𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤 @Jamesonthebench Twitter profile

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Best one yet.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

11 months

There was a time when you could fly from London to New York in three hours. You could drink tea while travelling faster than a rifle bullet (or 24 miles a minute). The last Concorde touched down in Bristol 20 years ago today. It was designed by pipe smoking men with pencils.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

We knew 75 years ago what the one on the right was built for, but what in earth is the purpose of the one on the left? And does it really have to be that big? It’s not even that spacious inside.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Once upon a time, people could fly to New York in three hours, at twice the speed of a rifle bullet while drinking champagne. Also back then, we could glide across the landscape on a bed of compressed nitrogen gas and hydraulic fluid.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Noel Edmonds once swerved to avoid something on the motorway and his Range Rover flipped over. He said he wouldn’t have walked away had it been a smaller car. I’ve always wondered if a smaller car would have flipped in the first place. Either way, these giant lumps are a menace.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

11 months

What’s better than a Cybertruck? This.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Just bought this 1903 firehouse in Manhattan for a new career venture. Needs work. Some sort of abandoned containment unit in the cellar to dispose of, for starters.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Lincolnshire. Hotbed of icons.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Late night M25. Four lanes. Dozens sat in lane 3 doing about 60mph. Others endlessly bunched up in lane 4. I gently sauntered past them all in lane 1 at 70mph for the next six miles before leaving at the next junction. Probably not legal but I did get home a few minutes quicker.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

Oops. My wallet slipped and I accidentally bought a thing.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

After 3 days on my feet at the NEC, this was such a comfy way to return home. Like a high-speed living room. Lots of waving on the M6/A14 but also unwanted attention from disgruntled drivers of Teslas and German SUVs who clearly don’t like being overtaken by a 50-year old banger.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Metro in Manhattan!

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

My 2600 trip across Europe ended in an SUV sandwich. A speeding BMW hit the back of the ferry queue at Dunkirk. Fully covered so hopefully with help from @Lancaster_Ins and the @TheAA_UK I can get her back to Blighty and repaired. Fingers crossed. She’s a special little car.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

My friend Brian has possibly the greatest barbecue in the world.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

When Citroën made buses. The Citroën U55 Cityrama Currus was all the rage in 1950s France. Based on the trusty U55 truck, these things were in service in Paris until 1980. The last surviving example is currently being restored.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

4 years

Hurrah! Boxy is back! I really like the new Honda E. Especially the Rover SD1-style dashboard.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Driving a car onto a train which then goes through a mountain and other general silliness.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Yesterday, I saw a Lamborghini Anus towing a caravan.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Welcome to the Night Garden.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Me and my dad. Oh, and some cars.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

2022.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Hello from 1986.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Update: In May, after a trip around Europe in my 2CV, a BMW X5 hit the back of the Dunkirk ferry queue (we were stationary/engine off). Had to chase harder than expected but the car is now back and the rebuild has begun. Hopefully ready in time for November’s @ClassicMotorNEC 🙂

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Look! I found somewhere to play my ZZ Top cassette! California is nice enough but me and my friends prefer the east coast… so that’s where we’re going. In this.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

King of the mountain! Having done 800 miles flat-out to the Swiss border yesterday, she breezed up the 2200 metre Sustenpass (and other hairpin passes) today without using a single drop of oil. These are genuinely amazing cars.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

The single most grotesque man-made object in the history of humanity. Everything that's wrong with the people of this ridiculous planet wrapped up in one horrendous motor car.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 months

The most sensible transportation in the known universe. Cheap to buy and run, small on the outside but big on the inside, smooth riding, economical and you get a great view of the outside world. Renault marginally more charismatic but Citroën nicer to drive. #boxybutgood

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

Annoyingly, my 2CV won’t pay for its own resto so it’s time to let something go. And that something is… this. Insurance company and Citroën Car Club say £20k, I say more like £16k. Let me know if it’s your cup of tea/plate of croque monsieur. Comes with about £1k of spares, too.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Door bothering. Plane stops, doors still ten minutes from being opened and yet… always this. They just stand there.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

4 years

If you ever decide to buy a Citroën like mine, remember to drive it properly at all times.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Return to Dunkirk! This time, I negotiated the ferry port without ending up as the filling in an SUV sandwich. New bonnet, nearside wing, boot lid and boot floor but other panels were repaired, while bumper and reg plate bent back into shape!

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Might sell my Puma. A bargain at just £596,251

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

What’s happening? This is happening!

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Caught up with Top Gear. Wish I hadn’t. More car smashing and baboons hooting ‘wayhaaaay!’ After suggesting being a professional HGV driver was ‘great fun’, this time: What can smelly poor people buy for £500? Let’s find out and then smash them up. Spectacularly out of touch.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

Forget Gran Turismo. The greatest ever driving simulator has arrived. Behold! The driving Berlingulator.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

Bonne journée!

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

The most sensible car for a snowy errand is probably the 790kg rear wheel drive one with rear mounted engine and skinny winter tyres.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Happy Saturday! #2cv

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Brief shuffle around the local scrapyard today revealed more about our stupid throwaway world. The yard owner says spare parts demand is falling and that most are cubed within a few weeks of arrival these days. So many decent cars and useful parts lost forever. What a waste.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

First turbocharged waft of 2022. #citroencx

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Today, I am mostly obsessed with the Volkswagen SP2.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Rescued from the brambles, say hello to my next project…

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

At the end of WW2, a young German woman met a Welsh tank commander named Hensley. They fell in love and she moved to Cardiff to marry him. When he died in 1983, Margaret learned to drive, bought this Audi and drove it to Germany to visit family every year until she died aged 92.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

4 years

Wine and cheese shopping. #citroencx

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Had a mooch for Berlingo spares at the local scrapyard this week. The usual mix of cars that probably failed an MOT with a broken ABS wire and others that could well be prized classics in the future. The Focus was immaculate and MOTd until January 2023. What a stupid planet.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

A lap of Monaco in my 2CV. Hold on to your hats… #MonacoGP #2cv

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

4 years

In 1992, my old Ambassador was driven into a residential garage and left there. I rescued it, got it going and then drove it to the Alps and back, as covered in Practical Classics magazine. I really ought to stop this kind of costly twaddle and find a cheaper hobby.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Top of the Hardknott Pass - steepest hill in England. A few days of mountain climbs/descents in blustery wind and torrential rain and I think it’s fair to say this little trial run has been a success.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Outstanding in its field.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Happy Tuesday! Have some hot classic Audi 100 action.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Left, middle or right?

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Sadly, I was forced to pull out of today’s Monaco Grand Prix. Complaints were made to the stewards by teams who clearly felt threatened by the superior performance of my car. Here’s a scene from my practice session on Wednesday.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

An intriguing French solution to traffic calming in. ‘Confuse everyone into slowing down’.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Here’s a nun out for drive in her 2CV.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

She’s a little scruffy around the edges but… phwoar!

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Dyane Diesel. The car Citroën should have built. 🤣

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

CGI? What CGI? #citroenvisa

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Crusty baguette.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Having woken up with the urge to acquire a one owner hydropneumatic Citroën with electric heated seats, I bought this 23 year old MOT failure. I especially wanted a mouldy one that needs a replacement high pressure pipe and some welding, so I’ve really hit the jackpot.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

8 months

If you own a car, you may as well go somewhere in it. Here are some of the places I’ve been with my Smart over the past 18 years.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

The highlight of my unexciting week so far. I have installed retractable power cables into the windscreen pillar of my Berlingo. Aren’t you lucky to know me?

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

I’ll give you the keys to one of these. Which is it to be and why?

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

10 months

Winter boots on and ready for snowmageddon.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Is the car park at Luton Airport supposed to be on fire?

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

I’ve definitely had worse days…

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Last month in a Brecon car park, I spied a French registered Berlingo being put onto an AA truck. I offered the owner parts assistance and gave him my number. He called a few weeks ago to say he’d scrap it unless I came to rescue it. One water pump and belt later, here it is!

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Won’t beat about the bush, I’m driving some cutting hedge technology today. Sheariously, other cars simply don’t cut it.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

For those who disregard hydropneumatic suspension as ‘quirky’. What can be more quirky than an old fashioned coil spring in 2022? The suspension on this SM was the future and yet we threw it away when the last C5 sold in 2017.

Jonathan McCormack

@StripeyMiata

2 years

Just glides over the bumps @CitroenCX @AgentSchmith #citroensm

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

Must admit… I’m not all that keen for this summer to end.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Evidently, I shot enough video of our SD1 adventure to make a ruddy feature film. Here’s a short preview…

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

4 months

Me and my dad.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

I saw this at a gathering in Northamptonshire this evening and almost fainted.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Parking my Nineties Ford this close to saltwater is the bravest thing I’ve done all year.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

10 months

January blues. (With reds and oranges).

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

The last Deux Chevaux left the production line 32 years ago today. Here’s mine a few months back, demonstrating the joy of fore-aft linked horizontally mounted springs and swinging arms.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

All this talk of SEAT (which won’t be killed off completely as it turns out) got me thinking about one of the most handsome and neatly-proportioned small cars. Unsurprisingly, the early Ibiza was a Giugiaro design. I can’t imagine there are many left, which is a shame.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Couple of years ago, me and my mate Justin raced a Tesla to the south of France in a Citroën Méhari… and won by two hours.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

I’m home!

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Released from storage in Dunkirk and ready for loading. She’s coming home! Not out of the woods yet though. Once back here, she’ll be assessed by a Citroën specialist to see what, if anything, can be done. But for now… Je suis partante. Allons-y!

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

Just paying a visit to the Windows XP operating system wallpaper.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 months

It lives! Stop throwing things away. This thing needed some twiddling, poking, prodding and a new fuel pump, but it has gone from being a garden ornament for eight years to fully functioning motor car in two days. MOT this week… hopefully. 🙂

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

26 days

Did I need a mouldy three-door Berlingo with a full-length electric sunroof for £300? No. Did I want a mouldy three-door Berlingo with a full-length electric sunroof for £300? Yes, obviously.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

Bottom and top of the 1985 Citroën range. And registered within one day of each other too.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

It’s a Dyane Day. Found some shade.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

My new Berlingo Mk1. Unlike later Berlingos (and other inferior motor cars), this one has proper suspension.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

4 years

Pleasing whooshing sounds on the way to the supermarket. #citroencx

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

7 months

I know I’m unable to transport a washing machine in the back of my Smart… but how often do you think they need to?

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

5 months

French vans are cooler than Italian supercars.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Some old things in a field. Some might suggest they are outstanding in that field.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

Fogged up. #citroencx

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

A few weeks in the USA and I came home hankering for a pick-up truck. So… erm…

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

3 years

Me and my superstar dad.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

4 years

I should probably find something else to take pictures of.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Washed the mould off and scooped unspeakable muck out all the crevices. Remarkably free of rust. Time now to see if it’ll start…

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

4 months

The future in the past.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Someone sent me this. I like Sierras but to be honest, I’m not sure this one is for me.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

2 years

Just realised who she reminds me of.

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𝕁𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤

@Jamesonthebench

1 year

As much as I love my old Citroëns, Smarts and Saabs, I couldn’t do without this usefully economical old box. Space efficient, smooth riding, fun handling pocket penknife of a thing.