rogue alpaca @LtCatra Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

rogue alpaca

3 years

my very religious but supportive elderly neighbor asked me what I’m giving up for pride because I think she thinks it’s like lent and the pride parades are like mardi gras?? anyway I panicked and said oatmeal

129

2K

17K

Last Seen Profiles

@BlondBigDParis

@eurofuturismir

@feiyinying

@clbds_

@j_ay42

@GaySexGang

@halfbreedman1

@Lormaino

@8u78tY31hrrxcFp

@Eterni_ki

@cukienaknikmati

@everydaymashii

@Kiyu_177

@dmr969

@adel_masad

@4l55l

@michael333ghost

@x__meeee

@LaskarToko

@sakamuke0157

@LukeTruongxxx

@nareyth98

@ranthlark

@PWrClassic

@mUkaq4fnxvLYdNr

@mumineyazar

@rubbesart

@musicboxmimi

@josemramirezb

@pupcak3

@yu__na___02

@JonesJermel

@Cadiz_CFJP

@SSouthimath

@Hi_signalize

@Dude_Spunk

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

a retired CSM for the marksmanship unit struck up a conversation with my boyfriend at the bar after guessing he was army and then turned to me to say “hey little lady, I hope you understand his hard work and sacrifice” and my boyfriend said “oh she actually outranks me :)”

334

1K

29K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

@ginandtonic95 I’ve learned to not take it personally every time. After all, I’ve got hair below my waist and I don’t have an army persona I carry around at bars. But it was still funny and my boyfriend always likes to point it out to dudes who assume I’m a dumb mil spouse lmao

25

9

2K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

this dude texted me asking for advice on buying guns because he thinks he’s more qualified than the damn green berets to go fight in ukraine lol

166

63

1K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

1 year

EVERYONE SAY CONGRATS TO MY BEST FRIEND @LoTheMenace SHE GRADUATED FLIGHT SCHOOL TODAY

113

26

1K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

one of my soldiers came to my office to show me a “3D printed save icon” and I’m pretty sure everyone in the vicinity over the age of 30 almost had a heart attack over a floppy disc

47

97

1K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

we got a new 2LT who’s the HQ PL and when he was tasked with doing wellness checks for his call roster he deadass called the warrant, the xo, the 1SG and our battery commander to check on them and i … will literally defend this little 2LT with my LIFE

58

31

1K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

I watched a lieutenant look down the barrel of his weapon *twice* during PMI because he wanted to “really understand the process”

Christopher David

@Tazerface16

3 years

I think that most folks don't understand how educated the officer corps of the US Armed Forces really are. In the commissioned officer corps, over 50% have post-graduate degrees. We're fucking smart. Don't underestimate us.

1K

212

2K

56

78

1K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

one of my soldiers just came up to me, pointed to his grenade pouch, and said “ma’am can I put chicken nuggets in here”

99

64

1K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

me: I need another pokey pin thing for the map to brief my ambush soldier: you mean a tack? me: yea but like, by surprise

32

92

1K

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

last year I told my 1SG I was stalked, sexually harassed, and followed to my room on deployment and he told me I shouldn’t think so highly of myself because I’m not that pretty and I was really hoping that by this veterans day he wouldn’t still be in but here we are folks lol

67

61

994

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

one of the soldiers in my battalion found out he gets a sword if he re-enlists and I’ve never seen someone text the retention NCO so fast in my LIFE

35

27

859

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

my platoon sergeant, teaching a class on the m17: “so this weapon’s safety and releases are ambidextrous. what does that mean, private?” private: “it can be used in WATER”

41

45

854

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

women don’t reduce combat effectiveness. women who are forced to conform to standards only designed for men reduce combat effectiveness. a thread:

34

151

870

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

as some of you know, last month an NCO followed me into an office, cornered me, and tried to get me to have sex with him. it’s just another example of the many times I’ve felt unsafe on deployment because of sexual harassment and assault, and it’s left me pretty rattled.

73

57

845

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

not one of MY soldiers running to intercept a vehicle arrive on site yelling “where the fuck is your ground guide” to the BATTALION COMMANDER 💀

65

22

824

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

~10 male LTs: what about the risk of fake sharp reports? it’ll be on our record forever other male LT: asking this kind of question over & over is harmful and takes away from the narrative. I know how I act, & I don’t wake up worried abt a sharp report. why do you? Be. That. LT.

5

112

722

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

one of my soldiers keeps pronouncing gerber as “jerber” to annoy his squad leader and refuses to let him borrow the “jerber” unless he says “jerber” and it’s hilarious watching them scream at each other about it over the sound of a 150kw generator

37

34

728

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

this 1st lieutenant decided to whip out the knifehand and yell at me “you will not put a lieutenant in the back of an LMTV, I’m an officer and I will be riding in the HMMWV” and now every lieutenant on site will be riding in the back of the LMTV when we rotate back for showers :)

80

14

733

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

one thing i love about the army: you’ll get a task that requires hella skilled labor and as you start to plan resourcing you’ll have like 6 soldiers in your formation who are like “oh i worked as a carpenter for 4 years and i can drive a semi and a 10k forklift. too easy”

38

21

714

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

desert arts and crafts

54

21

687

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

I practiced about a hundred different ways to break bad news to my commander and my dumb ass decided to lead with “ok so no one’s DEAD let’s remember that”

56

8

684

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

got this text from my dad and I’m just 🥺

14

20

690

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

CAN WE PLEASE ACTUALLY FAIL STUDENTS AT CST/OCS/BOLC BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE JUST SHOULDN’T BE ARMY OFFICERS

42

31

670

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

twenty-four.

75

6

647

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

gentle reminder that just because you went through it and came out on the other side doesn’t mean you need to subject the next generation to the same mistreatment.

12

51

645

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

soldier: sometimes I sleep until 5pm on the weekends me: doesn’t that mess with your circadian rhythm? soldier: … ma’am I’m not a cicada

27

35

614

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

If I board early as active duty military, I usually offer to assist less-abled passengers with storing their luggage. One of the gentlemen I helped couldn’t get his suitcase and his wife’s cane to fit as the attendants just watched. It was no big deal to help. But he appreciated

9

24

622

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

literally obsessed with my crew’s new mascot: the air defense alpaca. protector of the skies. if it flies it dies.

49

24

609

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

we’re doing an EO icebreaker where everyone catches a ball and whichever question their right thumb lands on, they answer. mine was “what would be the hardest about being gay.” so I decided to answer honestly, share a personal experience of mine, and come out to my unit.

43

7

614

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

when I say I don’t want to put cadets through the same bullshit I endured, I’m not talking about early morning rucks or FTXs or whatever, I’m talking about being sexually assaulted and blackmailed by senior cadets who went on to commission without even a slap on the fucking wrist

11

33

595

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

this LT presented the trolley problem to 2 of his soldiers and the second he asked if they’d hit the switch one of them said “are any of them navy”

19

33

593

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

can’t stop thinking about one of the replies to LaPorta’s tweets from a widow listing some of the things she got back after her husband was killed. his watch. his KIA bracelets. his sunglasses. and one of her hair ties, which he always wore in case she needed one.

6

38

579

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

LT: why are you counting on your fingers me: I’m writing haiku SPC: what’s a haiku me: a 3 lined poem with 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables LT: … the fuck is a syllable

30

22

572

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

absolutely wild to me that I was largely hated as a cadet at my college for being a fascist war criminal complicit in white supremacy and now I’m hated as a lieutenant by fox news for being an easily offended radical woke antifa sjw

22

558

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

oh my god she was waiting for me to come home from work so she could give me a gift to celebrate pride because she knows I’m deploying soon and she wanted to make sure I could enjoy some “rainbow oatmeal” before I left 😭💖❤️🧡💚💙

23

21

559

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

idk my former NCOs can talk all the shit they want but I still have the screenshots of them super liking my tinder profile while they were married

24

10

529

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

does everyone saying george washington would be disgraced by men wearing nail polish in the military know he was famously high maintenance and wore lipstick and powdered his ponytail, or are we just gonna shove that under the same rug with his slave ownership

13

49

520

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

it’s super cool that my soldiers are trusted to do maintenance on live surface to air missiles, sign for tens of millions of dollars of equipment, have a secret security clearance to view classified material but can’t be trusted to toast a bagel in the barracks

29

516

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

this lieutenant just said they suffer from imposter syndrome and I said “I thought you had to be successful to feel that” if that gives y’all any indication of how we’re doing this morning

47

16

514

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

good news: a new medic is on the way and the expecting father is headed home!! i definitely pissed off a few people but that’s a problem for future post-field me, I guess

50

4

513

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

my goal as an O3+ is to not treat younger officers who will work for me with the same indignities I had to suffer as a cadet/lieutenant just because I had to go through it. we’re moving forward, babes. leaving the damn door open behind us. not all hardships are productive.

18

14

515

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

soldier: ma’am i don’t feel good me: do you need to go to sick call? do you need water, maybe a snack? have you eaten much today? soldier: just two family sized bag of flaming cheetos, five red bulls, a can of spam, and half a pancake me:

41

16

499

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

public school the military 🤝 making me think it’s normal to eat lunch at 11am

17

36

496

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

I swear I left my vibrator behind ONE TIME and she won’t let me live it down. someone come get their mom cause she ain’t mine after this 😭

21

15

489

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

one of my soldiers showed up in a ripped shirt and I drew an x on the sleeve, so he got it circle x’d by the commander so he could wear it for the rest of shift lol

32

12

480

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

how the hell did women in the military before me do this when it was so much worse and they were so much less protected

66

27

491

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

today i received arguably the best veteran’s day card ever

26

12

459

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

accidentally introduced my boyfriend to star wars in the weirdest order imaginable and didn’t realize he’d never seen them before until he audibly gasped when darth vader told luke “I am your father”

13

11

454

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

10 months

two years ago on deployment I escorted one of my NCOs to BH for a medevac for suicidal/homicidal ideation and I had to pause the escort so battalion could chew out said NCO with a field grade article 15 because one of their privates wore earrings to the dfac

47

13

457

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

1 year

it’s so fucking cool that the guys can change shirts by their cots in the bay nbd but if I switch my shirt while wearing a sports bra that’s so conservative it might as well be a crop top my 1SG/CO get notified that I made someone uncomfortable. love being a woman in the army.

43

6

446

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

It was an honor to meet him, and I hope he enjoyed having someone who wanted to listen. It was a truly unexpected and remarkable way to spend part of my memorial day weekend and I’m grateful for it.

5

3

453

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

1 year

stayed up until 3am and tried to flirt with this guy and then I fell asleep on his couch and his ex wife made me coffee when I woke up lmfao absolutely brutal

42

7

441

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

@snippedwing at least the CSM was embarrassed about it lol

5

1

430

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

to everyone back home: down a bottle of wine. text your ex. get messy. do it for the troops who can’t.

16

33

428

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

just wanted to say what a significant relief it’s been to have my hair in a braid for the field. unlike a bun, I literally haven’t had to worry about it once, and it’s made a huge difference. mad props to everyone who made that happen.

9

8

427

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

1 year

I’m so fucking happy I never have to deal with this shit again. No more coaxing him drunk asf to sleep so the fighting stops. No more threats that he’ll call the police and tell them I assaulted him if I try to leave. Here’s to a fresh start, a safe home, and some peace of mind.

60

1

428

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

I’ll never regret being excited about promotions. I don’t care if you think it’s dumb to celebrate pinning PFC or SPC or 1LT, my soldiers swore an oath to serve and I want to recognize all the weekends or holidays or long nights they gave up. go be bitter somewhere else lol

18

7

428

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

still thinking about how 4 years ago I was in jordan walking around downtown amman and the evening call to prayer started playing and this american girl goes “omg i LOVE this song” and tried to shazam the adhaan

13

22

425

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

this is something I constantly harp on, and I literally told the ECP “I don’t care who the fuck they are, no one crosses this line without a ground guide” so I guess we call this karma lol

4

2

414

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

please stop assuming enthusiasm, esp from young mil women, is naivety or because our small female brains don’t truly comprehend how DifFicULt things are. I know it’s new, it’s work, it’s not all fun and games. But I chose to be in the army and I’m choosing to be excited

22

13

411

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

one time a major kept making fun of me for putting a lil mayo on both pieces of bread for my sandwich and this E4 looked him dead in the eyes and used like half a bottle of mayo in solidarity. respect the hell outta that man.

11

9

413

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

I have become what I hated most. I told a lieutenant during a (private rehearsal) brief that the content of his slides basically didn’t matter because I was too focused on the absolutely terrible formatting I couldn’t pay attention to anything else.

45

2

402

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

one time I asked my commander, one of the smartest guys I’ve met, how he keeps his composure and avoids getting defensive when other people might think he’s dumb or that he’s wrong and he said “well that’s the thing. I already KNOW I’m dumb and wrong.” hell yea sir

14

18

398

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

I went on a date last weekend and the dude finally texted me back to end things because I bought his drinks and he thought it was too feminist of me lmfaoo

87

5

399

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

i have to pull staff duty for a different unit and there’s no electronic devices, no reading, no sleeping, no TV, no leaving the desk for longer than an hour and no music allowed and idk how I’m gonna make it 24hrs lol

131

2

398

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

my parents took 8 of us out to a fabulous dinner at a local new orleans cajun restaurant and in the chaos my 13yo managed to get away with ordering a $30 giant plate of bacon cheese fries with a side of fries for his dinner and i took one look at my father and wanted to die

21

5

401

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

one time in college I was day drinking, got way too excited about sushi, and emailed my professor asking to push back my final exam lmfao

9

12

395

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

5 months

another captain and I saluted each other this morning because we both forgot we pinned captain today

46

2

387

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

I’m genuinely curious why people get panicked/upset by service members advocating for better childcare resources, the end of early morning PT, signifiant improvements in MACP/EFMP, better systems to eradicate toxic culture, or anything that isn’t fitness or new weapons tech lol

29

16

374

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

I wanted milk for my coffee and for cereal but I only had one little carton of it so I decided to use the milk for my cinnamon toast crunch, and then pour the leftover sweet/cinnamony milk into my coffee and i am simply a genius

17

6

369

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

was I hella hung over for the officer run? yep. did I trip on a root and roll my ankle in front of everyone? uh huh. did I still outrun my captain for his last run as our commander? abso-fucking-lutely.

19

5

381

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 months

my unit did an off-base LPD hike to a cliffside lighthouse and when I was walking back to my car, a random tourist struck up a conversation with me and said “I’ve never seen so many bald white men in one group. do you know what that’s about??”

28

7

382

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

our CTLT cadet is acting platoon leader today and tomorrow so the XO added him to the groupchat as “3LT”

22

2

369

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

sometimes being an officer means quickly analyzing information in order to make strategic decisions under immense stress & sometimes it means hammering a 9ft ground rod into hard dirt in 115° because your soldiers said they couldn’t do it & you were like “not with THAT attitude”

25

5

373

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

he found my insta !! I love being a woman in the military !! I don’t post about the military on social media and I’ve never claimed to be anything other than an air defender, but I’m glad shooting expert and getting a 290 APFT in college means I’m cool !!

95

9

367

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

1 year

our brigade gala authorized formal wear or ASUs and some of the guys were being jerks to the younger ladies in the unit because “wearing a pretty princess gown makes your priorities clear” so most of the female NCO/O leaders banded together to wear dresses 😌

40

6

372

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

it sure would have been nice to learn how to counsel soldiers and do NCOERs and manage property paperwork while I was in ROTC instead of having camo face painting classes every semester lol

23

16

360

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

so the army trusts soldiers with handling weapons, millions of dollars worth of equipment, conducting missions abroad, etc but can’t trust them with … women in certain pants? doesn’t the army have better things for the MPs to police than women’s shorts & leggings in the dfac?

46

30

357

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

fun fact a box of mac n cheese fits perfectly inside a red solo cup

35

17

365

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

sure you graduated cum laude but have you ever made someone cum laude, nerd

19

23

365

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

@Sanner86 she is very lovely and picks up my packages so they don’t get stolen and when I was in the field for a month she was apparently very worried

3

1

357

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

*playing magic the gathering with soldiers* E4: so when does the magic start E6: the magic is in the gathering, little one

14

23

356

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

it’s been 36 hours since my first military ball and I still haven’t recovered. I’m never going to one of those without my partner or my platoon sergeant again wtf

19

5

343

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

I’m tired of feeling like I need to hide something even though I did nothing wrong. I’m tired of my silence while he gets to lie to investigators & soldiers & anyone who will listen. I’m tired of being made to feel like I should be ashamed of what happened even though HE’S guilty

16

8

347

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

to every soldier who’s wanted to set their site on fire, this was for you.

23

11

327

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

being a woman feels like a constant cycle of experiencing misogyny, pretending you don’t experience misogyny, and then realizing the women around you also pretend not to experience the shit you’re currently pretending to not experience until you die.

11

25

349

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

one of my soldiers asked if we’re defending the skies FOR Santa or FROM Santa and I was like “depends … we’ll have to verify kinematics” and he just looked up at the sky and yelled “reindeer must fly as fast as TBMs so BRING IT ON OLD MAN”

19

16

350

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

one of the lieutenants keeps accidentally saying he’s working on “speaking more tactically” instead of “speaking more tactfully” and it’s driving me insane

41

6

338

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

absolutely terrible no good day. had to watch two of my soldiers lose ranks. had to have some hard conversations with squad leaders resulting in a squad shakeups. disappointed my battery commander. just feel like such a shitty lieutenant today.

62

3

338

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

idk I don’t have a quippy punchline or a satisfying conclusion. I can’t effectively explain why I saw my substantiated report and felt immense sadness and anger. I can’t tell you how much I internally fear for my female soldiers. I can’t put everything I want to into words.

17

8

339

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

2 years

I’m just a girl. sitting outside my tent. smoking and talking to a lizard about how I can’t wait to have a shower beer.

16

9

336

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

perfectly normal conversation with someone who can’t even go into a recruiter’s office without crying and throwing up

27

8

335

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

confused about miltwitter drama? unable to keep up with the character of the day because you actually have a real job? want to keep track of the weirdos so you can block and move on with your life? welcome to ✨Barnacle Business✨ life is dumb, let’s make it dumber.

20

15

335

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

just remembered last night the bartender asked if I liked classic rock and I said sure so he played all-star

35

12

330

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

one of my soldiers failed his crew drill for not wearing ear pro, so I turned to him afterwards and pretended to put my fingers in my ears and was like “what are we never going to forget again” and he earnestly yelled EARS

15

9

336

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

7 months

if I can’t rip my vape during your three hour training meeting, you shouldn’t force everyone to watch you fill a coffee cup with your dip spit

22

15

338

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

women in the military: men: listen if girls want to serve that’s fine I just don’t think they should because I only care that they can single handedly carry an absolutely jacked 6ft dude THEMSELVES across a BATTLEFIELD under HEAVY FIRE without breaking a NAIL or we’ll all DIE

21

38

321

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

4 years

o no. time to log off twitter and never come back. goodbye everyone.

39

4

329

rogue alpaca

@LtCatra

3 years

this time last year I discovered french 75s and almost died during our platoon run

9

12

325