Guy Endore-Kaiser @GuyEndoreKaiser Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@Luck_430

@mort_suicidaire

@aachan_mga

@ketan076

@sotwecom

@bokeplokalmalam

@ketan076

@darthcest

@Doll_hara

@vivid_army_

@ketan076

@desyeolhc

@Pordamal1

@AlhlwW40858

@ArpanKu45749279

@nongkhaokhua

@zzdnwm

@Stevie_Wal

@bblackdaddysp

@ReagJacqul

@SongSH

@Pordamal1

@pusiqng

@xchorax

@bokeplokalmalam

@nmqs888

@Chanach97714596

@QueerColeslaw

@n5sWP

@Gennarelli2022

@Pavel_Sporcl

@MaxLawler

@dossabin

Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

Trump shouldn't be allowed to choose a justice in the last year of his presidency.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

Something seems odd about this panel CNN put together to discuss The Women's March, but I can't put my finger on it.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

This isn't okay. It's not a redemption arc. This is a grown man who chose loyalty to a sociopath instead of the country. Fuck him forever.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

@TomiLahren @21savage You don’t have ancestors. You were accidentally created when a lightning bolt hit a mayonnaise factory on April Fool’s Day.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

To celebrate a million dollar deal, Howard Schultz gave me some loose tea bags and a five dollar gift card. I will not be voting for Howard Schultz for President, and I invite all of you to join me.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

My daughter decided to do her first lemonade stand today: on New Year’s Eve. My wife was her first customer, and when no one else came, dressed in disguise to be her second customer, too. Everyone’s listing what they’re proud of this decade, and for me, it’s these two weirdos.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

After all these years, Jay-Z finally has a bitch problem.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

7 years

Somebody please inform Jay-Z that because of my policies, Black Unemployment has just been reported to be at the LOWEST RATE EVER RECORDED!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

Howard Schultz is in the news, so here's my only Howard Schultz story. Back when I used to work in movie marketing we did a million dollar deal to advertise one of our films in every Starbucks location. It was a big initiative for Schultz, so he flew down to LA for the meeting.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

1 year

Bill Maher complaining about writers wanting special treatment is a great opportunity to remind everyone about the time I went to Maroon 5’s Halloween party and Maher was screaming at the bouncer because they didn’t have a special line for celebrities. Also they did have one.

Post-Left Watch

@PostLeftWatch

1 year

Bill Maher wants to acknowledge the "big other side" of the writer's strike, and while he says they're getting "screwed a little bit by the streamers", a lot of their demands are "kooky". "They kinda believe that you're owed a living as a writer, and you're not".

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

My wife and I are both feminists. But as a man, I’m a tiny bit better at it.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

We did it!

Ivanka Trump

@IvankaTrump

5 years

En route to The Hague! 🇺🇸🇳🇱 #GES2019

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

I guess it comes down to who you think is smarter: Obama and the governments of China, France, Germany, and the UK... or the guy who bragged about successfully identifying a camel on a dementia test.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

12 years

If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to fuck with people... like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

Who can forget, in 1776, when the Continental Army took over the airports.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

BUY A LADDER & THE WALL WON’T MATTER!

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

6 years

BUILD A WALL & CRIME WILL FALL!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

We're a week away from Sean Spicer yelling at the media for refusing to report that Donald Trump has a sixty inch dick.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

If only John McCain could have heard John McCain's speech before John McCain cast his vote.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

“Horseface” - The President of the United States, who is beloved by Christian evangelicals, describing a porn star he paid for sex

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

6 years

“Federal Judge throws out Stormy Danials lawsuit versus Trump. Trump is entitled to full legal fees.” @FoxNews Great, now I can go after Horseface and her 3rd rate lawyer in the Great State of Texas. She will confirm the letter she signed! She knows nothing about me, a total con!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

No matter what you think of this guy's politics, you have to admit he knows a lot about trains.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

AIDE 1: How do we make the moron happy today? AIDE 2: This is probably too stupid, but what if we told him he set the presidential record for most years since 9/11? TRUMP:

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

6 years

17 years since September 11th!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

Sometimes April Fools' pranks can have disastrous consequences. Please learn from my terrible mistake.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

@RudyGiuliani Who was the president in 2017, cousin fucker?

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

This is the closest the President of the United States has come to not being the stupidest person in a picture.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

I ordered a triple venti soy latte. I slid the magnificent card to the barista and waited for his reaction. I'll never forget his words: "You still owe fifteen cents."

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

The Gettysburg Address was famously short. You couldn’t have picked a dumber example, you monumental moron.

Donald Trump Jr.

@DonaldJTrumpJr

7 years

. @Twitter how about a compromise... you give everybody ONE 280 character a day? 140 was an art form, 280 is everyone’s chance to write their Gettysburg Address that no one wants to actually read.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

11 years

Arizona: "At least we're not Texas." Texas: "At least we're not Florida." Florida: "You can't prove we're Florida."

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

"Donald and I may have our differences, but at the end of the day we're both frightened pissboys who hate women and poor people." -Ted Cruz

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

What a fucking world where Robin Williams has to be depressed and all these other assholes wake up with smiles on their faces.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

The idea that 1000s of documents are stored in unmarked folders is hilarious. Like how do they find one they need? Look through all of them?

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

Just called my friend in Puerto Rico and he said, "Please don't give us another thought until you sort out the anthem stuff, we'll be fine."

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

7 years

Tremendous backlash against the NFL and its players for disrespect of our Country. #StandForOurAnthem 🇺🇸

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

Sure I masturbate in front of women and then ruin their careers to protect myself, but at least I'm not doing any of that millennial crap, like surviving a mass shooting. Wait, where's everyone going? I still have an hour about avocado toast--

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

After he loses, everyone who supported Trump should have to spend a year on an island where he gets to make all the decisions.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

@MaxBoot @PostOpinions Imagine if your whole job was to understand politics and politicians and you couldn’t tell the substantive difference between Ocasio-Cortez and Sarah fucking Palin. Imagine sucking that much at your job.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

@BillOReilly All the cool kids are pressuring me to try this new drug called 'not being shot to death at school'.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

The first thing I need to know about any rape case is: how many sports was the rapist good at?

The Associated Press

@AP

8 years

Two-sport star at a suburban Pittsburgh high school ordered to stand trial on rape, other charges.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

@KingJames Thank you for speaking out on behalf of all the oppressed millionaires who were slightly inconvenienced by those selfish jerks demonstrating for their basic human freedoms.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

Every time conservatives try to imagine a nightmare scenario it ends up being awesome. It’s like if Einstein tried to do an impression of a stupid person but accidentally came up with the theory of relativity.

HotAir.com

@hotairblog

6 years

Rubio: Are you ready for President Kamala Harris declaring a national emergency over climate change?

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

We should just put the White House on airbnb for 3 million a weekend.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

Your president just said your vice-president wants to hang all gay people.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

Please stop wasting exclamation points like this. We need to save them all for when you die on the toilet.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

7 years

Do you notice we are not having a gun debate right now? That's because they used knives and a truck!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

She's dressed almost exactly the same as you.

David A. Clarke, Jr.

@SheriffClarke

7 years

. @realDonaldTrump calling Frederica Wilson “whacky” is putting it mildly. The woman is a buffoon. Look at her.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

Obviously a lot to dislike about this tweet, but let's not lose sight of the fact that he did it on the wrong day.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

8 years

Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don't know what to do. Love!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

There is NO FUCKING way he tweeted this without having specifically empowered Flynn to tell Russia not to worry about the sanctions. NO WAY.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

8 years

Great move on delay (by V. Putin) - I always knew he was very smart!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

Remember when Obama was president and no one ever tried to defend him by saying he was too stupid to know he was breaking the law?

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

Do you have any motivational books? Yeah, they're in the back. (long pause) Do you have any that are closer?

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

1 year

Bill Maher, who loves to remind us he's one of the writers of his show, will obviously be thinking up questions to ask his panel of guests. This is writing. Bill Maher is a scab. The only surprise is that it took him this long. New Rule: Never let this scab live this down.

Bill Maher

@billmaher

1 year

Real Time is coming back, unfortunately, sans writers or writing. It has been five months, and it is time to bring people back to work. The writers have important issues that I sympathize with, and hope they are addressed to their satisfaction, but they are not the only people

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

One thing we don’t talk about enough, because it’s not unifying or whatever, is that all the people who like trump are just the dumbest fucks in the entire world. Look at all these bobblehead morons hooting because they heard one of the bad words.

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

5 years

Trump's biggest applause line is saying the word "bullshit." We're living through Idiocracy.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

@CBSNews @LindseyGrahamSC Cool, here’s zero dollars. It’s a metaphor for five billion.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

Trump should be allowed to attend 83% of the funeral, since that's how often McCain votes with him.

NBC News

@NBCNews

6 years

John McCain doesn't want President Trump at his funeral, friends tell the White House

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

The next day I took it into Starbucks. I wondered if the barista had ever seen one in person. I imagined he might have to call his manager over, and his eyes would go wide, and they'd whisper about me in hushed tones, while the rest of the employees gathered around to gawk at it.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

1 year

I'm Jewish. I have a deep love for the Israeli people. But I am terrified of what their government might unleash tomorrow. And I'm disgusted that ours is all but cheering it on. An unspeakable atrocity was committed. But that can never justify the slaughter of innocents.

The Washington Post

@washingtonpost

1 year

The Israeli military warned the United Nations that more than a million people in northern Gaza should evacuate south within 24 hours, a move that the U.N. considers impossible “without devastating humanitarian consequences." Follow our live updates.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

2 years

@Process180 @Travistritt @brendaslynn @JackDaniels_US I'm going to tell you something that is going to rock your world. People who accept other people and aren't terrified of anyone different from them, aren't actually a very small part of the population, they are the majority. Bigots, thankfully, are the small and shrinking part.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

12 years

Sometimes I take Dairy Queen coupons to Burger King, and when they refuse them, I scream “That’s your fucking wife!!!”

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

9 years

Ultimately if the wall keeps Trump out, I think there's a chance Mexico might pay for it.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

12 years

If you are ever at a playground and someone asks you which kid is yours, just for fun tell them you haven't decided yet.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

A Starbucks gift card, unlike any I had ever seen. Covered in shiny foil, this thing caught the light from every angle. It was beautiful. I was sure it was a lifetime gift card. I wondered how many were in existence. Surely less than a hundred.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

2 years

If you live in LA, you can make Gwyneth Paltrow, Elon Musk, and Kim Kardashian sad with one stroke of your pen. Please don't forget to vote for anyone but Rick Caruso today.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

I took it back to my office, because I didn't want to make any of my colleagues jealous. I opened it up, and inside was an assortment of loose tea bags. What the fuck? I dumped them on my desk, dumbfounded, and that's when I saw it...

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

11 years

Nazis and the great depression, I get it, Grandpa. But did you have to hear the word 'selfie' every fucking day? Did you?!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

Tim Duncan is going to go absolutely wild tonight. Microwave a pizza, crush a root beer, maybe stay up till 10.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

The next day, after everything was signed, Howard's assistant handed me a gift bag and said Howard had really enjoyed meeting me. I was stoked, this was the first gift I'd ever gotten from a billionaire.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

Off the top of your head, what's the funniest story FOX News could be covering instead of the Natl Security Advisor resigning in disgrace...

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

@nikkihaley The US will be taking names? Simmer down, you wannabe tough guy. The rest of the world is allowed to be upset about rash decisions made by an illegitimate man-child with the potential to disrupt an entire region.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

2 years

David Zaslav made 246 million in 2021 and so far his biggest move is the equivalent of renaming Disney to Walt. This is why writers don’t believe the studios when they say they don’t have enough money to pay us fairly.

Max

@StreamOnMax

2 years

On May 23, HBO Max is becoming Max — The One To Watch for all of HBO, hit series, movies, reality, and more. #StreamOnMax

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

Every joke about lawyers can fuck off for a while. Lawyers are like the brain Avengers, teaming up to take on a real life supervillain.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

If you're feeling down, park in a handicap space and soon a bunch of strangers will tell you that there's nothing wrong with you!

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

12 years

I went to my doctor for a 4 hour erection and he was like, “Did you just see Magic Mike twice?” And I was all, “busted”, and then we danced.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

12 years

Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How shitty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

@IvankaTrump I wish your dad would spend more time studying policy and less time writing you all these letters.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

11 years

"Homosexuality is evil! Now twirl around on the ice for a piece of jewelry." -Sochi

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

Oh you're sick? Let me weirdly list every other person I know who's sick.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

Trump is doing a poll comparing Trump’s first year to Obama’s. See if you can spot the inconsistency.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

This president sucks so much that undoing his own shitty policy is literally his greatest achievement.

The Washington Post

@washingtonpost

6 years

Trump expected to sign executive order ending his administration’s policy of separating migrant families at border, officials say

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

Junior woke up today with an unquenchable desire to have 10,000 people tweet back at him about how his father is also a Hollywood rapist.

Donald Trump Jr.

@DonaldJTrumpJr

7 years

Why don’t we simplify this greatly and publish a list of those in Hollywood who aren’t creeps??? Apparently a much smaller group.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

4 years

I empathize with J.K. Rowling because if all I had to do to be beloved forever was shut the fuck up about things I don't understand, I would also find a way to monumentally biff that.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

Everyone likes to complain about airlines but today when I asked for an extra stir stick because my daughter likes the hearts, the good folks on Southwest flight 3266 made her this crown out of stir sticks and pretzel bags.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

That time when Einstein faked his own death so he could keep working on his secret theories at Starbucks. http://t.co/Ql97viUtSi

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

9 years

Lesser men would have given up after twenty years of outrageous fame and fortune, but Leo persevered, and now he has a small trophy.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

Smoke weed, miss 16 games. Punch woman, miss 2 games. Beat child, miss 1 game. Embarrass entire league, stay commissioner.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

Drafting two safeties and the Browns quarterback is exactly the kind of bold thinking our country needs right now.

Paul Ryan

@SpeakerRyan

8 years

That moment when half of your fantasy 🏈 team shows up at your workplace. @GloverQuin27 @AnquanBoldin @JoshMcCown12 @Hawk @MalcolmJenkins

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

11 years

A soul patch is a check engine light for people.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

1 year

Took my seven year-old to see the Taylor Swift movie and she was nervous about trading friendship bracelets, but then all these older girls came over to make sure she felt included. Taylor is helping to raise a whole generation of nice girls, and it’s honestly so moving.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

Hey, congrats to all the people who voted for the geniuses who think Sandy Hook was fake and Bowling Green was real.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

YOUR MOST ANNOYING FRIEND: Think about it man, we’re all just living in a simulation, man. YOU: Please stop with the edibles. ESPN: The Cleveland Browns are considering making Condoleezza Rice their new head coach. YOU: I apologize for mocking you, please pass the edibles.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

10 years

I can't wait to see what disease you cure with all the time you've saved not putting your shopping cart away.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

12 years

If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

"An SNL writer made fun of my son" Trump raged as he signed his executive order destroying the lives of thousands of kids.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

8 years

There's like nothing stopping any of us from booking a room at a Trump hotel and canceling 24 hours in advance.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

They were right about Coronavirus being a hoax so I think we should give them the benefit of the doubt on climate change too.

The Washington Post

@washingtonpost

5 years

Trump administration to finalize weaker mileage standards, dealing a blow to Obama-era climate policy

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

@AriFleischer Tens of thousands of children were murdered by our bombs because of your bullshit. The fact that you don’t blow your brains out every time you have five minutes to reflect on your life proves what a fucking sociopath you are.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

11 years

Be careful when you're 12, because if you mention one thing you like, your aunt will give you a book about that every Christmas for life.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

7 years

We lost zero Stephen Hawkings in eight years under Obama.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

5 years

I wonder why this one struck a nerve...

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

9 years

It's stupid to give The Martian an award for best comedy of the year, when in fact it's the best comedy of all time.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

12 years

. @realDonaldTrump Basically any decent human being.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

He’s been sentenced to 5 to 10 years of free drinks.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

6 years

Jeff Bezos is the richest person on Earth. We shouldn’t be giving him 3 billion to move his operations. We should be charging him 3 billion every time he travels on a public road.

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Guy Endore-Kaiser

@GuyEndoreKaiser

4 years

Hey @jack , this tweet saying not to be afraid of covid is going to kill thousands of people. You gonna do anything about it? Anything at all?

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

I will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6:30 P.M. Feeling really good! Don’t be afraid of Covid. Don’t let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs & knowledge. I feel better than I did 20 years ago!

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