Today is my birthday. The last two years have been filled with pain, loss, fear, and just some plain awful luck. But I'm here. This birthday is an achievement.
In the month I've been back, 9,000 new people subbed my channel. I thought people would leave,& braced for the worst. Thanks to everyone who stuck with me, & a warm welcome to all the newcomers. You'll have a new vid in 24-48 hours (I re-recorded a bunch of sounds, so it's late).
For 2+ years my voicemail has been full. I knew a message from my late father was in it. It's the only thing thing I have of him, & I couldn't listen without devolving. I woke up, did what millions of people do everyday, & went through my voicemail. I am proud of myself.
It seems unforgiving when a good thing ends
But you and I will always be back then
And we will happen again and again
Cause you and I will always be best friends
RIP Tiny Horse. I loved you every day for 18 years. Even though my heart is broken, I'll love you every day forever.
I can count on one hand the times I cried at a celebrity death. Steve Irwin was one. He had a gift for conveying how wondrous animals are, and inspired passion for protecting them. When he passed, it felt like the world lost something pure, good, and needed.
I've done a lot of ridiculous things in the search for sounds for my ASMR vids---but nothing so dumb as taking an open bottle of syrup, squeezing it to hear what syrup sounds like, & shooting it into my ear and down my neck/shirt.
I don't like to talk to you guys when I am not feeling awesome, cause I feel like my online existence is to help you feel happy and relaxed---but I am having a pretty hard day, and was wondering if you could send me stuff that makes you laugh. I would really appreciate it.
I will wear a pair of sneakers till they fall off. Mine are 10ish years old. My mom gave me a new pair for Xmas, so I have to adjust to walking in rigid shoes. I put them on. I asked "they look good?" Fam said yes. I asked "Am I walking good?" Fam said "No. Like a newborn deer."
I am using new makeup for the first time in...6ish years. TIL that you can't put concealer all over and expect it not to be flaky paint chips if you do not immediately blend. I reapplied new makeup 3 times today.
When I forget a line I'm supposed to have memorized during an 16+ hour filming day, I handle it with beauty and grace. Working on a behind the scenes video where I show you guys how I created the Foley sounds in my You're a Star ASMR movie. This scene will not be in it.
Hey
@YouTube
@TeamYouTube
this has been reviewed & isn't suitable for advertisers? It's audio of me testing my mic quality for a few mins with a pic of me smiling as the background image. So is a woman talking unsuitable, is a woman's face unsuitable, or are you full of it?
It's a trip to pop into someone's ASMR stream, say hi, they have no idea who I am, and they start doing sksksk, omnom pizza sounds, and tapping on mic ears.
Took this pic on my phone. Phone said "Raise phone for a better angle." I'm like "Shh phone, Let me live and have a chin."---meanwhile my filming camera is always like "Girl yes, you look great, keep this angle" & I come out looking like Shrek in footage. I see you, technology.
Sees
@HamillHimself
liked my tweet. Calling all my family members. My grandparents don't understand what Twitter is, but they need to know that everything they've ever done has led up to this moment in our bloodline.
I've never fallen from quite this high, falling into those ocean eyes. In less than 30 Minutes, You're a Star finally goes live, and I PANIC and run away from my computer.
#YASmovie
#ASMR
Have the people who made this decision actually seen porn? I pity their sex lives if they think ASMR vids are "vulgar." GG protecting the population from sleep and relaxation.🙄
I've been working on an ASMR video since late 2015. I'm in a meeting with the animator I am working on it with, and he just said "Your character looks like a cross between Tinkerbell from Hook and The Abyss."
There's so much going on, & I'm trying to keep my head up so I can help keep your heads up, & it's rough some days (today)---but then I see my cats sitting next to each other like little best friends, and they don't know everything is wrong, and that makes it a tiny bit better.
Left Halloween candy outside. All day kids were great, taking 1-2. Watched on doorcam 2 kids & a man come up. Boy peered into my window as a look out, while man & girl took all the candy. Boy yelled "your house is trash!" as they left. Garbage behavior. Throw the whole fam out.
Got an email from a company that wants to post my content to their pages, and GENEROUSLY offered me "25% of the net revenue generated" from the content I wrote, filmed, and edited.
Have you ever thought about what how ridiculous the spelling of "league" is? Imagine learning English, and seeing that monster. Also have you ever thought about how cool turtles are? Be nice to turtles.
I politely acknowledge the random things my mom says in convos cause what else is there to say really.
Mom: Eyebrows are the key to youth.
Me: Ok.
Mom: I'm sipping my spit all the time.
Me:. Alright.
Thanks
@YouTube
for the email saying Happy International Women's Day. I'd appreciate it if you didn't restrict 47% of my vids. Can we celebrate female creators by not marking videos that feature their faces as inappropriate for kids?
A very hungry stray cat showed up tonight. Face pressed against the glass of the home of an Italian cat lady. Mofo picked the right house. Welcome to food and sanctuary little dude.
Guys, I haven't slept in a long time, so you know what that means...I'm thinking about fossils. Guys, our planet is amazing. I fricken love fossils. Guys. Guyeeeeees fossils thoooo
My hard of hearing grandma watched The Lion King from 1994. She said she's never seen it (she has). She said it's terrible and not for children---but she loved the song "makumba makumba." When I told her the song was called "Hakuna Matata" she said "Yes! Chikuna Tah!"
This is horrible. I'm glad this couple is okay. People in the past have written that they'd unsubbed me because they thought I was a "bitch" or "snob" when I wouldn't give them my address for gifts. If you could see how scary some of the messages I get are, you'd understand.
I've had Sunday dinner with my fam nearly every Sunday of my life. I haven't seen them since February. My grandma just called me, crying, because she misses me. The last time I saw my mom, she stood outside my door & we air hugged. We stay apart because we love each other.
@WatchMixer
@FacebookGaming
You made a deal with FB before today, but chose today to announce it to the world in the hopes this deflects from the accusations against you, so you can avoid having to take responsibility for actively hiding and promoting sexual predators and racists on your platform.
I am often talking to myself when I look into the camera.
I turn my struggles into metaphors in the stories I write, that I then give to you in the hopes it will help both of us. My creative process is telling you everything without telling you anything.
#CatharticASMR
Me: Mom...did you take a sock and make a beanie for your tiny Buddha?
Mom: How did you know?
Me: Where would you get an actual hat that small?
Mom: I am very creative! Remember I made a tablecloth out of panties!
I did not eat the pizza lunchable I found in the back of my fridge, because it expired over a year ago. I also did not throw it away, cause I still might eat it someday.
Farewell
#AdventureTime
, a beautiful show that captured our hearts by breaking them, and helped us confront some of our darkest struggles with a spoon full of Sugar. It's seems unforgiving when a good thing ends, but you and I will always be back then.
I still get hit randomly by sadness thinking about Tiny Horse. Sitting on the couch, she pops into my head, and it hits me like a truck. I had chances to say goodbye, but everytime I would just say "I love you, do you know that?" Months later, I still can't say goodbye.