John Hobgoblindgman @hodgman Twitter profile

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

30 days

Gonna tell my kids this was the Judge John Hodgman Podcast

Apple Podcasts

@ApplePodcasts

1 month

What's a podcast that you wish more people would listen to? 🤔

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Last Seen Profiles

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

This is not a condemnation of white supremacy. This is an ad for Pepsi.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

7 years

We ALL must be united & condemn all that hate stands for. There is no place for this kind of violence in America. Lets come together as one!

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

stupid. turn the cameras on. get thrown out. do it again the next time. and again. THAT is the story. not your dumb, cowardly life hack.

CNN

@CNN

7 years

The White House has been prohibiting cameras at some press briefings, so we sent a sketch artist

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

Head shaking serious columnists. If one side votes essentially along party lines to do the right thing and one party votes to prevent it, that doesn’t mean the process is sadly partisan. It means one party is bad. (Cont’d)

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Hi @SenatorCollins . Maine taxpayer/future Maine voter here. You were pretty inspiring for a second there, but caving to McConnell's illusory promises to push through this dumb mess of a tax cut for the wealthy is gross and no one will applaud you at the airport anymore. Goodbye.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

2 years

Hey everyone who says voting doesn’t work. It works. It worked for them in 2016. That’s why we are here now.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Listen Hellboy. All my tweets start with “Listen Hellboy” starting now.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

I don’t need to block you. I don’t need to mute you. You will disappear in my TL like rain on a gull’s wing. Time mutes you. Life blocks you

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

It is hard not to conclude that something is happening at the @nytimes .

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

One time I was given a course of prednisone and I never ran faster on the treadmill and I actually started crying on the treadmill because I felt SO SO GREAT. "This must be what it's like to be normal!" I said out loud. I told my doctor about this and he told me to stop taking em

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

If you are doing what you love, it does not feel like work.

Charles P. Pierce

@CharlesPPierce

6 years

The FBI dudes literally busted Roger Stone for free.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

I ate with Bourdain. Probably 2004. He was big even then but he took time to sit with me in Chinatown to talk “weird” food for a magazine piece I was writing. He taught me that our “weird” is the world’s delicious. We ate chicken feet. The afternoon vibrated with life. RIP

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

Look. Everyone knows I’m an elite neolib centrist Warren loving snake. But if this list is true, I’ll flip a table over. It’s an imaginationless disaster and a self destructive, on purpose acid spit at Bernie, his supporters, the movement that IS and MUST BE part of this party.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Coast Guard Graduation ceremony features a live sinking ship.

CBS News

@CBSNews

7 years

"No politician in history...has been treated more unfairly," Pres. Trump says at commencement address

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

This whole thread captures it for me. Why I am for #ElizabethWarren on every Tuesday, including the super ones. Everyone vote for the one that speaks to you, excites you, that is the future you hope for. Then, when the actual future comes, I trust we’ll all get together.

Charlotte Clymer 🇺🇦

@cmclymer

5 years

It was April 15, 2009, and I was watching The Daily Show (then hosted by Jon Stewart) along with everyone else who needed a dose of sanity in the early days of the Obama White House and GOP reactionary panic. His guest that night was a little-known Harvard Law professor. (thread)

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

I already knew that intense grief can numb you out. Your brain overloads with emotion. Now I know that happiness and relief can do the same. So I’ve been dazed out all day, and it’s only now that I can stop and really start to appreciate the FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING FUCKUP

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Let her hear from you, Maine. (202) 224-2523

Talking Points Memo

@TPM

7 years

Collins: I haven’t decided whether I’ll vote for tax bill with Obamacare provision

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

3 years

I love Bob Odenkirk and hope he’s doing as ok as possible.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

3 years

Just got my booster (thanks again, lifelong asthma) and so far my testicles are exactly the same size. I have another 9 minutes to wait in observation at this Walgreens, but I will KEEP measuring with my calipers and will KEEP you posted.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

But yes, I’ll be voting @BernieSanders in the NY primary because even the IDEA of Jamie Dimon in the cabinet is one million times more offensive/destructive/inane than any twitter meanness. A real world political and human disaster.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

One thing I have do is train my head to stop trying to understand the broken brain and feces storm of incompetence that leads to FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING. But I truly would watch a 9 part documentary on JUST THAT.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

2 months

The VP traditionally doesn’t have much to do once in office, but Walz could just do open phones every week answering dad questions: how to put chains on your tires, where the septic tank is, bridge construction trivia, etc

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

"Fella who came down here and got in trouble — overstepped his bounds to a degree some folks thought. And they cured him of his problems." John Whitten, a former Tallahatchie county PROSECUTOR said this about Emmett Till ON THE RECORD to @npr in 2019.

Jawn Staley 🐴🤠🇺🇸🍑

@errinhaines

5 years

The Emmett Till Memorial is being dedicated today for the *fourth* time after being repeatedly vandalized. Till’s relatives from Chicago will be on hand for the ceremony, including his last surviving cousin who was with him on that fateful trip.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

I am saddest first for the victims in LV & their families. My 2nd sadness is that there is no promise we can make them that isn't now false.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

Oh. Was that uncivil? Here’s something nicer but equally true: One party is openly enthralled to a couple of really bad humans. The rest are merely bad faith sycophants and cowards. All of them value power more than the country or its constitution.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

It's May 1! Texas is open for biz! The Mayor of New York is on the radio thanking god for May, the month of hope! The month we will turn the corner! Because they know the science: viruses definitely are aware of the Gregorian calendar and do not fuck with our wishin'!

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

Why not just say “invented the word processor and thus fundamentally changed the course of tech, business, and life in the 20th century?” Why all this “she freed the hassled career gal!” language? And isn’t there a word missing in this headline? B- first draft. Rework & resubmit

NYTimes Tech

@nytimestech

6 years

Evelyn Berezin, a computer pioneer who emancipated many a frazzled secretary from the shackles of the typewriter nearly a half century, has died

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

For a certain style of Trump supporter, causing imaginable pain and trauma to brown families at the border is the whole point.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Wipe that smiley off your face. This is not a joke or a game. Everyone in comedy knows this. Even if they don’t agree with me. Don’t paint us as glib opportunists just because the news is.

Andrea Mitchell

@mitchellreports

4 years

The only person happy with this debate debacle is Lorne Michaels with @SNL coming back live this Saturday :)

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

Oscars without host is the best Oscars ever.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

Zero of them would tolerate this if they were not already in power. They only tolerate it because their fantasy is perpetual power for themselves. AND SOMETIMES DREAMS COME TRUE. Especially if serious head shakers refuse to describe truthfully what they know is happening.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

The Biden victory felt like a spell breaking. The news just went ahead finally and started calling DJT a dangerous liar and a threat to democracy. But now we're a couple of days out, and headlines are starting to revert to "he's a scrappy fighter." This is gross. Call it out.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

I just want one photo of McConnell sitting on the floor of the bunker as he hides from the terrorists in his own party and then gets the notification on his phone that Ossoff won.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Tomorrow is Saturday and @david_rees and I are going to binge-host a binge-watch of our cartoon show called DICKTOWN. Join us when I go live at 9AM PT/Noon ET over at . We will answer questions & eat cereal & have fun b/c SATURDAY MORNINGS ARE FOR CARTOONS.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

2 years

You all are not wrong that the system is pretty rotten. But if you abandon the system, the rotten will be very happy to use it. That’s pretty clear.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

1. Here's what seems plausible to me. Trump just likes Flynn. Thinks he's just a good white dude.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Imagine if Obama had created an unaccountable, nameless/badgeless federal police force to disappear citizens into unmarked rental cars, how quickly would the right call it “an unaccountable, nameless/badgeless federal police force,disappearing citizens into unmarked rental cars”?

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

Trump in his "Let's just do it and be legends" phase of his Fyre Festival.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

I love my friends who are with Bernie & I love & will support him (or whomever) of course of course. But Warren has always been my candidate and I don’t feel like being shy about it. F. Leonard makes the case & I am grateful. I love him & if you disagree I get it. I love you too.

Franklin Leonard

@franklinleonard

5 years

Overlong 2020 Democratic Presidential primary endorsement thread incoming. Twitter probably isn't the optimal medium, but it's where I have the largest audience and full editorial control. Maybe I'll reformat. Maybe I won't RIP my mentions, both for my choice and my explanation

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Shame on you forever.

Sen. Susan Collins

@SenatorCollins

7 years

After securing significant changes, as well as commitments to pass legislation to help lower health insurance premiums, I will cast my vote in support of the Senate tax reform bill. (1/2)

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

I saw this today and was speechless. At first, because: Edward Gorey pastiche, a deeeep cut. And then because: it is devastating and beautiful and true. As damning and dark as it is beautiful. Everyone subscribe to @MADmagazine

Dɪᴢᴡɪʀᴇ🍥

@dizwire

6 years

Holy shit, Mad Magazine 👏👏👏 Pulling no punches.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

This is not a condemnation of white supremacy.

Melania Trump 45 Archived

@FLOTUS45

7 years

Our country encourages freedom of speech, but let's communicate w/o hate in our hearts. No good comes from violence. #Charlottesville

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

And they won’t say what they know is happening because they love power too, or at least the damp farts of power that they get to breathe by standing next to actual power. Ok listen to my podcast etc.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Well, @SenatorCollins , you did it. You gave up to give Trump a win, to let McConnell loot the economy, and to let Ryan set his pale marble eyes on destroying Medicaid next to pay for this payoff to the donors. You’re another mess for us to to clean up in 2020. Goodbye.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

I’m not perfect, but I would happily be judged for who I was and what I did when I was 17. A huge, terrified Whovian weirdo. But if there is something I did that was wrong, that I don’t remember, please let me know and I will own it and try to atone.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Attn Alex Jones

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Listen Hellboy: I guess it’s probably unconstitutional for Biden to name the TikTok/Kpop teens as his running mate, but I would have really liked to see them debate Mike Pence.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Resign. Resign in shame. Go to the deepest hole with the photos of the dead and never come out.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

@VP @POTUS "I'm a Christian, a Conservative, and a Republican in that order. But before those, I'm a cowardly lickspittle w/ molded action figure hair"

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

17 days

The rules were you guys weren’t going to fact check.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

It’s hard not to conclude that some kind of decision has been made at The NY Times part 2

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

8 years

Every Republican senator who isn't @lisamurkowski or @SenatorCollins should go home to their state, apologize to a teacher, and then resign.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

You are to blame. You. It’s you. You’re in league with domestic terrorists. You are the bullshit.

Dan Crenshaw

@DanCrenshawTX

4 years

Stop this bullshit right now.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Well, you're a dumb. That's why it's confusing to you. Because you're stupid. You're a stupid, venal, incurious, talentless creep.

Eric Trump

@EricTrump

7 years

The irony of an ABC reporter (whose parent company Disney has profited nearly half a billion dollars on the movie “Pocahontas”) inferring that the name is “offensive” is truly staggering to me.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

@nytimes PS to this:

Sam Stein

@samstein

7 years

There’s cheering in certain sectors that the economy created 2.055 million jobs in 2017. Those people lamented the slow pace of an economy that created 2.24 million jobs in 2016.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Do you think perhaps the selfie stick was not the real issue?

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

Every conviction of a non white person that Whitten secured when he was a prosecutor ought to be examined immediately.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

I know it feels like FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING was 100 yrs ago by now, but I still think this documentary is timely.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

This is devastatingly sad.

The Hollywood Reporter

@THR

4 years

Grant Imahara, host of 'MythBusters' and 'White Rabbit Project,' dies at 49

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Go away forever.

Paul Ryan

@SpeakerRyan

7 years

Today we remember a great man and his work. We read his sermons. We recall his sacrifices. We give back. In doing these things, we raise our gaze and renew the spirit in which we serve one another. Such is the calling of #MLKDay .

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

"We lied and lost and lied again and lost again and never once did anything but seek to destroy you, but you said 'unity' a couple of times, so that means you are honor bound to surrender and let us destroy you." --the @GOP .

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

Oh snap. Israel's glowing orb is INVISIBLE

Benjamin Netanyahu - בנימין נתניהו

@netanyahu

7 years

Ever Stronger חזקים תמיד 🇮🇱🇺🇸

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

One reason this is so bracing is that since the election, the tactic of most establishment white dudes (on both sides) has been to blandly ignore, forget, and/or smugly eye-roll past what a moral monster Trump was and is.

Josh Marshall

@joshtpm

6 years

Wow

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

1 month

“Transgender operations on illegal aliens in prison” sounds like he was trying to wake up the Winter Soldier with random code words

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

Cast iron important reminder that we can repair what we have allowed to become gross and corroded. Vote.

Kat Kinsman

@kittenwithawhip

6 years

This long-neglected cast-iron skillet has suddenly manifested in my life. Can it be saved? Gonna try.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

Seriously everyone. Let’s vote. Let’s all really do it and get our friends and fam to do it. It will be really great.

NBC News

@NBCNews

6 years

Former President Obama: "Do not complain. Don't hashtag. Don't get anxious. Don't retreat. Don't binge on whatever it is you're binging on. Don't lose yourself in ironic detachment. Don't put your head in the sand. Don't boo. Vote. Vote."

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

The problem is that people are getting used to him.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

I DON'T HAVE TO READ THIS FUCKING DAVID BROOKS COLUMN DO I?

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

2 months

“Look at that. Folgers. Remember that ad? I do. With the girl, and the brother comes home, and I don’t want to say it, but they were flirting very strongly. Very strongly. I find that interesting. Anyway, very attractive girl. Folgers. And there’s honey bunches of oats…”

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

2 months

whatever Trump was supposed to do with the food containers, he never did it. that was some weird shit.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

My point isn’t to roast the @FBI for asking. My point is that all those clearly identifiable terrorists should be awaiting trial now. Not calling down to the front desk of various DC hotels trying to get a late check out and the pay per view porn taken off their bill.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

This is a lie on purpose. The rule was agreed to by both sides: 1st round of ?s to be posed by Chair, Ranking member, and their attorneys. She broke the rule to create this moment to spread this lie later. Because she is a liar. Cc her opponent in NY21 @TedraCobb

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Honoring the "geographical" middle of the (contiguous 48) United States is as dumb as 2 senators per arbitrary outline of a state. I love my Jeep, and I love you Bruce, but nope. Even if "the middle" is a legit virtue, a Christian chapel in Kansas is not where it is.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

It is possible to serve bravely & honorably, to grieve for a child who did same, and still peddle Boston style crypto-racism/misogyny

Lawrence O'Donnell

@Lawrence

7 years

I am stunned by John Kelley's lies about a black woman who he called an 'empty barrel.' via @msnbc

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Their leaving without penalty is even more shameful than their smashing their way in.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

3 years

Wordle 224 1/6 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Yesterday I saw a guy here who claimed he could predict the words. He posted a list. I tried to look away, but was too slow. I felt guilty and unclean. I hoped he was a crank. Today I am leaving my family and joining this guy’s cult in Belize. Goodbye.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

And let's not forget that @SenatorCollins and @lisamurkowski and ALL the senate democrats did the right thing the whole time. Thank you

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

I will be forever incapacitated by the mystery of what he thinks YMCA is about, but watching him inch down the stairs to “Young man/there’s no need to feel down” and imagining him thinking “That Village Person means me! I’m the young man!” is really sad and hilarious and fitting.

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

4 years

"We will back in some form ... have a good life," says Trump, befor he's serenaded off the stage one last time as president by the thumping beat of "YMCA"

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

This glib fuck advertising being cheap without “looking cheap” plus Lizzie Post with her pre tax tipping should have their photos posted in the kitchens of every restaurant on earth.

CNBC

@CNBC

6 years

This simple tipping trick could save you over $400 a year: via @CNBCMakeIt

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

And every journalist who wrote a wistful profile of so-sad Trump voters staring balefully out diner windows should go profile John Whitten as penance, because when evil is willing to go on the record, you need to listen and let the world hear it.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

This is maybe the word of the year

Kevin Jordan

@idreamincode

6 years

@david_rees @hodgman *crybully

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

“It’s time for healing. Any action you might take now is only going to divide us further.”

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Here’s what I’m thinking about this morning. And if you’re a white driver without a record like me, you can think about this too. It's a thread!

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

This is an important read on how @SenatorCollins is trying to claims that she HAS to vote for Kavanaugh now because a few people were very mean to her (!) If you're in Maine, please read this and then call her office (nicely!) & tell her how you feel/vote 202-224-2523.

Ilyse Hogue

@ilyseh

6 years

This is an obvious ploy to distract from Senator Collins weighing a vote that her constituents are against and put all Americans in peril for generations. The only question is why the press is giving it credence or airtime. #StopKavanaugh

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Thinking about how the one thing that got him peek out of the White House basement for a minute was an opportunity to defend the reputation of white supremacists.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

I have been John’s friend for 14 years. I have been hurt by him, and I have been cared for by him. Over those years I have admired and loved him, his character and his work deeply, and I have also been infuriated by his bad judgments

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

The curfew is a weapon.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

7 years

As much as I love Maine, selling out the nation to throw some cash to your own constituents is cowardice. Stop it. Vote no.

Sen. Susan Collins

@SenatorCollins

7 years

Delighted that the Senate has agreed to include my property tax deduction amendment, that will allow 166,000 Maine taxpayers who itemize to deduct a total of $725 million in property taxes each year. #MEPolitics

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

I do not believe a ranting conspiracy theorist should sit on the Supreme Court.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

Ok but how many vinyl records do you own? Do you like skateboards?

Elizabeth Warren

@ewarren

6 years

Housing is one of the biggest purchases most Americans will make in their lifetimes. My new Housing plan would address some of the most pressing issues that have kept homeownership out of reach for too many families. Here’s how we’re going to do it:

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

I guess anyone can enter the windows of the United States Capitol, fuck around in both chambers of Congress wearing cosplay, raid offices and steal shit, then go home, because it’s NBD. Good lesson. Have a nice break Congress.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Maybe she’s just trying to say a true thing so people (men) will listen, hear, and see it for once. Maybe she’s not trying to win some kind of schoolyard mind fight or score chummy debate club back pats. Maybe that framing is not just tiresome but part of the prob.

Nicholas Kristof

@NickKristof

4 years

.⁦ @AOC ⁩’s condemnation of sexism is a master class in how to respond to an insult in a way that eviscerates the tormentor and elevates the target. Brava. Watch the video.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Respectfully, fuck off you quitter.

Jeff Flake

@JeffFlake

4 years

We are a better country than was on display tonight.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

3 years

Wow. I accidentally wrote a novel while Instagram was down.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

9 years

When are white leaders going to renounce their culture's obsession with violence?

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

1 year

I have a blue check again but I am not Twitter blue and I did not ask for this I cannot see my hands I am fading in and out between alternate dimensions help meeeeeeee

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

1 year

You come for the king, you best not miss.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Hi @ianbremmer I hesitated to dunk on you earlier because I know you don’t mean harm, but are we ok to withhold our sympathetic reach-out to Republicans until Mitch McConnell is done with his coup cosplay?

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

6 years

This is my Yule log video.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

Pence is doing a pretty good job pretending that he fell asleep on Jan 19, 2016 and just woke up.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

4 years

I think we are all learning, in different small and big ways, they just take whatever they want.

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John Hobgoblindgman

@hodgman

5 years

Also, I guess they are minors? But we really should name the Ole Miss frat creeps who posed with guns in front of the shot-up Emmett Till memorial sign so that they can’t slink away without facing what they’ve done.

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