Malloy Moseley @MalloyMoseley Twitter profile

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

All of us for the next month+

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Going through a break up inthe middle of a pandemic in the middle of a revolution is amazing because idk why I’m crying but it’s definitely because of a white man

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

@gaybabypirate please get Ryan Murphy on the phone

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

I could tell you about ⚪️ every yt classmate who used my race & gender to undermine my academic merit ⚪️ every yt classmate who used "meritocracy" as a case against affirmative action But instead I'll tell the truth 🔘 I fucked Mr. Peanutbutter to get into Northwestern

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Always a Danny McBridesmaid, never a Danny McBride.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

P A Y M E

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

You can have perfectly round boobs and still be depressed 💬11K ♻️ 3K ♥️ 247K

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

3 years

A single jar of dijon mustard will outlive you and everyone you love

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Obviously I let people live rent free in my mind I’m not a l*ndl*rd

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Do you have a freeway exit that reminds you of an ex or are you not from LA?

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

why this mouse look like Harry Styles

derek guy

@dieworkwear

5 years

disney had an episode where a mouse in wide-legged pants stole slim-fit mickey's girlfriend

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

So when Fleabag has emotional episodes in the backs of cabs it’s called an Emmy but when I do it it’s called a 4.6 Uber rating? Seems unfair

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

We'll have approval for TWO effective vaccines before Roku gets HBOMax. Let that sink in.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Me in 2010: The only thing between me and a terrifying dystopia is one woman, Suzanne Collins (author, Hunger Games) Me in 2018: The only thing between between me and a terrifying dystopia is one woman, Susan Collins (R-ME)

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

Three rallies in 2016... and one of them... at the Northwestern FIJI house...

Ezra Koenig

@arzE

5 years

@winterene thanks, winter. 🙏🏻 I don’t expect everyone to agree with us but the idea of an actual fan ditching us cuz we’re back out supporting the same candidate we played three rallies for in 2016 is just hilarious. Godspeed to those strange people !

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

The #coffeecup in GoT is an act of ecosocialist insurgence, meant to remind the docile public we must change our unsustainable ways or face an epic extinction much like in that one battle with the bran cereal ok I don’t watch the show please just read the fuckin news we’re fuc-

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

@gaybabypirate justice for Pushing Daisies

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Once I regain control of The Amulet, it’s over for you Mortal Fools

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

A Thread (1/25) The heart on the needle won this hot pink thread enough points to be ranked first.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

when the goss requires backstory

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

In a time of polarized media and fake news, it’s increasingly evident we are living in a postmodern reality in which we accept a multiplicity of Truths. Similarly, we are living in a reality without a singular Song of the Summer. In this essay I will

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Obama decried violence in Ferguson. Bernie doesn’t want to defund 12. Cher and Josh tell us they’re step siblings 00:02:15 into Clueless. No gods no masters.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Just saw a woman crying on the street?? Honey, this is LA. We cry in our cars.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

I won’t say I invented Riverdale but I will say I made all the Archie Comics characters in the Sims and made them fuck NINE YEARS AGO.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

My ovary? Putting me in the ER on vacation?? Okay go off, cyst.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

What happens inside of the body to make poop brown

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Every time white people learn about racism they get bored half way through and we have to start all over again 20 years later. Imagine listening to Monster and only ever getting halfway through the JayZ verse and turning it off. Nicki’s bars are coming be patient!

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

Meet my grandma (87) from Madison, WI! – A lifelong Catholic – Raised on a farm – Worked 30+ years at the Oscar Mayer factory with my late grandpa – Mother of 3 – A proud Bernie Sanders voter! This is the movement: a multiracial, multigenerational coalition. Join us! #NotMeUs

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

I personally love working for a Pisces

ziwe

@ziwe

4 years

ZIWE premieres on May 9th at 11:00 pm on @showtime @a24

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

If you don’t believe the system needs to change, do you believe that black women are just receptacles for your pain and supporting roles in your stories? What about trans and disabled folk? I have to believe our lives were meant for more.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

ADULT FRIENDSHIP SCALE (in hangout time) Annual: Acquaintances Biannual: Friends Once every 2 months: Good friends Once a month: Very good friends Once a week: Roomies, teammates Daily: Unhealthy co-dependence🚩 Sporadically texting inside jokes: Soulmates, BFFL

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

It's okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them. For example, God made me, realized something was terribly wrong, and then 57 days later made Zendaya.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

beginning to make sense why Mitski never played a Bernie rally

SARAH SQUIRM

@SarahSquirm

4 years

remember when Bernie tried abolishing the CIA ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? anyway, pee poo or whatever

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

If I were Brooklyn comedian I could just tweet stuff like "earthenware... okay yes" and get 50 likes easy

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

3 years

Always astonishes me how many men have been swindled into believing Double D's are ginormous

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

A special skill of mine is I can tell if a BLM graphic was made in LA NY or SF

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

sorry but if Lori Loughlin goes to jail who is going to play Lori Loughlin in the Lifetime Original Movie

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Y’all were soooooo excited to Fetch The Bolt Cutters a month ago

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

If I have to live in a fascist police state I should be allowed to be as annoying as I can about the fact that PEN15 was shot at my middle school

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Oprah should’ve asked Meghan about Kappa Jail N’ Bail

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

8 years

"ur in ur head a lot huh" "ur n absurdist I can tell" "do u do stand up" "bits are a defense mechanism" this date coming @ my whole life rn

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

7 years

Old man on the street is trying to call an Uber by pointing his phone at cars. I’m rooting for the guy. Love an underdog story.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

northwestern word salad

Justin Barbin

@JustinBarbin

4 years

Hey Chet Hanks, do your rules for #whiteboysummer include having your mgmt properly pay the people you hire? Particularly a young photographer just starting out who could barely pay his rent and was cheated by your manager at the time?

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

tune in friends!

ziwe

@ziwe

4 years

here's the trailer for ZIWE famously on showtime may 9th

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

Damn Drake really put in work for that EP credit on Euphoria. Countless hours researching child porn laws.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Good morning Catholics let's get this transubstantiated body of Christ

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

8 years

Told my gyno I'm a film major and she gave me this. Wonder what the religious studies kids get? Safe sex nun or?

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

There actually is a Historically Caucasian College/University It’s called “Coward” and every white guy I’ve dated graduated with honors

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

When we say All White Women Are Bad, we don’t mean that there aren’t some good white women, just that the job is to be a silent accomplice of the white male supremacy and thereby gain access to agency and a sense of superiority over expendable WOC whose labor they use for free

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

I sign every email "best" because every subsequent one is the best email ever sent. It's hard to maintain, but this society demands endless progress and innovation.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

3 years

You could give John Wilson that gluck gluck 5000 and pull your hair back and he'd whip out his RED to get b roll of your scrunchie

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Meghan taught me that you can be biracial and from the Valley and go to Northwestern and be in a white sorority and date a balding white man and become a princess and aggravate a racist imperialist empire just by existing she is MY PRINCESS

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Everyday I'm grateful God made me a woman of color so I don't feel compelled to get Bangs For A Personality.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

7 years

Really leaned into “woman talking to herself in Trader Joe’s parking lot” 15 years sooner than I intended to

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Protesting in LA means you have to be righteously angry and also stupid hot. Finally, a job for me.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Finding a comfy Trying to look sleeping position normal in pictures 🤝🤙✊👋🤲🤝 What do I do with my hands

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

big hairnouncement

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Guys this is annoying but I actually only have one week left to sell my non pilot with all my kids of famous people to HBO! Ideas below:

The Hollywood Reporter

@THR

8 years

. @LenaDunham was 23 when she sold #Girls to HBO with a page-and-a-half-long pitch, without a character nor a plot

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

I voted for Bernie in 2016 when I was a virgin and I am voting for him in 2020 having had 100+ isolated incidences of sex

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

I used to think yt stood for you tuber and the thing is I wasn’t totally wrong

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

have both been historically played by white women

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

voting is good but have you tried organizing — this is supposed to be a riff on the sex is good meme. I’m scared

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

To see white comedians go back to posting in their “I’m 24” character voices... honey Tamir, Trayvon, Ahmaud, Breonna and many others will never be 30.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

love to drunkenly set cryptic phone reminders for my sober self to fulfill like a fucked up scavenger hunt

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

8 years

The Kids Are Alt Right

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Somebody come get her Bumping Regina Spektor

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

@poetastrologers agent of chaos looking for connection

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Did I miss it? Am I too late to do an impression of Kamala hearing the news?

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

7 years

I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for all the white men who got "woke" in an effort to fuck me.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Mercury is going retrograde tn so buy a tickie now

Reductress

@Reductress

6 years

This month, Haha Wow LA is at @TheVirgil with Madonna Refugia ( @madonnamarie ) Malloy Moseley ( @MalloyMoseley ) and more! Get tickets:

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

8 years

"I want my Auerbach Auerbach Auerbach" - Chili's employee who loves The Black Keys but hates Daylight Savings Time

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

7 years

The year is 2058 All of the nuts and m&ms are gone from the trail mix All that remains Are the raisins

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

8 years

Turned my birthday into a lifestyle because I'm always eating out, disappointed, and stricken with inexplicable melancholia

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

Megan Thee Ohio State University

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

wow 😇the first terrible take 😇ruthkanda forever 😇

KimRL

@iamKimRL

4 years

Looks like RBG successfully argued her first case before God

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

what if... and this is gonna seem wild but bear with me... instead of complaining about how uncouth a debate you voluntarily watched was... you organized with your community

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

7 years

*Charli XCX Voice* I was busy thinkin' bout:

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

No, I don’t want a boob job. I’m a socialist. I want a boob community-serving life passion.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

I cannot possibly be the only one who thought it was Gwence Tefani

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

While we’re canceling the fourth of july, let’s keep the momentum going and cancel the fifth of july (i simply did not ask to be born)

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Even when I'm famous and successful I will keep working hard. Can't rest on your Yannys.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

I’ve had a lot of blessings coming my way recently and can’t bring myself to celebrate. There is no celebration without justice for Black women. We are celebration. I’m so sad y’all.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

non Black folks june: now, more than ever, Black liberation is important to me. I will die for the cause non Black folks aug: now, more than ever, you need to engage with my content about skincare

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

My hands are shaking, I can't believe my eyes. I've finally done it. I've out-pizzaed the Hut

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

7 years

I'm firing my therapist and listening to Praying by Kesha on repeat for an hour instead.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

It's not just the police. We're destroying all the systems that keep us down. Capitalism. White supremacy. The prison-industrial complex. Pixilated tentacles in hentai. For-profit improv schools. The school-to-prison pipeline. Racist doctors.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

We fed an AI Lizzo's Lyrics Genius page and this is what it came up with

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Society if schools accurately taught American history and white kids spent half as much time learning how to be actively anti-racist as they do learning “negro spirituals”

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Schools will not mention the name Angela Davis but insist you know three uses George Washington Carver found for peanuts

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

5 years

I rode hard for Warren at first and I changed my mind and that is okay! Let's get a fucking progressive in office.

summer anne burton

@summeranne

5 years

I thought Elizabeth Warren would be a great President, but not enough people agree with me. It sucks but I am moving on, and donating to Bernie today (again). We can do this! Biden is an incredibly weak opponent who I’m afraid will lose badly to Trump in November.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Wikipedia is turning 18 on Sunday so I expect it won't be long before we find out it's been dating Dane Cook.

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Thinking about the time a therapist told me I should be more like MLK and less like Malcolm X (52 years dead from gvt assassination instead of 55 years dead from gvt assassination). Good advice!

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

1st base: u up? 2nd base: how r u? 3rd base: You know what I want? I want to get a little drunk with you tonight. Not falling down. Just a little drunk. I want to talk to you and plan with you. Listen and laugh … I basically WANT TO BE WITH YOU!!! home run: unironic bitmojis

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

8 years

Death Dab for Cutie

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Want to learn more about these Diversity Programs! So I can learn Diversity Code To hack the Diversity Mainframe And end this terrifying Diversity Simulation

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

8 years

"Can you drone some spinach dip over here?" - mother to aunt over phone, digital mixed media, 2016

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

Okay gang here’s the plan: We just agree that we’re all really funny. and then everyone quits twitter and becomes environmental engineers

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

Shocked to hear people are traveling in a pandemic for Thanksgiving but it is a holiday celebrating genocide so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

6 years

your mcm still flexes his mcsweeny’s byline

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Malloy Moseley

@MalloyMoseley

4 years

If you liked Courage The Cowardly Dog I am in fact afraid of you

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