I hold space for you to heal. Licensed social worker, Ph.D. Theology, father of 2 girls, 15+ y experience holding space & teaching others. Podcast host.
I’m 38.
When I was young, I lived like a zombie on autopilot.
So I turned to psychology to unlock my toxic thoughts & emotional patterns.
After a PhD and 16 years as a licensed social worker...
Here are the 5 life-changing habits that woke me up:
The root of our culture's sickness? One word:
SEPARATION.
• From self
• From others
• From society
• From a higher purpose
Here are 5 powerful habits to heal your wounds and liberate your authentic self:
Gabor Maté's Compassionate Inquiry:
• What aren't you saying "no" to?
• How does this inability affect your life?
• What signs are you overlooking?
• Why can't you say no?
• Where did these stories start?
• When have you denied a needed "yes"?
Curiosity is key to healing.
Our toxic culture is making us sick.
The majority of people are suffering, not thriving.
Despite our material wealth, mental health issues are surging.
To truly start living, we must understand why…
Breath work and meditation:
These are powerful tools for emotional regulation and anxiety alleviation.
1. Inhale deeply through the nose, filling the belly.
2. Exhale slowly, humming to create a vibration.
3. Repeat 5 minutes per day.
This stimulates the vagus nerve to
Reframe anxiety as a friend:
Hear me out on this.
Anxiety is an evolutionary defense mechanism, alerting us to threats. Recognize it as a protective force, not just stress.
If it overwhelms you, remember: you don't need to suffer alone.
Create and destroy walls:
Boundaries are an act of self-love.
Set them to protect your wellbeing.
Destroy those that no longer serve you.
Ask yourself:
1. Am I tolerating this or trying to change?
2. Where do I feel frustrated or resentful?
3. What's my go-to reaction?
Use
Affirmation for Self-Compassion
Place your hand on your heart and say:
“You’re okay.”
“You’re lovable.”
“I love you.”
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
“I’m here with you.”
Self-compassion leads to:
1. Higher resilience
2. More well-being
3. Less anxiety
4. Lower cortisol
The RAIN Practice to relieve stress:
Recognize what’s happening in the moment - in your body, thoughts & feelings.
Investigate with curiosity:
• What am I believing?
• What wants your attention?
• What sensations are in your body?
Nourish yourself with self-compassion and
The health industry makes tons of money off of people especially during the first month of the year.
Despite its efforts public health is declining.
Physical health does seem to be a major goal for many.
Most people give up within a few weeks.
We tend to set too big goals
These practices will teach you to:
• Nurture mindfulness (You’re not your thoughts)
• Regulate emotions and your nervous system
• Practice self-compassion
• Grow self-awareness
• Accept yourself
As you heal, others around you will heal too.
Start today, not someday.
I have a four-year-old.
She has difficulties regulating her emotions because she’s only four, and she feels a lot.
Some time ago, when I picked her up from pre-school, she was very upset about something that had happened during the day.
She had walked with her teacher
How to recover from trauma:
Old way
- Denying pain & burying emotions
- Isolating oneself from support
- Avoiding triggers at all costs
- Self-medicating with harmful coping mechanisms
New Way
I was alone with my two daughters this weekend. They are 7 and 4.
We had a fun weekend planned. Swimming, biking, baking, eating good food.
When we woke up Saturday morning, they were playing harmoniously. My youngest watched TV, and her older sister decided to draw pictures.
If you want a life filled with meaning
Then focus on relationships
I wonder sometimes, why we do what we do
What drives our behaviors to constantly search for more, want more, achieve more
What would happen if we were to relax in what is
What would happen if we were to relax
A recent post by
@sbkaufman
about the self-help industry made me think about the many platitudes we are bombarded with.
"Always think positively"
"Happiness is a choice"
"Focus solely on strengths"
"Gratitude fixes everything"
"Mindfulness solves all problems"
"Pursue
I often think about how I can be a better father to my girls.
My instinct is to protect, smooth, make it easy.
My instinct is to ease pain, discomfort.
When my girls have an argument, my immediate instinct is to solve their disagreement.
But I know, and I work on this,
I lived my life on autopilot and repeat for years.
In the past 10 years, I have achieved amazing things such as:
- Building an institution for adult education for the past 10 years successfully
- Finishing my doctoral dissertation and received accolades for my findings
- Being
As parents, we can often get overwhelmed.
You're not alone.
(DM "mindful parent" to get a video of the most valuable thing you can do as a parent to break through to your child and nurture your attachment and calm down your entire environment.)
Continue reading.
Embrace your journey with compassion, not comparison.
Think:
- My path is unique
- Growth is non-linear
- Every step has its value
Remember, the only fair comparison is you yesterday vs. you today.
How do you train yourself to live with uncertainty?
My greatest lesson comes from being a father.
As a father I know that routine and rituals are among the most important gifts I can give my children.
My girls thrive when there’s predictability.
More than anything, when they
We build walls around us and inside of us to feel safe.
But in reality, they prevent us from experiencing life fully.
Dare to tear down your own walls.
"Overthinking is the tip of the iceberg.
What lies below:
- fear of rejection
- lack of self-compassion
- inability to accept uncertainty Address them first. Overthinking will stop bothering you."
Tomorrow I'm doing a deep dive conversation with
@ResilienttHuman
who
Bringing up children isn't just about teaching them to reason or pursue success. It’s also about nurturing their hearts, cultivating their kindness and fostering their empathy.
Setting healthy boundaries isn't a way of pushing people away.
It's a means of defining yourself, your values and your limits.
Start seeing boundary setting as self-care, not as selfishness.
At 38, I have to say that the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my life have come from the past 12 years.
During this time, I’ve lived through the following:
- Got married to my beautiful wife Lydia.
- Moved to the USA and back to Sweden again.
- Co-founded an institution for
How do you go deeper and step into responsibility?
In my early thirties, I was struggling.
Struggling with self-confidence.
I struggled with finding meaning in what I was doing.
I also had regrets.
Regrets about some of my past choices.
I was stuck in a victim mindhood.
Navigating your own emotional landscape is a journey.
As a parent, teaching your child to navigate their emotional responses is pivotal for healthy development.
It starts with validation.
Navigating difficult conversations with empathy:
Old Strategy:
- Entering with a mindset to win
- Talking over the other person
- Ignoring their feelings and focusing on facts
New Path:
Direction does not determine destination.
It’s okay to reassess, recalculate and realign your journey especially when the destination no longer serves your higher purpose.
Unlocking human potential for 15+ years and the journey's been enlightening!
Here are five lessons:
1. Everyone carries a distinct narrative.
2. Spaceholding matters more than modality.
3. Transformation starts with awareness
4. The body keeps the score.
5. All humans are good
The true aspiration is being, not becoming.
Chasing after a perfect version of yourself can be exhausting and unfulfilling.
Accept and embrace who you are now.
Watch your life blossom.
I've made up my mind, my mission on X is to slow down while moving fast in the whirlwind of tweets and posts.
Slowing down might be the best thing you can do for yourself.
Slowing down might get your sanity back.
Winter is my favorite season.
Running in winter is, more than
One of the biggest challenges as entrepreneurs and creators have to deal with is living with uncertainty.
It seems to be that uncertainty is not only present in the initial stages of a creative journey.
Depending who you are, uncertainty will always be present when you go out
If you truly want to thrive in life and business, dealing with your past trauma is vital.
Dealing with my own trauma has helped me:
- Overcome my people-pleasing tendencies (fawning)
- Stop dissociating
- Stop running away from my own discomfort
Here's what I've learned 🧵
Ever feel trapped by others' expectations?
Setting boundaries is your pathway to an increased personal freedom.
This thread defines the steps you can take to increase your ability to set boundaries.
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.
Perhaps this can capture some aspects that will be covered in tomorrow's Deep Dive.
Join me and
@tommyswriting
tomorrow at 8pm CET for a Deep Dive.
There is suffering in this world.
The Buddha said this 2500 years ago.
But you know it, and I know it, that there is suffering in this world.
It is impossible to go through life without ups and downs.
You fail at school or work. You have difficulties in completing your job.
Your precious life calling isn't engraved in stone, it's born within the transformative moments. Embrace change, as it uncovers the paths leading to passion and purpose. Be open for an enlightening life journey.
Surrendering to the present moment isn't about giving up.
It's about witnessing life as it unfolds, admiring its spontaneous choreography.
Be a witness to your own experience.
Surrendering to the present moment isn't about giving up.
It's about witnessing life as it unfolds, admiring its spontaneous choreography.
Advance on your path with awareness and acceptance.
Are you confused about the direction of your life?
I’ve never felt at home in the corporate world, and I’ve always thought that more studies would solve my issue.
The more I learn, the more leverage I would have - I thought.
Now, I have done meaningful work that I’m proud of,
In narrative therapy, you're interested in the story the other person carries and tells.
There's something powerful in telling your story.
Hidden behind the words you describe yourself with lies something much more profound.
In telling your story, reframing your dominant
I’ve never felt that I fit into boxes.
Since childhood I’ve been extremely curious about myself and the world.
Exploration has perhaps been the most significant marker of my personality and life.
Society’s boxes for what you can do, what the possibilities of what you can and
Intention, purpose and goals
We are bombarded with information about this at the beginning of the year.
It’s difficult to know the difference between the various words.
At least for the longest time that’s what I felt.
I used to set goals for years and evaluate at the end of
In 2007 I spent a semester in India.
That experience still impacts how I understand the world.
It made me acutely aware of my understanding of my own preconceived and implicit assumptions about the world.
Small things such as how you cross the street, how you greet somebody,
Do you perceive your child as shy?
Meeting people that my kids are unfamiliar with usually leads to the following:
My girls will come closer to me or their mom.
Unfamiliar people don’t even have to mean people they haven’t met before.
It could be a relative we meet now and
I'm back from the States after almost a month away and here are some thoughts:
Immediately when grabbing the pen and writing, something is stirred within me.
Like an old sensation, an emotion, a friend long lost and forgotten.
In Sweden we live with a few hours of daylight
Creativity is a sacred devotional practice.
Feeling lost in life and directionless can be a sign that you are blocked by:
- A childhood script
- Early traumatic experiences
- Fear of judgment
- Addiction to seeking approval.
I worked with Julie, a 40-year old career woman
Dan is 50 years old and has had a good life.
By external measures, everything seems great.
He has good health, is married, works at a job he loves.
He has many good friends and he is relatively happy.
But in conversations during our coaching sessions, he expresses a deep
I haven’t met my mom for two months.
I hate her.
She used to belittle me. At my dad’s I feel at home. I can be myself. I can eat whatever I want and I feel confident for the first time in a very long time.
My mom chose her boyfriend over me. I asked him not to be at her
How do you know if you have unprocessed trauma?
Five signs:
1. You re-experience distressing memories.
2. You avoid the issue.
3. You have difficulties regulating your emotions (mood swings).
4. You're hypervigilant and on the edge.
5. Struggle forming healthy relationships.
Can you be at peace when life is rough?:
Old approach:
- Ignoring the storm.
- Pretending everything's fine.
- Drowning in distractions.
- Reacting impulsively to every setback.
We landed at Bombay airport and got off the airplane.
The hot breeze was accompanied by a conspicuous stench.
I tilted back as if I was hitting a wall and saw on the faces of my fellow students and colleagues that they had the same experience.
A bus awaited us to take us to
On Monday, I’ll have a deep dive conversation with my friend
@marirognerud
If you’ve come across her in a space or in her feed you’ll know that she’s a wonderfully generous human being with a love for the arts, meditation and much more.
Set a reminder and listen to a deep
@marirognerud
is one of the first ppl I hopped on a call with here on X.
We clicked, got some crazy ideas, realized we both loved meditation.
If you are a long-practicing meditator you'll notice if others are as well.
They seem to be at peace with themselves, have a
Do you often feel like your emotions rule you rather than you ruling them?
Remember, emotions are a natural part of life, not an enemy.
Learn to flow with them, embrace them. For they are the compass that can guide you to your true self.
Are you investing in a gym membership and a fresh start in 2024?
To be honest, I’m a sucker for resolutions and big goals.
The health industry makes tons of money off of people this time of the year.
Physical health does seem to be a major goal for many.
Most people give
Truth is revealed in silence
Unless you have experienced this it is difficult to know it to be true.
This statement is not something you can argue about and rationalize.
I may be able to explain what I mean by it.
But you won’t be convinced unless you’ve experienced this.
Transformation isn't just about reaching your goals.
It’s about:
- Understanding your emotional triggers
- Embracing vulnerability as strength
- Cultivating self-compassion
Heal, grow, and then? The achieving becomes effortless.
Hello there, friend
It’s been a while I met you
It’s been a while I saw you
It’s been a while I loved you
I was bombarded with messages about how I ought to be
What I ought to feel
What I ought to do
In order to be okay
A sense in my heart and body that something is not right
The path to living with ease is muddled with extreme practices.
On the one end you have hedonism where pleasure is at the center of your lifestyle.
Hedonism is essentially a way to self-soothe.
Think about it, you use food, drugs, distractions such as social media, and even
Yesterday during my run I listened to an interview with
@RickRubin
.
At some point,
@kristatippett
asked Rubin something about his book.
He said that it took him 6 or 7 years to write the book.
He also said that he didn’t know whether the content of the book was true or not.
Healing trauma has TRANSFORMED my life.
Good therapy is not always available and affordable.
So I created an evidence-based Trauma Notion Hub Journal to help you start healing on your own.
Want me to DM it to you?
Like & comment "🙏"
(Must be following)
Don't aim to suppress negative emotions.
Strive to process them, understand them, learn from them.
They have lessons to offer; let's not shy away from them.
Setting boundaries isn't about being closed off or rigid; it's about self-respect, valuing your peace of mind.
Clear lines drawn in life can encourage others to respect you too!
”Grateful heart
Pierce through the dark
Through the groans and complaints
Pull me back to the present
So I can reflect and give thanks!
Taking for granted
All the blessings and truth
As my mind scans for aches, inconvenience and excuse
Sift through this clutter
To awaken is to be on the path to yourself
I was reading Herman Hesse’s great piece Siddharta yesterday and was struck by the following quote:
“He looked around, as if he was seeing the world for the first time. Beautiful was the world, colourful was the world, strange and
Never underestimate the power of your purpose.
Your passion can not only change your life but the lives around you too. Channel it. Fuel it. Let it guide you to an extraordinary life.
Are you afraid to be vulnerable?
Old way
- Fear of intimacy & pushing others away
- Avoiding vulnerability to protect oneself
- Over-reliance on independence, avoiding closeness
- Difficulty expressing needs or emotions
Transformation is possible --->
Somatic practices or talk therapy?
I'm noticing people tend to preach the effectiveness of one over the other.
I have experience of both practices. I have also looked at the research regarding the effectiveness of both approaches and here's what I found:
Do you feel overwhelmed and confused?
That's your survival mechanism being activated.
To de-activate:
1. Take a double-breath to inhale through your nose.
2. Slower out breath through your mouth.
Repeat until you feel safe.
Think about where your current path is leading you.
Will it get you to the place of peace, joy and fulfillment that you desire?
Analyze if your actions contribute or take away from this place.
Now, that’s the theory.
Time to put it into practice.
If you're facing stress, anxiety, or self-regulation issues...
Book a free 15-minute discovery call with me to create an action roadmap together:
I'm looking forward to my next Deep Dive Conversation with nobody less than
@LaurenAudere
.
Lauren caught my attention very early on here on X and since we've been on a few calls and her path is one of vulnerability, creativity, self-exploration and growth.
I looked back on
Have you ever listened to the whirlpool of thoughts in your head? Take 5 minutes today to observe them without judgment. It could be the first step to understanding your inner world!
Increasing your capacity to sit with discomfort is going to be the most transformative practice of your life.
Why?
In the discomfort lie your deeply held core beliefs that limit your life.
Do you feel like you live life on repeat?
Your childhood experience formed your attachment style, which still affects you.
Healing is possible.
Tomorrow, I'll show you how you can start healing.
If not now, then when?
Transgenerational trauma may stop you from engaging fully in life:
1. Understand how it transmits.
2. Recognize your own patterns.
3. Find a language to heal.
Tomorrow, I'll show how you can start healing.
Subscribe here:
How to optimize your day
Old way
- Buy every single productivity course/app
- Schedule every waking hour
- Follow somebody else's template
- Listening to the experts
New Way
True purpose and passion aren't just about what you love doing, but about what compels you to rise each day with determination and intensity.
It propels you even when times are tough. So pause, reflect - seek YOU, not societal norms or what is 'expected'.
I spent several months writing a research grant application.
It was sent to several scholar friends who looked at it and commented on it.
I knew that my chances of getting a grant were small to nothing.
Only a few percent of all new applicants received a grant.
Those who
How to gain clarity of purpose:
Old way
- Drifting without clear direction or goals
- Allowing external influences to dictate decisions
- Ignoring passions and values for societal norms
- Lack of self-reflection and introspection
Transformation is possible-->
During the Summer of 2023, I read the latest book by Ozan Varol called Awaken Your Genius.
#Ozanvarol
is the rocket scientist who turned lawyer, who turned into a law professor, and who eventually left academia to pursue the next phase in his life.
In his book, Ozan presents
Disconnected from self.
Childhood trauma disconnects us from ourselves.
We protect ourselves from feeling the emotions that were painful and instilled by the trauma.
We do this by addictive behaviors.
We do this by zoning out.
We become disconnected from ourselves.
Because
In conversation, respect the pause.
The silent moments carry thoughtful reflections waiting to emerge.
Don’t rush to fill them; wisdom unfolds in its time.