it's coup for my family @GhostEsq Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

it's coup for my family

30 days

hey book club, next pick is "Challenger" by Adam Higginbotham discussion will be Tuesday, November 19 at 8:30 PM #ghostwithaspine

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@RodneyNotRandy

it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

2 years

"editor's note: the sound of children screaming has been removed" is the worst thing I've ever read and it's not close

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it's coup for my family

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3 years

brain like WE ARE SHORT STAFFED PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH THE NEUROTRANSMITTERS WHO DID SHOW UP NO ONE WANTS TO WORK ANYMORE

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@GhostEsq

1 year

just a quick reminder that mental is hocus health not pocus

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@GhostEsq

5 years

HE ATE HIS ADOPTION PAPERS

I’ve Pet That Dog

@IvePetThatDog

5 years

I pet Cash. He is a 3 year old Great Pyrenees in his 3rd home. He left his 1st home because he chased the chickens on the farm. He left his 2nd because their apartment didn’t allow dogs. Cash is with his forever family now. He knows he’s home because he ate his adoption papers.

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@GhostEsq

5 months

me reviewing my credit card statement and worried it's in fact all purchases I made

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

2 years

this man has the comedy capabilities of a retired cop and the business acumen of a retired cop and the politics of a retired cop

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

Millennial making a return: "hi I have the printed and electronic copies of my receipt and my credit card and it's unopened but I did buy it 8 days ago so it's okay if I can only get store credit" Boomer making a return: *wore it every day for 14 months, no receipt* "I want cash"

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@GhostEsq

2 years

it is a good thing that they did, getting that video and publishing it, I mean that sincerely, it's important and it's right and I am never, ever watching it

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

2 years

Christ, these families, this must be the most excruciating pain imaginable

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

7 years

This is the only thing that matters to me today

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@GhostEsq

6 years

This poor tricked doggie but oh my gosh his face is the best

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

11 months

stop fucking EMAILING ME oh my GOD just go EAT SOME MASHED POTATOES

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

1 year

@alittleleader OH HON

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

🎶 when the moon hits your eye like it's 4:45 that's November 🎶

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

4 years

Direct deposit: $1400 Me at the feral hogs store: bring me at least 30 but no more than 50

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

2 years

very cool how every story is like "Justice Thomas is corrupt and a criminal, his wife is super a criminal, this is very bad and shouldn't happen" and then nothing happens

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

6 years

Has anyone written a billionaire romance where the heroine meets the billionaire and takes his money and then feeds him to the poor because the proletariat was the hero all along

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

2 years

Judge at eviction court: good morning, everyone, I'd like to start off today with a land acknowledgement

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

3 years

would just like to make a quick announcement that the second I see "Zelenskyy-sexual" on this site I will be marching straight into the sea

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

7 years

Remember when Train wrote the lyric "your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains" and we as a nation just went along with it

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

1 year

"maybe this is a sign for you to be less online" God Himself could come to my home and take my phone and I would fight the Almighty to keep it

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@GhostEsq

1 year

these are my awards, Mother from Army

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

3 years

starting Ted Lasso, finally, I'm like 7 minutes in and this is the best show in the world already

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@GhostEsq

3 years

UNTIL SHE FINALLY MAKES A SMALL NOISE

I’ve Pet That Dog

@IvePetThatDog

3 years

I pet Luna. Most huskies make many different noises, but Luna doesn’t even bark. She tries and just blows air out until she finally makes a small noise. She is an escape artist who can get out of her kennel and fenced-in yard. Her caregiver says Luna makes her own adventures.

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

I'm glad he did this but I hella don't think Bill Maher's heart is in the right fuckin' place on this or possibly anything

The Late Late Show with James Corden

@latelateshow

5 years

“If making fun of fat people made them lose weight, there’d be no fat kids in schools.” — @JKCorden responds to @billmaher 's call for the return of fat shaming.

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@GhostEsq

6 months

30-40 feral ho(tdo)g (vendors)

Crime Net

@TRIGGERHAPPYV1

6 months

30-40 hotdog vendors stormed Coachella after a fence toppled over

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@GhostEsq

3 years

Taking my SNRI, call that "paying a living wage"

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@GhostEsq

1 year

am I having a stroke or can everyone else see this

FBI Washington Field

@FBIWFO

1 year

Justice is better than revenge. You may not be Superman, but you can help the #FBI protect the country. If you have information about a federal crime, speak now. Call 1-800-225-5324 or visit to submit a tip.

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@GhostEsq

3 years

full-on sobbing he plays The Floor Is Lava 😭😭😭😭😭

I’ve Pet That Dog

@IvePetThatDog

3 years

Íppos has a lot of energy, and goes on long walks. One of his favorite games is The Floor is Lava. He is very affectionate and loves his family. His caregiver hopes people won’t be afraid of adopting a special needs dog. Sometimes they take more time, but it’s worth it.

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@GhostEsq

6 years

My vaccination policy is identical to the party policy of Lil Jon Shots, shots, shots shots shots shots *Everybody*

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@GhostEsq

2 years

biased but this is a very pretty doggie

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@GhostEsq

2 years

microdosing work by opening my laptop

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

"I wore these shoes every day for 6 years and the toe is starting to wear out" Motherfucker, yeah, of course it is Because physics has happened to your shoe You live in a world that has a non-zero coefficient of friction

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

1 year

hey, I'm pretty overwhelmed with my current workload and it's really not possible for me to take on any new cases work: here's the most complicated shit you've ever seen in your life and it's an emergency

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@GhostEsq

4 years

Extremely pumped to see people who used "it's really only deadly for people who have complicating factors, like the immunosuppression" when they try to reopen schools Because that just says "I am cool and fine with the deaths of any and all disabled first-graders"

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

My email writing process: 1. Type email 2. Delete at least one exclamation point 3. Delete "just wanted to know" or "just checking in" as at least one of those is in there 4. Hate myself 5. Resentfully type "please feel free to reach out" 6. Hate myself more 7. Send

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

2 years

"are you saying they shouldn't be allowed to relax?" that's exactly what I'm saying, possibly even saying they should never be allowed to relax again, actually

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@GhostEsq

3 years

BAXTER I WILL GIVE YOU THAT ATTENTION

WeRateDogs

@dog_rates

3 years

This is Baxter. He’s going to need a lot of attention today. He can just tell. 14/10

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@GhostEsq

8 months

this is what it feels like to be alive

Massimo

@Rainmaker1973

8 months

Can eggs be destroyed in a crusher without pushing them down?

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@GhostEsq

6 years

THE SECOND PHOTO HAS RUINED MY LIFE

WeRateDogs

@dog_rates

6 years

This is Sassy. Today, she was crowned Flower Queen. Plans to rule benevolently. 12/10 would happily serve #SeniorPupSaturday

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@GhostEsq

5 years

Law school does nothing to prepare you for practice and should be rebuilt from the ground up

Myk - 🇺🇦🌻🇵🇸🍉 - Here To Help

@mykola

5 years

Please quote this tweet with a thing that everyone in your field knows and nobody in your industry talks about because it would lead to general chaos.

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

3 years

my fall plans the delta variant

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@GhostEsq

6 years

I'm fucking deddddd

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@GhostEsq

5 years

My worst one was a lady who returned a thing that was fucking wrecked but I had to take it because policy And then she asked "if we were just going to throw it away" could she take it and donate it No, ma'am, an essential component of your returning an item is YOU DON'T KEEP IT

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@GhostEsq

5 years

You ever have those moments where you're like "I can't explain this without making it sound like I think this person has the brain of a flatworm and the moral compass of a CEO" "They are gonna get mad at me"

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@GhostEsq

3 years

you want me to get that bread? the same thing that killed Jean Valjean???

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

Legit had this girl the other week who was super apologetic and all "I haven't been able to get here so I understand if you can't do the return" and it was like, 45 days ago And then a boomer with something from the 90s will be like "WHO KEEPS A RECEIPT THAT'S RIDICULOUS"

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@GhostEsq

8 years

CHURCH SIGN BY MY HOUSE "WE ARE A POKESTOP COME ON IN AND LET GOD TAKE A PIKACHU" I CANNOT BREATHE

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

2 years

maybe when I was like 17 I would have been full "oh my paws and whiskers, how could such a thing happen!" about Thomas but when grown adults who are members of Congress are like "I for one call upon the CHIEF JUSTICE" it is just fucking ridiculous

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

3 years

the Aaron Rodgers dunking is just amazing, inject it directly into my muscles, an act Aaron is unfamiliar with

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@GhostEsq

7 years

🎶 ladies leave your man at home the club is full of ballers and they pockets full grown 🎶

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

3 years

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@GhostEsq

11 months

okay ladies now let's get in formation

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@GhostEsq

3 years

ivermectin is actually just a continuation of the Protestant Reformation since it's meant to battle a Diet of Worms

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

2 years

I love this dog he is made entirely of bowling balls and legs and I LOVE HIM

15/10 Foundation

@15outof10

2 years

BREAKING NEWS 🚨🚨🚨 Rango has learned to high five... with both paws

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

You, sir, you are ridiculous You paid 30 dollars for something before the Great Recession and you think you are *owed* something?? What kinda entitled-ass, old-ass, punk-ass horseshit is that

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@GhostEsq

3 years

doubling of a letter in a wordle puzzle is violence

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@GhostEsq

5 months

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

HEY ANXIETY FUCK OFF I WANT MY RESTING HEART RATE BELOW LIKE, HUMMINGBIRD-LEVEL COULD WE ARRANGE THAT, MAYBE???

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@GhostEsq

3 years

the only one who needs 12 gallons of milk a week

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@GhostEsq

3 years

interviewer: can you explain the gap in your resume me: yeah I worked there as a sales associate

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@GhostEsq

3 years

"did you know that many of our tools are available online?" I am a millennial I would not be calling if I could do this online

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@GhostEsq

4 years

got myself a nice dinner with the second round of stimulus money

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@GhostEsq

5 years

How do you pin someone else's tweet to your profile and also your shirt and your wall and your life

Tig Notaro

@TigNotaro

5 years

If I ghosted you while I was depressed, it doesn’t count and I’m still nice!!!

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@GhostEsq

7 years

@Salencita @PhuckinCody Yessssss *gasps for air* IN EXCELSIS DEEEEOOOOO

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@GhostEsq

6 years

Look at this doofus face Where r ur arms pup

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@GhostEsq

2 years

despite most of the country agreeing that rights are good and dying violently is bad, in "Bitch v. You Thought" the Supreme Court said today in a 6-3 split that you can actually go fuck yourself

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@GhostEsq

10 months

oh fuck next week is a 5 day week

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@GhostEsq

3 years

we are the daughters of the Big Birds you couldn't cancel

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@GhostEsq

7 months

be meaner to lawyers, actually the good ones already hate themselves and the bad ones need to hear it more

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@GhostEsq

3 years

"if we shut down the poison factory all the poison factory workers will be out of a job" cannot be permitted as a workable argument

Los Angeles Times

@latimes

3 years

In April, California announced it would close the California Correctional Center in Susanville, which provides nearly 1,100 jobs in this town of 8,000 residents, excluding prisoners. Now, scores of “for sale” signs have popped up on front lawns.

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@GhostEsq

5 years

Hey millennials if you need a good way to remember 20 seconds while hand washing just take the primal scream you utter upon waking every day and only do a third of it

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@GhostEsq

3 years

WRINKLY POTATO AUTUMN FOR ALL OF US

WeRateDogs

@dog_rates

3 years

This is Tony. He’s been patiently waiting for hot girl summer to end so he can start his wrinkly potato autumn. 13/10

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@GhostEsq

3 years

the bar exam is like if you were trying to get your driver's license for a Honda Civic and they put you in a plane simulator

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@GhostEsq

2 years

@Chinchillazllla fully read this not as an ocean-depth measurement but as an elevation which means that there are fish in the Himalayas and Karakorum ranges

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@GhostEsq

3 years

we have that huge bag of mixed chocolate candy from Costco and this one kid who was probably nine-ish looked in the bowl and went "YORK, NICE" which means he is clearly a 45-year-old wine mom in disguise what child likes York Peppermint Patties

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@GhostEsq

5 years

Boomers are the only ones who can own homes and they'd full-on try to return the fucking house if they could "It got dirty" "And when it's windy it makes these noises" IT'S A GODDAMN HOUSE

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 months

Legit question for rural Americans: how do I appeal the 30-50 felony convictions that run into my campaign within 3-5 minutes after the jury deliberates

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

3 years

if I reply "oh so it's like Neopets" to NFT people is that okay

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@GhostEsq

2 years

gonna be exceptionally wonderful when all the lawmakers say they'll address stuff after the Memorial Day weekend, like they're allowed to enjoy the holiday when dozens of families are holding funerals

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

5 years

DO YOU BILL AN ANXIETY ATTACK AS "PLEADINGS" OR "DISCOVERY"

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

7 years

Vanessa Trump's entire divorce complaint is just this photo

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@GhostEsq

4 years

*Bubba from Forrest Gump voice* oh wow I didn't know you could cinnamon toast them

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@GhostEsq

4 years

And this is *chef's kiss*

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@GhostEsq

3 years

Biden's gonna end up giving everyone 30 dollars in Kohl's cash and 10 percent off when you spend 150 dollars or more at Crate and Barrel and the administration is gonna be like "why aren't you happy"

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@GhostEsq

5 years

Oh my other favorite is "of course this fell apart, they make everything in China now" Well your returning shit that has no resale value isn't fucking helping that change Also you don't give a shit about workers in poverty you're just mad about the zipper on your khakis

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@GhostEsq

3 years

Nancy Pelosi

@SpeakerPelosi

3 years

The CDC has the power to extend the eviction moratorium. As they double down on masks, why wouldn't they extend the moratorium in light of delta variant?

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@GhostEsq

5 years

If the currency of the apocalypse turns out to be plastic grocery bags and cartridges of women's razors I am gonna be the richest motherfucker

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@GhostEsq

6 months

"early-onset STEM brain" took me OUT and it got better

If Books Could Kill

@IfBooksPod

6 months

Episode 29: Going Infinite When Michael Lewis looked at Sam Bankman Fried, he saw a young, enigmatic genius who was remaking the financial world. A federal jury strongly disagreed.

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@GhostEsq

3 years

good news, I got rid of a zit on my face bad news, I replaced it with an open wound that is much larger and much more noticeable

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@GhostEsq

6 years

@omw2innisfree WELL HELLO THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE I'VE SEEN IN MY WHOLE GOSHDANG LIFE

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it's coup for my family

@GhostEsq

3 years

We Are Never Ever Sewing That Together (Tailor's Version)

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@GhostEsq

1 year

I don't remember if this was last year or before that but I love it and I want it framed in my home

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@GhostEsq

3 years

feel like they're no longer "allegations" once the dude admits to them but what do I know I'm just a person with no Grammys and no history of sexual assault

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@GhostEsq

3 years

we should all be allowed a week off sometime in December to just read books or knit or catch up on shows and pet our pets and not have to do stuff anyway I am running for president with the policy of "Do Not Disturb Week"

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@GhostEsq

7 years

I love how the doctrine of truth as an absolute defense to a claim of defamation is Fancy Law Words for "where is the lie, tho"

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@GhostEsq