Davey Jones @DHBJones Twitter profile

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

In further goat-related news, this is the first Vibrating Bum Faced Goats strip, from 1992.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

Explained to the dog that I'm not taking her for a walk until evening when it's cooler. She wasn't best pleased. Couldn't work out exactly what she was saying, but I think I caught the words "rowflake" and "rineteen reventy rix"

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

My effort for @MartinRowson 's challenge to #DrawMichaelGove is a collage, using the medium of lunch.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

My two month old son has just come home after trick or treating with his friends and said "Daddy, this Curly Wurly is a funny shape." I tore open the wrapper to find over £3m worth of illegal drugs and assorted firearms. Parents, please stay alert.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

If I ever reach the stage where my life would be enhanced by hearing Kirstie Allsopp's opinion about anything, please smother me with a pillow.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Hard to know what's real nowadays with all these clever photoshops going round

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

So little is known about this virus. We don't know for certain that it can't be eradicated by simply burning Dominic Cummings in a big wicker cock and balls

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

6 years

"Once again I am being attacked for presenting new ideas"

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

If I was an MP I'd stand up in the Commons and say Boris Johnson ISN'T a liar and then do this, and nobody could touch me for it.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 months

The young Keir Starmer looks like he might be spending the Easter holidays at his Aunt Meg's converted volcano on the Cornish coast and investigating some mysterious goings-on at nearby Skull Island, with his faithful dog Silver

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

1 month

Goodbye Yellow Shit Gove. I'm not sure that that quite works, but fuck him, it's all I can be bothered to think of

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

@naomirwolf And look, Dr Naomi, the vaccine has made my thumb come off

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

In a big department store. Apparently the politically correct lobby decided that 'Father Christmas' was offensive and Santa's grotto has been renamed "Mr Shitter's Fuckmas Gift Igloo." All the children are crying. Unbelievable.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

Oh well. No more going to the toilet for me.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

1 year

If you're ever at Clapham Junction station and feeling peckish, do NOT go to this kiosk. Absolute rip-off.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Three years since Mark E Smith died, so recycling this 2008 cartoon. Again.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Have to say, my first day running Chartwells social media account was tougher than I anticipated. Time for a snack, I think

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

7 years

You're not even allowed to say MANicure now. You have to call it "Piers Morgan hacked Nigel Havers' phone while he cared for his dying wife"

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

"I have counted the number of milks in the BBC's 268 page Annual Report, and there were no milks"

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

Mirror Royal

@MirrorRoyal

5 years

Prince Andrew 'considering second interview' to 'put right things he didn't say', claims sources

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

GB News will just be a man in a blazer saying "You can't call it MANchester anymore, you have to call it PERSONchester" over and over again for a billion years.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

DOMINIC RAAB IS PREGNANT OFF OF THERESA MAY

Deborah Meaden 🇺🇦

@DeborahMeaden

5 years

Rumours Dominic Raab may be in trouble? Possibly Theresa May ?

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Imagine being as fucking useless as Toby Young and yet still not giving up. It's a triumph of perseverance over sense.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

"Give us your dinner money or I will be direct and become frustrated"

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

Me on the roadside of the A1 keeping watch for any northbound Londoners.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

8 years

No further questions, your honour.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

On The Buses actor Stephen "Blakey" Lewis died 188 years to the day after the death of poet William Blake. If William Blake had wanted for some reason to get "on the buses" from Greenwich to Russell Square, he'd have to get the bus number... 188!

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

As Eamonn Holmes is joining GB News, I may as well post this cartoon from 2009 again.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

There's a new issue of Viz on sale, but please do be careful. David Bowie used to read Viz and he's dead now.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

Somebody's left the Queen in a parked car on my street, windows tight shut, no water bowl. Absolutely unbelievable. I'm giving it 5 minutes before I pop a window.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

An other-way-round remake of The Truman Show, in which an online conspiracist comes to the mind-blowing realisation that his entire world is not a staged fiction of which he is the star, and that he is in fact just a daft cunt.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

Just been to the shop to buy a Christmas card. Not a single card on the shelf had the word "Christmas" on it. They didn't even look like proper cards - big, chunky plastic things with some kind of woke "liquid" inside.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

From the Guardian Guide in 2009, when they did a thing about the 30th anniversary of Viz.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

1 year

It's a long shot, but if you happen to have a penchant for giant mechanical cloth insects you might like to buy the new issue of Viz, which is in the shops today

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

When I die I'll have to stand before God, hang my head in shame, and admit that I used to think the words to the Dad's Army theme went "Mister Brown goes off to town and he ain't twenty one" instead of "on the 8.21." And all the angels will laugh me into hell.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

9 months

Yeah, well my cartoon didn't involve the use of AI at any stage, and it took me a hell of a lot less than 15 minutes

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

Always amazed by the discrepancy between how you see yourself, and how everyone else sees you

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

"Anyone else fancy a little giggle at my company Nonce Finance? It has a partner company, you know. It's name is Kiddyfiddle... Kiddyfiddle Bumgroper."

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

7 years

Cheers Nige

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

The good news for me is that I own the copyright to the phrase "Oh for fuck's sake" so I get a penny every time somebody sees this picture

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 months

I suspect that this quote is made up, because I just made it up. Still, there's no smoke without fire, and if I lived in London I'm not sure I'd want someone like this to be mayor

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 months

"Well, have you got a cat? Would your cat be willing to become deputy chairman of the Conservatives? Look, if I don't find someone soon I'll have to ask Jonathan Gullis."

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

I'm not usually keen on slogans, but this one is giving pause for thought

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

6 years

*repeatedly pokes right index finger through encircled left index finger and thumb, then mimes being really fat while blowing a raspberry*

Cosmopolitan

@Cosmopolitan

6 years

The Queen Hates the Word "Pregnant" and Says THIS Instead

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

Petition to stuff Farage up Johnson's arse, then stuff Johnson up Rees Mogg's arse, then Rees Mogg up Gove's arse, and bung it on the fire like a four-cunt roast

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

This cartoon from 10 or so years ago about Ann Widdecombe having a load of mice which are high on drugs should help matters. Even though I mistakenly spelled Ann with an 'e'.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

What the UK really needs is a leader who can pull a wheelie on one of these, then do an epic skid through a patch of gravel in front of some girls who are sitting on a garden wall and pretending not to notice.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Happy birthday to Bono, then.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

It's Philip Larkin's 100th birthday

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

The phrase "allow Sue Gray to carry out her enquiry" could be used to denote the time it takes for a bad smell in the bathroom to dissipate. As in, "Christ, my fucking guts. I would be patient and allow Sue Gray to carry out her enquiry, if I was you."

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

Reading between the lines of Mogg's resignation letter, I wouldn't fancy being a whore on the streets of Whitechapel tonight.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

I remember bread like it was yesterday. Mum would say "Time for bread!" and we would all eat bread.

The New Yorker

@NewYorker

5 years

Bread is making a comeback, embraced by home bakers, restaurateurs, and science-minded hobbyists entranced by the mesmerizing intricacies of sourdough culture:

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

33 years since my first cartoon for Viz was accepted. That's as many years as Jesus spent on Earth. It's not for me to say which one of us has used that time the most productively for the benefit of all mankind.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

1 year

Icarus thought he was brought down by flying too close to the sun, but of course he wasn’t. He didn’t get anywhere near the sun. He was brought down on account of being a fuckwit with stupid home made wings

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

6 years

First cartoon that I had published, for actual money. From Oink! in 1986 #NationalDogDay

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

There's still another 4 weeks to go before we can properly evaluate this tweet. I remain optimistic.

Boris Johnson

@BorisJohnson

5 years

This is going to be a fantastic year for Britain.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

What is that unseemly magazine Jacob Rees Mogg has tucked into his file?

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

7 years

Happy birthcock to Sigmund Freud... DAY. Happy birthDAY.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

What the fuck is he on about now?

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

I'll probably go to the Jubilee thing for an hour or so early evening, then about 9pm pop my head round the door of the sex case do, just to say hello

The Mirror

@DailyMirror

3 years

Prince Andrew sex case set to clash with Queen's Jubilee as judge sets deadline

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

I'm not an aggressive person, but if I met Michael Gove I'd find it very hard not to push a hotdog sausage into his mouth and then pull it out again, just for the noise it'd make

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

Well it's been a great run and Liz Truss has done a fantastic job as PM. But all good things must come to an end, and now it's time to focus on who will be the next leader

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

6 years

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

Wishing Nigel Farage a catastrophically shit 55th birthday today.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

8 months

This morning's vibe

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

If you woke up this morning with a vague hankering to read a cartoon strip featuring Karl Marx and the pop and rock duo Sparks, then may I suggest buying the new issue of Viz, in the shops today.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

"He was the the luckiest Labour leader in Barnton. For each of his donkeys was worth a billion pounds and shat caviar."

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

Well we've had 11 years without Jimmy Savile and it hasn't worked out, so let's bring back Jimmy Savile

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

6 years

@realDonaldTrump Amazing to think that a few years ago the office of POTUS was held in some esteem. Congrats on single-handedly changing that public perception.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Bear in mind that when mingling with the peasantry in Pizza Express, princes traditionally wear a rough-hewn cloak with the cowl pulled over their crowned heads, stooping and mumbling "I am but a humble yeoman," and so are unrecognisable to you and I.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

The Campaign for Real Ale is fifty years old today. Cartoon from maybe 15 or so years ago, or thereabouts.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 months

When drawing a strip the other week for the next issue of Viz, I was quite pleased with the name Minty Forbes-Richlist. Now realise I should have checked to see if Minty Forbes-Richlist is a columnist for the Telegraph.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

9 months

"Now let's take a look at the range of illustrative projects that we COULD have funded"

Adam Bienkov

@AdamBienkov

9 months

Rishi Sunak, who last week committed to building dozens of new transport projects across the country, now tells the BBC that they were merely a "range of illustrative projects that could be funded..."

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

"I now consider this matter to be closed"

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

Fingers crossed Cummings trips and smashes his skull open on the podium revealing a startled spider sitting at the control desk in his head having a wank. The people won't stand for that.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

6 years

Cartoon from 2008. May I distract you from the poor attempt at drawing MES by drawing your attention to the subtle nod to 'Jumper Clown' by The Creepers in frame 7?

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

I'm not worried, I've been stockpiling tins of powdered Queen since last summer

Reuters

@Reuters

5 years

Queen Elizabeth to be evacuated in case of Brexit unrest: media

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

Meanwhile David Cameron's attempt to repair a small but annoying crack in his shed roof has gone awry

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

5 years

"...I tried to break it up with a brush but it still won't flush. Goddam plumbing in this country's a joke. Anyway, you wanna send someone up to sort it out..."

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

1 year

"You any good at fixing teeth?"

Farrukh

@implausibleblog

1 year

Rishi Sunak, "One example of reform is in dentistry, where we can have people who are not dentists, like therapists, will do more dental work."

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

@goddersbloom We didn't beat Hitler's lot with soap and water, we used guns and bullets. We should be shooting our hands, not washing them.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

8 years

My dog is struck by how rarely I ask her advice about rewiring the house

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Can't wait for the zoos to open. I'll probably go totally mental and have an absolutely massive look at some animals.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

Couple of young hip types practising their tightrope and juggling skills in the park. And I just had one of those moments when I saw myself as if from the outside - a middle aged man taking a small dog for a brisk walk and muttering "circus cunts" under his breath

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

1 year

Fuck's sake

Davey Jones

@DHBJones

1 year

Spent 20 years building this life-size model of the Taj Mahal out of matchsticks. Should be completed on Sunday, and I'll be putting that final tricky matchstick in place at around 3pm. I just hope that no sudden noise makes me jump at the crucial moment.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

2 years

It's a lonely life being a retired colonel who is loathed, for a variety of reasons, by the nine houseguests staying at my ancestral country home. Still, at least I've got my conservatory full of exotic poisonous plants to keep me company.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

As it's World Book Day, does anybody want this FREE copy of the 2007 Viz Annual which has been signed by the notable authors Marcel Proust, Fyodor Dostoevsky and Jane Austen? If more than one person bothers replying to this tweet, I will draw a name out of a hat at 10pm tonight.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

Major Misunderstanding cartoon from 2010.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

Regurgitating this strip from 2002 because Slipknot are currently touring the UK.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Currently standing outside Buckingham Palace, amazing outpouring of public grief for geronimo the alpaca

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Hmm. I'm finding these Astra Zeneca side effects to be slightly redolent of the day after drinking Stella Artois with a couple of Benylin chasers at the Spread Eagle in Hereford in the summer of '86. The vaccinator's name was Janice.

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

4 years

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Davey Jones

@DHBJones

3 years

Every picture and video of those lockdown protesters that I see makes me feel like Terry Fuckwitt's dad

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