Joachim Mabula @JoachimMabula Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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@ahwzar

Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

7 years

Children will play with everyone. Until a parent tells them not to.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Mchungaji Akihitaji Gari Jipya, Tunachanga. Muumini Akikwama, Tunamuombea! 😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Shahada za elimu ulizonazo ni vipande vya karatasi tu. Elimu yako inaonekana kwenye tabia yako na jinsi unavyojiendesha.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Nakwambiaga uwache kimbelembele lakini husikii. Sasa nani kakuambia ulipie mtoto wako ada ya mwaka mzima? 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

10 months

Kwenye kutafuta haya matunda wengi tushashuka toka juu kwa mwendo usiofurahisha na kuacha makovu ya maisha! 😁😁😁

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Watumiaji wenzangu wa Twitter mnaelewa kwanini tunaendelea kutumia VPN hadi leo? 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Maisha ya mtandaoni ni kama fuko la taka yaani unaweza kung'ang'ana kumwelewesha mtu kuhusu kanuni fulani za maisha kwa nguvu zote na haelewi kumbe ni mtoto wa kidato cha pili yuko bwenini ila ana simu janja tu.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Nimetoa top yake, akanyamaza. Nimetoa bra, akanyamaza. As I was trying to remove her pant akashout, "Hey jirani! Unamaanisha hio nafasi haitoshi kuanika blanket yako?" Nimerudi na nguo zangu kwa hiyo nikaamua ntazianika kesho. Wewe endelea kuoza akili! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Kuabudu MUNGU sio PART TIME na wala sio SOMETIME usiseme SINA TIME. IBADA inatakiwa FULL TIME tena ON TIME ukiweza piga OVER TIME. KIFO ni ANY TIME.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Ukikosa pesa tafuta nguvu, ukikosa na hizo nguvu basi uwe na hata mikwara tu. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Ukiwa mstari wa mbele kusaidia wagonjwa wa korona. Hakuna kitu kinavunja moyo na kuua morali wa kazi kama kutopata posho na vitendea kazi kwa wakati. 😇

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Kiingereza bhana ...ukiongea kimoyo moyo unasound good tu, toa sauti sasa! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Kampuni la Baiteknolojia toka Israeli limedai limepata dawa ya virusi vya korona inayotibu kwa 100% imetibu watu kadhaa walikuwa mahututi na sasa imepelekwa Marekani kwa majaribio zaidi. #TibaFasta

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Kukimbilia kuoa ni uoga wa kutongoza na kuhonga! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Ukiaangalia TBC 1 kila kinachoonyeshwa haipiti dakika bila kumshukuru Rais. Na hakuna mwenye mawazo mbadala yaani kila kitu PERFECT tu. Kweli tuko vizuri. Televisheni imekuwa ya chama kabisa sio ya taifa tena.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Half naked girls are hot, while well dressed girls are beautiful. Hell is hot, while heaven is beautiful. The choice is yours. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Zamani kidogo, nyumba nzuri zikiwa zinajengwa mtaa mmoja utaambiwa za Ridhiwani, yakipita magari makubwa yanayofanana ya Ridhiwani, ikijengwa hoteli kali ya Ridhiwani yaani kila kitu kizuri cha Ridhiwani. Kweli kila zama na mambo yake! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

7 years

Ninayo furaha kubwa mke wangu mpendwa kujifungua mtoto wa kiume baada ya uchungu wa muda mrefu. Sifa & utukufu kwa Muumba na wakunga.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

6 years

Mchungaji kaona simu yangu niliyonunua laki 5, akasogea & kuniuliza kwa upole nimenunua bei gani, kwakuwa natoaga sadaka kidogo nikamjibu nimenunua elfu 50. Akanipa laki 1, nikanunue 2, yake & ya mke wake. Sasa ndio namuuliza Mungu kwanini kaamua kuniadhibu mbele ya mchungaji! 😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

6 years

Heka moja ya matikiti ina uwezo wa kutoa matikiti 10,000 ambapo kila tikiti ukiamua kuuza kwa bei ya haraka ni 2,000 Tshs kwa hiyo ukichukua idadi ya matikiti 10,000 X 2,000 Tshs =20M ukitoa laki 4 za uzalishaji unabakiwa na 19.6M. Kilimo cha kwenye makaratasi rahisi sana. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Ukitoa noti ya msimbazi baa unaonekana mtu wa maana ila ukitoa noti hiyo kwenye daladala unaonekana msumbufu! 😀😀😀

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Epuka kuongea Kiingereza mbele za watu ili wakuone msomi, jana jamaa yupo msibani kapokea simu eti "I am at death" 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

No body cares unless you are beautiful, rich, popular or dead. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Remove age from your plans, it adds unnecessary pressure.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Kupata marafiki wazuri ukiwa huna mkwanja nayo ni mafanikio makubwa.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Leo ni katikati ya mwaka, tumemaliza siku 183 na zimesalia siku 183. Nakutakia Amani, Furaha na mafanikio ya nusu mwaka.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Endelea kulala kama unataka kudumisha urafiki wako na umaskini.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Sio sigara tu hata kuwa na mpenzi asiyekupenda kwa dhati ni hatari kwa afya yako. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Stop looking for a partner. Focus on your goals and rebuilding your life. The right person will eventually find their way to you.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Ili kuongeza uwezekano wa kupata mtoto wa kiume inapaswa kufanya tendo la ndoa kwa mtindo ambao unaruhusu uume kuingia ndani zaidi (deep penetration) kitu kitakachorahisisha mbegu kufika haraka kwa yai. #ElimikaWikiendi

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Usipende Usingizi, Usije Ukaingia Katika Umaskini. Fungua Macho Yako, Ushibe Mkate. -> Methali 20:13

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Ukiwa umeshiriki ngono bila kinga na mtu na ukafahamu ana VVU kama bado ndani ya masaa 72 unaweza kupata dawa zitakazo kukinga na VVU katika kliniki zinazotoa huduma za afya kwa watu wanaoishi na VVU. #ElimikaWikiendi

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Ushawahi kupewa halafu kichwa hakiingii? Yaani helmet zingine ndogo sana kichwa kikubwa hakiingii. We endelea kuoza akili. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Kupata marafiki wa kweli ukiwa huna mkwanja ni mafanikio makubwa mno.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Umeshawahi kummiss EX wako mpaka unatamani kumpigia simu kumuuliza kama ana chaji ya pini ndogo? 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Mabinti wa kiafrika, mnapendeza zaidi na hizo nywele na ngozi zenu za asili, msijitie na kututia gharama zisizo na mpango kununua mawigi na vipodozi vya kujichubua. 😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

6 years

Punyeto inaweza kumsaidia mtu kuondoa mkazo (stress), kuboresha hali (mood), kumsaidia mtu kupata usingizi, huongeza umakini (concentration) na ufanisi katika tendo la ndoa n.k! #ElimikaWikiendi

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Avoid friends that won't mention your name in a room filled with opportunities.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Mnaona Jinsi Tulivyo Wachache Online na Ndivyo Hivi Hivi Tutakavyo Kuwa Peponi! 😆😆😆

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Umeshawahi kummiss EX wako mpaka unatamani kumpigia simu kumuuliza kama ana chaji ya pini ndogo? 😆😆😆

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Usiache kumwambia mtu hisia zako juu yake maana fursa hupotea fasta na majuto hudumu maisha yako yote.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

If a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, psychologists say it will last a lifetime.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Guys, close your eyes. Imagine you have a daughter. Imagine she is dating a guy like you. Did you smile? No? Then change. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

6 years

Huyu jamaa anajua Kiingereza cha kuombea maji kaniaomba selfie, kimsingi hajawahi kukutana na mwafrika hata haijui #Afrika . Ana taaluma ya uhandisi, sijui shule ya msingi hawafundishwi Jiografia ama ramani ya dunia. Wakati niko shule ya msingi naijua dunia nzima Kwa Atlas! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Mzazi awe amesoma au hakusoma bado ni muongozo mkubwa kwa maisha yako.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Atakayefanikisha kurudisha akaunti yangu ya Gmail iliyokuwa hacked 3 hrs ago nampa 100K hapo hapo na zawadi nono baada ya hapo.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Maumivu ya kufunga ndoa na mtu asiyefaa ni makali kuliko hofu ya kuzeeka bila mwenza wa maisha. Ndoa sio mashindano, tumia muda wa kutosha kusitawisha sifa bora na kuzitafuta kwa umpendae kabla ya kufanya maamuzi mazito. Ni bora kusubiri muda mrefu kuliko kukurupikia asiyekufaa.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Nilipokuwa mdogo nikiwa Kahama nilitamani sana kwenda Dar es Salaam, nilipokuwa mkubwa nikatamani New York, Mungu si Athumani pote nimefika sasa natamani kwenda "Mbinguni" tu ila sio kufa sasa hivi. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

The relationship between fish and water makes me believe that betrayal is real when I see water participating in cooking the fish. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Wapwa kabla ya kubanjuka kavu kavu siku hizi kuna vipimo vingi mno vya kupima VVU kwa haraka na uhakika, kuna vingine unapima kwa mate tu na kinakupa majibu chap. Kama hakuna vipimo ni bora kutumia kinga. #WapwaTuinuane

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Usijenge urafiki na starehe wakati shida ni jirani yako.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Ushawahi kupenda halafu unayempenda hataki kuonekana na wewe? Yaani anakukwepakwepa tu. Hiyo ndiyo relationship yangu na pesa kipindi hiki!

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

6 months

Waungwana ni app gani mnatumia kuangalia soka mbashara (LIVE) bure? Nimewahi kutumia Goal9 ila siioni sasa.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Tell a friend to tell a friend @kigogo2014 is back again after a long vacation. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Kuna mhindi mmoja kanikosha sana kwenye ndege, mhudumu kaenda na kiingereza kingi kwa yule mzee. Mzee akamjibu ongea lugha ya taifa mie sielewi lugha zenu. Mie woyoo, #Kiswahili oyee! Chiii! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Msichana mzuri hujaolewa mpaka leo, uko kwenye uhusiano kama unasomea u-dokta. Waswahili buana! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Ndoto zako nzuri hazitatimia kama utaendelea kulala.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Hello beautiful people. I thank Jehovah God to be awarded a Commonwealth Scholarship @commschols funded by the Department of International Development @DFID_UK to study a Master of Public Health (MPH) at The University of Manchester @OfficialUoM

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

"Wenye ideas hawana capital, wenye capital hawana ideas, trade your ideas to the people with capital and get partnership into practice." -> @MarekaMalili

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Kuna wakati unaomba kazi hadi unakata tamaa kumbe kwenye CV yako umeandika wewe ni MD au CEO wa kikampuni chako sasa HR anaona unatafuta kazi ya nini? 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

9 months

Nyoosha hiyo njia nishakuona! 😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

6 years

Jamani tutafute pesa faida zake ni nyingi mno, hata ukipotea utatafutwa tu.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Sijui funguo za mafanikio, ila najua funguo za kutofanikiwa ni kujaribu kumpendeza kila mtu.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Wale wanaweza kutumia GB 1 ya Data za INTERNET kwa mwezi mzima, wanaweza kuongeza "Data Management Skills" kwenye CV zao! Chiii! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Rafiki wa kweli ni yule mtu anayefahamu uliyopitia na unayopitia sasa na bado anaamini utafanikiwa hapo baadae.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Wanawake wanene au wenye uzito kupita kiasi au waliozaa huwa na matumbo makubwa au vitambi vinavyoharibu muonekano wao mzuri. Ili kuwa na tumbo zuri (flat belly) bila ya kuwa na mtaalamu wa mazoezi (waist trainer) fuatilia huu uzi (thread). #TibaFasta

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Unachopaswa kukifahamu kuhusu Ugonjwa wa Ebola. Retweet iwafikie na wengine.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Mwanaume anayeoa mwanamke mrembo sana na mkulima anayepanda mazao mazuri pembezoni mwa barabara, wote wanapatwa na matatizo yaleyale. 😆😆😆

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Wasamehe watu wengine si kwasababu wanastahili msamaha wako ila ni kwasababu unastahili amani ya moyo na akili.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

A school bell that sounds annoying at 7am, sounds exciting at 4pm. It's just a matter of time. 😂 😂 😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Wakati mwingine inabidi tu kukubali sio kila mtu anayekuwa moyoni & akilini mwako anaweza kuwa kwenye maisha yako halisi.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Ukomavu ni kukaa kimya hasa pale unahisi unaweza kuongea maneno yasiyofaa sehemu ulipo. Si wakubwa wote wana uwezo huo.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

"Hakuna umasikini mbaya kama umasikini wa mawazo, ni umasikini mbaya sana". -> Mwl. Julius Nyerere

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Maisha ya siku hizi ni vituko, ukiangusha simu unapaniki ila rafiki yako akianguka unacheka. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

6 years

Vyakula Vinavyoongeza Uwezo wa Kujamiana: Nguvu na nyege ni muhimu katika kufurahia tendo la ndoa, maparachichi yanaweza kukupa vyote viwili. Maparachichi yana madini, mafuta (yanayolinda moyo na kupunguza lehemu) na vitamin B6 ambavyo vyote hukupa nguvu na nyege. #TibaFasta

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

6 years

Unaweza usivutiwe na siasa za hapa nchini lakini huwezi kukwepa matokeo ya siasa maana ndio utawala wa wote bila kujali unavutiwa au la!

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Siku nyingine ukiona kodi ya pango inakaribia ukingoni, mfuate mwenye nyumba muombe akukopeshe hela ili umlipe kodi yake. Mbaki mnadaiana madeni ya kawaida! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Haijilishi ukubwa wa elimu, kipaji, nguvu au utajiri ulionao. Jinsi unavyowatendea wengine ndio kipimo cha utu na uadilifu wako.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Ushawahi kum-miss mtu mpaka unatamani umpigie, umuombe chaja ya pin ndogo? 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Vile nachukua dondoo muhimu kutoka kwenye kitabu kipya. 😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

#Tanzania bana, bangi ikikutwa shambani kwako ni yako ila ikikutwa dhahabu au gesi ni ya serikali. 😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

If you pray for a good wife, also pray she have good friends too, because those idiots are the board of directors. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Avoid posting your personal problems on social networks. Your personal problems require personal solutions and not social attention.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

3 years

Usimlaumu yeyote katika maisha yako, watu wazuri watakupa furaha na watu wabaya watakupa ujuzi wa mambo katika maisha na utajua pa kusimama.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Jifunze kukimbia hali zote zitakazoharibu amani yako ya moyo & akili na kukushusha hadhi.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

7 years

Leo nimeamka alfajiri nifanye jogging kidogo nikakumbuka maandiko ya Biblia Methali 28:1 ~> "Muovu hukimbia hata asipokimbizwa" Nikaamua kurudi kulala. Neno la Mungu ni la kuheshimu sana! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Furaha inapatikana pale unapoacha kulinganisha maisha yako na ya mwingine. Kila mmoja kabarikiwa kivyake.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Wakati wanasiasa wanapoomba kura zetu wanaweza hata kula minyoo kwenye mhadhara, mpe kura sasa utajibeba! 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Heshimu mahusiano ya wengine, anzisha wa kwako. Yanini kuhangaika na samaki aliyekwisha vuliwa wakati kuna samaki wengi baharini.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Wakati mwingine ni bora kujishusha ili kuokoa wengine.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Bado naendelea kuamini kuwa mtu uliyepangiwa kuwa nae maishani mwako atakuwa wako tu bila kujali ni miaka mingapi au umbali kiasi gani kati yenu.

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Nobody cares unless you are beautiful, rich, popular or die! 🤔

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

5 years

Unalalamika Mungu hajibu sala zako wakati wewe hujibu meseji za watu. 😂😂😂

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Mmoja wa wafiwa alitembelea Ofisi za Manispaa ya Ilala, akaona kitabu cha "Mazishi ya #COVID19 " na marehemu baba yake alikuwa namba 256. Kama ni Ilala tu hiyo basi tutaisha kimya kimya. #COVID19TZA #COVID19Tanzania

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Tatizo kubwa la watu wenye uelewa mdogo ni kuropoka kila wakati hata ambapo hapastahili.

18

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670

Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Boys are more kind than girls. You know why? Because girls never help unknown boys, but boys always help unknown girls. No one can reject this fact. 😂

21

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

You are married and still want a hot girl. Go and boil your wife! 😆

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

I am so proud of my university, The University of Manchester @officialUoM which is working towards developing a test for COVID-19 that could be used at home like a domestic pregnancy test.

37

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Joachim Mabula

@JoachimMabula

4 years

Kwa hiyo ukitajwa na Rais wakati wa mazungumzo yale lazima usimame umuinamie au?

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