My Aunt Gloria died today. :-(
She was one of my most favorite aunts. When I was a kid, we'd go to her house and she would sneak me candy when my mom wasn't looking. RIP Auntie. ❤️
Things I would do if I was black:
1. Say "ax" instead of "ask"
2. Wear a do-rag
3. Call it "MacDonalds" instead of "McDonalds".
4. Call it an "am-bu-lance"...
5. Loot CVS at least once a week
6. Grow an afro in the winter
7. Post daily tweets about mayonnaise-ass honkey crackers
Only two hours until the sun is blotted out from the sky and Jesus rides down on a white horse to take us all to Paradise. I've already quit my job and slaughtered my family and pets. I am ready!
I set my alarm to buy that
@Applebees
Date Night Pass at 11am (the second it went on sale). And the website was down for 10 minutes. And then at 11:10am they announced they were sold out.
My life is fucking ruined. This is my suicide note.
I literally cannot tell black people apart at all. I saw a photo of Beyonce standing next to Morgan Freeman, and I had no idea which was which. They all look the same to me.
Hooked up with this chick today. Her pussy was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. Her ovaries were on the OUTSIDE of her body, and her clit was 8.5" long!!!! The human body is amazing!