, just let them play." Survivor fans also-"LAUREL YOU BETTER START MAKING BIG MOVES OR ELSE WE'LL STAB YOU, *tears* YOU'RE RUINING OUR SHOW."
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
I just now finished my first viewing of Australian Survivor 2016. If that isn’t a great season I don’t know what is. IMO it stands up there with all the greatest US ones (especially that ending). Do yourself a favor and go track it down if you want to be inspired.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
1 year
You'll be happy to know I'm starting work on the Funny 115 South Pacific entry again, starting today.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Funny 115 Update: Well, I did it. I've gone through the entire season of South Pacific, and grabbed every screen cap I thought might be useful in my final entry. And now I just have to whittle 7000+ pitcures down to about 1,000, and work it all into a writeup.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
Working on my new Funny 115 entry tribute to Kass. Who is the absolute queen of seeing something ridiculous and then looking at the camera.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
6 years
There are no idols this season, there are only happy accidents.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
6 years
Happy early Thanksgiving! The Survivor Historians return with part 1 of our mega 4 part coverage of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains. Featuring a special intro by the one and only Courtney Yates.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
In a perfect world, Rudy would have won Survivor. RIP Rowdy Rudy. <3
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
6 years
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
2 years
You guys will be happy to know that we're scheduling our next Survivor Historians episode.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
I swiped this from Reddit but Hali is so adorable that I couldn't resist.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Very sad to hear this. A few years ago I wrote to Jessica Walter and asked her to sign a picture for my daughter, who was a huge Arrested Development fan. Jessica sent back three autographed pictures, all with quotes from the show. I always thought that was very nice of her.
@DEADLINE
Deadline Hollywood
3 years
Jessica Walter, the award-winning actress whose career spanned five decades, passed away in her sleep at home in New York City on Wednesday, March 24th
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Coming soon on the Funny 115. The return of Stacey and Coach in entry #9 : Chuckie the Cheese.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
My wife and I both really liked the Survivor premiere tonight. Let’s see if they can keep up the momentum.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Quick update: I haven't written any Funny 115 entries since our quarantine started because, to be honest, I wasn't really in the mood to do anything creative. But starting next week I think I'll be back in the old writing mood again. So expect my Tony Speaks Llama entry soon.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
"My lowest moment was when mom set me up on a date with an ex con." -Katie, Blood vs Water
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
I don't write gushing posts like this very often, but god damnit I am so happy @SandraDTwine is a part of my life.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Just recorded part 1 of Historians Nicaragua. I did it! I did it! WE did it. WE did it. It should be out in a couple of days.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
I'm just starting to work on my final Funny 115 entry this week, and all I'll say about it right now is... I hope you like Chuck E. The Cheese jokes.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
Coming soon on the Funny 115: #36 . Tina and Her Bloodlust for Grandbabies.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
The Funny 115 is back up! So is Survivor Historians.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
2 years
When you know that you’re the one who will write about all the censored Omar Survivor stuff in a couple of years. ❤️
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
If you guys are fans of Survivor Historians, I wanted to let you know the four of us will be doing an AMA on Reddit in the near future. So get ready with your Historians questions.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
2 months
@SurvivorQuotesX Seeing Vecepia, Richard, Tina, Tom, Chris, Earl, and Heidik not even on it.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
The old classics never die.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
@SandraDTwine And honestly, no one’s opinion matters but yours.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Coming soon on the Funny 115...
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
I feel like Survivor is doing the "giant statue of an icon" gimmick much too late in the franchise. Imagine if they had done it earlier.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
Survivor 40 is going to be the most gloriously unfollowable trainwreck. ❤️
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
For those of you who are fans of Survivor Historians, we just booked Borneo part 2 to record on Tuesday. The bad news... we’ll be whispering the whole thing in each other’s ears like a modern Tribal. 😢
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
5 years
Heroes vs Villains Historians is recorded and done and in the books. It should be released in the next couple of days. I hope you enjoy our coverage of Colby and Reid and the blowholes.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
6 years
When the Gatekeeper met the Keymaster. Hanging out in Tampa with Brad Culpepper.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
Excited about next season Idols vs Advantages vs Vote Steals
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
Okay, because I like this last Funny 115 entry so much, I've decided to break it down and post it in installments. Here are the first four chapters. You can see where I'm going to go with it. This first part is basically a love letter to Coach.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Coming later this week: The story of the most unlikely Survivor winner of them all. Funny 115 entry #3 : The Tale of Fabio.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
3 years
I'm working on the final entry for the Funny 115, and naturally this one is incredibly complicated and it will be very intricate to put it all together. It's basically four entries in one, but they all overlap. It's gonna take me a while.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
Coming tomorrow on the Funny 115. Entry #6 : The Fall of Drew Christy.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
4 years
If you're a fan of Survivor Historians, we're starting the process of planning out our first Borneo re-do episode. It's time to finally give the most important season the coverage it deserves.
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@MarioJLanza
Mario Lanza
7 years
From my next F115 entry
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