Dr Becky Good Inside @GoodInside Twitter profile

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Why do we think punishing our kids will help them change? All we are doing is punishing kids for skills they don’t (yet) have - instead of teaching them the skills they were missing in the first place. Let’s walk through this to illustrate the point …

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Stop getting into power struggles with your kids - with these three steps: 1) Find your calm by reminding yourself, “I am safe. This is not an emergency. I can do this.” This mantra gets you out of “fight or flight” mode - and ensures you don’t add fuel to your kid’s fire.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

A 15-second intervention can change the trajectory of a child’s life. My TED talk dropped today - and I can’t wait for you to see it.

Becky Kennedy: The single most important parenting strategy

Everyone loses their temper from time to time — but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child. Clinical psychologist and renowned parenting whisperer Becky Kennedy...

www.ted.com

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Things kids need to hear: - “I’m so glad you’re my kid.” - “You don’t need to be perfect to be loved.” - “I believe you.” - “We can get through this together.” - “Even when you struggle in the outside, you remain good inside.” … What did you need to hear when you were a kid?

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

If we want kids to tolerate frustration, we have to tolerate their frustration. If we want kids to tolerate disappointment, we have to tolerate their disappointment. Big idea: Kids can’t learn to tolerate the feelings we don’t tolerate in them.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We build our kids' confidence by steering them away from a reliance on external validation.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Parenting Myth: Yelling messes kids up. Parenting Truth: It’s yelling + *not repairing* that’s terrifying and overwhelming to kids. Solution: Repair. Action: Learn how to repair and why it matters. Click here:

Becky Kennedy: The single most important parenting strategy

Everyone loses their temper from time to time — but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child. Clinical psychologist and renowned parenting whisperer Becky Kennedy...

www.ted.com

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Here’s a paradox: when a kid is anxious, telling them everything will be ok will only increase anxiety - while telling them it’s ok to feel anxious will help them believe that everything will be ok.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

11 months

Confidence isn’t feeling like you’re the best. Confidence is feeling like it’s OK to be you when you’re not the best.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Ever wonder why kids lie to our face? Even when we clearly saw what they did? Well, understanding *attachment* is the key unlock here.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Let's shift our mindset from punishment and fear to coaching and teaching. Let's empower our children with the skills they need to thrive and succeed - now and in adulthood. This isn’t soft or permissive … it’s effective. #parenting #emotionalintelligence

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

With swimming and any other skill, we know that change takes time. Well, here’s an idea: emotion regulation is a learned skill too. Underneath kids’ “bad behavior” is a lack of emotion regulation SKILLS. And our job as parents is to be an emotion regulation coach.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Confidence isn’t feeling good about yourself. Confidence is self-trust. When a kid is upset, we build confidence by saying “I believe you” and we actually lower confidence by saying “Come on, it’s not such a big deal.”

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

When your child hits, it's because they can't yet regulate frustration. When they yell “hate you," it's because they can’t yet regulate disappointment. This isn’t about condoning bad behavior. It’s about focusing on the skills kids need to change bad behavior.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Imagine watching your child in the pool with a swim instructor who yells “Go to your room! Come out when you can swim better!” We’d never return to that swim teacher. How could a child change with this method? We want coaches and instructors to teach… not blame and punish.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

To get the best out of our kids, we need to see the best in them.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Our job is to help kids build the skills they are missing, not punish them for not having them yet.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

3) Name what YOU will do - instead what you want your child to do: “I’ll put your shoes by the door” or “Ok well I’m going to put your bagel on the table. It’s there if you want it.” Then take a breath. Count to 10. Remember you have a good kid. You’ve got this.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

2) Connect by validating your kid’s resistance: “You really don’t want to get your shoes on huh” or “Woah there’s something about eating breakfast right now that you’re not into.” Remember: validation doesn’t mean agreeing; validation connects, which sets the stage for change.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

3 months

Screen time is top of mind for parents these days. And it all comes back to this: as parents, our number one job is to keep our kids safe - not happy. Setting boundaries and tolerating our kids’ distress (and anger at us!) is a critical skill in Sturdy Parenting.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

11 months

Watch out for the Fast-Forward Error. It looks like this: your kid hits a friend and you fast-forward to, “My kid is a sociopath, my kid will be in jail one day.” Come back to today. You have a good kid. And you’re going to figure it out.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

When we tolerate our kids’ feelings, they start to believe that they’ll be able to tolerate their own feelings. This is the essence of coping. Try it today. Swap “It’s going to be fine stop worrying” for “You’re feeling nervous. Yeah that makes sense. It’s ok to feel that way.”

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

In a family system, a parent has two main jobs: 1. Set Boundaries around any unsafe behaviors. 2. Show Validation and Empathy for all feelings. Some behaviors get a No. All feelings get a Yes.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

When it comes to saying no to your kid, remember: we're allowed to say no AND your kid is allowed to be upset. After all, parents’ boundaries don’t dictate kids’ feelings - and kids’ feelings don’t dictate our boundaries. Use these scripts to say no - with firmness and warmth.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

When your child says, "I hate you!" Mantra for yourself: "The truth is in the feeling, not the words." Take a deep breath and then say: "You must be really upset about something to say that to me. Let me take a moment to calm my body and then let's figure out what's going on.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Kids are born with all of the feelings… and none of the skills to manage those feelings. Our job is to help kids build the skills they are missing, not punish them for not having them yet.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Let's replace: "I want to protect my child from tough feelings" with: "I want to prepare my child for tough feelings" Protection Mode: avoid, invalidate, and "make-better." Preparation Mode: embrace, validate, and tolerate.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Your child says, "I'm the smartest kid at school." Instead of teaching what to think: "Don't say that aloud! It's kind of braggy." Teach how to think: "The smartest huh? Hm... tell me more. What is the smartest, how is that figured out? I never quite know what that means…”

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Remember this: What matters most in a child’s first year isn’t whether you bottle- or breast-feed, the brand of stroller you use, or a strict nap schedule.. What matters most is your emotional well-being.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

If children believe that telling the truth will lead to anger, judgment, or punishment, they lie to preserve attachment.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Resilience is built in the moments when we practice tolerating a tough feeling, not pushing it away.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Kids cannot fight evolutionary mechanisms. So if they lie, it's a sign that they need more connection and understanding, not less.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

WE DID IT! #1 NYT BEST SELLER

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Our job is not to help our kids feel happy. Our job is to help our kids feel at home with themselves. Happiness naturally finds kids (and adults) who've learned to be exactly who they are.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

When we are willing to explore tricky topics with our kids, we stimulate a thought process inside our children, and there's nothing that teaches children how to reflect and be thoughtful as, well, the experience of reflecting and being thoughtful. Gratitude relies on reflection.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

On the other hand, if kids believe that telling the truth will lead to concern, inquiry, and understanding, they'll be honest all day, every day.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We don't break cycles by interacting with our kids differently than our parents interacted with us. We break them by interacting with ourselves differently. We can't give out what we don't give in. To show compassion to your kids, you have to practice compassion with yourself.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Boundaries are what we tell our kid we will do - and they require a kid to do nothing. “Stop jumping on the couch” and “We don’t hit” aren’t boundaries - they’re requests.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Empathy isn’t taught, it's absorbed. When we connect to our child's feelings as valid and real, we teach them to approach the rest of the world with the same curiosity and compassion.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

It’s impossible to not have feelings. We are all living human beings with feelings coursing through our bodies. Feelings make us alive. They’re not a choice. Here’s a powerful truth: When we doubt our kids' feelings, they doubt their own feelings.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Try it out as an experiment this week: prioritize connection and see the amazing truth-telling (and general better behavior) that follows. Can't wait to hear what you think.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Tantrums are not manipulation. Instead of: "I'll never give into a tantrum." Remember this: "I can say no... and still show my child compassion and validation." Even in tough moments, you are on the same team as your child.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Boundaries are not a way of pushing people away. Boundaries are a way of staying in a relationship with someone in a way that works for you.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Lie: "I did all my work already!" Response: "I got an email that some work is missing. You must have been worried that I wouldn't get it, that I'd judge without listening. Maybe we can talk about it. I promise, no lecture."

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

You ask your child to do something, they say they did it, and then you later find out they didn't. What's going on here? And what's a parent to do?

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Repeat after me: "I am not destined to repeat the patterns of my own childhood."

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Your child says, "This is SO hard!" Instead of: "Here, let me help you." Try sharing: "Ugh! This probably feels so hard. You’re a kid who can do hard things." Instead of helping by making things easier… let's help our kids tolerate hard things and find their resilience.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We can’t show up for our family unless we show up for ourselves first.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

An absolute dream to talk with @GlennonDoyle @AbbyWambach and Amanda!

Glennon Doyle

@GlennonDoyle

2 years

Today, Dr. Becky Kennedy shares the 3 most important things to say to your kids & partners every day - some of the most actionable wisdom we’ve heard on #WCDHT . Listen to Breaking Cycles & Reparenting Yourself w/ @goodinside , @abbywambach , Amanda & me at

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Your child asks, "Does this look good on me?" Instead of: "Yes, you look great!" Share this: "Hm.. how does it feel? How something feels to you matters more than how it looks to others." We build our kids' confidence by steering them away from a reliance on external validation

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

You are enough as a parent. You are enough as a person. You always have been, and you always will be.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

How do we respond when someone says, “You’re going to let them get away with that?!” or “You need to punish them! How will they ever learn right from wrong?” In these moments, the only thing you need to focus on is yourself.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Remind yourself today: Presence is an action. My presence is enough. I am enough.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

3 Things to Say To Your "Always-Getting-In-Trouble Child" Our kids need to hear that they are good and loveable, especially when they're in a difficult stage. Kids respond to the version of themselves parents reflect back. We are our children’s mirror.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

So what can we do? Prioritize connection over being right (I know, it's so hard - for me too). Some responses to lies that increase trust and connection:

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

If your home is like mine, then you get into these Groundhog Day stages where your child is engaging in the same difficult behavior over and over again. The hitting won’t stop, the sibling arguments are out of control, the rudeness persists day after day… what can we do?

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Idea: We can have empathy for feelings we don’t understand Actionable Script: “Something about this feels really bad to you. I don’t quite understand it… but I believe you. And I’m here for you.”

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Lie: "I didn't knock over the tower!" Response: "If someone, not you, but someone did push it down... I might be upset but I'd give a hug first and then try to understand and help. If you want a hug now, I'd love to give you one."

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

When we’re in distress we turn to our partners, friends, and family to feel understood, supported, and validated. A loving presence, someone simply saying, “I’m here. You're not alone.” is often all we need. Our kids are looking for the same thing.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Tell your child today: "Behaviors are what we see. Behaviors are not who we are. No matter what you do, you're the same lovable kid on the inside. I will always see the good inside you."

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We are our children's mirrors. Children become the version of themselves that we reflect back. We can't expect our kids to change if we are reinforcing the behaviors we are trying to move away from. Here’s an example of how we can reflect back the good inside of our kids…

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Your kid yells, "Get out of my room! Leave me alone!" Wonder what they really mean in those moments? This is the reel for you. Thinking, "Yup, that's my kid. Pushes me away anytime big feelings are involved." Check out the link below.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Attachment is an evolutionary mechanism that ensures a child's survival and security. Kids learn what keeps their parents close & what pushes them away.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Have questions you want answered? Ask away! All you have to do is tweet me your question using #AskDrBecky . I'll be answering your questions on Thursday, July 28th 4PM EST

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Sturdy leaders - at work and home - are able to make key decisions, set limits, dictate direction AND they are able to see and understand people's feelings and reactions to such boundaries. Here are some examples of Sturdy Leadership at work and home:

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We have to practice skills when we don’t need them in order to access them when we do need them.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Spending time away from your kids—and enjoying it!—does not make you a bad parent. Spending time away from your kids is not self-ish, it’s self-sustaining.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Let's be the generation that stops saying: "Go to your room. You can come back when you've calmed down." Try instead: "This feels so bad. I know. I'm here. I'm right here with you, sweetie.”

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Parenting is hard... for everyone. All of us have had bad days. All of us have felt overwhelmed. All of us have questioned if we are good parents. Here's the thing: Good parents go through "turbulence" and it isn't a sign you're doing anything wrong.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We don’t teach empathy to our kids by saying, "Do you see how upset he is?“ or “That makes Mommy sad." The more we try to force empathy on our kids, the more likely we are probably increasing shame and a tendency toward co-dependency - which gets in the way of becoming empathic!

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Responding to an "Irrational Meltdown" Name the Wish: "You really wish I didn't cut your sandwich in half and that it was still together. Normalize and De-Shame: "I also have a hard time when things don't go the way I want." Compassionate Presence: Say nothing. Be present.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Book - Good Inside

Parenting strategies robust enough to tackle your biggest challenges, but simple enough to remember. #1 New York Times Bestseller

www.goodinside.com

Tien G. Nguyen

@tkgnguyen

2 years

I'm only on page 7 of @GoodInside by Dr. Becky and already know this one is the rare book that's not a purchase. It's an investment. Cheers.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Anxiety comes from something unknown in the future coupled with our underestimation of our ability to cope with that unknown. The next time you feel anxious, tell yourself: "I can cope with this" or "I will be able to cope with that." Remind yourself of your resilience.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

When your child is having a tantrum, they are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. This perspective allows us to access groundedness and compassion. We can use this to help our kids, over time, be able to manage their feelings more and more.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Don't force your child to apologize Instead, roll with the resistance: "It's hard to find your apology voice. That happens to me sometimes too. I'll use it for you." Then model an apology aloud: "I'm sorry. I was frustrated, and it came out as a hit. Anything I can do to help?"

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

As the resolution chatter gets loud, I want to give you a reminder: You are enough. You always have been.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Three ways to protect kids from codependence: 1. Tolerate talking back 2. Encourage independence 3. Validate feelings and desires even when they're "inconvenient"

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We can't punish a child into managing tough feelings, making good decisions, caring about others. Punishment gets in the way of these critical developments. They make kids feel bad inside, which leads to self-blame & dysregulation. Not effective in the short-term or long-term.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Refusing to apologize is a sign of shame. We have to help our child see the goodness under their bad behavior, before we can expect them to repair.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Confidence comes from knowing how you feel, feeling at home with yourself, and being compassionate and curious about your internal experience. The more we help our kids learn that they are okay how they are, the more internal strength they have to change - when they’re ready.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Responding to "I hate you!” Or “You're a horrible parent!" "I know you're upset and that's real... and I know you can express it in a different way. I need a moment to calm my body - maybe you do too - then let's come back together and talk. I love you. We’ll figure this out”

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

When we prioritize connection over being right, we can begin to work together against a problem, instead of seeing each other as the problem.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We all have those moments where we are spiraling as a parent — we feel overwhelmed, depleted, or ashamed and then we are flooded with all kinds of “I can’t” thoughts. So what can we do in those moments to remind ourselves of our capability?

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

So, here are 3 things to say to your Always-Getting-In-Trouble Child. 1. "You're a good kid having a hard time." 2. "I know things feel tough right now. We will figure it out, together." 3. "You're not a bad kid. Do you hear me? I'm going to help you through this."

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

1 year

Don't Force Your Child To Apologize Roll with the resistance instead: "It's hard to find your apology voice now. That happens to me sometimes, too. I'll use it for you.” Then model a good apology aloud: "I'm sorry. I was frustrated, and it came out as a hit.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Our kids should not dictate our boundaries and we should not dictate their feelings. In any system, it’s critical to know your roles and responsibilities. This helps a system run smoothly. The opposite is also true: Systems break down when members are confused about their roles.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

To say “No”, we must first say “Yes” to ourselves. To do this we must be willing to prioritize our own needs over the needs someone else seems to have of us. Let’s rally around this idea together. Let me know what you are going to say yes to today.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

When you child cries: Instead of: "Stop it; you're fine." Try sharing, "It's okay to cry. Crying tells us that something important is happening inside our bodies." Teaching a child to listen to their body's signals promotes self-confidence, self-assertion, and consent.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Feelings don’t make us “soft”; learning to tolerate them makes us resilient.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Not sharing is part of a child's process of learning to recognize their own desires and communicate their wants and needs.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

I just yelled at my kids. Now what? Repair with yourself: "I'm a good parent who is having a hard time. I didn't mess up my kids. I can repair." Then, repair with your kids: "I'm sorry. I'm sure that felt scary. I'm working on staying calm when I have big feelings. I love you."

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Mom rage. Dad rage. Parental rage. It’s real. It happens to me, too. It’s time we de-shame the normal feelings that parents feel. It’s time to talk about them in an authentic, imperfect, vulnerable way.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Our cooperation depends on feeling seen, in control, and connected. Our kids are looking for the same thing. When we say, "My kid doesn't listen!" what we really mean is, "My kid doesn't cooperate when I want them to do something that they don't want to do."

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

If you've emotionally lost it on your child, you're human. Healthy relationships are defined not by lack of rupture but by how well we can repair. Find the language you need to repair in Chapter 5 of my book Good Inside (coming out 9/13). Pre-order at

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

I always get this question: If we don't give consequences and punishments, how will kids know what's okay and what’s not okay? The assumption here is this: consequences and punishments teach kids lessons, help kids learn right from wrong, motivate good behavior. Is this true?

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

When our kids are having a hard time, they need to feel that their parents recognize their feelings AND that their feelings do not take over decision making. Two things are true: Parents must make decisions we think are best AND care about our kids' feelings.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

When your child says, "Yuck! That's disgusting!" Instead of: "Stop being so rude!" State calmly: "You don't have to eat it." Parenting paradox: The less attached we are to our kids' food choices, the more willing they are to explore.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

A friend comes over and instead of sitting and enjoying each other's company with your children happily playing in the yard, you are managing grabbing, screaming, crying, and lots of "It's mine!" Check out this reel for why I actually think it’s okay for our kids not to share.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

Confidence isn’t feeling the best at everything. Confidence is feeling like it’s okay to be you even if you’re not the “best” at something. The more we can tolerate our kid’s tough feelings, the more they will be able to tolerate them - and the more confident they will become.

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Dr Becky Good Inside

@GoodInside

2 years

We are often taught that confidence is about feeling like you're the best. It's not. Our confidence is our ability to say, "I really know what I am feeling right now. Yes, this feeling is real and it's allowed to be there and I'm not scared of it."

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