On a flight and a young woman was in my seat. I gently asked her to move.
"I am sorry. That man is sitting in mine"
Him: "I want to be by the window, I'm not moving".
I watched this young woman SHRINK.
Anyway, let's just say...the man is no longer by the window.
A couple of years ago, a random guy shouted something sexually obscene at me from across the road, so I walked over, smiled coquettishly and asked for his number.
I then signed him up to literally dozens of PPI claim sites.
Still makes me smile.
"Hi Kirsty I run a CEO round table. Would you join us as a guest speaker/coach?"
"What format?"
"Each member pays $500 a month for access to experts like you. You can do a few sessions on confidence?"
"Sure. My fees are £X"
"Sorry we don't pay our guest speakers"
Bin off.
The U.K. train ticketing system is very straightforward. You simply have advance tickets, peak tickets, off peak tickets, super off peak tickets, waning crescent moon phase tickets, March equinox tickets and nautical twilight super advance peak tickets.
Apparently the Sue Gray report into the Government parties is "largely complete" and "could be delivered today".
If Sue Gray has ever worked in an agency, this means that the report hasn't been started, client services are mad. An intern is pulling the data and crying.
Today a man in the shop turned to me and said "These bloody masks are uncomfortable aren't they!"
I replied "Hahahha yeah but try 20 years of underwired bras!"
The woman at the checkout lost it. We cackled together like witches. It was a good moment.
Tomorrow I'm going to view a house I might buy. I might like it. I might not. But the fact I'm in this position, solo, to even CONSIDER buying in London after *that year* I'm really fucking proud of myself.
I married an American. One of our cultural differences was that he used to buy shit in bulk. Like, massive vats of shit in bulk. Please can we celebrate that nearly 2 years after seperating I have just finished the last of the dishwasher tablets he bought in 2017.
3 weeks ago, like so many of us, I lost all my work. ALL of it. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
This week I've got 4 new clients and a growing online community.
Don't give up. It's out there.
On the train and there's two HR people from a huge media agency talking about people's development using THEIR FULL NAMES and I, like a proper tosspot, just interrupted them and told them to be more careful and respectful. 🤓🙃
(They hate me)
(I'm fucking right though)
Today I was interviewed live on This Morning, prime time national TV.
I was the "pro" camp in a debate about working from home. I said to myself I didn't want to be combative or defensive but considered, calm and passionate. Bloody delivered didn't I.
Where do you have your best ideas?
Shower? In bed? Running?
I've asked T H O U S A N D S of people that questions and literally not one has ever said "at my desk".
The quality of our work requires us to create a little bit of breathing room. 💛
I just want to pop into
@TKMaxx_UK
on a lunch break not wanting anything and come out with 5 candles, some obscure brand Australian granola, a clearance face serum for £3 that should be £54, a serving platter and a leopard print fur coat from a 2006 winter collection.
The reason I'm good at my job and am a brilliant leader (💅) is BECAUSE I experience anxiety, feel lost sometimes, have issues with self worth, days where I cry into my coffee and days where I am unstoppable. Your humanity, not lack of it, is what makes you a professional badass.
Do you think that using smiley faces or emojis in emails is unprofessional?
A) Who actually cares the notion of "being professional" is just a hangover from toxic masculinity anyway, express yourself however the fuck you want
B) A
C) a
Someone messaged me today saying I should try making my Instagram grid more tidy. Right now my kitchen isn't tidy. My sock drawer isn't tidy. My pubic hair isn't tidy. The way I am processing emotions is not tidy. Love I could not give a shit about my Instagram grid.
I decided it's probably about time I did some SEO on my websites so I am going to try and dust off the old SEO skills. Starting with the essentials: KW research, content analysis, link analysis and saying mean things about my peers on Twitter.
Ok so I forgot about this but about a year or so ago I did a spate of business interviews to promote my book. I KEPT getting asked what it was like being a woman in business and it was really tedious so I just started asking men the same question.
My accountant just called me and gave me a stern reminder that my VAT is due soon and I need to reconcile my items and I said I will do anything for love but I won't do VAT and I'm on the fence whether he likes me.
Prepping confidence workshop for
#brightonSEO
. Many think speaking is a talent, rather than a skill. So, a snippet from the 1st 1 min of a talk in 2015 vs 2019. I am not perfect, I still erm & swear too much but FUCK IT, I learnt, with practice to worry less, be myself & have fun
My most practical advice in business is what I call the "wince and send" method. Charging what feels like high prices and having an existential crisis? Wince and send. Pitching to speak at events but not sure if you're good enough? Wince and send. Being authentic? Wince and send.
Remember that time you were SUPER STRESSED about that work thing because there was JUST SO MUCH TO DO and then you got it all done because you literally always get it done and then it was actually fine in the end? Yeah.
Moving back to London (🎉) and after months of avoidance, sorting ex's stuff.
Mum: "Have you got his Xbox still? Make sure you take that!"
"I don't play it."
"BUT lots of men like Xboxes. Take it and use it to lure them in."
"Lure them - Right. Got it."
DATING TIPS FROM VAL
My timeline is incresingly full of SEOs being incredibly vicious about other SEOs. How do people have the energy to care so much about what other people are doing? I barely have the energy to care what I’m doing. What am I doing?
Why I love SEOs: Give us any brand or niche we know absolutely nothing about, and in a few hours we can completely understand your positioning, product, performance and competitors. That’s a rare and valuable skill.
The manager said no, thank you, they have it covered. She graciously smiled and went to leave.
In other news I now have some support I’ve really needed with the Roar Instagram. 👯♀️💛
Went on TV yesterday:
✅ Mum watched it circa 6 times
✅ Felt a bit sick for at least an hour after in case I'd humiliated myself and my family
✅ Got dozens of DMs from men I don't know
✅ A few everyday trolls
✅ Hundreds of encouraging, supportive messages
All is in order.
I've stopped telling my female friends they look beautiful and instead started telling them that they look fantastic, confident, powerful, inspiring, engaging, healthy, happy. I think that's probably better considering the whole been valued for our beauty for centuries thing.
After my divorce I worked with a super specialist relationship psychologist and she once said:
We get dating all wrong. We think "do I like this person?" but we should actually be thinking "do I like who I would BECOME with this person?"
Changed the game for me, that.
It’s my birthday and my present to myself (as well as a sick ass scooter) is to launch my new training business, in a space that really feels like me. Thank you to those who’ve supported me so far, it is so appreciated. (See you on stage
#SearchLeeds
!)
I AM SO EXCITED.
I knew I needed to go bigger and better for the next
@confidence_live
, so I channelled that ✨difficult second album��� to get KATHERINE RYAN as the headliner.
We are 👏just👏getting👏started.
Tickets go on sale in a couple of weeks, you in? 🤩❤️
BREAKING NEWS!!!
You are going to complete what needs completing. You’re better at your job than you think. You deserve your role. People have actually sat around a table talking about how much they like you and you don’t even know.
That’s all thank you have a great week.
I have something I want to get off chest. I HATE sharing my presentation after I've spoken. I bloody hate it. But I feel like I have to because everyone else does. I don't like it for a few reasons that I am going to bang on about now.
Is this Bali? No. Is this Mexico? No.
THIS is the no filter photo of the restaurant I had dinner in last night in the North East of England.
HI HOW ARE YOU?
Me to client: “Why does everyone keep telling me to have a nice weekend? It’s only Thursday!”
“It’s a bank holiday weekend.”
“It is? Shit. OK.”
This is what happens when you run a business.
When I write an important email I go back and remove all the "Just thought" and "hope it's OK". I naturally have apologetic language. It's more common in women, though not exclusively. Here's an example of my first draft to the sent email.
#justthought
#sorry
#donthateme
A group of football fans on the train. They start singing loudly. One especially drunk man looks at me and says "Wanna suck my dick love?". I took a beat, looked him directly in the eye and without faltering said "I choke on small on parts". The whole train laughed. I win. Next.
When I speak, people share photos of me & say nice things. Only, I don’t focus on the nice. My instinct is to zoom in on the photo and despair at how fat/ugly/etc I look. But! I’m learning I’m too smart & charismatic & powerful for that shit so here are the photos I hated most.😁
Erm. So. I'm SHITTING MYSELF but I just confirmed my venue to do a show at the Edinburgh Fringe this year. It's going to be a really sweet joyous mix of inspirational speaking and stand up and WTF I AM TERRIFIED. WHY. NO. STOP.
I am so scared. THIS WILL BE GREAT.
Sure.
Stay home! But you should go to work if you can! Not public transport though! Look! A shit graph! Arbitrary scale! 3.5! Sit on benches! Shopping! Stay alert! Arbitrary graph! Table punchy! Wordy wordy! Equation! Stay alert!
Got it.
HI GOOD MORNING. Please may I remind you that the world is a cluster fuck and the news is depressing and clothing sizes are SO inconsistent but you're doing your thing and delivering good work and being a kind friend and supportive colleague and so many people appreciate you.
Are you even preparing a presentation if at some point you don't have a total crisis of confidence, decide you can't do it, that your topic is laughable, consider pulling out, realise that's absurd, eat a whole bag of toffee popcorn, then think it's probably fine actually.
My book The Future is Freelance is available! I wrote it to honestly show:
1. The huge potential and utter fear of being your own boss
2. That businesses have other routes to scale
3. That there IS a difference between showing up & getting things done✌️
Doing a yoga class and the instructor said "down to plank" and then said NOTHING. For ages! I was just waiting in plank, sweating and shaking, thinking "I thought this was a level 1 class!". Eventually I looked up and realised my internet had frozen.
2020 strikes again.
I'm in the early stages of planning an EPIC conference. I'm thinking of having it in Stoke-on-Trent to give back to the community that built me. The question is...hypothetically WOULD YOU COME TO STOKE? it's basically the middle of the country and everyone has a great accent.
Research has shown a man's competence is ASSUMED whereas a woman's competence is EARNED.
Pisses me right off that.
If you find yourself overly scrutinising the work of women, gently check yourself.
You know what fucks me off? That it's so much more expensive to be single. I'm heavily in the market for meal prep boxes and they all offer 2 person discount. Hotels, holidays. They're the same for 1 person as 2. It's ANNOYING.
That's all x
Me: "Guess how many tickets I've sold to my conference?"
Val (my mum): "5"
"5!?!"
"And that includes me, probably 😂"
"😂"
"And your dad"
"448"
"Fuck me. Well done"
448 tickets gone. Earlybird tickets end at 500.
Thank you x
Remember that time you were like SUPER STRESSED about that work thing and it was like I CAN'T DO THIS and then you got it done because you literally always get it done and then it was actually fine in the end? Yeah.
I can't say this enough.
👏Working for yourself is not better, braver or cooler than working for an employer.👏
*I* prefer it because I'm basically unmanageable. 💅 But maybe you wouldn't. Maybe you thrive in a large environment. Who knows. Who cares. Do your thing. X
Spoke at an event & was, not for the first time, the only woman. I thought 'this isn't bloody good enough', so went off on one & organised a free workshop for any woman looking to build confidence/profile to speak. I'm not perfect, but I'm experienced 👍
Your morning reminder that you are a good person. You are not messing it all up. You are supported. You can handle what you need to, let go of what you don't. You will never please absolutely everyone. You are capable, kind and loved. Go do the thing x
It was a really joyous and humbling experience to keynote a conference that kick-started my speaking career nearly a decade ago. Thank you to all the
@brightonseo
team for creating a safe, supportive space of learning and community. Thank you.
#brightonseo
Hello everyone just a quick note that we're generically predisposed to focus on the negative. Which means you could do 1000 things right and will focus on the 1 thing you do wrong. Remember that x
Working from home it's hard to recreate that Friday office vibe. Tempted to knock on next door and ask Sue if she wants to go to the pub for lunch, have one more drink than we should, watch Whiteboard Friday and buy doughnuts for a load of people we don't really like.
Quick tip: instead of thinking people are *better* than you, think of them as *ahead* of you. Ahead allows us to take inspiration from other people's very different journeys, without being self critical. x
At home feeling a bit sad, lonely and bored (
#tier4
💅) and I heard signing very faintly out of the window. So put my coat and shoes on and followed it like some shit festive Annika Rice. Found this. Had a cry. Sang O Come All Ye Faithful. Laughed.
A Christmas moment that. ❤️
Presenters: "Oh God I am doing this presentation and everyone is SCRUTINIZING ME. They're watching for my mistakes like hawks!"
Audiences: "I think I'll have Mexican for dinner no we had that last week maybe oh wait presentation! Listen ok listeniiiiiinnng cool how about pasta"
Lying in bed reading through all the positive feedback from my talk at
@techseowomen
feeling so very happy and proud. With an incredibly full heart, as I drift off to sleep, I hear a little voice in my head gently whisper "bet it was shit though really?"
😂 FUCK OFF MATE
A reminder: CREATIVE THINKING REQUIRES SPACE.
Research shows new ideas are neurologically quiet compared to the noise of to do lists, tasks, stress. We literally need to quiet our minds to hear them. (That's why we often get those "sparks" in the shower or when exercising) [1/6]
Been feeling a little burnt out this week. So spent yesterday mainly napping, cleared my meetings this afternoon to stare out of the window and I've already had 3 really exciting new ideas.
Sometimes we have to slow down to speed up.
About a year ago I started meditating for at least 30 minutes a day and since then I have found it has significantly reduced the amount of fucks I give.
My favourite thing ever is learning what degrees SEOs have.
@stekenwright
has a masters in Shakespeare and renaissance history. Isn’t that just everything.