It is with profound sadness that we announce the passing of Dr. Sue Johnson on April 23, 2024. Dr. Johnson was a beloved teacher, therapist, author, and the pioneering innovator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).
Read Obituary and watch tribute video:
Let's reject the glorified idea of self-sufficiency:
The more we can reach out to our partners, the more separate and independent we can be.
#holdmetight
I was on my toes for the whole of this 2+ hour interview. We ran the gamut:
#HoldMeTight
conversations, good sex, tango, Winston Churchill, the clinical research that supports
#EmotionallyFocusedTherapy
. And more!
I enjoyed having this conversation with
@tferriss
very much!
"If you listen to the man who's always badgering his wife for sex, what it comes down to is, on an emotional level... he wants to feel wanted, he wants to feel desired." — Dr. Sue Johnson (
@Dr_SueJohnson
)
Find our full conversation here:
Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing, and finding deeper connection. It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again. Minute to minute and day to day.
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
— Billy, age four, defining love, as reported on the Internet
#HoldMeTight
Attachment theory tells us that survival & strength goes to the most nurtured & connected, to those who are best at tuning into & using our greatest resource as a species – our connection to other people.
The attachment view of love was, and perhaps still is, radically out of line with our culture’s established social and psychological ideas of adulthood: that maturity means being independent and self-sufficient.
With heavy hearts, we've shared the news of Sue Johnson's passing. Now, as we come together to honour her memory, we invite you to share your thoughts, memories, and condolences on the tribute wall
💙 💙
Learn to reach for the people you love. Nothing grows people like love. When we are loved, we blossom.
Survival of the fittest had it all wrong - it’s really survival of the most nurtured.
Attachment is designed to keep those we love and depend on close – it is the ultimate survival code. The ability to tune into and make sense of someone’s pain is invaluable for a therapist.
The bulk of people seem to agree with Harvard Medical School psychiatrist Robert Waldinger - who studies happiness - that the single best recipe for a good life, health & happiness & joy is a loving relationship.
Anger tells us to approach and fight. Shame tells us to withdraw and hide. Fear tells us to flee or freeze, or in real extremes to turn and attack back. Sadness primes us to grieve and let go.
#HoldMeTight
As therapists, we know that when people are NOT HEARD, everything begins to apart, especially in the face of such great injustice and the routine, brutal dismissal of those realities by those in power.
Attachment science tells us that connection with others is not only a source of safety to go to, it offers a base that is a continuing source of strength throughout life.
Our relationships are part of our species’ survival code. Secure attachment offers us a potent sense of safety and a way to maintain equilibrium in the presence of danger or threat.
These bonds allow us to tolerate and cope with our human frailty.
Love is a continual process of seeking and losing emotional connection, and reaching out to find it again.
The bond of love is a living thing. If we don't attend to it, it naturally begins to wither.
#emotionallyfocusedtherapy
#WednesdayWisdom
#holdmetight
What partners need is a special type of healing conversation that fosters not just forgiveness but the willingness to trust again. Renewed trust is the ultimate goal.
#HoldMeTight
Denial of
#attachment
needs is a fragile strategy; it’s not a strength.
Strength = Looking at your vulnerabilities, accepting
and dealing w/them positively.
And as bonding mammals, we deal with
#vulnerability
best with other people at our side.
#emotionallyfocusedtherapy
The emotions do not deserve being put into opposition with “intelligence.” The emotions are themselves a higher order of intelligence.
- O. Hobart Mowrer
Do we even know what
#mentalhealth
is? Psychologists and researchers like me are clear that the main factor in mental health is emotional balance and a clear sense of self as being worthy.
#emotionallyfocusedtherapy
Secure bonds with others & the inner balance they create are our greatest resource and the most efficient and effective recipe for resilience & growth in human beings
Attachment science stresses that a felt sense of emotional safety is a prime requirement for full attention to and engagement with experience – for priming curiosity about how this experience unfolds you as you unfold it – for reflection, for learning.
From an email exchange with a colleague:
"Most of our bizarre and negative behavior is an attempt to:
- create
#connection
- be seen by others as worthy of connection
- find a way to live with the pain of doing without connection"
#emotionallyfocusedtherapy
#holdmetight
Just home from giving my talk to 3,000+ professionals at
#PNS2019
- and I feel a real sense of accomplishment. Even after years of giving talks, it's such a thrill to give a message from the heart and have people give you a standing ovation.
Attachment is a wired in survival code designed to keep us connected to loved ones who offer protection and comfort, especially at times of threat & vulnerability.
BIG NEWS
exciting news
NEW BOOK
Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families
you can get it in your hands in JAN
This is too important not to share.
My colleague
@jimcoan
wrote an op ed for the Washington Post summarizing his recent podcast episode about separating kids from their parents at the border.
From
#HOLDMETIGHT
:
"When we are at our best, we offer support and caring to others because we recognise that they are just like us, human and vulnerable. In fact, we rejoice in the fellowship that takes us out of our small world and makes us part of the whole."
- we need new kinds of love stories -
stories about the empowered and deliberate creation of loving, lasting bonds.
stories of connection that empower us to face life and its dangers with grace and courage.