Deebs @DeebsFLA Twitter profile

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Deebs

3 years

Younger coworker had never heard of The Far Side cartoon before. Sent her a few, and she didn't find them funny. I weep for our future.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

There would already be three TV movies, five books, and eleven MSM specials about this, if it was Trump doing this:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

22 days

For those that were following me 8 years ago, you may remember when my 5 year old daughter was in the hospital for a month, suffering from encephalitis. It was touch and go for a long time. Ty again for the prayers and support then. It’s her 13th birthday today. ❤️

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

7 years

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

24 days

Well, have I got good news for you.

The Hill

@thehill

24 days

MSNBC host Joy Reid says she’d vote for President Biden if he was "in a coma"

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

I thought I couldn't hate the media more. They proved me wrong. Again.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Morning.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

If any of you are inclined, please send a prayer my Dad's way. He's in the ICU, and just spoke with my Mom and brother, and it doesn't look promising. I'll be driving down soon, and just hoping to make it in time. If your folks are still with you-Call your parents tonight.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Of course.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

My last day at my company is Friday. Not because of mask mandates, or COVID-related policies, but because I just can't fucking stand them anymore.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

HOW IN THE FUCK, WAS THIS ALLOWED IN THE COURTROOM?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

5 years

Looks like the debate is over, Folks. Per Target, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

AYFKM?!?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Hawaii is not allowed to vote for senators anymore. Period.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

8 years

@tariqnasheed The only sad part, is he couldn't kill the POS twice.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

2 months

@RGIII May want to listen to what he actually said.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

6 years

7 year old, after I picked her up from school today: Her: "Daddy, can I ask you anything?" Me: "Of course you can. Always." Her: "How does a woman get pregnant?" Me: "Did you know the Buccaneers have a new coach? Her: "What?" Me: "What?" *drives home fast AF, calls wife*

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

@PageSix

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Hey, @GOP LET'S FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SHIT. PICK IT UP. NOW.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Way to go, Jerry.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

7 years

All set.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Morning.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

7 years

@Cosmopolitan Why you lyin'?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

If they ban Blazing Saddles (one of the most anti racist films ever made, TBH) we all agree to lose our shit, and start storming company buildings, right?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

@DarshunKendrick @realDonaldTrump How hasn't this ridiculous tweet been deleted yet?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

6 years

I don't know about this new mascot, Dunkin'. Something seems...well...off.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Would hire.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

It's nice to see, that Jimmy Carter is still alive, to finally know he's really not the shitiest president we've ever had.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

My Dad's dog passed a few weeks ago, and he's been so down about it. He's not in the best health, but loved that dog so much. Earlier today, Mom said they got him an early Father's Day present:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

6 years

Now that Sheriff Scott Israel is out-I'm thinking it's time for CNN and Jake Tapper to apologize for that bullshit event with @DLoesch , in which the NRA was blamed for the MSD shooting. Only fair, right?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

The WHO can fuck right off.

New York Post

@nypost

4 years

WHO thinks alcohol is an 'unhelpful coping strategy' for coronavirus cabin fever

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

5 years

@NoTalentAC This is an excellent idea, actually.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Yet another reason to think Springsteen sucks:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

1 year

WITHOUT Googling, name a famous historic battle.

theRoddick

@OriginalRoddick

1 year

WITHOUT Googling, name a famous historic battle.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 months

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Just found out the neighborhood bitch Karen, called the cops on the lady that has organized weekly food trucks to come to our neighborhood, during this China Flu bullshit time, because she says it "promotes larger gatherings". We're planning a visit later to her house.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Another, "He wasn't on our radar" bullshit excuse from the FBI. Really spectacular work.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

The local AutoZone, may want to update their reference document on what a German flag looks like recently, on any of their clearance table items:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Unpopular opinion: Jon Gruden was 100% right about what a POS Roger Goodell is.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Dammmmnnnn, Archie.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Currently at a park with the nine year old and her classmates. This is the first time she's meeting her BFF from this school year face to face. They're laughing and playing. Makes my heart full seeing it. The damage we've done to our kids with COVID lockdown is immeasurable.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Morning.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Never change, Florida.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Target sure needs to replenish their treadmill stock.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

If they target Foghorn Leghorn next, I'll be stabbing folks.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 months

Every American should have hated Iran since ‘79.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

5 years

I'm beginning to think that Joe Scarborough, is a fucking asshole.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

I miss Educated Hillbilly.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Geraldo Rivera is living, breathing proof, that anyone can go to Law school and pass the Bar -- anybody.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

"Listen, Jack. Stranded, Schmanded. Manatee pop tart, Jimmy Buffett, Nacho Cheese Doritos, and lookyloos. That's why I did what I did."

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Oh.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

SORRY I CANNOT REMEMBER EVERY THING I SAID TO SOME RANDOS, AS I WAS BEING CHASED BY A MOB THAT SETS FIRES AND STUFF

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Don't even think you're being clever, and go into a Home Depot to see if they have toilet paper. It's a fool's quest. Sincerely - A fool

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

If Eric Swalwell was a member of Cirque du Soleil:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Expect a sharp uptick in rioters getting their asses handed to them in the coming days. The dam broke.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Again, I ask: WHERE IN THE FUCK IS THE GOP?!?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

I'm beginning to think Alyssa Milano is crazy AF.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

5 years

Had a sales conference call this week, in which a new sales rep asked "Is anyone going to call me out on this?" so I said, "I'm your huckleberry", and not one of the millennial fuckers got the reference. Absolutely unforgivable.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Just a friendly reminder: If your turkey isn't thawing by now, you're 100% effed.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

I'm buying a fuck load of MyPillows with my Trump Bucks.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

So there is a silver lining.

Ben Smith

@semaforben

3 years

“Journalists are being left behind,” @RatebNoori , who heads the US government station Radio Azadi in Kabul, told me

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Mom just called and said my Dad fell today (he's okay) but the reason was because he was shooting iguanas off the back fence with a pellet gun. Ran out of pellets, and lunged at one-then took a spill. "Back at it tomorrow!", he hollered.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

@TwitterSafety You've had several hours to come up with a good explanation for this action, and this is the best you can do?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Just got back from Publix, to pick up some bacon. Got a good deal from Pat, in their finance department on it. Locked in a three year contract, 3% interest rate, and under 125.00 for the monthly payment on the pack.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Remember, the Salvation Army bell ringers are volunteers, and your ire should not be directed at them. Just let them know that their higher ups are complete twatwaffles, and buy them a coffee.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Every single one of those catty broads, posting selfies of themselves, claiming they look so much younger/better than Rittenhouse's distraught Mom, deserve every bit of ridicule you can hurl at their clove-smoking asses. Fuck them.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

@chrisbritt01 Trump thanks you for the reelection contribution.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

1 year

Every old gamer remembers this classic:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Are you still a good person, if you don't give a shit if people do or don't take the vaccine? Asking for a friend.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

2 years

My 401k right now, is uglier than Lori Lightfoot in a low-cut sundress.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

Went into a Wawa early this morning, to pick up breakfast for the family. 50/50 masks being worn. Lady behind me whispers to her friend, "CDC recommends masks". I say out loud, "I recommend minding your own business", so I made new friends, apparently.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Big shout out to the Uber-Karen, via the Next Door app, that told some of the food trucks that were coming to the neighborhood on Sundays, that we didn't want them here. I'm on my way to taking a dump on her front porch now.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

I had to stop myself twice today, as I went to call Dad. Been trying to just pour myself into work, to keep my mind off of what happened, but the emptiness comes in short waves. Again, appreciate everyone's support and prayers. You all are great.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Was he threatening to spy on or drone them?

The Hill

@thehill

4 years

Obama had to quit coaching Sasha's basketball team because other parents complained: book

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

5 years

Had a mishap this morning, when my 8 year old came down for breakfast, and I realized I had not done the elves on the shelf. She saw me running with them, so I told her that one of them had pulled a kitchen knife on the other, and they were in a timeout. She bought it. Aces High.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

5 months

Morning. 79 years ago:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

My hero is gone. Thank you for all of the wonderful prayers and genuine concern for my father. I can't thank you all enough.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

No, Ladies. Yanking our tallywackers is not something we all do, when on a Zoom meeting. Sincerely, 99.9% of men

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

2 years

Old coworker of mine, let me know she's never going to buy off a Chinese Etsy shop again. She'd bought a comforter for her daughter, who's in dance, and when she put the comforter on the bed for her-she made a pretty shocking discovery:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

The fuck they do.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

RIP Charles Robinson. Great on Night Court, but one of his greatest gifts, was giving us this gif:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

2 months

@GovAndyBeshear Refresh your web browser.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 months

Twelve year old: “just spoke with the other two kids on my school project team. They’ve done nothing! It’s so frustrating, being the only one on the team, that cares about the project getting done. I bet that never happens when you’re adults!” Wife and I:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

11 months

Morning. Does anyone else, when driving behind a really slow car, steer slightly to the right a couple of times, so the drivers behind you can see that you're not the asshole, but the guy in front of you is?

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

I'll never understand the folks wearing their masks inside their own cars by themselves. Just don't get it.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

5 years

This man should NEVER have to buy his own beer again in Texas. Ever.

Caleb Hull

@CalebJHull

5 years

Seeing posts starting to come in that the hero who stopped the Texas church shooter is Jack Wilson, the owner of On Target Shooting Academy. From ~50ft he drew his weapon under pressure and fired one shot to the terrorist's swiftly moving head in just 2 seconds. Hero.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Fuck China.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

6 years

Coworker: "Remember, I've got a VIP client coming into the office on Monday. Try not to embarrass me." Me, arriving at office Monday:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

6 months

Was it pictures of a job application?

Insider Paper

@TheInsiderPaper

6 months

NEW: A disturbing cyberattack sent some UC Irvine students to the hospital "due to excessive vomiting" because of the traumatizing and graphic images sent by hackers.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

1 year

Washington Examiner

@dcexaminer

1 year

The Air Force is reportedly loosening its body composition requirements and allowing recruits to have higher percentages of body fat due to a shortage of pilots.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

5 years

I know the 50th birthday is coming soon, since the fucking AARP letter came this week. Threw two baseballs at the mail truck as he left. Dealing with it fine.

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

3 years

True AF:

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Deebs

@DeebsFLA

4 years

Looks like I may have upset some of the highly-intelligent Senator Hirono supporters. A virtual plethora of geniuses, as you might imagine.

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