Parents of teens, GO HUG YOUR TEENAGER. I am hearing how much they long for physical contact (usually accomplished by flopping all over their friends). Unsure how this will land? A quick rub on the back or side hug will give you a read. Don't be weird about it. Just do it. 1/3
The safest teens are the ones who have good working relationships with adults.
Here are some phrases that will help you strengthen your connection with your teen, even as you address the touchy topic of risky behavior. 1/6 🧵
I'm uneasy with any narrative suggesting that everyone should expect to come out of the pandemic feeling excited and energized. This may be true for some, but let's be honest: the pandemic has been an emotional marathon.
What do people do when they finish a marathon? They rest.
WHY IS YOUR TEENAGER SO TIRED?
There are many reasons.
One: Under normal conditions, each school year helps kids build capacity to do more and harder work than in previous years (think strength training). There was no slack in this system *before* the pandemic. 1/9
1/6 Here's something I've been working on. I'm sure it could still be refined, but it's a solid start. Hope it's helpful to you and yours!
HOW TO MANAGE A MELTDOWN
by Lisa Damour, PhD
I am *thrilled* to share that I have a NEW BOOK on the way. Coming February 2023, THE EMOTIONAL LIVES OF TEENAGERS will help you understand teens’ intense and often fraught inner worlds—and how to support them through this critical development stage. 1/2
IT'S PUBLICATION DAY!
Here's to our daughters and all that we can do to help them build resilience and confidence.
Available everywhere books are sold.
When my 10-year-old recently took a strong interest in the Bermuda Triangle, my 17-year-old reassured her that "it turns out not to be as big a deal in your life as you think it's gonna be."
*The Emotional Lives of Teenagers* is an instant New York Times Bestseller!
I am so grateful to you all for your incredible support and enthusiasm for this book! Here's to teenagers and everyone who loves them.
Next, tell them that they are doing *such* a good job managing an incredibly hard time. As the pandemic drags on, we risk forgetting that our teens are functioning under *bananas* conditions - yet they are mostly upright & marching along all the same. Shower open admiration. 2/3
I am thrilled to finally be able to share that, since 2020, I’ve had the honor of working with the incredible team at Pixar on *Inside Out 2*. Riley’s 13 - a teenager now! - and bubbling with complex new emotions. There’s much more to come!
#InsideOut2
hits theaters on June 14.
Last, if you're at odds with a teen who wants to socialize, start with, "I am so sorry that getting to see your friends is something we now have to negotiate. That is NOT how it should be." Discuss safe options, but only after empathizing with their awful "new normal." 3/3
Adults sometimes worry that they'll compromise their authority if they admit mistakes to teens. In fact, it's the opposite. Teens know when we're in the wrong and appreciate it when we own our errors.
I'm publishing free downloadable mental health one-sheets (in both English and Spanish) on my website at and at the link in my bio.
The newest one-sheet helps parents navigate the critical moment when a teen brings forward worrisome news about a friend.
The presence of the negative doesn’t mean the absence of the positive. You can feel uneasy about the state of the world and still savor joyful moments.
In fact, you must.
Guiltlessly appreciating the good things in your life will help to restore your strength and spirit.
If you are looking for resources about how to talk with your tweens and teens about social justice and anti-racism, here is an excellent list that can help guide us, and our children, in this all-important work.
Starting a new school year means adapting to new teachers, classmates, and demands. Adaptation is inherently stressful. Instead of promising children an easy start, we can reduce stress by promising that they will soon acclimate to the unfamiliar & grow to meet new expectations.
To help you buffer the psychological impact of COVID-19, I'm publishing free downloadable mental health one-sheets on my website at . The science of stress and anxiety management is clear and useful - these one-sheets put the best of it at your fingertips.
It's an honor to collaborate with
@UNICEF
as they work to help parents in more than 190 countries look after their own mental health as they care for children amid COVID-19.
I'm incredibly excited about a new role I'm taking on
@nytimeswell
: answering questions about raising young people. This first question comes from the fabulous team
@GrownandFlown
. Got a parenting question of your own? Send it to AskDrDamour
@nytimes
.com
My 8 y.o.'s response to an "If I Caught a Leprechaun" prompt: I would demand they take me to thare gold & then buy those weird rubbur chickins then buy a farm equept with real chickins. Then take the rubbur chickins & show them to the real chickins. And freak out some chickins.
How can we keep our daughters from becoming overwhelmed by stress and anxiety? I'm thrilled to share that my answer to this knotty question heads to bookstores soon. UNDER PRESSURE releases on February 12, 2019 and is available now for pre-order.
Just so you know what I'm up against around here: this is my 9 yo daughter messaging my 16 yo daughter over google chat. It's not the possible declaration of war that gets me; it's the invitation to "shoot me your ideas."
The pandemic has been so hard on teenagers that many parents find themselves wondering whether their teen suffers from depression. Here are some of the key differences between a sad mood and the diagnosis of depression.
Thanks to the
@Surgeon_General
for today's spot-on
@nytimes
Op-Ed: "Schools should ensure that classroom learning and social time are phone-free experiences. 1/4
Here's a "HOW TO MANAGE A MELTDOWN" bookmark I developed that might come in handy as worn thin kids start to get unwelcome news about their summer plans.
You can also find free, downloadable PDFs of this in both English & Spanish at
How do you get a teenager to open up? Much of the time, it's by being a quiet, steady presence. Tune in to the latest episode of the
@asklisapodcast
for more on parenting kids who tend to keep their thoughts to themselves.
If this time of year has you thinking, "I could really go for a fantastic end-of-high-school/coming-of-age movie..." allow me to suggest one of my all-time favorites...
When your kid is upset, here are two helpful phrases to have in your toolkit.
What are some other phrases that work for you and your family? Let me know in the comments! I greatly appreciate your insight.
Coming soon! I'll talk with U.S.
@Surgeon_General
Dr. Vivek Murthy about adolescent mental health at this special event hosted by
@TheCityClub
of Cleveland. Dr. Murthy and I will record a live episode of his *House Calls* podcast and the event will be live streamed.
I spent yesterday feeling frightened and paralyzed by what I've long known to be frightening and and paralyzing for children: the sense that things are *out of control* and that there is *no grownup in the room.*
What use is this insight? 1/6
This headline wrote itself.
Here's hoping that my latest piece
@nytimeswell
proves to be helpful to parents (and teenagers!) during these strange and challenging times.
BIG NEWS! “Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting” - a brand new podcast - just hit
@apple
&
@spotify
and other podcast platforms. Please share the news and subscribe to hear me tackle your parenting questions along with journalist
@reenaninan
. Follow
@AskLisaPodcast
#AskLisa
If you're looking for a deep dive into the tasks of adolescence (Untangled), how to help kids and teens manage stress and anxiety (Under Pressure), or how to understand your teen's complex and powerful feelings (The Emotional Lives of Teenagers), I might just have a book for you!
I love every word of this. And it seems especially perfect for father's day. Here's to everyone out there rooting for girls' (and boys'!) emotional growth: "If You Ever Hurt My Daughter, I Swear to God I’ll Let Her Navigate Her Own Emotional Growth"
Stress doesn't always deserve its bad rap. Now that the school year is in full swing, let's make sure that teenagers aren't feeling stressed about being stressed. My latest
@nytimeswell
: "How to Help Teenagers Embrace Stress"
Tweens: they're not little kids anymore, but they're not yet full-blown teens. Here's a
#bookstack
dedicated to helping you help your kids through this tricky stage.
Many of you shared that your struggling teenager is refusing therapy. Teens sometimes doubt the utility of talking with a counselor or have had bad experiences with previous therapists.
Here are some phrases that may help you open up a conversation about seeking support.
It's been a busy, wonderful week. One huge highlight was getting to celebrate the publication of
@NPRKelly
's *.* at an event hosted by
@PoliticsProse
and moderated by the brilliant
@michele_norris
. Love this photo!
The not-so-good news: pretty much everything I wrote in 2020 about raising teenagers under COVID still applies. The slightly better news (I guess?): the advice still applies. Here's my guidance, most recent first, should you need some parenting support right about now. 1/9
I'm hearing how happy older teens are that Netflix just posted three seasons of Victorius, a show from when they were children and tweens. Their delight in this reminded me of an article I wrote about how teens often return to childhood joys when stressed.
It's fun to parent in smooth waters. But sailors are made-and captains do their most important work-in rough seas. I'm thrilled to join
@scienceofkids
,
@PerriKlass
&
@corrigankelly
in this
@nytimeswell
roundup on navigating the stormy side of parenting.
Parents of teens, this
#bookstack
is for you! Here are a few great books about teens that you may find useful.
Tag another parent in the comments who might like these too!
This moving essay by
@jdickerson
@slate
paints a rich and tender picture of adolescence, and parenting adolescents. "I Can No Longer Get a Decent Photograph of My Children."
"There aren’t many upsides to having a virus wreak havoc with one’s adolescence, but on that very short list might be coming to appreciate the growth-giving practice of following stressful periods with deliberate recovery."
My latest column
@nytimeswell
Six years ago today, Untangled was published thanks to
@penguinrandom
and the support of all of you! Since then, it has been published in eighteen languages - I'm so grateful that it remains useful to parents all over the world.
Five: Ask for help, and encourage your teen to ask for help, if needed. Though they're also are worn down by the pandemic, I am watching so many teachers, coaches, advisors, and school counselors give incredible support to kids. 9/9
Why are staggering numbers of teens now feeling sad or depressed? I was honored to weigh in on
@DKThomp
's synthesis of the various explanations
@TheAtlantic
.
Following my last
@nytimeswell
column offering adults a back-to-school list for teens' emotional well-being, several teenage commenters asked me to address them as I address their folks. Of course they're right and I’m so glad they asked. Here’s my answer.
HOW CAN WE HELP?
One: Remember - empathy goes far. Just acknowledging these realities helps kids feel better.
Two: Explain *why* academics feel like such a heavy lift right now. It's hard for teens to have a perspective on the typical trajectory of middle & high school work. 6/9
Why do moments that so feel ripe for connection with our teens often turn sour? Usually, it’s because we’re not giving them what they really want and need.
My latest
@nytimeswell
: "Why Teenagers Reject Parents’ Solutions to Their Problems"
Here's to supporting girls and young women as they meet the challenges and opportunities coming their way in 2020! I'm sending my very best wises to you and yours in the new year. Warmly, lisa
Teens feel emotions intensely whether they are negative or positive.
This means that what can seem like small pleasures to adults can go a surprisingly long way toward helping teens feel better.
So what comforts teens?
🧵1/4
If your home is anything like mine, the question "How was school?" is rarely the successful conversation starter I'm hoping it will be. Here are some of my vintage tips for connecting with your tween or teen at the end of the day.
Thanks to my incredible colleagues
@CBSThisMorning
for helping me get the word out about protecting child and adolescent mental health as we head into another disrupted school year.
When young people feel stuck, help them to reflect on whether the situation is uncomfortable or unmanageable. I took a deep dive into this topic in a
@nytimeswell
interview out this week - Raising Teens Is Hard. Lisa Damour Has Some Answers.