Annie Morris @DesperateAnnie Twitter profile

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Annie Morris

5 years

In the garden centre and a woman’s screaming: “DON’T PUT YOUR FINGER IN THAT VENUS FLY TRAP AGAIN JOHN!” Everyone looks over expecting a child and there’s John, 70, with his finger in a Venus fly trap.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Delivery guy just left a parcel on the doorstep and bowed at me through the window so I curtseyed back at him like it’s 1845 #COVID2019

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

My daughter is searching the entire house for a false eyelash. I’m saying nothing but feeling paranoid because it’s staring out of the Dyson at me. I sucked it up this morning thinking it was a dead spider. #parenting

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

2 years

Wow meow! #Caturday

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Woman is on the platform shouting at her husband. He’s on the train looking at her through the glass: “YOU’RE ON THE WRONG TRAIN BOB”. She yells at everyone standing on the platform “HE’S ON THE WRONG TRAIN”. Husband shouts through the glass “I’M ON THE RIGHT TRAIN BERYL”.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 months

Elton John’s ‘don’t do drugs’ tale is quite something

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

Was it you? If you did this on the way to work, thank you.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

If anything ever happens to me, if I’m taken by aliens or go missing on the 4.50 from Paddington, I want this woman on the case #DontFkWithCats

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Dear Dewey. The finest cat grave. #Caturday #CatsOfTwitter

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

A beautiful mind collected these and called it ‘nature dancing’

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

This woman knows how to pose with a statue... #WednesdayWisdom

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Woke up to discover this internet shopping suggestion - apparently chosen for me based on a previous purchase. The last thing I bought online was a light bulb for the oven.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Dad has been talking about the magician and his tricks non stop since we got home. He has forgotten about his illness for a little while. Imagine if, like the stranger today, we all spread a little magic each day. Wouldn’t the world be a better place?

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

My sister adores her cat. Turns out she’s not the only one. Today, he arrived home with a new collar in which she found this tiny note from a stranger. #Caturday

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

Kate, 94: “Annie, can you get me a bottle of Tia Maria? You’ll have to smuggle it in…..” MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

9 months

They say dogs find you - Ben found us three weeks ago when his owner died. Best Christmas EVER. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ #AdoptDontShop

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

8 months

So it took three of us three months to make ‘Pond Life’. We revealed it to President Higgins today. I think he liked it. He took a bee home for his desk #Ireland #KildareYarnBombers #Crochet #HandmadeHour

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Something magical happened today. I took dad to see the doctor. As we waited, a guy, about 40, reached into his bag for a pack of cards. He asked dad if he wanted to see a magic trick. Dad nodded slowly. The guy did a card trick. Dad didn’t react.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

7 years

The kids are teaching Grandpa Desmond the moves for tomorrow night #Eurovision #occidentaliskarma #Francescogabbani

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

I have just discovered that in the Netherlands, a restaurant is using greenhouses to serve diners #socialdistancing

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

The tiler tells me that they are all the same colour and it’s my eyes that are the problem.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

Love this

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Absolutely Beginners and I’m crying and my daughter says “you really did have all the music didn’t you?” #Bowie #Glastonbury2020

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Dutch photographer Dick van Duijn captured the moment a squirrel took a moment out of its busy day to smell the flowers #TuesdayThoughts

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

8 years

A warm welcome whenever he visits Scotland #Trumpsacrifices

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Just bought a tin of travel sweets for the car. According to my sister this purchase is a sign that I am middle aged. What other signs are out there that I don’t know about?

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

This woman crocheted herself and her dog #dogs

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Just explaining to my daughter that when I was her age I spent a lot of time standing in a phone box, calling ‘Dial A Disc’ and listening to the latest pop songs because there was nothing else to do in the village. She’s Googling it in disbelief.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

This will take your mind off Brexit for 9 seconds #FridayFeeling

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Ha. #TRUMP

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

7 years

It's all over. Thanks for the memories Monkman - you brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT man #universitychallenge #monkman

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Inherited a recipe book from 1975 - trying to get my head around this one

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

8 years

A teenager just got into my car, only realising that I wasn't his mother and this was not his car when I pulled out one of his earphones .

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Because he got no answer at the front door, the postman just posted this through my bedroom window #Ireland

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

As the storm hits Ireland I find myself about to get on a plane in windy Dublin. American woman in front turns to me: “Let’s hope it’s not too crashy” Me: “CRASHY?” Her: “Bumpy. I meant BUMPY” ‘CRASHY’? #PanicDay #Ireland #stormlorenzo

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Just attempted a deep and meaningful conversation with dad: Me: “What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?” Dad: “Never whistle with a mouth full of custard”

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Micro knitting is pretty darn mind blowing.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

7am train cancelled. Dad, 78, to the rescue. Got a lift in his side car, just in time for the flight home. #hero

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

These boots were made for nesting and that’s just what they’ll do.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

Twenty years ago, she was my patient, I was her nurse. She insisted that I meet her son. So I did. Reader, I married him. Today I held Ramona’s hand as she slipped away. My beloved mother in law. Thank you. Rest in peace.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

The Duchess of Devonshire feeding chickens in a Dior ball gown #LFW

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

This cheered me up...

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

I asked my sister (the gardener) to send me ideas for a garden update. She just sent me this. #TuesdayThoughts

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

My teenage son is making dinner for the first time and following a Jamie Oliver recipe for BBQ ribs. He’s just brought in the recipe book and asked “What’s ‘freshly’ and do we have any?”

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

8 months

and today, little Ben met the President of Ireland #Ireland #AdoptDontShop #Dogs

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Because we all love a happy ending.... Last week, this crocheted masterpiece was stolen from the Kildare Yarn Bomb in Newbridge. Today he was returned in a brown paper bag, with a note attached #HandmadeHour

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Ha! #dogs

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Asked my nephew to make the tea

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

Had enough of the snow? Here’s Tom Jones in a phone box. #snowday #SundayMorning

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Wheelie wheelie happy - it’s almost finished #YarnBombForBardardos #Ireland #HandmadeHour

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

7/ If you happen to be in Ore today look out for them. Bob is wearing light blue fishing hat and Beryl is in a lilac cardigan.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

I’m in the Irish language secondary school today and have just discovered that the Irish for ‘freckles’ is ‘Póigíní gréine’. Translated, ‘Póigíní gréine’ means ‘little kisses of the sun’. #FridayFacts

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Planned to have a candlelit dinner but it’s been a hot day and my candle’s not in the mood #HEATWAVE2019

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

@McJesse We yarn bombed a Fiat 500

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Cool. #SaturdayMorning

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Pebble nativity scene spotted in Pembrokeshire #christmas #handmade

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Terrible joke from my son: Q: What's Forrest Gump's password? A: 1forrest1

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

6 years

We’re in The Playwright pub in Kilkenny. Seven nuns have just walked in and are standing at the bar and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so Irish.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

My friend Karen’s nativity scene with Mary, Joseph and baby cheeses

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

If you go down to the park today you’re in for a big surprise #KildareYarnBomb #Junefest #Ireland

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

He told me that he has Crohn’s Disease. He is always tired, in pain - so weak he can’t work. He lives next to the surgery. The only joy in his life is on Monday afternoons when he goes to see the doctor, meet people and do magic for other patients.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

I’m at a bazaar. The woman selling them says they’re original and the one on the right is Anne of Denmark.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

Hysterectomy went well - now time for what’s called a ‘light supper’. They’ve brought me a slice of bread and a small wrapped frozen butter portion which I have slipped under my left buttock to soften. #Hystersister

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Teachers contract 1923

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

1 year

HA! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

Parting with my uterus and ovaries in 48 hours. My son asked what he can do to help so I said “get rid of the shed” and now he’s demolishing the shed with a sledgehammer. This is a perk that I didn’t see coming. #HysterSister

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Dad - first bike aged 16 latest bike aged 79

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Wednesday joke from my nephew: Why do Brit’s still use ‘u’ in words like “colour” and “armour”? Because Rick Astley is British.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Althea Crome’s micro knitted jumpers are quite incredible #HandmadeHour

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

The Irish postal service has given every household two postcards - to be delivered anywhere in Ireland free of charge. Such a lovely gesture #anpost #Ireland

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

11 months

Delighted that the man who once described Meghan Markle as ‘every broadcaster's worst nightmare' has been sacked for being every broadcaster’s worst nightmare #sadlittleman #DanWootton #SussexSquad

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Brilliant.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

Living with teenagers - never know what I’ll find in the bathroom #lockdown

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

This time tomorrow I shall have a new hip. Now I’m manically baking, tidying, painting doors, cleaning the cupboard under the sink - ANYTHING apart from preparing the surgery site with an antiseptic solution #HipHipHOORAY

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

From Garda Síochána Laois Offaly: Elderly man out walking his dog last night fell into a ditch and couldn’t get out. Jack the dog stayed by his side and showed Gardaí where he was. When ambulance arrived Jack wouldn’t rest unless he could see him #dogs

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

2 years

My son just came in and told his dad that he needs a lift into town tomorrow and left again without noticing that it’s not his dad on the sofa but a big toy chimpanzee in a woolly green hat that I’m working on for the parade tomorrow #StPatricksDay

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

He hasn’t played since 1940 so we got him drums Not bad for 93 #DrummerBoy

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 #Lockdown

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

My sister works in ITU. Wears a face mask that gives her blisters. Stays with a patient for 5 hours at a time without a break for a drink or the bathroom. The heat is exhausting. She says clapping makes no difference to her day. Staying at home does.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

There’s magic in the sky this morning #Ireland

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Canvassers take note #radio4today

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

6/ Guard: “This train is going to Ore” Beryl: “Are you sure?” Bob waves at Beryl through the glass. Guard speaks into walkie talkie, door opens. Beryl climbs onboard. Bob: “See? This is the right train” Beryl: “Shut up you” Train pulls off.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

We’re at the seaside - celebrating 24 years of marriage with poached eggs and hand sanitizer #DunLaoghaire

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Just found this shower curtain online. Tempted.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

7 months

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Not sure why she’s wearing rhubarb on her head but I like it and might try it.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

10 months

The Rescue by Deb Garlick #WomensArt

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Quilting doesn’t get better than this

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

#Lockdown

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

It’s the gift that keeps on giving... #brexit #ReesMogg

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

My daughter has a new boyfriend. Not saying he’s perfect but he just arrived with a chainsaw and a sledgehammer asking if there were any jobs that I needed doing.

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

Bees like to sleep with other bees and hold each other’s feet #SaturdayThoughts

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

5 years

These brilliant pumpkins were carved by midwives at the Royal Oldham Hospital, Lancashire #StandingOvation

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

7 years

Just asked husband what she’s been cooking tonight. He’s watched the whole show but says he can’t remember #Nigella #AtMyTable

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

My teenager screamed “SOMEONE’S SMOKING IN THE BATHROOM”. I ran in and found this:

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

The view from my window

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

3 years

Our darling Honey has passed away. She was the smallest dog with the biggest heart. She spent the first half of her life on a puppy farm, the second half with us. She was nothing but gentle and kind. Goodbye little friend. #AdoptDontShop

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

“You don’t have the patience to grow tomatoes” they said. “You don’t have green-fingers” they said. “You’ll forget to water them” they said. So it took a pandemic BUT LOOK AT ME NOW #TomatoTuesday

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

Evening joke from my son: I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen a man was frying chips. I asked him “Are you the friar?” He replied “No, I’m the chip monk”

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Annie Morris

@DesperateAnnie

4 years

My sister (ITU nurse) finished work last night and walked by a local park on her way home. At 8pm it was crowded. No social distancing, no masks or gloves. Then they clapped for the carers. She’s exhausted, “People don’t get it do they?” #COVIDIDIOTS

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