Eli Braden @EliBraden Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@JamieTawil

@kolsuz_elvan

@softkhay

@SDunte9064

@Eila501JFW

@bokeplokalmalam

@netflixth

@SnifflesABC

@myariesmood

@Oseikrom655776

@urias_likeretwe

@jordantcrawford

@sourdoie

@angham_voice

@LenoreSidr2565

@FamiliarCipher

@AnthoniSha85093

@DUA_UNRWASyria

@jandakembangstw

@SYLPHSTUDIOS

@EasonJamau575

@SimTallo

@YaZahra01

@SAmberdawn80426

@TheKiskiSchool

@CentralNVL_

@adoggoart

@FlipperLocator

@penyukastw21

@eagle6021

@fkry_alhbyshy

@LuiNaslund

@fhl81716

@hmzh_bdalb6234

@konpispy

@stwmaniax

Eli Braden

@EliBraden

6 years

Roseanne puts the “Ambien” in “I am bein’ racist”

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@EliBraden

7 years

Thanks #SpaceX for legit making me think Earth was being invaded for like 10 minutes tonight

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Trump IS creating jobs. This is 3 Doors Down's first paying gig since '07.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

9 years

when u find out every 2016 republican presidential candidate took a selfie with josh duggar http://t.co/u1kO5v9UE3

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

7 years

Guys, it doesn't matter what Jared Kushner did because one time Hillary Clinton did something

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

6 years

I’m fine with firing Bill Maher for saying Donald Trump looks like a monkey. I just think we should wait until AFTER white people have been enslaved, demeaned as sub-human animals and systematically denied equal rights for hundreds of years first.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

13 years

Burger King's full name was Burger Luther King Jr.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Anyone surprised Johnny Rotten thinks Trump is a good president should remember he also thought Sid Vicious was a good bassist

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

J.R.R. Tolkien's full name was 'Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien'

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Donald Trump doesn't hate Jews. He's just jealous one of them gets to fuck his daughter.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Wanna feel old? Rogue One came out 2 days ago.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

Why is the "I" a saxophone player? http://t.co/ktSbgomjar

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

When I saw Jerry Sandusky trending I assumed Trump had named him Secretary of Child Care

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

4 years

. @RealDonaldTrump Sorry your friend got arrested!

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

9 years

"Well, I just aced another scarf!" - Al Pacino, 'Scarface', 1983

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

5 years

@AndyRichter @mrbenwexler @edroso What Obama did to inflame racial tensions: have black skin

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 months

Sorry Taylor

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

For the first time in his life, @RealDonaldTrump 's obnoxious sexual behavior has brought a woman pleasure

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

13 years

ME TOO!! ITS LIKE WHEN YOUR DAD HELPED GET O.J. OFF!! RT @KimKardashian : WHAT!!??!! CASEY ANTHONY NOT GUILTY!!!! I'm speechless!!!

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Then he hides real quick so Ricky Gervais won't see him.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Eminem aged pretty well #VPDebate

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

"Barber? More like barfer." - Me, if a barber started barfing

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

Boston Police just poured cooler full of clam chowder on the chief's head

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

7 years

MOVIE IDEA: Guardians of the Galaxy 3

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

7 years

I think he meant KGB

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

The average wife of Paul McCartney has 1.667 legs

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

13 years

I feel bad for Kourtney Jong-Il and Khloe Jong-Il right now :(

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

This is what mean people do to disappointed soccer fans in Argentina http://t.co/km9JfmdhSS

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Two Presidents About to Fuck

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

5 years

I just bought a Denver Nuggets shirt cos I thought it meant chicken nuggets with ham, green pepper, onions and cheese cooked inside

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

My deepest sympathies to homophobes who accidentally got erections when ESPN showed 2 men kissing

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

Right shark in the streets, #leftshark in the sheets

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

What's that Radiohead song where they eschew a God-given mastery of songcraft for marginal electronic-based mediocrity?

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

Taco Bell and Netflix start trending in the US every night around this time. Like the Founding Fathers wanted.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

7 years

Rare photo of KISS’s original 5-member line-up

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

5 years

“Winters is cumming” - Jonathan Winters (while cumming)

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

George Zimmerman getting punched shouldn't be news - it should be a routine daily occurrence

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

Closed Caption on FOX News mistakenly reports #Watertown suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev as...Zooey Deschanel: http://t.co/qtihb4IZLo

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

7 years

The Hobbit was released 80 years ago today. It's kinda like Game of Thrones without the incest, rape, child murder, tits and baby sacrifice.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

5 years

@mrtimlong @MDesaad It’s almost like they were doing a graphic of a robot fucking a crab then later noticed it looked like a bull upside down and sold it to the NBA team

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

7 years

"Finally!" - Whoever has to scrub the shit stains off the inside of the toilet at the White House

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

I'm not saying kill your baby if it was born August 9, 2010. I'm just pointing out "8/9/10 - 11/12/13" would look cool on a gravestone.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

4 years

Jesus is trending. Did he die?

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Yes! Continuous failure - BRILLIANT! No one saw it coming!

Bill Mitchell

@mitchellvii

8 years

Those who understand strategy are sitting in awe of Trump the Master right now.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

4 years

So you're saying the 77-year-old guy you insist has dementia kicked your ass because this wimpy nerd helped him? OK, Mr. Macho Man.

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

6 years

So I guess Robert Plant had Snapchat back in ‘68

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 months

Argentina's new president looks like a former member of Slade who now manages a pub in Wolverhampton

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

6 years

I was going to share the story of how I got AIDS at H&M, but unfortunately “The Handmaid’s Tale” hijacked the special hashtag I’d created for the occasion #HandMAIDSTale

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

5 years

Are gun shops still open? I want to be ready in case anyone in my neighborhood starts singing on their balcony.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

9 years

MOVIE IDEA: Ted 3

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

5 years

I hope Joaquin Phoenix is aware of “the Joker curse” - every actor who plays the character either dies, gets old and fat, or has to be in 30 Seconds to Mars

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

"OK guys, line up in the order you're going to die in." http://t.co/qZNuAiWfEe

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

Godzilla is in the detailzillas

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Sure Trump has a mandate from the voters - but it's not as big as President Gore's, President Kerry's or President Romney's

David Frum

@davidfrum

8 years

Nixon 1960: 49.55% Gore 2000: 48.38% Kerry 2004: 48.26% Ford 1976: 48.01% Romney 2012: 47.15% Trump 2016: 46.17%

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

. @KanyeWest May I masturbate to your wife?

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

Morrissey's recent tour cancellations are OK, but I'm more into his older tour cancellations

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

2 years

Should’ve been up for (not to mention easily won) Best Picture. RRR is the kind of movie that should make 95% of Hollywood filmmakers ask themselves, “What am I doing with my life?”

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

9 years

"So, uh... those 'Straight Outta' memes are quite a laugh, huh?" - white Wall St. exec alone in an elevator with a black FedEx dude

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

5 years

#GoT FINALE PREDICTION: Brienne will find Jamie's metal hand amongst the rubble and say, "This is all I needed anyway" then wink to the camera as a sexy sax plays

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

7 years

The ghost of Carrie Fisher is strangling the ghost of Roger Ailes with a chain in the afterlife

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

Why is Nancy Grace so mad at weed? Did it kidnap a white girl?

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

6 years

Hey now, you're a #lodestar Get your God on, go pray Hey now, you're a lodestar And you're secretly gay Trump thinks he's in control But Pence is 'bout to fuck his Hershey hole

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

Like elections. RT @ScottKWalker : Not worried about the impact of weather on GOP Convention. We're Republicans - we fix things. #GOP2012

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

Our flight is delayed. A woman on here is very upset because of the Elan Gale hoax. She is the only one obviously. Praying for her

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

You misspelled 'music'. RT @JustinBieber : Worst birthday

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

9 years

Just snapped this pic of the #superbloodmoon in my backyard http://t.co/MtVdrMMwfD

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

4 years

I’m drinking like Kavanaugh tonight

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

"Not Olive Garden" RT @OliveGarden : If you had to describe Italian food in three words, what would they be?

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Remember: EVERYTHING @RealDonaldTrump is doing w/ the press is an attempt to discredit in advance inevitable revelations of his Russian ties

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

How the hell do you cook this thing? http://t.co/qQ81U9MYb9

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

7 years

Guys, if you want those coal jobs to come back you're just gonna have to hate CNN harder

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

I sent the lady a glass of wine and a note http://t.co/dJQ9QIhlUt

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Is it OK for us to admit we like Hillary on Facebook yet? #ImWithHer

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

9 years

Least important email notification ever sent by Twitter http://t.co/6xaYnBSiyt

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

6 years

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to JAMES HETFIELD of #METALLICA

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

. @BradleyCooper Do you "have your sights set" on Oscar glory tonight? LOL

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

J.K. Simmons should win an Oscar if for no other reason than he kind of looks like one

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

Chris Brown's publicist finally figured out his Twitter password

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

8 years

Hey folks slamming Elizabeth Warren for endorsing Hillary: Boy are your li'l heads gonna explode when you see what Bernie does next week!

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

If Obama and Romney switched hair... #Debate2012 http://t.co/5VEpMXx1

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

13 years

Pretty sure the lead actress from 'Precious' has a twin sister who works at every Wendy's I've ever been to

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

13 years

She sells seashells WHERE? By the seashore?? Pretty fucking horrible business plan IMHO.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

4 years

Holy shit I tweeted this 9 YEARS AGO TODAY

Eli Braden

@EliBraden

13 years

Dibs on 'More like DEADIE Van Halen' when he dies just so you know

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

"WE'RE UNEDUCATED AND POOR BUT WE SUPPORT POLICIES DESIGNED TO BENEFIT MILLIONAIRES WHO SHARE OUR SKIN COLOR" #WhiteManMarchProtestSigns

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

12 years

I admit I thought cloning Wanda Sykes 10,000 times was a dumb idea, but looks like the TSA managed to hire all of them

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

11 years

Ken Ham made the Broncos look good #creationdebate

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

You have a better chance of being attacked by George Zimmerman than winning the lottery

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

14 years

A vegan, a priest, & a rabbi walk into a bar. The vegan pretty much just blabs on & on about how he's a vegan for the next hour. The end.

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

5 years

✔️ 1980s-ERA SNARK ✔️ OBSCURE OUTDATED CULTURAL REFERENCES ✔️ CURRENT CULTURAL REFERENCES THAT MAKE NO SENSE IN CONTEXT AWKWARDLY WEDGED IN TO SEEM “HIP” ✔️ NEEDLESSLY CONVOLUTED SENTENCE STRUCTURE ✔️ AN ADJECTIVE LITERALLY NO ONE USES YEP - IT’S A DENNIS MILLER “JOKE”

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden

10 years

Charles Manson is marrying a woman 54 years younger. It's a total "May Dismember romance"

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Eli Braden

@EliBraden