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Dr. Sue Johnson Profile
Dr. Sue Johnson

@Dr_SueJohnson

17,878
Followers
226
Following
448
Media
2,634
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Developer of #EmotionallyFocusedTherapy , Author of #LoveSense and #HoldMeTight , Psychologist, Researcher, Professor, Speaker. Twitter =/= therapy.

Victoria, British Columbia
Joined July 2013
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
2 months
It is with profound sadness that we announce the passing of Dr. Sue Johnson on April 23, 2024. Dr. Johnson was a beloved teacher, therapist, author, and the pioneering innovator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Read Obituary and watch tribute video:
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
5 years
Let's reject the glorified idea of self-sufficiency: The more we can reach out to our partners, the more separate and independent we can be. #holdmetight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
3 years
I was on my toes for the whole of this 2+ hour interview. We ran the gamut: #HoldMeTight conversations, good sex, tango, Winston Churchill, the clinical research that supports #EmotionallyFocusedTherapy . And more! I enjoyed having this conversation with @tferriss very much!
@tferriss
Tim Ferriss
3 years
"If you listen to the man who's always badgering his wife for sex, what it comes down to is, on an emotional level... he wants to feel wanted, he wants to feel desired." — Dr. Sue Johnson ( @Dr_SueJohnson ) Find our full conversation here:
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Break-ups begin with emotional disconnection that we do not know how to repair, not with fights or affairs.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing, and finding deeper connection. It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again. Minute to minute and day to day.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
2 years
What’s the biggest misconception about couple therapy?
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Conflict in romantic relationships is 90% protest at emotional disconnection.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” — Billy, age four, defining love, as reported on the Internet #HoldMeTight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
In terms of mental health, close connection is the strongest predictor of happiness.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Best predictor of impact of trauma is not severity of event, but whether we can seek comfort in arms of another.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Attachment theory tells us that survival & strength goes to the most nurtured & connected, to those who are best at tuning into & using our greatest resource as a species – our connection to other people.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
At the core of happy relationships is a deep trust that partners matter to each other and will reliable respond when needed.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Hot sex doesn’t lead to secure love; secure attachment leads to hot sex. And also to love that lasts. Monogamy is not a myth.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
It is not familiarity or time the kills desire and passion, it is lack of emotional safety and attuned connection.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
If you have a safe, loving relationship, your heart rate goes down. You have fewer stress hormones in your body. Your body works more efficiently.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
When someone is ‘securely attached,” he or she feels confidence that a loved one is reliable, supportive and responsive.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
The attachment view of love was, and perhaps still is, radically out of line with our culture’s established social and psychological ideas of adulthood: that maturity means being independent and self-sufficient.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
2 months
With heavy hearts, we've shared the news of Sue Johnson's passing. Now, as we come together to honour her memory, we invite you to share your thoughts, memories, and condolences on the tribute wall 💙 💙
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
As Bowlby himself stated, when we understand the drama of attachment, everything a client does is suddenly “perfectly reasonable".
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Secure connection is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing each other, disconnection, repair and falling in love again.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness. #HoldMeTight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Learn to reach for the people you love. Nothing grows people like love. When we are loved, we blossom. Survival of the fittest had it all wrong - it’s really survival of the most nurtured.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Attachment is designed to keep those we love and depend on close – it is the ultimate survival code. The ability to tune into and make sense of someone’s pain is invaluable for a therapist.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
I LOVE YOU implies: 'You're unique to me. You're irreplaceable. You are the one I need and you are the one I choose. It implies exclusivity
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
8 years
I just received notice that I have been named Psychologist of the Year for 2016 (Div43) of APA Such a lovely Mother’s Day Gift/such an honor
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Hot sex doesn’t lead to secure love; secure attachment leads to hot sex. And also to love that lasts. Monogamy is not a myth.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
"We are never so vulnerable as when we love". - Sigmund Freud #HoldMeTight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
The bulk of people seem to agree with Harvard Medical School psychiatrist Robert Waldinger - who studies happiness - that the single best recipe for a good life, health & happiness & joy is a loving relationship.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
When someone is ‘securely attached,” he or she feels confidence that a loved one is reliable, supportive and responsive.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
avoidance is the kryptonite of mental health
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
We are designed, not just emotionally and socially, but physiologically, to live in close connection with people who will come when we call.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
In love, you don't need to be perfect. You don't need to perform perfectly. You just need to show up.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Anger tells us to approach and fight. Shame tells us to withdraw and hide. Fear tells us to flee or freeze, or in real extremes to turn and attack back. Sadness primes us to grieve and let go. #HoldMeTight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
As Bowlby himself stated, when we understand the drama of attachment, everything a client does is suddenly “perfectly reasonable.”
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
4 years
As therapists, we know that when people are NOT HEARD, everything begins to apart, especially in the face of such great injustice and the routine, brutal dismissal of those realities by those in power.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Avoidance is a good defense but it shuts your partner out and you in. It looks like protection but becomes a prison.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Emotion is contagious; we literally “catch” each other’s sentiments and feel what they are feeling, and this is the basis of empathy.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
avoidance is the kryptonite of mental health
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Securely attached couples help each other regulate emotions
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
The most functional way to regulate difficult emotions in love relationships is to share them.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
We know that love makes us vulnerable, but we also know that we are never as safe and strong as when we are sure we are loved.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Reaching for others is a strength not a weakness
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Attachment science tells us that connection with others is not only a source of safety to go to, it offers a base that is a continuing source of strength throughout life.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
8 years
Never have I felt so honored & moved! I have been awarded the Order of Canada: outstanding accomplishment,contribution to community & nation
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Our relationships are part of our species’ survival code. Secure attachment offers us a potent sense of safety and a way to maintain equilibrium in the presence of danger or threat. These bonds allow us to tolerate and cope with our human frailty.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
5 years
Love is a continual process of seeking and losing emotional connection, and reaching out to find it again. The bond of love is a living thing. If we don't attend to it, it naturally begins to wither. #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #WednesdayWisdom #holdmetight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
At the core of happy relationships is a deep trust that partners matter to each other and will reliable respond when needed.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
The first & foremost instinct in humans is neither sex nor aggression. It is to seek contact & comforting connection.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
The science of attachment is essentially the science of affect regulation, especially in situations of uncertainty and threat.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
What partners need is a special type of healing conversation that fosters not just forgiveness but the willingness to trust again. Renewed trust is the ultimate goal. #HoldMeTight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Being the “best you can be” is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another. Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Love is not the icing on the cake of life. It is a basic primary need, like oxygen or water.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
3 years
Denial of #attachment needs is a fragile strategy; it’s not a strength. Strength = Looking at your vulnerabilities, accepting and dealing w/them positively. And as bonding mammals, we deal with #vulnerability best with other people at our side. #emotionallyfocusedtherapy
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness. #HoldMeTight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
The emotions do not deserve being put into opposition with “intelligence.” The emotions are themselves a higher order of intelligence. - O. Hobart Mowrer
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Emotion is what turns an object into a memento, an event into a happening, and a person into the love of your life.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
5 years
Do we even know what #mentalhealth is? Psychologists and researchers like me are clear that the main factor in mental health is emotional balance and a clear sense of self as being worthy. #emotionallyfocusedtherapy
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
As Carl Rogers said, a good reflection is not a repetition ...it is a revelation.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Secure bonds with others & the inner balance they create are our greatest resource and the most efficient and effective recipe for resilience & growth in human beings
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Attachment science stresses that a felt sense of emotional safety is a prime requirement for full attention to and engagement with experience – for priming curiosity about how this experience unfolds you as you unfold it – for reflection, for learning.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
A felt sense of connection with loved ones boosts our physiological & emotional equilibrium/balance in a way that buffers us from stress.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Emotional dependency is not immature or pathological, it is our greatest strength.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
To be human is to need others, and this is no flaw or weakness.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Nothing makes us stronger and happier than loving, stable long-term bonds with others.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
What is the key element that makes love work? Emotional engagement. It's the key issue in relationships.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Disconnection – loss of security – causes distress fear, disorganization, isolation cues helplessness. Secure connection promotes effective dependency.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Safe emotional connection changes the way your brain codes an incoming threat.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
We are naturally at our best and more resilient when we can reach for someone and ask ARE you there for me and we get a YES!
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Those who are securely attached have learned that momentary disconnection is tolerable rather than catastrophic.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
5 years
From an email exchange with a colleague: "Most of our bizarre and negative behavior is an attempt to: - create #connection - be seen by others as worthy of connection - find a way to live with the pain of doing without connection" #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #holdmetight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
“How do you spell 'love'?" - Piglet "You don't spell it...you feel it." - Pooh ― A.A. Milne
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
We can be alone without being lonely when we know we matter to our precious ones.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Aloneness is the ultimate trauma
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
The demise of marriages begins with a growing absence of responsive intimate interactions. The conflict comes later. #HoldMeTight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Reaching for others is a strength not a weakness. - hold me tight -
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
5 years
Just home from giving my talk to 3,000+ professionals at #PNS2019 - and I feel a real sense of accomplishment. Even after years of giving talks, it's such a thrill to give a message from the heart and have people give you a standing ovation.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Partners don’t need us to be perfect or super performers – they need us to be available emotionally.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Love is the best survival mechanism there is, and to feel suddenly emotionally cut off from a partner, disconnected, is terrifying. #HoldMeTight
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Attachment is a wired in survival code designed to keep us connected to loved ones who offer protection and comfort, especially at times of threat & vulnerability.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
BIG NEWS exciting news NEW BOOK Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families you can get it in your hands in JAN
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
The first & foremost instinct in humans is neither sex nor aggression. It is to seek contact & comforting connection.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
To love is to be vulnerable. To deal with the vulnerability constructively is key to EFT. #ICEEFT
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Feeling safe with others and knowing they will come when you're in need is critical to mental health.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
This is too important not to share. My colleague @jimcoan wrote an op ed for the Washington Post summarizing his recent podcast episode about separating kids from their parents at the border.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Emotionally dependency is not immature or pathological; it is our greatest strength.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
Sex naturally promotes bonding and more effective bonding promotes great sex.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
8 years
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” - Billy, age four
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
You've got to look at the whole dance you're doing together and understand why you've lost your basic sense of safety with each other.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
The key problem in love is not conflict per se but emotional disconnection and distance.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
2 years
From #HOLDMETIGHT : "When we are at our best, we offer support and caring to others because we recognise that they are just like us, human and vulnerable. In fact, we rejoice in the fellowship that takes us out of our small world and makes us part of the whole."
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
When someone is ‘securely attached,” he or she feels confidence that a loved one is reliable, supportive and responsive.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
- we need new kinds of love stories - stories about the empowered and deliberate creation of loving, lasting bonds. stories of connection that empower us to face life and its dangers with grace and courage.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
4 years
In our work we KNOW that emotional isolation from attachment figures signals THREAT to our human nervous system. Sometimes emotional safety matters most of all! (4/4) #holdmetight #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #lovesense #attachment #coupletherapy
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
6 years
Failures of #EMPATHY and #RESPONSIVENESS create wounds that cannot be put aside or papered over; they need to be healed. #LoveSense
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
We know that love makes us vulnerable, but we also know that we are never as safe and strong as when we are sure we are loved.
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
5 years
I'm so proud of my latest book. So much positive response and engagement. #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #attachmenttheory
@PsychTherapyNet
Psychotherapy.net
5 years
Victor Yalom interviews Sue Johnson ( @Dr_SueJohnson ) on her new book and the future of #EFTA #psychology #Psychotherapy
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@Dr_SueJohnson
Dr. Sue Johnson
7 years
To build strong people is not to tell them to be self-sufficient. The way to create strong people is to create stronger relationships.
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