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Summer Heacock

@Fizzygrrl

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A Disney cartoon that says 'fuck' a lot. Mom. Author. CRASHING THE A-LIST Out now! Agents: @BTaylorBooks & @UweStenderPhD

Themyscira
Joined January 2009
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
My generation had princesses to look up to. Our daughters have generals.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
7yo son, angry: โ€œThis boy kissed a girl on the cheek in class!โ€ Me: โ€œDid he have her permission?โ€ Him: โ€œNO.โ€ Me: โ€œSo he didnโ€™t have...?โ€ Him: โ€œHer CONSENT.โ€ Me: โ€œSo what he did was?โ€ Him: โ€œVERY WRONG.โ€ If my 7yo son gets it, grown ass men have no excuse. Class dismissed.
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
7 months
So, Liam Nissan discovers Elmoโ€™s burner account, and calls out Elmo talking to, and leg-humping himself, so he bans Liam Nissan? Elon Musk never misses an opportunity to prove heโ€™s a brittle, little bitch. #FreeLiamNissan
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
Help Twitter plz help i found a bird dead, floating in the water bin we leave out for our raccoons and it was in there 20+ minutes the kids begged me to save it so i put wrapped it up and put it in my shirt for fast warming an hour later guys help my tits resurrected a bird
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
Iโ€™m curious: Raise your hand if you live with chronic illness/mental illness/periods of illness and someone has accused you of being dramatic/faking/just looking for attention/bringing it on yourself. I see this a LOT but I really want to know how many folks have experienced it.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Folks. I am about to share the weirdest tale Iโ€™ve ever experienced, even by my high bar of weird. A weird 37 years in the making. Buckle up for the STORY TIME OF WHUT
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
9 years
This is it. This is the best GIF.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
11yo daughter and I were just talking about the weird shit girls make our dolls do when weโ€™re little and she said, โ€œMaybe boys are the way they are because they canโ€™t use dolls to act out their weird thoughts and theyโ€™re stuck inside them?โ€
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Summer Heacock
6 years
To be fair, their crop of princesses definitely doesnโ€™t suck.
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Summer Heacock
4 years
oh! since a lot of people asked the twice resurrected zombie dino bird was a Brown Creeper so for the rest of my life i can say I kept a dead creeper on my tits for 2 days on purpose
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
I was checking it and it wrapped a foot around my finger and turned its head a little what the fuck is happening have my my boobs created zombie birb? did my tits start the apocalypse plz advise
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Summer Heacock
4 years
i mean i just i donโ€™t ... okay hi magic tits zombie birb
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Summer Heacock
4 years
like honestly how dare thee birb after all we have been through not even a goodbye or a knowing nod to my boobles
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
So. Yeah. Apparently my #NotHeather life should have been #NotHeatherNowButActuallyWasAtOnePointAHeather The end.
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
okay but also seriously i so did not have magical bird resurrecting tits on my 2021 BINGO card Thelma and Louise feel mighty
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
I did not foresee this bird starting to breathe after an hour And then start moving Itโ€™s still unconscious on my chest what the flark do I do now I was unaware of my magical lifesaving birb boobs WHAT DO I D O.
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
okay just realized I have a teeny dinosaur on my boobies
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Summer Heacock
4 years
look at this little fucker all smug
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
1 year
No, seriously. Iโ€™m a bitter bitch about this. An extra hearty FUCK YOU to all the women who literally said they didnโ€™t know why they hated Hillary, but they still wouldnโ€™t vote for her. โ€œSheโ€™s just unlikable.โ€ Yโ€™all can keep fucking off forever and always.
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
so uh it is... okay so it ? ? ? ? resurrection tits i mean I guess? also HELLO WIDDLE ZOMBIE DINOSAUR WELCOME BACK ... AGAIN? please donโ€™t kill us we love you
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
Omgomgomg we just had a UPS truck and a FedEx truck arrive at the same time and the drivers got out and HUGGED EACH OTHER AND GAVE EACH OTHER A KISS ON THE CHEEK AND LOOKED AO HAPPY TO SEE EACH OTHER and I didnโ€™t know my heart needed that moment but it SO DID.
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
Wookit my widdle evolved murder baby who was deadass not with the living for an hour my precious miracle prehistoric fren
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Summer Heacock
4 years
this is some fucking stephen king shit
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
8 years
1. Who the fuck goes to NY and eats at Chilis? 2. WHY DOES THAT WOMAN HAVE NO REFLECTION
@Mike_Pence
Mike Pence
8 years
Busy weekend in NY! Enjoying a quick dinner with the family at @Chilis . Looking forward to getting back to Indiana.
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Summer Heacock
4 years
the next few minutes was me asking my therapist if she thought the bird had hope or if I was once again putting my long ingrained white night issues that cause me to focus solely on saving others and animals because no one saved me in bad situations which yeah im working on
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
Update: 14yo daughter cared for birdy all night but the heating pad shut off. Woke up to dead birdy. :( But the kids begged me to try boob therapy again. So I spent the morning with a deceased birdy on my boobs. but then
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Summer Heacock
4 years
bye resurrected-by-tits-twice-baby-dinosaur-murder-baby-zombie-birb you are a very Good Bird bye, friend
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Summer Heacock
4 years
Okay, daughter did all kinds of research and set up a recovery home with a special heating pad that can keep the box at the optimal temp for the birdโ€™s recovery. Food and water added later. I miss my little boobie buddy already. Crossing my fingers for morning!
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Summer Heacock
4 years
people need to stop underestimating the mighty bird also to never underestimate my tits apparently.
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Summer Heacock
4 years
Itโ€™s dry and warm and can move itโ€™s wings and tail and reached up and is gripping the paper towel with its precious birdy foot what do I do for it? Itโ€™s still unconscious but how am I supposed to help it??!! what does it need????
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
Me, every time I need to shower: โ€œUgh, I donโ€™t want to shower.โ€ Me, whilst in the shower: โ€œALL HAIL THIS AQUATIC VALHALLA OF WARMTH AND SOOTHING CLEANSING PLEASE FORWARD ALL MAIL I NOW LIVE WITHIN THESE MAGICAL TILED WALLS.โ€ Me, the next day: โ€œUgh, I donโ€™t want to shower.โ€
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
but okay also it feels like it would be perfectly on brand for my boobies to accidentally cause the zombie apocalypse
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Summer Heacock
4 years
HOLY FUCKING FRIGGA ON A FORK THE SHOEBOX STARTED MAKING NOISE THEN THE LID STARTED BOUNCING AND A DETERMINED ZOMBIE DINOSAUR WAS CLAWING/FLAPPING/FREAKING OUT I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULD HURT ITSELF SO I OPENED THE WINDOW AND WE GOT CATS, GUYS BIG MF CATS AND MURDER DOGS
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
I know itโ€™s foot looks less than alive but his little dino feet claws are up there on purpose, heh. Tomorrow, calling the bird sanctuary and/or vet for all the guidance! Rooting for my baby!
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Summer Heacock
4 years
uh by the way how this started i asked my daughter to refill bird feeders yesterday she did a mighty scream because she had seen the floating dead bird
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
And yes, Moana is a princess. Maui said so. Donโ€™t @ me.
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Summer Heacock
4 years
we talked about that while i put the shirt in my hoodie just in case but as i pleaded my case therapist became likewise invested and so anyway the first 30 minutes of therapy was her calling out her ideas on how to save it
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
Iโ€™m at the movies and this sweet little sir in a Hufflepuff scarf didnโ€™t have enough money on his gift card to buy himself and his 2 brothers sodas, so I paid for all their drinks and snacks and THEIR ADORABLE HAPPY FACES omg. We Puffs gotta stick together.
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Summer Heacock
4 years
I did tell them iโ€™m really happy they are okay and if they ever die again they know where to find me i think he heard me i hope he did
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Summer Heacock
4 years
i sat down with my laptop carefully put birdy in my shirt dead and laid it comfortably in my booby infirmary and then finished therapy with a frozen dead bird on my tits
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Summer Heacock
4 years
10yo son begged to take over zombie bird care while in online school because I have a doc appt down the street does the bird only live whilst on the actual breasties?
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
4 years
HOLY FUCK ZOMBIE BIRD ANGRY ZOMBIE BI
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Summer Heacock
4 years
oh oh oh my god I am dying the wildlife rescue just called and told me that i can bring zombie bird in tomorrow but that they didn't see my birb surviving through the night and i swear I barely got the words of my zombie dino out because I was laugh-crying so hard it hurt.
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Summer Heacock
4 years
and that the movements like wrapping its claws around my finger and stretching a wing and turning its head were just weird things brains do once something is technically brain dead like muscle memory twitches and spasms that control parts of the body
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Summer Heacock
4 years
okay real talk the wildlife rescue told me this morning that the bird had likely hit our window and fell into the water bin and drowned and the reason it had never fully woken up was it had been without air for too long had severe brain damage and would die today
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Summer Heacock
4 years
AND THEN THERE WAS FLAPPING THEN FLYING THEN THIS
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Summer Heacock
4 years
AND I DON'T IT WAS JUST THERE WAS SO MUCH SCREAMING AND BARKING AND HISSING AND CLAWING AND TIT ZOMBIE FLAPPING SO I PANICKED AND OPENED THE WINDOW BEHIND ME AND IT'S JUST WIDE ENOUGH FOR THE SHOEBOX I TRIED TO SET IT ON THE GROUND BUT TIT ZOMBIE DINO BIRDS HAVE GOALS
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Summer Heacock
5 years
8yo son: โ€œI told my gym teacher we shouldnโ€™t play boys vs. girls all the time because patriarchy, and she asked if I knew what that even means so I said โ€˜Not exactly but when my mom says it she gets real mad!โ€™ so thatโ€™s how I know itโ€™s VERY BAD.โ€ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
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Summer Heacock
7 months
Hereโ€™s the burner/one of the burners, for all the folks asking. Introducing Mr. Dittmann!
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Summer Heacock
6 months
JK Rowling is a Holocaust denier who uses her money and fame to punch down on the vulnerable, and forcibly silence those who accurately described her with vile lawfare. Sheโ€™s nothing but a cowardly, ghoulish, Holocaust denying bully.
@rivkahbrown
Rivkah Brown
6 months
On 13 March I tweeted that JK Rowling โ€œis a Holocaust denierโ€. That allegation was false and offensive. I have deleted it and apologise to JK Rowling.
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Summer Heacock
4 years
I said I would get it because dead critters sad her but i had to wait 3 minutes because i had just logged into therapy on zoom but i saw through the window that the bird didn't look long dead so while the zoom room waited for therapist to join
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Summer Heacock
4 years
i sat my laptop on the back of my couch facing the window with the sound up high and the window cracked and i raced out to get the birdy was holding it saying i think it might be saved for a good 5 minutes while my therapist watched
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Summer Heacock
6 years
For the first 6 weeks of my life, my name was Heather. And for the next 37 years, people have randomly been calling me Heather.
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Summer Heacock
4 years
an hour later it started to twitch and well hell you know the rest
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Guys. GUYS. It. Was. HEATHER.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Iโ€™m a stay-at-home-mom and I can confirm that this is utter bullshit. Shop fucking shaming moms for living their lives. It makes you an asshole.
@godlywomanhood
The Transformed Wife ๐Ÿฆ‹
6 years
Should mothers have careers?
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Summer Heacock
7 months
Oh, oh, the best part!!! Elon literally called into the Alex Jones podcast, pretending to be the Dittmann person. His attempt to disguise his voice wasโ€ฆunsuccessful, lol.
@mUskIsaTOtAlPOS
muskisatotalPOS
7 months
@Fizzygrrl Last 20 minutes of this. That's Musk... No doubt whatsoever.
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Summer Heacock
7 months
@Conquestsbook Iโ€™m very literally autistic. I was properly, clinically evaluated, and diagnosed. He wasnโ€™t. Being neurodivergent doesnโ€™t make you a racist piece of shit. Being Elon Musk sure does.
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Summer Heacock
7 years
Well, folks. Iโ€™ve been fired from the Midwest Writers Board of Directors for a โ€œbetrayal of trustโ€ for telling @sarahhollowell that sheโ€™d been referred to as โ€œfatโ€ โ€œhugeโ€ and โ€œdisgustingโ€ and denied her earned and unanimously voted slot on said Board of Directors. ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™ƒ
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Summer Heacock
6 years
This half of the bio family spent 3 years looking for me, and the detective they used found the birth certificate Iโ€™d had before a new one was issued when my parents took me. And there it was. Heather. HEATHER
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Summer Heacock
5 years
OH MY GOD THATโ€™S MY BOOK NPR LIKED MY BOOK AND TWEETED ABOUT IT ON PURPOSE I AM SCREAMING
@NPR
NPR
5 years
From a woman who winds up fake-dating a famous actor after a (failed) blackmail attempt to a grad student who spars with the lord of the manor where she's doing research, these romances are sure to keep you laughing.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Me for ten minutes:
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Summer Heacock
9 years
Whoever planned out the #AskELJames tag has obviously never, ever met Twitter.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Of all the things Iโ€™ve learned this weekend, AND THERE HAVE BEEN SOME BIZARRE THINGS, this is by far the most surreal.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
11yo daughter: โ€œMom, if I start acting like I hate you in a few years, just know itโ€™s the ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝteenโ€™ talking and the real me is inside screaming I LOVE YOU, MOM.โ€
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Summer Heacock
6 years
My 12yo daughter found a pair of sweatpants at Target with rainbow stripes down the side and ran through the store glee-screaming, โ€œMOM THEY ARE GAY THEY ARE COMFY AND GAY MY FAVORITE THINGS!โ€ and Iโ€™ve honestly never been more proud.
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Summer Heacock
5 years
I... I just... My book is an Amazon book of the month?????? MY BOOK IS AN AMAZON BOOK OF THE MONTH!!!!!!!! I SCREAM
@HarlequinBooks
Harlequin Books
5 years
Congratulation to @Fizzygrrl ! CRASHING THE A-LIST has been selected by @amazonbooks as a one of their romance books of the month! Pick it up on when it's available on July 9th!
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Summer Heacock
5 years
Hey, folks. If youโ€™re reading this Tweet, it means Iโ€™ve been admitted to the hospital. My mental health has been...not great for awhile, and with the recent traumas, itโ€™s too much for me to handle on my own, so Iโ€™ve sought out help. Iโ€™m writing to say this will all be fine.
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Summer Heacock
3 years
Most People reading the #Fauciemails : "Yes, this is all in line with the details he presented to the public." **Those** folks: "ZOMG TRUMP WAS RIGHT WUHAN HOAX WEAPON DARK MONEY SPACE LASER THE CONSPIRACY IS HERE LIBFUCKS SUCK IT GOTTA PUBLICLY KILL FAUCI NOW TREASON!!!!!!!!"
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Summer Heacock
6 years
I was talking with my mom about the various milestones authors strive for. Like, signing with an agent, holding your book the first time, foreign rights, movie deal, etc. Her: "So it's like a Bucket List? Or your BOOKET List?" And now I will never call it anything but.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Me the next ten minutes:
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Summer Heacock
6 years
So. Out of NOWHERE, about two weeks ago I got a message on Facebook from someone asking if Iโ€™d been put up for adoption in June 1981. Folks: ENTER SUDDEN BIO SISTER AND BROTHERS AND BIO DAD AND yโ€™all itโ€™s been wild.
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Summer Heacock
1 year
So, apparently, on The View today, Sunny Hostin noted similarities to Proud Boys and Hamas. Naturally, MAGA are in a tantrum over it. Self-awareness isnโ€™t a MAGA trait. Willful-ignorance, however, IS.
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Summer Heacock
5 years
I have a birthmark on my knee and my 12yo daughter and I were discussing it. Me: โ€œMy mom told me birthmarks were where you were kissed by an angel.โ€ Her: โ€œI heard itโ€™s how you died, so you probably got stabbed in the knee with a sword.โ€ Me: ๐Ÿ˜ Me: โ€œTwo kinds of people.โ€
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Summer Heacock
7 months
@Rabidcow1 Yโ€™all are just the whiniest, weakest little things. Itโ€™s honestly wild.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
I asked my husband to pick me up a new phone cord yesterday, and now Amazon is saying "Your featured recommendations" and showing me dozens of phone cords. I never once looked at phone cords online. I asked him to grab one over the phone while he was at Target. O_____O
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Summer Heacock
2 years
My 16-year-old daughter just came out and slapped a mustache on the TV and I am fucking SCREAMING #StateOfTheUnionAddress #sotu2023
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Summer Heacock
5 years
Actual thing my 12yo daughter just said: โ€œMom, your hair is cut in that โ€˜Hi my name is Karen and Iโ€™m an anti-vaxxer and I only wear athletic leggings and infinity scarves and I want to speak to your manger RIGHT NOWโ€™ way, but yours is black and pink not dirty blond so itโ€™s okay.โ€
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Like two weeks ago, my friend got an alert on her phone that said โ€œBe prepared to meet Jesus outside.โ€ and she completely freaked out thinking the Rapture had begun, but actually it was an Uber Eats alert and I HAVE NOT STOPPED LAUGHING AT THIS.
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Summer Heacock
10 months
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Summer Heacock
5 years
What kind of Veruca Salt bullshit is this?!
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Summer Heacock
6 years
You guys, oh my gosh. The photog is sending me samples of the pics we took and this may literally be the best picture ever taken of me.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
So. Iโ€™m at the eye doctor. And in their bathroom is a ladder. That goes up to...nowhere. Just blackness. Some kind of hell beast is going to descend down that ladder and Iโ€™m too scared to pee. Going to die in here. Help.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Just just went to her room screaming, โ€œWHY DONโ€™T PEOPLE ENCOURAGE BOYS TO PLAY WITH DOLLS?! I THINK I CRACKED THE CODE!โ€
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Summer Heacock
6 years
The preteen girls here in sleepover-mode couldnโ€™t decide on a movie to watch, so Iโ€™ve put on Ever After. Because I am wise and they will all thank me later. (Theyโ€™d better, this movie is a goddamn TREASURE.)
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Summer Heacock
5 years
I WOULD DIE FOR BABY YODA WHO IS ACTUALLY NOT YODA BUT I WILL PROTECT BABY NOT YODA AT ALL COSTS #TheMandalorian
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Summer Heacock
6 years
For myself, I had a doctor ignore me for YEARS when I was 100 pounds heavier, saying my knee pain was because, โ€œWell...youโ€™re fat.โ€ When I lost weight, they finally realized I have an autoimmune disease that attacks my joints. I went untreated for years because FAT.
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Summer Heacock
5 years
I'm going to lay out some things about publishing that may get me in trouble, but here we go. You can't properly judge a book based on the marketing it gets. Just because a book is heavily marketed doesn't make it great, and a book that gets no marketing doesn't mean it sucks.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
When I see someone amazing on Twitter, in my mind Iโ€™m screaming OMG LET US BE BEST FRIENDS I ADORE YOU, YOU GLORIOUS UNICORN What I do: *quietly Likes Tweet and scuttles away*
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Summer Heacock
5 years
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Summer Heacock
5 years
I told my stylist to give me a โ€œCaptain Marvel queerโ€ haircut and I feel this has been achieved.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
We had the Oscars on during dinner and when Chris Evans helped Regina King up the steps, my husband and I both agreed weโ€™d step aside to let the other marry Chris. This kids approve because either way, they get Captain America as a stepdad.
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Okay, who wants to hear a creepy as fuck story that still has the hairs standing up on the back of my neck in which I demonstrably banished a ghost from my 8yo sonโ€™s body last night?
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Summer Heacock
6 years
Iโ€™m trying out a new lipstick and when my 12yo daughter saw me she gasped and said, โ€œYOU LOOK LIKE A CAT THAT WAS TURNED INTO A HUMAN WHO BECAME A WITCH.โ€ This is now my official brand, thank you.
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@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
A handful of reviews for my first book complained the characters are too profane but they also left glowing reviews for incredibly sweary dude books and I realized what they donโ€™t like is WOMEN who swear so I put 742,000 variations of โ€œfuckโ€ in my new book and high-fived myself.
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782
@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
Every time a new candidate announces their campaign: Half my Twitter feed: THIS PERSON IS THE GREATEST HEREโ€™S WHY The other half: THIS PERSON IS THE ACTUAL WORST HEREโ€™S WHY And then I realize we have almost 2 years until the election and I am already dead from exhaustion.
15
105
760
@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
Our second day together, I was like, โ€œOH HEY DO YOU KNOW THE RANDOM BABY NAME????????โ€ They knew.
2
10
724
@Fizzygrrl
Summer Heacock
6 years
Look, @ChuckWendig is a Good Person. And I mean a real life Good Person. He goes above and beyond for the people in his life, and he does his damndest to use his platform to do the right thing. Whatโ€™s happening to him is utter bullshit. Brb. Buying duplicates of all his books.
15
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695