Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord @Iridescent Twitter profile

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

6 years

Another day volunteering at the UCL museum. Everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck Jeremy Bentham's corpse. Buddy, they won't even let me fuck it.

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@nhlcatie

Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 months

In the UK, if you're 5'7, you don't have a gender.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

Universally applicable sign.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 months

@johnb78 In Chinese? What is it? It's a big language they speak in China, but that's not important right now.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

One way to ease pressure on GPs would be to ban employers from requiring medical certificates for sick days. Allowing pharmacists to write certificates is better than not, but it would be better to just stop the practice altogether.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

I hope everyone with a gigantic, terrifying car is enjoying how it now costs $300 to get petrol and will reconsider their choices.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

7 months

In Australia if you call an employee after 5 pm they jail you.

Matthew Camenzuli

@Matt_Camenzuli

7 months

@ajc97v2 @Leo_Puglisi6 Going to jail for placing a call is a touch extreme.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

@katiedimartin Inferring that he had clubs because he bet on the clubs flop but knowing that she herself had the Jack seems like a good... Gamble. Maths nerds have solved a lot of versions of poker but like... sometimes people do just gamble and bluff??

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 months

It's cool how many of the cars clogging up the CBD streets are blatantly white collar workers driving to work because they're fancy little bitches who can't take the bus. Fuck you cunts, get the fucking bus like a normal person.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

If you have such a level of distrust with your employees that you think they would fake illnesses then you should look at your work culture and why such a thing would be occurring, rather than making people waste their and their doctor's time writing a pointless certificate.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 months

Hot take: this is insane. If your relationship precludes having friends that is a bad relationship.

amren ⛧

@silenthill_gf

3 months

potential hot take? if a male friend blocked me to make his gf more comfortable i genuinely would not be offended, like she should come first always and i’m not going to harbour any bad feelings for someone just trying to do what’s right for their relationship

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

This needs hyphens, New Yorker.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

@agnesfrim This is somehow a more callous and dreadful piece than I imagined and I didn't exactly have high hopes.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Aside from wasting time making people with colds go sit in a waiting room with potentially vulnerable people, it is also not very mental health friendly. Workplaces allege to care about MH, but how are people realistically going to get a certificate for a MH day?

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

Okay who got sick of drop bears and started telling Americans we say Thighland?

Dinesh D'Souza

@DineshDSouza

4 years

@Polymathically In England, Australia and India it is pronounced “Thighland” and guess who invented the English language?

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Honestly apropos of nothing, this is one of the best reaction images known to humanity.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

@SzMarsupial My childhood cat was so obsessed with tuna cans that if you tipped the tuna brine into her dish she would so quickly and enthusiastically drink it you would end up pouring tuna brine onto her head. She did this until she died.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Every time I have gone to get a doctor's certificate when I didn't actually need to get the illness itself treated I have waited for ages to see the doctor for 5 minutes for them to say "yes you have a nasty cold drink some water and go back to bed".

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Trust your employees, give them sick leave without having to jump hoops. Help the health system, don't make people who can't quite go to work go to the doctor for illnesses where the best treatment is not having to get out of bed and go up to the GP.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

If you want to defend enormous cars by some "well actually" about how fuel efficiency has increased: have you considered that if you had increased efficiency on a SMALL car that would be better, and also FUCK OFF. Private cars are fucked. Driving a huge car in the city is fucked.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

7 years

BAE: Come over. Me: I can't. BAE: I'm fingered a responsible.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

My dad was an engineer who got into management by being good at applying engineering to manufacturing and he hated everyone he worked with with an MBA. He's mostly retired and he occasionally still complains about a guys with MBAs from like 20 years ago.

Cory Doctorow NONCONSENSUAL BLUE TICK (AFK)

@doctorow

2 years

In other words, all those cliches about your boss's MBA giving them brain worms that make them into wage-slashing monsters? They appear to be true. 10/

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Please don't reply to this to tell me you don't trust your employees or you once knew this guy who would take sick days with reckless abandon it really doesn't reflect well on you. ✌️

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

Cleaning plasma deposits off bits of foil because the research group was too cheap to buy more foil.

Katie Grant

@kt_grant

5 years

What is the most cliched/ridiculous/horrible task you were assigned when you were on work experience? Mine was being sent to pick up the features editors dry cleaning when I was at a major women’s mag - and being *genuinely* excited at the opportunity to “prove myself” 😂😳😬

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

I mean, is it really that surprising that there's only one photo of a Concorde flying at Mach 2 taken from an RAF Tornado attack fighter over the Irish Sea in April 1985?

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

6 months

@focusfronting A short woman my friend knows had her back broken by some guy picking her up and DROPPING HER.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

AstraZeneca #2 done.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 months

@KingArPharazon No, hope this helps.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

7 months

I will never not find "I earn a huge amount of money but I think I'm broke because I spend a lot on private school fees" sob stories incredibly funny. Publicly admitting you are incapable of budgeting and your children are too stupid for normal school is such an incredible energy

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

This tweet really brought out a bunch of insane dickheads who normally ignore me. Please go back to that, your opinions are shit and I hope you get run over in your own driveway.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

1. Come from Greece 2. Have a thirst for knowledge 3. Study sculpture at St Martin's College 4. Pretend you've got no money 5. Just laugh and say you're so funny 6. Want to live like common people

ABC Everyday

@abc_everyday

5 years

6 tips to making healthier choices in the #supermarket :

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

Alexander Downer really is an awful person and colossal idiot.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

I hate the @duolingo update. I was apparently doing it "ineffectively" so now I'm forced to do it how they want to "optimise" my "experience" and honestly it's so frustrating I might just quit. I was actually quite close to finishing the Welsh course but it's too annoying now. 😠

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

@johnb78 @softerhardleft The miniature toy cow on the dash that says "eat more chicken".

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

"Sir" is a gender neutral title to indicate that someone is making a scene.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

‘The Onion’ Calls On Israel To Bomb Our Offices In Case Any Hamas Agents Hiding Out There

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

QT from Zoomer American: leave us alone QT from older than Zoomer American: leave the tab open!! QT from non American, any age: some comment about the ridiculous nature of US credit card infrastructure

willy 🌜💧

@willystaley

1 year

At the bar last night, the Zoomers were all paying with credit cards and closing out on every round. This is psycho behavior. Someone needs to teach these children how to go to the bar.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

Given that the Guardian's most notoriously hapless correspondent managed to get her vaccine, I can only assume that if you are in Sydney and can't get one that you have your head stuck in a microwave and a seagull has stolen your phone.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

If you are a landlord and you're losing money on your investment, a risk of any investment, why not sell the property and try the stock market, where you don't have to be responsible for someone else's home!

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

Obviously they studied mediaeval paintings of the baby Jesus.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

10 months

"The worst tweet" is a hotly contested competition but this really has to be up there.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

@katiedimartin Women are only in academia to bang their students? Women only get into academia if they bang the faculty? What is going on here?

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

No they won't, hope this helps.

Pop Tingz

@ThePopTingz

1 year

Users will soon be able to pay for purchases with the X app just like a debit card.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

You can tell I'm bisexual because I cannot sit in chairs and I'm drunk.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

Got my AZ despite being not only under 50 but under 30. @hyperspectrual isn't but they're still cool. Stoic! #AstraSENECA

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

Did the person who wrote this think Chernobyl was in Wales because of the accents in the HBO series?

TIME

@TIME

1 year

How Ukraine's dam collapse could become the country's 'Chernobyl'

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

I misread "actor" as "doctor" so that was a wild ride for a moment.

ABC News

@abcnews

5 years

Bringing John Lennon back to life is never easy, actor admits

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

6 years

The 7 Worst Reviews Of My Private Carousel Business That I Have To Admit Make Some Pretty Good Points

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

It's a disused church that looks like any other fucking church why would you suddenly heritage list it after years of disuse.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

if the Naomi be Klein you’re doing just fine If the Naomi be Wolf Oh, buddy. Ooooof.

Naomi Klein on following her ‘doppelganger’ down the conspiracy rabbit hole – and why millions of...

For years the writer laughed off being mistaken for fellow author Naomi Wolf. Then her ‘double’ drifted into a world of conspiracy theories and became a favoured guest of Steve Bannon and Tucker...

www.theguardian.com

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

My dad's 85 yo mate who still goes sailing wants a word. My great auntie who couldn't drive by age 80 because of age related impairment and relied on public transport wants a completely different word.

Lance

@Lance_in_DC

1 year

@Boenau ‘walk-friendly, bike-friendly, transit-friendly’ is not ‘80 yr old friendly’ given the mobility issues that come with old age.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

7 years

Why does extremely flammable building cladding actually exist?

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

There are two kinds of French wine label: tasteful sketch of a château with serif type, or hideous cartoon of a pig fucking a wine barrel with bubble writing that says "l'orgie des conchons".

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

Is the "former" really necessary?

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

If you think there are no health costs to lockdown I would cordially invite you to get fucked to hell.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Put 👏 the 👏 salary 👏 in 👏 your 👏 job 👏 ad.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

The youngest Boomer is turning 59 this year and the youngest Millennial is turning 27. Your annoying older colleague is probably a GenX and your annoying younger colleague is probably a Zoomer.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

Well done everyone.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

*looks at this guy's bio* Oh. I see.

Justin Murphy

@jmrphy

5 years

Not even being provocative but if you think Greta Thunberg has the maturity to guide global policy-making then you cannot object to Jeffrey Epstein paying 16-year-olds for sex.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

9 months

How is this actually a real man. Like aside from how he is an Argentine who likes Thatcher and cloned his dog whose ghost gives him political advice, he looks like someone tried to make a waxwork of Business Wolverine and didn't do a good job.

Populism Updates

@PopulismUpdates

9 months

A libertarian guy with sideburns runs Argentina now. The final culmination of 2011 political thought

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

7 years

Sandy is waiting for marriage equality to return from the war. #Moggos4Yes

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

Last night at a party a girl asked what made me happy and I said sex and then she said birds so I asked what were her 10 favourite birds and she told me. I think I'm the male protagonist in a literary novel now.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

In the 22 years since the Canyonero episode of the Simpsons that car has basically become a normal car.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 months

@AgainstKookery Children can take the bus too, the bus is for everyone.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

It should be illegal to not publish salaries on job ads.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Usually don't share these now but the two rows of no letters was funny. Wordle 625 3/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Sometimes you really have to wonder what went wrong in someone's life for them to have had a passion for accounts receivable at all.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

If you work in Australia you can just say it. 😇

Brooklin Nash

@realBrookNash

2 years

How do you say “fuck that” in a professional setting?

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

8 months

@NickEvershed I feel his followup explains a lot.

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@ElijahSchaffer

8 months

That’s why DEI is anti American

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

6 years

This is labelled as unsentimental but it seems very sweet and honest to me, really.

Michael Beschloss

@BeschlossDC

6 years

Amelia Earhart’s highly unsentimental prenuptial letter to fiance George Putnam, 1931:

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

Attempting a Producers style scam by remaking Blazing Saddles because you couldn't make it today but unfortunately it does really well and then your scam is turned into a remake of the Producers.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

The Reject Shop discourse:

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

My take on working from home is that some people like it and some people like working from the office and both sets of these people should broadly be given their preferred working arrangements.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

You CAN get AstraZeneca if you are under 60. I know this because I did. Get yours! Get vaccinated!

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

I am in a spare bedroom that is set up as a bedroom and it has a double bed... But it has my grandfather's ashes in a box behind the door, next to an umbrella and a rubbish bin. All his clothes are in the wardrobe. He's been dead since 2012. #DuvetKnowItsChristmas #YossarianRoom

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

If only there were some way to remove organised crime from the drug trade that would also be profitable to the government through increased tax revenues and reduced law enforcement costs.

Anna Henderson

@annajhenderson

3 years

The PM delivers a strong message to recreational drug users in Australia, while detailing the international organised crime bust. "There's nothing social about illicit drug use in this country. It fuels organised crime in this country. It fuels human misery."

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

This is good praxis.

marc west

@westius

5 years

Cooks River reclaiming the golf course #SydneyStorm

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Oh no, not again... ✈️

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

@Pinboard This is Sandy. She is 19. I'm not sure everyone thinks she is sweet but I do.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

10 months

When I broke my arm aged 8 they privately asked me how it happened to make sure my parents didn't do it (they didn't). This isn't new. This also isn't bad and if you think it is it's because you think your child is your property and they probably should tell the hospital that.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

Even if this were possible, why would I want this. This is deranged.

Pratik Desai

@chheplo

1 year

Start regularly recording your parents, elders and loved ones. With enough transcript data, new voice synthesis and video models, there is a 100% chance that they will live with you forever after leaving physical body. This should be even possible by end of the year.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Many people with more legal knowledge than me have already pointed out that this is bad, but I would nonetheless like to add to the consensus among decent people that this is bad. Putting children in gaol is bad and you shouldn't do it.

Annastacia Palaszczuk

@a_palaszczuk

2 years

BREAKING: Violent juvenile car thieves will face more jail time and sentencing will be strengthened as part of a suite of increased penalties to keep the community safe. #qldpol

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

It is completely wild that people I know who are normally in the "abolish the police" bracket want to bring back the mask mandate even though the main difference between now and when there is a mandate is whether the cops can fine you or not.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

@agnesfrim It's like she's still crying at her sister's but in a column.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

If I were trying to choose names which indicated gender differences I would have picked... literally ANY others??

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

My "slave" windowless white van has people asking a lot of questions none of which are answered by my van.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

You do not actually need to start a weird little commune to learn how to cook or drive a manual car.

Melanie

@VitallyMelanie

2 years

Normalize buying land with your siblings/closest friends and raising your families together. Teach your kids how to farm, cook from scratch, harvest herbal medicine, drive manual, start a fire, preserve food, and any other real world skills your ancestors were taught.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

The only thing to match the joy of a perfect avocado is the utter disappointment of a bad avocado. Life is a rich tapestry of avocado emotions.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

11 months

Every time Clover Moore says something would create shade like that's a bad thing I'm like have you ever even BEEN to Sydney??

Howard Maclean

@HowardFMaclean

11 months

The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that in the Australian climate shade is Good, actually, and far from penalising it, encouraging shaded streets and public spaces from the summer sun is absolutely crucial for climate resilient cities.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

I don't agree with Gladys Berejiklian on many things but she's doing the right thing on abortion decriminalisation and this is the worst possible reason for a spill.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

The four horses of the apocalamps.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

6 years

@vanOnselenP Eggplant is a type of egg.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

1 year

Please can people (cough the right) stop trying to define "people too young to make their own decisions" as "people who disagree with our particular orthodoxy". It looks utterly ridiculous to try to argue that someone who is THIRTY-ONE is too young to know what they are doing.

Generic English Teacher

@TabitaSurge

1 year

The Times pitching this story as fears for trans 'young people' and 'the safety of NHS treatments being offered to young people under the age of 25.' Then it says that 'Herron was 25.' That it took 6 years and 100 therapy sessions until he chose surgery at 31. 31 is not young.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

If I got asked "are you worried people will get mad at you in the same way they did about that sex offender" I would probably handle it with less laconic grace than Dylan Moran.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

2 years

Happy Jolyon Maugham beating a fox to death with a baseball bat in his wife's kimono day to those who celebrate. @fringetracker

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

What a country.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

3 years

I am replacing doomscrolling with learning Welsh on Duolingo and I've done it for the entire afternoon instead of making myself sad and angry. This is a much better use of my life.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

4 years

NSW should get extra GST this year because all the other states have been such stupid cunts to us.

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Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

@Iridescent

5 years

How the fuck isn't the city the "real Australia" given ~90% of the population is urban? Why the fuck do we care about pandering to the country and farmers?

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