Remember your Twitter account is for you. You don't owe anyone anything.
If you have to mute or block someone, do it. Make your experience here exactly how you want it.
You have zero obligations outside of what you owe yourself and your happiness on this dopey app.
Your bio says "owned" and then you have a Cashapp link.
Are we supposed to give you money so you can pay for your dom to get his 2003 Kia Spectra fixed?
Church Administrator: Why are you looking to join our church?
Me: I am rude, full of myself and treat others like they are beneath me.
CA: And you think church will help these attitudes?
Me: What? No. I want to be with like minded people.
The ole lady and I almost came to blows last night cuz we disagreed on how to make a root beer float.
If you try to add the root beer to the ice cream it foams up too much and takes forever to fill up.
Simply add the ice cream to the already poured root beer.
Right?
You always start off with the best of Tupperware intentions but you always wind up with a pantry full of Chinese soup containers which 157 years of Tupperware technology hasn't been able to surpass.
A notice to the old timers:
Life wasn't better back in the old days.
Music wasn't better back in the old days.
I saw you take those Sweet'n Low packets.
Dear Restaurants,
For pickup orders please continue to pack the salads right next to the scalding hot soups and stir fries.
Thank you,
A helpful patron
The first thing white people need to understand about being black in America is that they will never understand what it is like to be black in America.
Her: Can you buy me some ice cream?
[six months later]
Me: (chisels through untouched ice cream and polishes it off)
[twenty minutes later]
Her: Can I have some of that ice cream you bought me?
Ok kids it's holiday time which means it's a tough time of the year for a lot of folks.
Don't forget to check in on your friends that have it tough this year. A quick "hey sup, buttface?" goes a long way.