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Casey Rocket Profile
Casey Rocket

@MCdooglebear

2,114
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664
Following
323
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2,017
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If the moon had nipples would we milk it? 😏🎺 Boise-based comic and fuckin honky tonk noise polluter

Statesboro
Joined April 2014
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
A show that’s been centuries in the making... The Grimace Half Hour Power Hour is LIVE this Saturday 🎺 8/31 @ 10:30pm Featuring @kathylasagna @Guywiththestuff LJ Sullivan, @CodonColganite & MORE Tickets are only $5 for a night of terrifying riffs 🔮
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
@NightOpening Holy hell why was this thing so sexually charged
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
6 years
@BarstoolBoro *Aspen is taking syllabus week to new Heights IS NO WORDPLAY SACRED??
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
As ignorant as it sounds I didn't even know Mexico had a president. Kinda figured it was a free-for-all over there
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Remember George Washington? Well this is him now. Feel old yet? http://t.co/cZbOnRxza6
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
Either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself graduate with a degree from North Georgia in Cumming
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
The US military sent 354,000 mentally unfit troops into Vietnam that had previously been rejected for service & you expect me to not use my credit card when I buy groceries because I feel like it’s “free groceries”? I’m sorry hoss I don’t see the connection either but ur canceled
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
I got 3 words for you Christmas: Denim on Denim
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
When the robotussin kicks in and the store manager asks if you’re finding everything okay
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
Beef boy inception ⚛
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
*me returning home to the boys after leaving the bar with a particularly hot piece of work* Jon (my best friend): Well.. tell us everything.. Me (wearing my entire clothes inside out): Well.. one scat thing led to another..😏 Jon: Holy shit.. you bagged Scatman? Me: 🚬😏
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Had a guy do a 9 minute set before my spot at the open mic about how he lost his leg in an accident and it’s been really hard on his family. Before tonight, I never knew that’s what I wanted before every single one of my sets. The beeps were a godsent release
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
One time I was tripping face on mushrooms in Manny’s bathroom and I peed all over the floor on accident cuz I didn’t know how dicks worked and someone saw it and started yelling at this kid accusing him and the noise was so loud and scary it made me yell and blame the kid too
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Georgia State fans right now @OnlyAtSouthern http://t.co/D473RmBnkK
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
8 years ago I finally said I’d had enough of the bachelor lifestyle, I was sick of conquering a new woman every night & ending up with a cold pillow beside mine. I’ve never been prouder to look at my wife & son today & say “Happy holidays to the ones that really matter” ❤️
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
I was having a bit of a smoke outside & I remembered airdrop was a thing so I sent this to a random person who happened to be arguing with his girlfriend & he just drops the fight, if only for a moment, & said “WHO SENT ME THE THUMB?? WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS SENT ME THIS THUMB!”
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Doctors say my skin is getting longer and my bones are getting shorter. Scientists HATE this guy.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Just fist fought a Korean at bonaroo
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
When you high as hell in the club and you see your bro dancing with a fat chick http://t.co/FADrJjwadu
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Has anybody else seen these fire nudes yet? 😍🙌🔥🔥🔥🙊 http://t.co/kMDAEJ1yoC
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
I bet the Jenner siblings are pumped they don't have to worry about Father's Day gifts this year
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
This is the exact thing I will be doing from dusk till dawn when I get back on the bottle. Just straight snozzling up rye whisky and teaching pigs to walk like a motherfucker.
@UberFacts
UberFacts
5 years
Watch as this guy teaches his pig to walk again 🙏❤️
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
My grandma is wild 🙈
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Do any of y’all ever just fuck around and eat pray love
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
6 years
Obviously I went to college with a bunch of good ole boys and one time this dude buying weed from my friend overheard me saying 9/11 was an inside job (laugh it up) so he pulls me aside & says “Hey bro. You ever say some shit like that in public again and I’ll beat you senseless”
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Some guy recognized me in a bar last night and came up to me and said “Hey man, I really appreciated that butt potty stuff you said the other night” like really sincerely
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
I’m disrupting a billion dollar beep industry with this ONE simple honk
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
If the police ever confiscate my phone they are going to be hella confused http://t.co/fSXEeRHJUx
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
Got kicked off stage for saying a dirty word tonight. Censorship is fascism.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
@TerrifyingPixs Who exactly is on the case. I like my ghost investigators how I like my dogs: To have a cool name.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
I basically live like a rockstar but I don't plan on ever starting a band. It's pretty rad
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
I get it, I’m off the sauce. If Facebook and Twitter keep sending me sponsored recovery content I’m gunna jump off the fucking wagon to get away from these nerds. Ain’t nobody want to hear how good of a father you are since you stopped doing air duster
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
I don't "do" spring break trips because I don't "have" multiple friendships
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Total fucking legend. Love you bro http://t.co/2ITwWny0CO
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
If you ever touch me that way again @avrillavigne i'll be the one sayin "see ya later boi" because I am NOT that type of skater boy. got it?
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
I'm on so much acid rn that I just managed to herd a group of stray cats.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
In high school I used to sit in my car and wait for the bass drop so when I pulled out of the parking lot people KNEW I smoked dro
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Hey I'm Guy Fieri and welcome to jackass.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
6 years
Manswers
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
I just realized that I literally pay $15 a month for HBO on the off chance that I rewatch True Detective season one again It’s basically just me subscribing to the religion of Rust Cohle’s ramblings for $180 a year
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Just for a gauge on how blisteringly white my girlfriend is: I just walked in on her sitting with a whole bowl of milk filled to the brim (at first glance I thought she was eating spoon milk) only to learn she puts her Frosted Mini Wheats in 2 at a time so the icing doesn’t melt
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Why do I make pterodactyl noises when I'm drunk in public? Because this is America, that's why.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
I won the comic of the month contest with 45 minutes of riffs on Fart Boxing The Poop Cupboard. Unreal. Haunting really.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Tomorrow I will be 21 so I swear if the apocalypse happens today I'm gunna be pisssssed fam.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
Due to the overwhelming DMs, I'd like to clear the air and say that using the scientific method the Eiffel Tower is only 3 1/2 Casey's tall
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
Ladies, DM me for my phone number.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
How's everything at home?
@cadewtf
interwebcade+
7 years
friends r brushing their teeth and i smell looks vodka sprite
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
If anybody wants to fight I'll be at Stars and Strikes tonight wearing my jean jacket. Your move.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Has science gone too far?
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
I’ve never used the site, but my random Wish suggestions are off the fucking rails. I have a lot of choices to make drug-wise
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
My grandma insists that I keep wearing American Eagle V-necks
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
I wonder how that cat from Troncolli Chrysler Jeep Dodge and Ram is doing.. That was a good boy
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Manny is back in the Boro and Tav is giving out free hot dogs all night. Hide yo wives.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
I'm almost %100 sure I have a concussion but I'm just going to pull a Thad Castle and power through it so coach will let me play Saturday
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
The end of an era. King Kong ain't got shit on me. http://t.co/o8p4qZl8gJ
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Do you ever just look up at the moon sometimes and wonder if Iggy Azalea is looking up at that same moon? 🚶
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
6 years
“You’re going to sit there and tell me those Zebra Cakes weren’t for having sex with?” - Casey Boy Rohlen (the year of our lord Michael Vick, 2004)
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
After millions of years of evolution, in the year 2015 one of our most popular songs talks about eating someone's asshole like its groceries
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
@aaronboydo @miiiiicaaaaahhh @codyprice51 pretty sure u all still live at home with your parents so laugh it up D-bags. I take awesome pics
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
When you accidentally walk in on your parents having sex http://t.co/O7XFYLyJAe
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
I think I'm going to drop out of college and just go searching for sea monsters because that's the only real passion I have
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
Totally forgot to wear a sign on my 21st birthday. It's all good though I still ended up looking like an idiot
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
6 years
Keep your chin up, at least you’re not going to wake up one day and realize that you’ve spent the past five years at UNG Dahlonega “saving money”.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
6 years
I want to go into one of those escape rooms, barricade all the fake treasure chests and shit against the door, light up a Marlboro Red, and turn the tides in the favor of mayhem. Now THEY can’t escape me choosing to not escape the escape room.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Kat was cooking eggs and I heard her yell “Fruit Rollups for breakfast!” which is normally great news around our house but then she fucking GUNNED a Fruit Rollup when I was at a disadvantage and rocked me right in the temple. Absolute flamethrower of an arm.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
6 years
If you ask me, dogs and horses should consider being friends.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Camel: Hey guess whatt day it iss Me: *sigh* Okay Greg what day is it? Camel: The two year anniversary since Debra left me (Starts crying)
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
7 years
Never thought we'd see the day @miiiiicaaaaahhh
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Dear Red Wine hangover, I can't even. Love, Casey
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
I'm going to name my firstborn son Tihm so he is edgy and street-smart, but still a carpenter by trade.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
Honestly if someone had the courtesy to come up and ask me to be in the Gulo Gang in high school I wouldn't have been so rebellious
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Nothing like a good ol chicken nugget sandwich to remind you that you really don't have your life together
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
My dad is 45, pursuing a modeling career, and I’ve never seen him happier. He told me he’s just waiting for a chance to blow up. So, Twitter, meet my dad. Do your thing.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
Junior year of highschool Jamie Coppola said "bite me " to Mr. Rocklien and to date that was the most savage thing I've ever seen
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
My wife filed divorce papers after I narrated the birth of our first born in Christopher Walken's voice
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
Study drunk, take the test drunk, get drunk grades. Guys there's no reason I shouldn't be in the NBA right now.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
It's days like this that make you wonder what the hell happened to Joe Matia. Where you at bud?
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Uhh yeah I listen to Slipknot...Did you not see me long boarding on campus nerd?
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
When you catch your man staring at another girls booty across the room http://t.co/YhsJsAv2zY
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
Who's the bigger madman? RT for Tommy Brewer, fav for Fegan Floop.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Just over 2 weeks until #ComedyFort 🎺
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
You're driving, I'm blackout
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
*cracks open a Bud Ice* Let me tell you about the time we started a war on terror son.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
8 years
Wherever you are wallet I won't be mad, just come home.
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Just had a crowd straight up not cheer after I sung Highwayman, in full, to the best of my god-fearing abilities. Sometimes you just sit there and wish McCarthyism never died
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Look professor I'm just here to smoke fire weed and eat bagel bites and last time I checked you said we can't eat in class so get a move on
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Wes your back buddy
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
A lil Hillary Duff Huffff. A teeny tiny Hillary Hufffff. #ComedyFort 🎺Thursday 8pm 🎺Sunday 8pm 🦂Liquid Laughs
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Just straight up dropped a full Newport in a full grown puddle, picked it up, that skank is STILL hitting. What are they feeding these things??
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
5 years
Me: I think my biggest weakness is that I can’t physically fit enough Alpha Brain in my stomach to make me impervious to toxins. Army Recruiter: How did you get this number?
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
6 years
*shows up on parent’s doorstep with a shouldered knapsack thrown over a walking stick and a Kroger bag full of WiFi routers, facial hair in tatters and eyes bloodshot from the days-long journey*
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
This deserves endless retweets 🙌🙌🙌 http://t.co/hyZ0LYaGvV
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
I came home to find all 10 of my hotdogs are gone. Did my roommate throw a hot dog eating party while I was gone? Why has god forsaken me?
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
Happy birthday B may the odds be forever in your favor http://t.co/tFANwccozo
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
10 years
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@MCdooglebear
Casey Rocket
9 years
Gavin is openly listening to Evanescence in his room right now
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