Dr. Bob Beare @DrBobBeare Twitter profile

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

5 months

The Audiobook is out on Audible. Go to

Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

10 months

This book made it to #1 in five Amazon categories! Thanks for your help. THE AUDIO BOOK IS COMING SOON. Go to to be the first to get promo pricing info.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

Most people don’t know what trauma is. Let alone what recovery looks like. Here we go:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

Healthy relationships are rare. Conflict and defensiveness are common. Here's what sh*tshow vs. healthy looks like:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

9 months

I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief. C.S. Lewis

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

"I'M NOT A CONTROL FREAK" Ok, thanks for sharing. Control is a trauma response. Here's how to identify the pattern and heal:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@LakotaMan1 Keep up the education. And the wise ass humor. Love it so much.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

4 months

@Theholisticpsyc "Lazy" and "procrastination" don't exist. It's fear and shame - Ingested from anxious caregivers.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

Anxiety is fear. It comes from trauma. We all have trauma - mild or severe. Here's how to identify it and let it go:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

IS EVERYTHING TRAUMA!? That's all I hear these days. Consider it an overdue wakeup call Like it or not, trauma is running the entire show Here are the basics of what it is, and how to heal:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

The best places to find your shadow: 1. People you deeply hate 2. People you greatly admire

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

9 months

𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬 𝗨𝗡𝗣𝗢𝗣𝗨𝗟𝗔𝗥: Food is an addiction. It is severely misunderstood. It is the most deadly of all dependencies. Here's the truth:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

4 months

The black sheep (truth teller) in many families becomes the identified patient. And the psychiatric world is set up to medicate that evil black sheep. So the family never looks at itself, the black sheep gets numbed out, and the truth disappears.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

I can fix them. I know I can save them. Dammit, they just won't fix. Codependency is an addiction. It's serious - here's what it looks like:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

6 months

Emotional health is attractive to the emotionally healthy. Shitshow behavior is attractive to people who are still living the shitshow.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

"DON'T BE SO ANGRY, BE NICE" Anger is deeply misunderstood. Here's another way:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

10 months

“Trauma is the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering” - Peter Levine

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Big love. Big trigger. I can feel that one in my chest. To love and be loved cleanly is courageous and vulnerable.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

9 months

@Theholisticpsyc Poor concentration, negative self-talk, interpersonal conflict, and low energy are all symptoms often misdiagnosed and medicated - disallowing healing.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

2 months

The right response to being treated badly is anger. Quit smiling through it. Quit apologing for it. Anger is healthy.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Enmeshment is the most common and underacknowledged form of trauma.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

“You are selfish” “Thank you, it’s taken me a long time to get here - would you rather I be ‘you-ish’?” “Well, you are self-centered” “Thank you, it’s taken me a long time to get here - where would you prefer I be centered? On you?”

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

#1 Way to Overcome Procrastination: Stop calling it procrastination - it’s fear.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@MindTendencies2 If we’re not going to be playful in this lifetime, when? Are we waiting for the next lifetime? Hanging out with playful, fun, relaxed, spontaneous people. That’s my very specific goal for success.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

What is the #1 sign that you are healing your old wounds?

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

1) Trauma says “Gotta keep ‘em all happy for me to be happy.” Recovery says, “I’m whole.”

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

2) Trauma says “I gotta soothe them.” Recovery says, “Its ok to let them have their discomfort.”

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

5) Trauma says “Your opinion of me is my reality.” Recovery says “Your opinion of me is none of my business.”

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Defensiveness is impacted criticism from childhood. It’s the right response - until we heal it. Then, the world seems like less of an attack.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

"INNER CHILD WORK IS FOR WIMPS" No, it is a direct plunge into emotional healing. It takes a kind of vulnerable courage few access. Read on, and let's put therapists (like me) out of business:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

2 years

@ML_Philosophy The worst thing a woman can do to a man is take relationship advice from twitter. And vice versa

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@ATMwithJacy The New Parenting Playbook It’s very complex: 1. Do your inner work 2. Then do your inner work 3. Conclude by doing your inner work

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@LakotaMan1 Love the stuff. Keep it up.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

9 months

I was miserable, got help, got more miserable, then I got better. I always tell folks when they come to me that it will get worse before it gets better… and the better won’t even resemble today. Most aren’t interested. They want a quick fix. I don’t collude with that.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

With a calm nervous system, we no longer have to grab every stimulus, answer every question, every ringing phone, or opportunity to argue. Shut tf up and breathe is an advanced technique.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

5 months

@Theholisticpsyc We survived by becoming whatever would reduce the chaos...and have been practicing these skills for years. Takes a lot of inner work and support to return to authenticity.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

7) Trauma says “I’ll do anything to keep you.” Recovery says “I’m my own best friend.”

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

6) Trauma says “I’m sorry and let me explain endlessly.” Recovery says…very little.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

I'll start - Less reactivity

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

9 months

@Theholisticpsyc Unresolved trauma in caregivers obscures their ability to patiently affirm creative divergence in children.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

@Theholisticpsyc Shame is the main byproduct of trauma. It runs every aspect of our life until we begin the grief and healing process. The return to self is a sweet homecoming.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 month

ALL the world's problems are due to unhealed trauma. Wanna try to change my mind?

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

4) Trauma says “I’m clairvoyant - I feel everybody’s pain and I can fix it.” Recovery says “I’m aware of myself as a separate, competent, and whole person - and so are you.”

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

"RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO EASY" Bullshit. They are the hardest. But they don't have to be. Here's a success plan:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

3) Trauma says “I know what they all need.” Recovery says, “I’m focused on me.”

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc The current generation is awake, alive, and way more trauma informed.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Sometimes we set goals that are not completely ours. They are tinged with shoulds, oughts, and musts. Creat a vision that comes straight from the heart. In direct collaboration with that creative child within. Then the small goals toward that vision will feel easy.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

Rather than obsessively looking for that great partner, consider developing emotional maturity, courage, caring, and humility. Then you may attract same.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

Compassion comes from pain transformed. Codependency (phoney niceness and fixing others) comes from pain repressed.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@LakotaMan1 One of many mysterious nonhuman attributes.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Our nervous system is brilliant and our best ally, always looking out for us. Sometimes in an exaggerated way due to unresolved trauma.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

@Theholisticpsyc So much time and effort spent on trying to fill that childhood need to appease the giants.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

CRISIS ADDICTION Sh*tshow relationships say: "I need a crisis. There must be something we can argue about." Healthy relationships say: "My need for chaos is a trauma response. Self-care and inner work are the best things I can do for my relationship."

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

If we want to make therapy more effective, we need to get actual healers to train healers. Currently we have academics training thinkers to think.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc We codependents are experts at molding ourselves around other’s needs/wants. To the exclusion our own. We learned early. It’s trauma.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

Name the biggest change in your life since you started healing your old crap:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

6 months

𝗡𝗢𝗕𝗢𝗗𝗬 𝗪𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗦 𝗧𝗢 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦: Food is an addiction. It is severely misunderstood. It is the most deadly of all dependencies. Here's the truth:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

Heal your wounds Calm your nervous system THEN speak your emotional truth Otherwise it will be explosive and not heard

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

2 months

What does this quote mean to you? "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." C.G. Jung

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc It’s one of the dangers of vulnerability - unstable people will try to fix and advise you.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

We learned to please everybody or detach from everybody. Both are trauma responses. Detached or over nice - it got us here. Time to come back to authentic and let folks deal with it as they will.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc I see my partner through eyes clouded by unresolved trauma. And wonder why it’s not working.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

@Theholisticpsyc We replicate patterns learned from our original dysfunctional family systems. And we wonder why our relationships are conflictual, chaotic, and unsatisfying.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

Most people suck at parenting. Most of us were parented poorly. Most of us parent ourselves horribly. Here are some ways to fix the shitshow known as parenting.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc If parents have unmet needs, the child either grows up too quick or is infantilized. I had a bit of both. Dad wanted me to be a man at 5 yrs old. Mom bailed me out of everything.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

2 months

@Theholisticpsyc The right response to being treated badly is anger. Quit smiling through it. Quit apologing for it. Anger is healthy.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc The inner work will get me everything I thought I could get by being tough, smart, and scrambling for all the shiney stuff.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

SELF OWNERSHIP “You always seek to control others when you are not in full ownership of yourself.” ― Cicely Tyson.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

KEEP IT ALL HIDDEN Sh*tshow relationships say: "You are just too emotional. Get over it." Healthy relationships say: "I can tolerate your anger, sadness, and fear. Please tell me what's hurting. I'll do the same."

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

YOU ARE MY PROBLEM Sh*tshow relationships say: "Why are you doing this to me. You are making me miserable." Healthy relationships say: "I chose you. Now, we both need to be doing inner work or let this thing go."

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@SaveYourSons The biggest mistake parents make in raising kids is “raising” kids Quit raisin’, advisin’, directin’, guidin’, and moldin’ the goddam kids. It creates trauma and a misdirected set of choices. Give them space and love. Do your own inner work and be a model.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

As we heal our wounds, we start to notice the people we have chosen in our life - who refuse to do the inner work… And un-choose them.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

FEAR DRIVES THE BUS “Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs and they learn to hide from their selves.” ― Bessel A. van der Kolk

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

2 months

Anger gets a bad rap. It's normal and get things done. Repressed, it's rage and depression.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

@Theholisticpsyc Most families are sitting on a vibrating mountain of unexpressed pain. Afraid for the eruption. Emotions are seen as dangerous. As we heal, we allow the full range of emotions. We encircle ourselves with a healthy family of choice.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

"I'm an addict." Now, that's not nice. Nope, but it's the truth. We're all using something. Here's some unpopular info on addiction;

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Many families have delivered their problem child to mental health prof’s with an expectation to fix them. The acting out child is telling the ugly truth of the family. The kid is usually the healthiest one of the bunch. Therapists need to address this boldly.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP Doesn't exist. The expectation of this is a trauma-induced fantasy. But let's at least lean into healthy.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Most fear intimacy. It always touches our deepest wounds. That’s why committed relationships are the very best place to heal childhood trauma - and why most folks run when it gets tough.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Committed relationships are the best place to heal childhood trauma. Under the influence of oxytocin and other mood adjusters that come with romantic “love”, we choose partners unconsciously who trigger the same wounds from childhood. There’s two roads: Numb out, or dig deep.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc Advanced skill set in a relationship: Be interested in their needs. Take care of my own needs. Listen to their wants. Ask for what I want. Find the balance.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

9 months

Inner child work sounds mild. It’s actually advanced trauma healing.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 month

What is the most oppressed human population? Children. Stuck with the lies. Stuck with the abuse. Stuck with the shame. Stuck with the secrets. Stuck with the addictions. Stuck with the dysfunction. It's a certain kind of torture with no way out.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

6 months

Romantic attraction is deeply related to unconscious needs. We choose a partner while we're in the fog of love. As the fog recedes we see that we have married our original caregivers. Then the work begins. Will we run away? Or will we stay and work through our old shit!

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

6 months

Sometimes anger gives us a strength we need to get to the grief

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

SHUT TF UP Sh*tshow relationships say: "Let me plan my argument while you're talking." Healthy relationships say: "I am learning how to shut tf up and listen to what you are actually saying - not my trauma-based interpretation."

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc The shaming messages of trauma may be in the head. But the lodged trauma - the root of the problem - is in our bodies. And unaddressed - it runs our lives.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc We give clues about how we roll and how we’re hurt: 1. If we’re transactional in relationships, there’s probably early wounds around security. 2. Disappointments/conflicts become tragedies for trauma survivors. 3. Gossip is unresolved shame. Support/healing required.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

HOW DO I HEAL TRAUMA Trauma is lodged in the body. It takes specialized support. -Somatic therapy -ACA and CoDA (12-step groups) -Trauma healing workshops -Community trauma healing like @selfhealerscirc and @Theholisticpsyc Resources:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

7 months

When you’re being invited into conflict, or grilled, questioned, or baited: It’s ok to remove yourself. It’s healthy to remove yourself. It’s recommended to remove yourself. We are not on the stand. We are grown adults. Not prisoners. Remove yourself.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

@Theholisticpsyc The obsession with happiness blocks grief - the path to joy.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

6 months

The more I do the inner work, and feel secure within myself, the more I attract "safe" people.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@Theholisticpsyc It takes vulnerability to give love and receive it in the form of reassurance. And nothing is more important as the shame tries to pull us down.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

11 months

@Theholisticpsyc My Mom was superwoman on all fronts. Many affirmations for being “so good to everyone.” Was never open to support. Lots of childhood abandonment and underlying pain expressed in bursts of anger. Took it to her grave. Never lived HER life. Feeling sad right now.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

4 months

Hard to be compassionate for another person with a body full of unresolved trauma. And that's the state of the world - and most relationships.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

Trauma causes a lot of survival living, not much thriving.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

8 months

Forced niceness is a trauma response with a mountain of anger beneath.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

2 months

Wondering Why it’s Hard to be Vulnerable? When we were small, we were sponges. Everything "out there" went inside. We took it in and stored it. It became our truth. It is not our truth. We must see it. Then let it go. Here's how:

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

1 year

@TheConquerMM They are hyper-focused on never appearing weak.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

10 months

@Theholisticpsyc As we heal, the obsessive search for “the one” can cease. A natural flow of connection takes over.

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Dr. Bob Beare

@DrBobBeare

4 months

@Theholisticpsyc The rejection feeling is a great opportunity for healing. It used to be a great reason for blaming and being butthurt. But with time, we find that there is a wounded child within and we are the healthy parent we've been waiting for.

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