Dan Naturman @DanNaturman Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@paulbanks60

@tokkiveilmont

@SaudiDesiGirl

@zo_zaan

@DrAnjaliMahto

@8u881egun

@CB_Wrestling

@KayHale70423322

@Drew_Hyndman

@lunarssr

@ca_austral

@hteinbah

@cowgirlelliee

@DavidSinclair15

@LaliipopThug

@wallflowerlemon

@bearspeaks

@Amber__S6166

@michaelzil

@ceshoff18

@CarryMinati

@seerts100

@BiribinhaAtom

@sunnyButton911

@adv_ghaffar1

@tooredshifted

@kmil____

@RelicTickets

@bokeplokalmalam

@ResilienceEarth

@psy_tolentino

@LizKrueger

@LeClumsyFox

@mollzballz84

@Floresta_Pasion

@Fardadone

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@artiequitter If you can do 10 months you can do 10 years!

5

0

284

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@BernieSanders Dude you’re off the rails. Even Sweden has billionaires.

11

3

246

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

9 years

There was a scene in "The Force Awakens" that brought up painful memories but couldn't discuss with my therapist cause he hasn't seen it.

1

93

216

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Thanks #AGT for a surreal experience!

29

19

142

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@rickygervais Technically true. What people really mean is that you can’t joke about certain things without an overwhelming and brutal public reaction that could well result in the end of your sanity, career or both. Not sure it’s a good system.

9

2

138

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@BernieSanders If they made it legally, so what.

7

0

104

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

High was diminished somewhat by comparison to Woody Allen but whatevs #AGT

15

17

132

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

7 years

Nervous because I'm almost the age my father was when he died. Though I guess it's not genetic to get stabbed by a hooker.

5

23

126

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

14 years

Does Hugh Hefner realize that his fiancé was younger when "Schindler's List" came out than he was when Schindler's actual list came out?

2

665

119

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Thanks for all the kind words about my performance on #AGT . See you next round!

19

106

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@IndyPressLive @RavMABAY Wrong. most israelis are not european but are from the arab world (yemen, iraq, egypt, morocco, libya etc) but even european jews have, in most cases, middle eastern ancestry as demonstrated by genetic tests and history.

9

4

102

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

2 years

No one ever got cancelled for talking about the prominent role of Jews in Hollywood. Kanye got in trouble for saying he’s going to go “deathcon 3 on the Jews”. Roseanne Barr was cancelled for less.

3

16

102

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@dantelfer @pattonoswalt Human sexuality and human psychology has always been and always will be a rich source of comedic material. There is a place for jokes about transgender people (and gays and bi’s and straights and everything else). Of course bigotry and hatred are to be avoided.

7

2

92

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@Ostrov_A @IlhanMN She’s not anti-semitic she’s anti-israel. Both are based on ignorance but they are not the same thing.

70

5

78

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

All the acts deserved to advance. Grateful to be chosen. #AGT

17

12

94

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Didn't eat breakfast cause I'm nervous about "America's Got Talent" tonight. Normally I don't eat breakfast because I wake up at noon. #AGT

5

12

90

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

2 years

@AmerZahr Long absence does not negate indigeneity. On the other hand Muslims and Christians have lived there for centuries, sometimes millenia. Seems like the fairest solution is, and has always been, 2 states.

38

6

87

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Look forward to seeing @JaycobCurlee but to be honest I'm outta here if that chick from Tinder wants to hang. #BootyBeforeCurlee #OnlyHuman

5

11

80

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

11 years

It's retweet something stupid written by a girl you're trying to fuck day! Which is everyday!

6

42

78

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@Nabilla En tant qu’anglophone, cette phrase n’a pas de sens.

2

0

77

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

4 years

@morgan_murphy Though I share many of Jim’s views on Trump he was way off base on Hot Pockets.

3

2

73

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Next Tuesday I'll be performing at @RadioCity . Took me 20 years to go 10 blocks! @nbcagt #AGT

5

7

68

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Please vote for me tonight on America's Got Talent so I can go to the semi finals. I have a family event that day I'm trying to avoid. #AGT

2

14

63

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

1 year

People who claim to “do their own research” regarding climate change would think the sun revolves around the Earth if they had to figure it out for themselves.

445

4

55

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

3 years

@gustavdetroch @AmiHorowitz Gus, do you have the slightest proof that this was edited to falsely show that the students in the video support Hamas' desire to kill civilians? Or you're just going with your gut?

2

0

48

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

2 years

I don’t believe all women. Or all men. Frankly I don’t believe anyone if I wasn’t there and there’s no video. I can only assign probabilities as to whether I think they are being truthful. I’m amazed at other people’s certitude about everything.

3

8

56

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

7 years

@guybranum I assure you that @NYCComedyCellar actively seeks ALL types of comedians who can make the audience laugh. They don't exclude anyone based on race, gender or sexual orientation. They don't give them extra credit either. Have a good transgender comic to recommend?

6

3

48

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@BernieSanders @BethPapaleo As sorry as I feel for a liberal arts major who can't get a job, I'm not sure it's the taxpayers job to bail him out.

6

2

39

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

If I get to the finals I'm gonna demand a dressing room with a bowl of peaches and if they're too hard or soft i'll throw a fit. #AGT #DIVA

9

5

52

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

2 years

@SenSanders I believe abortion should be legal but i think one can legitimately question whether such a right exists in the constitution.

43

3

52

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

3 years

@Dix1eDutch @MrAndyNgo Yes and no. He’s caucasian but, as a Muslim middle-easterner, he is not “white” as that term is generally used in modern identity politics parlance. Whatever the reality, he alone is responsable for his actions, not his whole ethnic group.

4

3

53

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@jamesbhodge @BernieSanders Perhaps. But Bernie does not seem to want a discussion. He wants to condemn.

3

0

36

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@GaryGulman @EsterKay I’ve been following Professor Gullman since he was a TA.

5

2

48

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@Ostrov_A @IlhanMN I don't believe she hates jews. Maybe she does. It doesn't really matter. Hatred of Israel is bad enough. Even without jew-hatred it is a position based on ignorance and is destructive.

21

0

31

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

3 years

My new novel, Ira Spiro: Before Covid is now up on Amazon. Warning: Some adult language and situations and occasional overwrought metaphors. Free sample available!

11

45

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Tweet me with #NoSleepTilRadioCity and maybe get a follow back or a stuffed bear, but more likely a follow back.

36

9

42

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

2 years

@missmayn I don’t believe in anything that would require a large group of people to keep a secret for a long period of time.

2

0

45

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

The only reason I lost last night on #AGT is because I told the producers I refused to accept votes from people who use animal products.

5

12

38

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

1 month

@WTCollapse @BerelSolomon David was real. The Israelites were real. The Dead Sea scrolls are real. Masada is real. The Western Wall is real. Every Hebrew coin, ancient synagogue and Jewish tomb discovered in the Land of Israel is real.

9

0

43

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@bungarsargon Funny is subjective but I assure you any woman that gets the same level of laughs from the audience as CK gets IS getting booked and booked plenty.

1

0

31

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@briankoppelman I read that groups rotating pacemakers ran in front of him in a formation designed to reduce drag. Can it be both a great achievement AND not count as an official record? No doubt the 2 hour barrier will fall in an actual race ine day.

7

0

39

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

4 years

@artiequitter Feel better artie. If you must self medicate, do it with italian food!

2

0

36

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

4 years

All these articles go on and on about the stupid fire. Who cares. Just tell me the gender of the kid!

2

3

39

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Thrilled to be going to the Semi's on @nbcagt #FeelingBlessed #SinceWhenDoISayThingsLikeFeelingBlessed #IveChanged

5

37

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Not quite sure why @heidiklum was offended.

21

5

37

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

4 years

@NikkiGlaser 😎

1

0

36

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

3 months

@Aizenberg55 @noam_dworman Interesting though this is a discussion no one would be having were Israel not involved. Like who even heard of the military doctrine of “perfidy” before this? Or for that matter “proportionality.”

1

2

36

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Today in Dan Naturman History: 1985- Have read half the 11th grade summer reading list. Need to finish list then start actual books.

2

4

33

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@SenKamalaHarris You’ve gone full Kamala!

1

17

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@KamalaHarris Trump does enough questionable shit you can address. You don’t need to bash him over his use of a word commonly used in many contexts by people of all races and political affiliations whose literal meaning is simply “extrajudicial killing”. It’s almost as if you want him to win.

4

5

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

4 months

@TheHoleTweet You’d think “Diddy” would be the same word in German.

5

2

33

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Foreign language thing was sort of a joke. Here's a set I did a few years ago in French:

Dan Naturman en Français 21sept10

American comedian Dan Naturman performing in French at the Galabru theatre in Paris.Humoriste Américain Dan Naturman sur scéne au Theatre Galabru à Paris.

www.youtube.com

5

6

29

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

7 years

No way I'm going the 10 blocks to the gym today in this cold. Thankfully erotic massage parlor only nine blocks away.

2

32

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

3 years

According to an online longevity calculator my expected age of death is 87. It doesn’t tell you where you’re gonna die but I’m guessing somewhere in the former United States.

2

4

33

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

The bag I will be stuffing with food tonight at the contestant snack area to take home from Radio City. @nbcagt #AGT http://t.co/J5jixPrT5L

3

6

32

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Watch and vote for @WendyLiebman on tuesday on #AGT . She's the last comic standing!

5

10

34

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@IlhanMN I dont agree with a muslim ban, but immigrating to the USA is not a basic right.

2

27

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

If you missed it, here's my quarterfinal performance on America's Got Talent: #VoteDan

11

14

30

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

2 years

If you’re new to Twitter the way it works is, pick a side and defend it blindly until banned or deceased.

3

33

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Thanks to all who voted for me. No hard feelings to those who didn't. Hope I have enough clean jokes for the next round!! #AGT

9

2

30

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

7 years

Houston wants your thoughts and prayers as much as a panhandler in New York wants your food.

3

6

31

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@rajandelman @the_realWillA @RavMABAY Opening jerusalem up to all religions, developing revolutionary irrigation technology, sending aid workers to haiti after earthquake, bringing black skinned people (ethiopians) to freedom, having highest life span for arabs in mid east.

5

0

30

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@artiequitter @NYCComedyCellar When Artie says “I gotta move my car” it means “I’m leaving”.

7

3

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@nntaleb You go right to “fucking idiot” when someone politely disagrees? Maybe your detractors are right about you. Maybe you are an insecure bully.

4

0

30

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

3 years

@coldxman It was inevitable. But who’s gonna play trombone on Monday?

3

0

29

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@KamalaHarris @jack That would not infringe the Constitutional guarantee of free speech, but it would run counter to the spirit of free speech. If you dont like what he says, say something better.

1

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

I pushed a five year old out of the way to take this photo at Ruum American Kid's Wear. http://t.co/hQSIf3HZnR

6

3

29

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

3 years

25 years today since, by the grace of God, I started drinking.

1

2

29

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

12 years

I'm compiling a list of http://t.co/lrCqQpGs's most poorly researched lists.

5

42

25

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Look forward to the severe depression of losing on #AGT fading so I can get back to my life of mild depression.

7

1

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Should have never communicated with funeral director by text. My uncle's tombstone says, "Here lied Earl Naturman" and then below that *lies

0

6

28

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@Kaepernick7 If your goal is four more years of Trump, you’re doing a fabulous job.

0

2

23

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Some say I look like this guy. http://t.co/M9cI8aRQ9N

2

1

28

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

For those wanting to know how I am since losing on Americas Got Talent, happy to report my appetite and sex drive are slowly returning #TMI

6

4

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@RavMABAY In fact Rabbi I find it quite hard. Quite hard indeed to condemn israel when it does wrong when millions want to see it destroyed even when it does right.

5

0

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

12 years

Sometimes when the guy at the convenience store is putting my toilet paper in a bag I say, "No, no. For here"

1

32

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

@GaryGulman All this emphasis on writing is overblown. @HerschelPinchas has shown that the best method is to use proven tried and true jokes written by others. It’s not who wrote the joke that counts. Its who does it on tv first.

2

3

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

11 months

@KatWithaV Number of Israelis Hamas and their allies would kill if they could - 9,000,000

0

1

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

2 years

Congratulations to Queen Elizabeth who is celebrating 70 years on the throne! My record is a half hour.

2

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

I respect that my ex is seeing someone else but can she at least send me three nude pics to replace the ones I accidentally deleted?

5

2

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

3 years

Now that William Shatner has been to space, they're thinking of sending Henry Winkler to Milwaukee.

1

27

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

8 months

@aaronjmate Aaron not realizing that it is he who would make a fascinating subject for psychiatric research.

172

0

27

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

7 years

"Totes" and "Perf" are all the rage but when someone dies "Condoles" is considered bad form.

0

4

26

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Can you imagine the level of Alzheimer's that would be necessary for Bill Cosby to forget the name "Hannibal Buress"?

4

11

25

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Today in Dan Naturman History: 1988 -Arrive for sophomore year at college with same unopened pack of condoms as year before.

3

5

27

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

5 years

@SethMacFarlane @MikeWardca Not to mention all those bilinguals who bought Rosetta Stone.

6

0

22

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

11 years

Just as it registered "that's my cousin", I had already swiped right. #Tinder

1

9

23

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

6 years

It’s only because I went to so few parties in high school that I remember where each one was, and who was the dungeon master. #kavanaugh #ford

2

3

23

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Jonah Hill is throwing a Tony's party! #overcompensating

1

15

24

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

7 years

No one believes my Kevin Spacey story. "How can someone force you to give a rusty trombone", they say.

1

24

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Did Andrey Moraru say he's 47? Finally someone older than me on this show! Though I'm still the most Woody Allen'ish according to Howie.

7

5

22

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

8 years

Hey where's the after protest?

0

4

25

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

How many times I gotta tell my computer to remind me to install the updates tomorrow before it takes a hint.

3

5

21

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

Only a matter of time now before "Cosby" starts being used as a verb.

4

10

23

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

9 years

Readin' about these purity rings girls are wearing to symbolize their virginity. I wore something similar in high school. Calculator watch.

0

4

23

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

7 years

@carlreiner @richardchassler That would be a disaster for America. The breakup of the country would be a real possibility.

4

0

17

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

10 years

@miguel_dakota closed the show in style last night on @nbcagt Ironically, he sang "Come Together" just before everyone cleared the hell out

0

4

21

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

9 years

I don't know if a Confederate flag is a symbol of hate, but it's definitely a symbol of "I've never seen Les Miz".

0

8

23

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

2 years

@kh_asraf @PalestineCultu1 Nazis made Jews go through a security line before crossing a border to go to a well paying job?

0

21

Dan Naturman

@DanNaturman

8 years

I'm not usually the type to ask people to "send prayers", but my cousin Milton is sick. I never liked him. Please pray for his demise.

0

6

21