Mike Vecchione @ComicMikeV Twitter profile

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Mike Vecchione

2 years

So excited to be filming my next special produced & directed by @natebargatze in association w/ @800lbRecords April 19th at @zaniesnashville tickets here:

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

Bug in my bathroom at 2am, I don't kill him. I flip him on his back to see if he can overcome adversity, then I go back to sleep. If he is gone in the morning, I've made him better. If he is still there, I let him live with the failure, and that is a fate worse than death.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

7 months

Watch my friend @Shanemgillis hosting @nbcsnl tonight!!! Congrats buddy!

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

Call me old fashioned, but I think that if Johnny Depp and Amber Heard would have had children together, that would have saved the marriage.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

I'm super excited to announce that my one-hour comedy special, The Attractives, is premiering on Youtube tonight, March 24th, at 6 pm EST. Link to special: Directed and produced by @natebargatze In association with @800pgm

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

8 months

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

Dolphins rape. But an octopus will console you with one arm while fingering your girlfriend with the other. Both are terrible and neither are talked about at the aquarium. #nodisrespect #sealife #ocean #caseforstraws

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

Stay tuned...

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

7 months

My friend @DanSoder has a new special out on YouTube.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

I'm pretty sure the heat kills it. -one year ago today, (anonymous)

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

My new album, “The Worst Kind Of Thoughtful” is available this Fri., Aug 24. Please retweet this. Click here to pre-order. .

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

Is there any problem that can't be solved with a spaghetti dinner?

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

Your mask is no match for my AX BODY spray. There's no vaccine for sexy.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

Victoria Secret should also sell lab coats. Because not all women are whores. Some women are scientists.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

Catch my new one-hour comedy special, The Attractives, on Youtube. Please give it a like and a share. It's fun for the whole family.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

Check out my buddy @bigjayoakerson new special, Dog Belly, out now on Youtube.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

Pumpernickel sounds like an affordable brothel.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT: Watch my non-sexual life partner @dansoder kill it, in is his one hour comedy special #sonofgary on #HBO at 10pm. He is my house husband and I am so fucking proud of him. (Here’s us fighting over the bathroom. Lolololol...this is so us!!!)

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

You can ban porn from Starbucks, but you can't ban me from moving my straw in and out of the hole in the lid of my iced coffee.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

I'm gonna do mushrooms to understand bitcoin and if Jesus makes an appearance, Jesus makes an appearance. Let's leave it at that.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

If I ever have a son, I will name him Ransom. Because if he is abducted and I start to negotiate to get him back, I have a built in ice breaker with the kidnappers. It will start out as a misunderstanding, but get hilarious pretty quickly. #standupcomedy

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

Thank you to @vulture for choosing The Worst Kind of Thoughtful as 2018 Comedy Album of the Year. Special thanks to @bigbencomedy , Aaron Hodges, and @govscomedy for making it possible & to @siriusxmcomedy for playing the album & to all the comics who shared and promoted it.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

I think the Tinder Swindler is misunderstood because he is from Israel and he has a lot of enemies. But, I remember another misunderstood man from Israel with a lot of enemies. His name was Jesus.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

I dropped my phone in a toilet and put it in rice. But I didn't put it in white rice, perpetuating systemic racism, I put it in brown rice to emphasize diversity. #Equality #Hero #RoleModel

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

I will be performing stand up comedy on @FallonTonight . Please tune in. Or at least TVO it. #TonightShow #Fallon #comedy #standupcomedy #LateNight #NBC

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

7 years

Catch me on @FallonTonight TONIGHT at 11:35PM and get my album on iTunes w/ @jimmyfallon

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

I don't want to eat the chicken that was abused, but I can't afford the chicken that was coddled. Is there a chicken that was bullied?

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

I'm super excited to announce that my one-hour comedy special, The Attractives, will premiere on Youtube Friday, March 24th. Please follow the link below to set a reminder Directed and produced by @natebargatze In association with @800pgm

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

THROWBACK: Mr Smith goes to Washington. @ComicDaveSmith nails this scene as a presidential candidate.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

Set your reminders! I’m on the Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon tonight 4/18.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

I will be on @fallontonight tonight, in studio. We’ve pandemic’d the pandemic. (I do riddles now) #mikevecchioneinvestigates #comedy #standupcomedy

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

Here's why I think Italians got off too easy during WWII

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

Congratulations to Louis C.K. on a killer special. You can get it on his website .

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

Just landed at JFK and we can’t get off the plane because there is a problem with the jet bridge. Worst 9/11 ever!!!!

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

I will be on @FallonTonight . Please watch. @jimmyfallon rocks!!!

Jimmy Fallon

@jimmyfallon

5 years

Fun show tonight with @ZacharyQuinto , Betty Gilpin, and stand up from @ComicMikeV ! Plus, a science demo from Kevin Delaney! #FallonTonight

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

Waking up terrified by an earthquake is so L.A., but then judging and then rating it with a number, that's Hollywood.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

LONG ISLAND, NY. Oct 23 @ComedyGovs I am taping an hour. Please come. I need comedy fans. Thank you. Link for tix: Two Shows.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

Before I was a comedian, I was a teacher, and no child was left behind.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

It was rough for us Attractives during the pandemic. Catch my new one-hour comedy special, The Attractives, on Youtube Directed and produced by @natebargatze In association with @800pgm

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

Influenza is an Italian Influencer.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

Can’t wait for this. @DanSoder !!! Roommate/Friend/Brother getting ready to rock his hour.

HBO

@HBO

5 years

People who look forward to winter are crazy, but now I can’t help it. @DanSoder is debuting his first HBO Comedy Special this December.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

STAND UP COMEDY: Comedian @timjdillon lays out how to get a comedy special. #nodisresoect . #standupcomedy #comedyclub #comedyvideos #comedy #comedian SUBSCRIBE TO THE NO DISRESPECT PODCAST

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

The Night King doesn't talk, he just shows up and does his job and that's how you become a successful leader. You are a blue eyed angel that taught us to lead by example and you will be missed. #RIP #GOT8

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

When cops accidentally shoot a citizens, it’s a catastrophe . When firefighters do it, it’s a wet t-shirt contest. It’s the difference between tragedy and titties.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

Living with a Pothead. Tribute to @dansoder #comedycellarusa #TWCC #comedycentralstandup #pot #chuckecheese #gratefuldead #weed #rodents #marjuana #legalizemarijuana #acid

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

I used to be a teacher before I did comedy. I worked with kids who had behavioral problems and graded them on a different curve.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

What's happening in Maui is an absolute tragedy. No one can identify a single cause of the wildfires, but I think it's obvious that people should stop putting pineapple on their pizza. It's not a topping.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

At age 8, I set a fence on fire and was interviewed by the school psychologist. When asked about my attraction to fire, I told her, “I have a great respect for fire,“ it keeps me grounded.” She chuckled at the double meaning, as I offered her a cigarette.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

Big Thank You to @arishaffir for the shout out on @joerogan . Please also follow @mrseanpatton & @AIapalucci I am Headlining @stressfactory in New Brunswick,NJ this weekend 7/30&7/31, four shows. Link for tix:

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 month

Super excited to announce that my special, The Attractives, is now streaming on @hulu Please watch and share.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

I have not been to Italy recently, but I did eat linguini and clams last night, so i will self quarantine today with some sausage and peppers and i will also dip fresh bread into olive oil and drink wine until everyone is safe. Am i a hero? some say yes.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

#Badcopbadcop @ComicMikeV and @IamJustinSilver interrogate suspect @SalVulcano Listen to #nodisrespect anywhere you get podcasts. #ImpracticalJokers #funny #standupcomedians #laugh #lol #laughter #interrogation #lastlaugh #Italian #Covid_19

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

If you haven't already, catch my new one-hour comedy special, The Attractives, on Youtube Directed and produced by @natebargatze In association with @800pgm

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

Pumped for this!!!!

The JRE Companion

@TheJRECompanion

1 year

Available Now... The Joe Rogan Experience Episode 1967 - Mike Vecchione @ComicMikeV @joerogan Listen Here: See all the episode references:

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

END OF NO DISRESPECT PODCAST. Please support my new pod, MIKE VECCHIONE INVESTIGATES. Thank you. #comedy #standupcomedy #comedypodcast

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

11 months

Great time watching @natebargatze crush on @CollegeGameDay

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

Had a blast on @joerogan podcast to promote my new special, The Attractives, out on Youtube now. The JRE | ep 1967 | Mike Vecchione

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

I don't look at it as, Live Stand Up Comedy is dead. I look at it as, my dream of teaching online Salsa classes is very much alive. #standupcomedy #salsa #CovidHoax

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

I want to be so famous that people can't believe how short I am in real life. #superstar

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

Because i have high blood pressure, when someone tells me to "take it with a grain of salt," I consider it, attempted murder.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

Wearing a mask makes me feel safe, but telling others to wear a mask makes me feel powerful. And if they have a mask, but are eating, I criticize their unhealthy food choices. And if they are eating mixed fruit, I criticize the lack of diversity. I'm helping.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

DiCaprio criticized for dumping women at age 25. But many women freely state they would rather drink bleach than date a man under 5”8? Ladies, If you don’t love me at my Danny Devito, you don’t deserve me at my Leonardo DiCaprio.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

WARNING: DISTASTEFUL ETHNIC JOKE. @AriShaffir joins #nodisrespect and breathes new life into the Old Testament. @ComicMikeV , @IamJustinSilver , @ImShannonLee Download- Itunes- YouTube- #funny #funnyvids

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

What a great night.

Nate Bargatze

@natebargatze

2 years

Our first Nateland Production special with @ComicMikeV was great! Thank you to everyone that came out. 📸: @rdiamond54

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 months

Worst Kind of Thoughtful premieres Fri 3/22 6pm EST Don’t forget to set a reminder Dating in Your Forties performed by @bigjayoakerson

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

Great SuperBowl party: thanks to those non pandering commercials, i learned that women can be astronauts. So when the woman of the house, (who was in the kitchen the entire time) asked me how the dip was, i got choked up as i answered,....over the moon!

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

12 days

I can’t quit you!!!!! Roommates/Bestsies for 10 years. Watch us relive it. My episode of @DanSoder pod is out now!!!!

Dan Soder

@DanSoder

12 days

Roommates for 10 years | NEW Soder with @ComicMikeV is out now

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

if i pay 70 dollars to go to the San Diego zoo, I want an armadillo parking my car and I want to have lunch with a Cheetah. And a full meal, not him just dropping by the table to say, hi.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

Here's how you combat bed bugs Catch my new one-hour comedy special, The Attractives, on Youtube Directed and produced by @natebargatze In association with @800pgm

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

Come to my special taping @zaniesnashville April 19. Directed and produced by my friend @natebargatze . Link for Tix:

Nate Bargatze

@natebargatze

3 years

I'll be directing and producing @ComicMikeV new special at @zaniesnashville on April 19th ! Get tickets on

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

After I die, I hope this "higher power" looks at my whole life and not just podcast segments or tweets that a small portion of the angels feel are offensive.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

Yoga has helped me to overcome so many bad habits. I used to bite my nails but since employing a regular yoga practice, I now bite my toe nails. #yoga #badhabits

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 months

Overeating is big in the Italian community. Watch full special now free on Youtube

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

My shows tonight & tomorrow @ZaniesChicago are NOT cancelled. You are not afraid. You are strong. Was Tupac careful? Did Houdini play it safe? Jack the Ripper was told “No” his entire life, but did it stop him? You can’t quarantine the human spirit. I’ll see you tonight.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

If Al Capone can flood this country with liquor during Prohibition while having full blown syphilis, you can make it to the gym for 30 minutes tomorrow. #MotivationMonday

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 months

My buddy @SalVulcano has a new special out on YouTube that I highly recommend.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

Rest In Peace Vic Henley. Great comedian and a wonderful human being.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

. @katiehannigan is at it again! Should we break up? Give us some relationship advice!! #comedy #couples #ketch #couplegoals #fight #relationship #joke #funny #standup

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

I have the attention span of a squirrel. But then I was watching a squirrel and he looked pretty focused. But then I realized it was a raccoon. My question is, how do I get more people to listen to my podcast? Thanks for taking my call, I'm going to hang up and listen.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

I’m performing stand up comedy, in studio @FallonTonight in a few minutes. #FallonTonight #mikevecchioneinvestigates #comedy #standupcomedy

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

An arsonist does it for the money. A pyromaniac does it for the love of the game.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

If you repeat the words "white privilege" as you rub sunblock on your body, you will wake up at a Whole Foods.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

For those of you who have completed over 10 puzzles in quarantine, I'm glad you are off drugs, but please stop.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

We should have one state dedicated to mental health. That way, if someone starts acting crazy we can just be like, “looks like Jimmy needs to go to Nebraska.”

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

TONIGHT 11/30: I will be on This Week at the Comedy Cellar, along with a lot of other great comedians/friends, at 11pm on Comedy Central. Tune in or Set your DVRs. Here’s a clip. #TWCC #ComedyCentral #ComedyCellar #comedycellarusa

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

STAND UP COMEDY: Watch my half hour on @epix this FRIDAY, OCT 23. UNPROTECTED SETS. #comedy #epix #unprotectedsets #standupcomedy #comedian #comedyvideos

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

Breastfeeding in public is a slap in the face to our wonderful baby formula companies and the highly efficient supply chain which distribute these manufactured miracles.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

What if aliens came here and they all smoke cigarettes. But they never buy a pack, they just ask you for one. Then they ask for a light. Then they say, they left their cigarettes on Jupiter, and you know it's a lie, but you both pretend it's not. #smoking

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

Losing Prince Philip and getting a Prince Albert has made this one of the most painful weeks of my life.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

Third time is a charm: UPCOMING U.S. DATES: Worcester, Mass. - @thewoohaha Oct 31- Nov 2 with @katiehannigan New Brunswick, NJ - @stressfactory Dec.5-7 with @iamjustinsilver Hope to see you there. #comedy #standup #jokes #newjersey #massachusetts #funny #lmao

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

4 years

If a woman questioned my athleticism, I'd tell her I played semi pro ball in Europe. Even if she followed up with research, she'd still have to get it translated to English, and by that time, I'd already be a silent partner in her father's furniture business. #wellplayed

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

90 day fiance': "I love him, he should be allowed to become a citizen!"....(Later)... "I hate him, he should be deported!".... The only show where you can watch a democrat become a republican.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

3 years

NYC Flood Warning. Two hours of rain, the subways shut down. Four hours of rain, the buses stopped running. Six hours of rain, am I gonna have to eat my friend, Toby? We unravel pretty quickly here. #NYCFlooding #nycweather #nycsubway

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

Great time on @TheBonfireSXM tonight with @bigjayoakerson and @attell #nodisrespect #theworstkindofthoughtful

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

6 years

WARNING: DISTASTEFUL GAY JOKE. Gurl! @matteolane brings it to the @comicmikev & @iamjustinsilver on #NoDisrespect Download: Itunes- YouTube

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

1 year

Stopping @katiehannigan from getting over caffeinated is a full-time job.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

2 years

My pal @natebargatze has a hilarious new special, HELLO WORLD, on @PrimeVideo You’ll definitely want to check it out. Fun for the whole family.

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Mike Vecchione

@ComicMikeV

5 years

Excited for This Week at The Comedy Cellar, coming back for a second season. Here’s a set from season 1. #TWCC #ComedyCentral #ComedyCellar #comedycellarusa