The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody @KrugerParody Twitter profile | Pikagi

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The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

@KrugerParody

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Conservative MP for East Wiltshire, promoted by A Biggott, 123/4, Market Place, Devizes, Wiltshire. Champion of @thenewcons movement. Parody, obviously.

Richmond

https://t.co/QOf1TTI25U

Joined November 2023

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

2 months

Yesterday’s result, while disappointing, simply proves that I was right. Labour didn’t win. The Conservatives lost. If the weak liberals had only listened to my traditional message of love for all and drowning for refugees, things would be very different. I can lead us to glory.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

I understand that there’s been some quite serious flooding in my constituency. I haven’t managed to get down there for a few months but my staff tell me that the upper ends of my fields are well above the water level. If anyone tries to shelter there we’ll set the dogs on you.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

Did you know that some schools are teaching children Arabic numerals? This is proof that the woke multicultural invasion has failed. Your children’s future is at risk.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

We must ban this sicknote culture. These parasites are destroying Whitehall and the NHS. .

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Simon Case returns to work after long-term sick leave

Cabinet secretary has been off on medical leave since October

www.civilserviceworld.com

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

Did you know that most potholes are caused by mass immigration? Foreign woke immigrants can’t afford decent cars, and their enormous families cause overloading on the back axle! Stopping the boats, with naval force if necessary, is the only way to restore pride to our roads.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@LeeAndersonMP_ I had no idea that you were a practising Christian, Lee. That’s wonderful news. Where do you worship? Which rite do you favour? Which congregation do you belong to? Maybe you would like to join my daily Morning Prayers?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

I stand with @ScottBentonMP in his hour of need. If we paid Conservative MPs properly, they wouldn’t need additional financial support. Labour come from working class jobs so don’t need it. He will win this recall easily as his constituents love him.

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Scott Benton: Lobbying scandal MP recall petition triggered

The Commons vote paves the way for a by-election in MP Scott Benton's Blackpool South constituency.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

As no airline is willing to fly the lucky refugees to Rwanda, I have graciously decided to set up my own company for this important work. I have as much previous experience with aviation as Michelle Mone had before her PPE work. Watch out for Flights Unlimited Company, Kruger.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

2 months

@NadineDorries Well said, Nadine. I think we were all in awe of the superhuman hours worked by our friend and leader Boris. I remember countless evenings when he was still dancing and fornicating as the sun came up. And he was often seen up on his feet again by 6pm! The man is a mighty machine.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@SuzanneEvans1 Well said Suzanne. Personally I only use private clinics and hospitals where all staff are white, Christian men aged about 50-55. Most of the nurses are also professors. I guess you’re not successful enough to be able to afford proper treatment. Surprised you admitted to this.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@GullisJonathan Agree. Natural justice and the principle of innocent until proven guilty must apply to political heroes such as Mr Trump, Boris Johnson and our own poor, suffering @miriam_cates . For immigrants; not so much. They must be assumed to be frauds and deported to Rwanda to die.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

Rather than wasting money on woke nonsense and kowtowing to the fascist foreign EHCR, we must demonstrate traditional British Christian values. Tolerance. Respect. Kindness. This is why I will support our excellent bill to criminalise the homeless.

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Rishi Sunak facing Tory revolt over plan to criminalise rough sleeping

The prime minister risks a backbench rebellion when MPs vote on plans to give police the power to fine or move ‘nuisance’ rough sleepers

www.independent.co.uk

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@Haggis_UK Of course we would take the money. Honestly, if a bunch of goose-stepping KKK members turned up, wearing hats made from the Queen’s corgis and tattooed with Gary Glitter lyrics, we’d happily take every penny. We are desperate and the country needs our loving hand on the tiller.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@SuzanneEvans1 @Nigel_Farage Oo, not sure about that. I think a lot of us see him as more like Lord Haw Haw. Or Milo Finderbinder. Or Oswald Mosley. Let me know if you need any help looking those references up, dear.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@bbclaurak I love this perspective, Laura. You’re arguing directly from the point of view of a Conservative strategist. Really impressed with your ability to live in their shoes.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@nadhimzahawi @RishiSunak Good point, Nadhim. Everyone hates paying tax, eh?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

Great news! What will you do with that extra £16.50 in your pocket?

@GullisJonathan

Jonathan Gullis

@GullisJonathan

6 months

A big win for motorists with the Chancellor keeping the 5p cut in fuel duty & continuing the inflation freeze. Delighted to have campaigned with my friend @HowardCCox & @TheSun to deliver this, with drivers £16.50 better off every time they fill up.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

The distress on my face is mostly caused by having to look at the horrible houses of poor people. Who says that MPs don’t work for our money?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

Sadly powerful and necessary speech from the PM. Great minds think alike, eh, @AlexChalkChelt @GullisJonathan ?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

Sadly this is just proof that the ONS has been infiltrated by woke communism.

@SkyNews

Sky News

8 months

BREAKING: UK economy at risk of recession, official figures reveal Read more👇

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

9 months

@MichelleMone Well said, Michelle. Do you think it’s worth organising a crowdfunder for your legal costs? I’m sure many people will want to contribute to righting this tragic series of injustices. I can try to help you secure a government grant as well. Let’s discuss on your boat.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@BrandonLewis So sorry to hear about this unwarranted attack on your honour, Brandon. I particularly like the way you've confused things by denying something other than what you're being accused of - likes vs followers. Clever. We can all learn a lot from you.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

9 months

@MichaelTakeMP What a lovely family photo! Thank you. And you can hardly see mummy’s broken nose.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

@bbclaurak You'd make a wonderful director of comms for CCHQ, Laura. Please say you'll consider this.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

I notice that @JSHeappey is standing down as an MP to get a better-paid job. I will not be joining him as - the country needs me to lead once Rishi is gone. I’m the only hope - I don’t need money as I was clever enough to inherit lots - I’m not a coward

Armed forces minister James Heappey to stand down at general election and leave government post

Mr Heappey said while it was a "painful decision" not to contest the election, he wanted to "prioritise my family and pursue a different career".

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

Perhaps you haven’t seen the FRONT PAGE of the TELEGRAPH yet. It’s official. I am a TOP MP. This is the best day of my life. This is what I was born for. Nothing can stop me now. I will never have to pay for sex again.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

This is a masterstroke. My friend Peter’s mistress is eminently qualified. She has learned from a master. And it also removes his naughty threat to split the vote by running himself if she wasn’t selected. So everyone’s happy. This shows how we are the only decent ruling party.

@ChirpyChet

Chirpy Chet

8 months

🚨 Breaking Tories pick partner of disgraced ex-MP Peter Bone as by-election candidate to replace him. Pay attention #Wellingborough They really do not care about you. #Sunakered #ToriesOut549 #GeneralElectionNow

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

Sad to report that there are many no-go areas in my constituency. When I visited last year, people in several towns and villages hurled the most vulgar abuse at me. For example: “Hands off my fanny, Danny!” “Shame on you, Kruger” There is no respect for authority.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

@BenObeseJecty Thank you for explaining this so clearly, Ben. This result is a catastrophe for Labour. If it were to be repeated across the country at the GE, Labour would lose all their seats and the Conservative majority would actually increase.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

It gets worse. Now these whiners actually expect me to help them! Why didn’t they just buy better houses? I don’t hear too many complaints from the big images by the Green!

@walk4life63

AshleyMac 🐟🇺🇦🇪🇺 🚶‍♀️

8 months

Terribile flooding all over but we just helped to sandbag and direct traffic in Marlborough where Kennet has beached still rising and Thames Water said will mostl likely rise further! No sign of much help from government where is @danny__kruger

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

@GullisJonathan Well done Gully. Good boy! You shall have a chocolate. The only thing is, that lovely photo you took doesn’t actually have any people in it. Next time try to include of them. Maybe list the things you talked about. You’ll get there.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

Further evidence of the woke war on motorists. It was necessary for @zacgoldsmith to speed as he was under the impression that Carrie was on heat.

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Tory Peer Zac Goldsmith banned from driving and fined £5,500 after being caught speeding seven...

Former environment minister Zac Goldsmith has been banned from driving for a year after he was caught speeding seven times last year.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

Actually quite upset. I worked very hard yesterday to support flooded people of Marlborough. Not one mention of my work in the national media. I ate several truly disgusting sandwiches and hung around in the crappy town hall for nearly half an hour. I won’t bother next time.

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@danny__kruger

Danny Kruger

8 months

I spent this evening in Marlborough Town Hall talking to residents evacuated after the worst floods here in living memory. So impressed with the resilience and good spirits of everyone - heard nothing but good words for @wiltscouncil @MTCwilts @DWFireRescue . 1/2

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@domjoly This is in poor taste. Please delete it. We are talking about MPs’ livelihoods here. Their status in society. Their raison d’être. How are they supposed to secure good sex workers and escorts without those magical letters after their names?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@LordAshcroft We understand, Richard. We understand that you needed to keep your tax status. Money before principle, m’lord.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

As we approach the New Year, my friend @JamesCleverly has asked me to remind you of an important chemistry lesson. When calculating your dose, do remember that a pint is 568ml. The inferior European wine bottle is 750ml. We don’t want our darlings waking up too early! Or never.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

7 months

@SimonClarkeMP Please try to moderate your language, gentlemen. No one wants to hear what we sound like in the sauna. This is not the way to convince the people that we are future leaders, is it?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@JamesCleverly How many people have you drugged and raped today, James? Ha ha. Only joking. I hope you found that funny. It’s so difficult to tell what’s acceptable these days. Did I do alright?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@BethRigby Last night’s sham vote has served its purpose, of course. I’ve raised my profile hugely and it’s clear to even the thickest racist that I really, really hate immigrants. This will stand me in good stead at the forthcoming leadership election. I’m very pleased and proud.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

I see that a large unexploded thing has been found in someone’s garden in Plymouth. Has anyone asked @JohnnyMercerUK if this could be a massive shit done by his wife?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

Following my triumph in supporting the last set of floods in Marlborough with an inspirational half hour meeting, I notice that the waters are rising once more. Please let me know if you’d like me to be photographed near your damaged property during my monthly visit next week.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@Britain_People @danny__kruger Thank you for this. People forget that for someone from my background, £3500 is a trivial amount of money and I can hardly be expected to notice it. But for a common Marxist Northern woman like Angela Rayner, £1500 is very serious indeed. She must be hounded from public life.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@DPJHodges Oh well done, Dan, this is really quite funny! And I think it’s nice how comparable the sums are. A few thousand for a working-class Northern female like Ms Rayner is about equivalent to a few million in the hands of a proper member of society! Good work.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

@SamCoatesSky This is a disgrace. I will need to be talked out of resigning in protest. Lee is a good man and he appeals to the racist vote that we need so much.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

9 months

@mikegalsworthy Oh, give poor Johnny a break. I imagine he felt pretty intimidated by some of that panel. It can’t be every day that he’s surrounded by people who are good at reading and critical thinking. Unfair to trap him like that.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

I’ve been thinking hard about how to solve the problem of sewage in our watercourses. Sewage comes from people when they eat food. We must reduce the amount of food consumed. We must introduce rationing. This will remind us of the sacrifices made by poor people in WW2.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

@nadhimzahawi Thank you for your service, Nadhim. Your kindness to your constituents and your horses is legendary. The country and its treasury will be poorer without you. Wishing you all the best in your future endeavours. And watch out for that naughty taxman! Ha ha.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@Parody_PM Yes, marrying into money is an option. It's pretty demeaning though, unless you manage to pretend it's yours. But the really successful people are those who are clever enough to be born into wealth.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

Constituents will have been enjoying these attractive campaign materials recently. Please read and be sure that you’ve understood why you must vote for me. No need for me to mention the C word or actually soil myself by visiting Wiltshire or, shudder, actually knocking on doors.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

Look what I have to put up with.

@WhightChris

chris whight

8 months

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

Terrifying attack on democracy. This constituency was given to me as a reward for loyalty, and now I find that the insolent residents of Marlborough have defied me and the will of the people. They have dared to vote for a Lib Dem. The wrong Caroline!

Sadler triumphs in the 'Battle of the Carolines' to become Marlborough's first elected councillor...

Caroline Sadler at the Polling Station (Town Hall) yesterday It was late last night when Caroline Sadler, representing the Liberal Democrats was confirmed

marlborough.news

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

@Nigel_Farage Well said Nigel. Will you be appealing to the ECHR? I’ll back you to the hilt if you do.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

7 months

@NadineDorries Poor Boris. It would be great if we could persuade him to return from exile. But we’ll have to find him first.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

A PERSONAL MESSAGE TO ANYONE WHO HAS RECENTLY RECEIVED A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM ME It has come. To my attention that several of my acquaintances have recently been the recipients of high resolution pictures of my genitals. You are all very welcome. ‘Thank you’ would be nice.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@ThatTimWalker Delete this, please. It is a completely unwarranted attack on hardworking Conservative men (and women) who were simply trying to achieve the best possible outcomes for themselves, their concubines and their families.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

Well said @pwilkinson_pcc ! I love the way that you didn’t mention Wiltshire Police’s being under special measures! No need to draw attention to that little embarrassment, eh? Good boy.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

And we are able to find this additional money with zero impact on taxes or benefits. That’s how committed we are.

@danny__kruger

Danny Kruger

4 months

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

This story matters so much because £1500 is a large amount of money to someone of Angela Rayner's background. Poor, common, Northern working class and female. Rough equivalent: £15m in the hands of an educated man like myself. Also we are desperate to distract from Wragg's dick.

@MailOnline

Daily Mail Online

5 months

💥 EXCLUSIVE: The PROOF Angela Rayner has been lying over house tax row Dossier reveals how the Labour deputy leader boasted of domestic bliss at the 'home' where she claims not to have lived - enabling her to avoid tax Read the full story ➡️

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@mikegalsworthy This is obviously a setup. The presenter tricked Bob by deliberately using a boring woman-voice, so of course he wasn’t listening properly to her. Why should he?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

Well this is disapppointing. I wanted to wish my friend @ScottBentonMP the very best of luck in his suspension appeal today. Seems that kangaroo courts don’t approve of lobbying for a harmless little gamble! And Scott certainly needs the money.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@RupertLowe10 Well said Rupert. Anyone interfering with OUR flag is a woke filthy traitor. But look - some troublemakers have made this fake news! It’s very sad and also infuriating. They’ve done a terrifyingly convincing job. I wept with rage.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@IsabelOakeshott We need to go further, and call out the large numbers of people that pretended to die during the fake pandemic.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@GullisJonathan @RishiSunak @Conservatives @RicHolden Oh well deserved, Gully! You can always count on me to help correct your spelling and help you understand long words. And I have to say, a cunning stroke that will help represent the ignored, stupid lower-class Northerners. It'll look good on your CV as well. Drinkies later?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

@gibbsy66 That’s true. Piers told me.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@FinancialBear It’s a really awful place. Have you ever seen the result of generations of inbreeding and neglect in a small village? Truly dreadful people.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

This is sad. A group of people is determined to discredit me using things I have said and done. No matter. My new constituency will elect me on a triumphal tidal wave of hate for foreigners and woke nonsense. I was born and bread to rule, and the Morlocks of Wiltshire know this.

@EWiltsPrimary

East Wiltshire Primary

6 months

We've only been outside Pewsey Co-op for 15 mins. The local impression of the Tory party is that folk have had enough. They not only want the Tories out, but are horrified by the views of @danny__kruger - they want rid of him. #GTTONow

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@Emma_A_Webb Mae'n ddrwg gennym, mae'r swyddfa gyfieithu ar gau ar hyn o bryd oherwydd oriau gwaith cyfyngedig. Gellir cysylltu â mi yng nghlwb BDSM Caerdydd. Gofynnwch am Pissy Missy.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

This proves that Rishi Sunak’s Rwanda transportation policy, though a step in the right direction, is still too weak. If we are serious about stopping the pagan invasion, we must introduce stronger measures. Barbed wire on the beaches. Armed dolphins. Only I can deliver this.

@SkyNews

Sky News

4 months

BREAKING: A suspected migrant boat has left the coast of France and heading in the direction of the UK. It comes after Rishi Sunak's Rwanda Bill was finally passed through the Lords yesterday. 📺 Sky 501, Virgin 602, Freeview 233 and YouTube

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@thehistoryguy Why do you communist commentators always omit me from lists like this? I’m DANNY KRUGER. Say it. Say it like you mean it.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@twocitiesnickie @SadiqKhan I expect they were immigrants as well, weren’t they? Probably gay.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

Congratulations to anyone lucky enough to receive one of these. You’ll notice that - I don’t mention the C word as it’s electoral poison - I don’t mention any of my more extreme opinions - I’n desperate to closer to the military men Thank you to my minions who posted them.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

@Haggis_UK No need to worry about an airline.

@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

As no airline is willing to fly the lucky refugees to Rwanda, I have graciously decided to set up my own company for this important work. I have as much previous experience with aviation as Michelle Mone had before her PPE work. Watch out for Flights Unlimited Company, Kruger.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@NadineDorries Thank you for clearing this up, Naddies. Do you by any chance have Abigail’s new phone number? She sent me some excellent religious iconography of herself worshipping, but she seems to have got a new phone and she’s not replying any more.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@NathanSmithHW Well spotted Nathan. Would you mind sharing the police crime number? I’ll see if I can get some pressure applied to investigate this quickly.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

@JamesCleverly Similarly I think we need to make sure that date rape drugs are only used in a traditional family environment.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

My thoughts on the vote to ban smoking. Pro - smoking is a major health issue - it’s good for me to show moral superiority and lecture people Con - tax revenue - poor people much more likely to die from smoking - nanny state In the end I just didn’t bother to vote at all.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@ChekhovChekOut Look at my troubled, manly features. I met several people in the important town of Marlborough and was seen doing vital local work before urgent business took me back to town for a delicious dinner.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

@nickdebois @AngelaRayner Correct. It really doesn’t matter whether or not Rayner is actually guilty of anything. She has provided the country with a clear and meaningful distraction as this fine government continues to work hard to steer us through difficult waters, for little or no thanks.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@andreajenkyns Independent, Dame Andrea? I thought you were standing for the Conservatives! Goodbye, then.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

7 months

@miffythegamer Those look like some of my constituents! Also, just thinking about the smooth dancer in pink leggings. Do you have her phone number by any chance? I’d like to invite her to evening prayers.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

2 months

@andreajenkyns @MarkJSewards What will you do next, Andrea? Do you think you’re bright enough for a career in teaching?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@HenryRiley1 @MPIainDS @LBC Pretty cruel to mock Sir Iain with a hairdryer. We can’t all have luxuriant flowing locks like mine, can we?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

@wokinglass @ScottBentonMP Ridiculous to expect Conservative MPs to get by on £86k/month, of course. It doesn’t bother me as I was clever enough to inherit a vast private income, but for some members life is genuinely challenging.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

@Haggis_UK Completely unrealistic and provocative to expect Michael Tomlinson to have read the Sunday papers before appearing on a Sunday news programme. What do you plebs think that important Tory MPs do on Sunday mornings? I’m still in bed. Waiting for room service.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

2 months

@domjoly I don’t understand why you are doing this, Dom. Jacob is a great politician and a hardworking man. He has produced a vast brood with superior genes. His religious views are impeccable. He deserves whatever he wishes. Take this down, please.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

5 months

@andreajenkyns Oh do belt up, Andrea. You’re making us look like a bunch of squabbling cunts.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@KitchenerDavid Communism is everywhere.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@GullisJonathan I'm laughing so hard at the wokerati, Gully, you cheeky scamp! What do you think we should have for breakfast tomorrow? I think I'll ask Cook if she can make some special bacon, cured in the tears of drowning migrants. That would be invigorating, wouldn't it? Coco pops for you?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@Gabriel_Pogrund This seems right and proper. You can’t expect Rishi to use public transport. He’s so little that he can barely see out of the windows in the trains! Also I don’t know if you’ve seen the people that use buses but they are really quite unpleasant.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

9 months

Delighted to announce that my new public service is open for business. Kruger International Pothole Prevention, Examination and Repair Services (KIPPERS Ltd) will be the government supplier of choice once I’ve hired an old bloke with a bucket of tar. Investors welcome.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

8 months

@hzeffman Amazing breakfast. Smell of victory and future rulers. I led us in prayer that the small boats would sink with many drownings. Miriam dropped hints on how to buy us off with gongs. Neil farted. Lee punched a waiter. Gullis dropped his toast face down and licked the carpet.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

@afneil You're a professional journalist, I think, Andrew. Care to give us your judgement on this?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@andreajenkyns Great work there, Dame Andrea. A direct appeal to our favourite dog-whistle racist voters. A wonderful kick in the balls for Reform Ltd.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

2 months

@andreajenkyns Let’s see some straight talking, Andréa. What do you know about your seductive running-mate?

Tweet media one

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

4 months

Mark my words, Rishi, you need to start listening to the True Conservatives in your party. Only a return to proper values can save us now. We want to see more drownings. Woke protestors imprisoned for life. Compulsory Christian baptism of all children. No tax. No public spending.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

24 days

@miriam_cates Thank you for continuing to highlight this, Miriam. It is a very important question. How can the right people be encouraged to breed?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

7 months

@MichelleMone Just glorious, Baroness. You have a natural way of engaging with the public and winning them over. It’s very impressive. Would you mind DMing me with the details of your PR agency, please? I want to use them to repair my reputation following some unfortunate misunderstandings.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@lewis_goodall Interesting that Zac is speaking up now. And this should remind us all of a very important question - has anyone seen Carrie? Is she alright?

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

6 months

@AvaSantina Why can’t you accept that busy politicians have far more important things to do than turn up at Parliament? Today’s diary: Morning prayers Barber Photos Russian lady for lunch Monthly anal bleaching Manicure Kick a tramp’s dog Beach patrol at Dover And I’m very senior indeed.

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@MichaelTakeMP You forgot Compulsory organ donation by the homeless Forced labour in my orchard for career unemployed Forced baptism for all babies Sterilisation for the mentally unfit and communist A gene register to reward those breeders with blue eyes Tattoos of national ID Votes for men

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@KrugerParody

The Hon Danny Kruger MP for Wilts East, parody

3 months

@NadineDorries And who better than you, Nadine, to remind us of Boris Johnson’s extraordinary work ethic? Do you still remember the happy day when he rose before 10am and let you move out of the wet patch?

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