After months of denials my cancer drug Tibsovo is finally being covered by my insurance with a $0 copay!!
the drug is $36,000/month out of pocket I feel like I just won the lottery!!!
My cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago and passed away today after only her first week of chemo treatments. I'm stunned, we were going to get together and commiserate about cancer, but instead she is just gone 😢
I watch the Golden Girls and then cry uncontrollably because I already know I won't get to be an old lady. I was kind of planning on it, preparing for it, but if I make it to 50 that will be a surprise....
Today I'm struggling with the things cancer took from me. It's not healthy to enumerate them but I can't help it. In the past I would have woken up, run a 5k, gone to work, and studied for classes & wrote papers after work. I can't run, work, write papers anymore. I feel lost.
I'm not in perfect health, but today the elevator is out in my building & I helped one of the older ladies who lives alone carry her groceries up 3 flights of stairs. Sometimes being able to help in small ways makes my day ❤️💜❤️
Thanks to this community of angry tweets the manufacturer of Tibsovo has finally approved me for financial aid 👍 so I will be able to TRY it. Fingers crossed this drug will help me!
In an ironic & unexpected twist
#cancerTwitter
is the most positive place on the internet. Not too many trolls, haters, or narcissists. Mostly just people in rough seas with empathy for all the other folks in the same boat.
I'm glad some folks recover from cancer and can still do all the things. This is my 3rd primary cancer & I can no longer do all the things. Let's try and respect eachother's experience & not rely on toxic positivity as a coping strategy. It doesn't work for everyone.
One of my very good friends invited me to go to the spa. I haven't been able to go since my brain surgery and the pandemic and I'm crying just thinking about it. I'm worried I'll cry when we are there. Life is pretty fucked when you burst into tears over doing a small nice thing.
I miss my youth. It's unfair that cancer immediately catapults your life into your 80s,regardless of what age you were diagnosed. I feel like I went from 36 to 80 in one day.
How many
#cancer
patients are so miserable that at times they ponder stopping treatment? I'm not at the end of my treatments, I have options, but sometimes I fantasize about just not doing anything anymore.
Fuck cancer. Just discovered a friend who was recently Dx'd with kidney cancer in May passed away. He was my age, he only lived 6 months following his Dx. His wife is also my friend & my heart is breaking for her. There is nothing fair about cancer.
@financebuzz
Toxic capitalism be like "you need multiple jobs to pay your bills because under capitalism those who don't work 5 jobs will starve."
I a person with cancer: no matter how many "side hustles" I have my bills will never be paid.
Tell me what "side hustle" will pay for this.
The thing no one ever talks about in regards to having hope & staying positive with
#cancer
is how utterly crushing it is when positivity meets the reality of recurrence.
@ThanksCancer
Scan on Monday, I know my tumor is growing, I was warned that even if I respond to Tibsovo it won't show on my scans until next year at best. So I already know what to expect.
My brain: better start stressing about it now.
I have met some of the most wonderful people on
#cancerTwitter
. I wish none of us had to be here, but I'm so thankful for the truly wonderful & kind people I've connected with here. It makes the burden of this illness so much easier to bear. Thank you 💜❤️💜
Here's one of my fucked
#cancer
thoughts: I'm jealous of the people who CAN get chemo & radiation ☢️
I know it is NOT a pleasant experience, I know it's a lot of suffering & hoping that it will work.
I've been told this is a "last resort only" treatment for me.
Ok, I get that some people with
#cancer
can play the "maybe I'll be ok" game, but this tumor is eating my brain. It's in my memory, and vision centers. There is an inevitably to progression I can't avoid or deny. I already don't recognize faces & have a hard time with words
Omg being sick is a full time job. Doctors appointments, scans & tests, paying the bills, specialist referrals, 2nd opinions, fighting with insurance, obtaining medical records, sharing medical records, updating family members, packing for hospital, it feels like an endless to do
My dudes, I kind of hate how being a cancery person has been integrated into my identity. I held it at bay for adenocarcinoma & melanoma, but after brain cancer my whole life changed, my whole personhood changed. I want to be the kid who forgot about having cancer again.
Everytime I see a doctor the nurse asks me when my last period was.
My last period was in 2012 before my hysterectomy for cervical cancer.
Every time I get asked this question I lose a little more faith in the medical professionals that I pay to see. Does no one read the chart?
Nothing like the MRI nurse asking "how much longer do you have to get MRIs every 3 months?"
Me: "until I die or they cure brain cancer I guess? Which do you think will happen first?"
No one likes my dark humor but you really can't leave the door open for me like that 🤷
People with cancer don't exist so you (someone without cancer) can reflect on "what's important" or make you realize some profound truth.
We are people facing our own mortality, we are hurting, struggling and often just trying to stay alive.
We are not your inspirational story.
Dear
#cancerTwitter
I'm feeling SO blessed today. I'm getting meds that might help me, I met a real life friend, I got to pet a very nice dog. I'm lucky.
When do you just lay on the floor next to the bathroom because you're too sick up to actually go back to bed and you're afraid you're going to need the bathroom again.
I have leisons in the corners of my mouth that won't heal, they crack any time I open my mouth. I feel like this doesn't bode well. Maybe I'm ok but I'm starting to LOOK like I'm dying. Brain cancer is an invisible disability but these mouth sores bode ill.
Having
#cancer
means I'm here for a good time, not a long time. So I'm really focused on that, but when I say it to people they think I'm a slut 🤣
No slut shaming here, have fun, be a slut, but it's a different meaning for me now.
How long after your
#cancer
Dx did it take you to learn to ask for help when you need help? I always want to minimize my burden on others. Unless it's an emergency I never ask for help, and I need to learn how to do that without the anxiety & guilt of being burdensome.
Living with
#cancer
diagnosis is such a mindfuck because you go through this whole mortality acceptance thing & then you continue to live (at least for a while!) which is more than a little empirically confusing. Like "prepare for your funeral, but we don't know EXACTLY when"
Since my craniotomy I've been extra sensitive to textures & fabrics. I started buying silk PJs and dresses & while it seems a silly expense being in soft comfortable warm clothes improves my whole mood & therefore quality of life. QOL has become my focus as much as survival.
My MRI came back stable, so no tumor growth is a good thing! Meeting with
#palliative
care tomorrow about pain management, if they can help me maybe I can resume some kind of life again.
Remember, if you die of
#cancer
you didn't "lose the fight." no. Cancer does not win, it doesn't outlive you.
If I die, don't say I "lost the fight", say "she took cancer down with her like Ripley in Alien 3"
@ThanksCancer
#livingwithcancer
#fuckcancer
This time of year people start saying "remember Covid lock down? That was 4 years ago?!"
Me: "remember the time I got diagnosed with brain cancer the same day as we were all told to 'lockdown' for covid?"
How many of our lives changed forever on the same day?
#cancer
Feeling the deep unfairness of the extra pain and stress I got dealt today. It's such a stupid little kid feeling. "Life is unfair!" Life has never been fair, I know it intellectually, but emotionally I'm screaming.
In the
#BrainCancer
world we don't get "Remission" we can only hope for PFS (progression free survival). This MRI marks 6 months of PFS for me.
#Tibsovo
is helping me survive, I hope Vorasidinib gains FDA approval soon for all the IDH mutants in the
#BTSM
community 💜
You might be a
#cancer
patient if...
1. You eat Immodium like pez
2. Zofran is stashed in every pocket & purse
3. Drs just hand you pain killers
4. You spend more time sleeping then awake
5. You only know the day by your Dr appointments/ treatment schedule
Add yours 👇
I mute the grieving loved ones who tweet about the death of cancer patients. Their feelings are real & valid, but I fear those feelings for my loved ones more than I fear death for myself. It's too much for me, I'm just trying to cope with my own feelings about mortality.
When doctors ask me about my psychological well-being and I casually explain that I have my "cry time" in the morning where I wake up before my husband and cry for an hour or two they act like this is not normal. I then have to explain that this is totally reasonable behavior.
I distracted myself really well the last few days. I met new friends, I petted very nice pets. Looking at tomorrow's all day of appointments just made me burst into tears.
The reality of fighting
#cancer
just overwhelmed me & now my thoughts only loop in a doom spiral.
How do you cope with the existental dread of facing up with mortality much sooner than you expected?
Please drop recommendatons for books, podcasts, or drugs.
I'm 38 and I get very upset when I realize that according to "median survival rates" my time might be VERY limited.
These days my least favorite question is "How are you?"
Sometimes I emotionally vomit & tell them all about my brain cancer.
Sometimes I just terrify them by saying "horrible."
I don't know how to behave like a person under this much stress.
I'm just gutted.
Today I've been denied access to the only drug my Dr thinks could help me.
Surgery is only an option if the FMRI shows no important activity in my tumor area.
I've just lost my job.
I have a headache.
I feel doomed.
Fuck cancer, fuck the US medical system.
I wake up every day and ponder the dumb fucking luck of having
#cancer
. It's like waking up and losing the lotto of life every single day. More than "why me?" it's "what the fuck?"
Normalize making a doctor give you tests to prove you're not dying of
#cancer
instead of treating symptoms only.
There are no self checks for the brain. You can't check for lumps & symptoms like headache are written off as normal. I had brain cancer for 20 years before a scan.
No one warned me that
#braincancer
& various meds would leave me constantly constipated. Yes, I eat a LOT of prunes. I feel like I'm 100 years old, I'm 37.
So the tumor board says "just keep cutting out the bad pieces of the brain." Looks like brain surgery for me again. Trying to be positive, because "inoperable" is a bad word, but last surgery left me with lots of deficits and HURT so much... Not ready to do it again.
I don't think I'll ever be a
#cancer
"survivor" because I'll never be "cured".
#braincancer
patients don't get remission, we don't get NED, we don't get to move on. Even if our tumor is "stable" we are just waiting for them to come back what with the 99% recurrence rate.
Now I'm glad I missed my scan last week. I had a whole extra week not to think about the worst. I mostly enjoyed it.
I can see why some people forego treatment & let nature take its course. I don't want to spend the time I have left stressed & sad & suffering in treatment...
I swear
#cancerTwitter
is where are all the kindest people are. Just having so many kind messeges of support makes this all a little bit easier.
Plus there are almost no trolls or racists trolling
#cancer
people.
Thank you everyone for making this such a supportive place ❤️
3 years ago today I got a voicemail telling me I needed a consult with a brain surgeon after my CT scan that discovered my brain tumor. The voicemail was how I was informed I had a brain tumor. Surreal. So thankful to still be here 3 years later.
#astrocytoma
#braincancer
I don't want to move. My husband doesn't want to move. I told him I just want to move or get a chair lift BEFORE I fell down the stairs.
Today I fell down the stairs. I'm ok, just some big bruises on my knees. I know we don't WANT to deal with my mobility issues, but...
4 years ago today I was Dx'd with a brain tumor. All while everyone thought covid was going to be like smallpox. Every year is a bonus.
The day I was born I almost choked to death but my dad gave me CPR & saved my life. EVERY DAY is a bonus day.
It's my birthday and I'm trying to remember that getting older is a privilege, instead of being morose about the passage of time and getting older...it's a weird thankful grieving process.
Thank you to all the medical professionals who are trying to find ways for people like me to live longer. You guys are my rockstars & I totally fangirl when you follow me back or comment on my posts. Thank you for the time, energy, effort & money you have spent trying to help ❤️
Fellow cancer peeps: if you were a fitness junkie before treatment & had a hard time getting back on it after years of recovery, meds & fatigue, please tell me how you did it. Everything makes me so tired, but I miss my daily 5k.
#running
#cancer
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. We had a friend come visit after many negative covid tests. We have been so careful for so long. Today he had 3 positive tests in a row, confirming that we have been exposed. Our tests are negative SO FAR, but I'm really hoping that I dodged this...
I've started doing my makeup every day to try and make myself feel better about life. It's a kind of fucked up paradigm that when I feel the worst I don't want to look my worst?
My job is having
#cancer
. My duties entail:
*Calling insurance & fighting with them for hours
*Lots of medical & legal paperwork for Drs, disability etc.
*Lots of Dr appointments
*Lots of blood tests & scans
*Sleeping because I can't stay awake
👉Add the work you do to be sick
#cancer
gives some strange contradictory feels. I feel so unlucky to have had so much of my life be eaten away by this disease. On the other side I feel incredibly privileged & lucky to have the medical care, family & friends who are still here for me. I'm still here. I'm lucky.
Up early today for a friend's funeral.
#Cancer
is so devistating. My friend was Dx'd only 6 months ago with
#kidneycancer
. He was 39, otherwise healthy, and it took too long for them to figure it out. Don't ignore symptoms, SCREAM at Drs if they don't do due diligence testing.
I know some people name their tumors. I a
#StarTrek
geek so I've named my most recent bastard Kobayashi Maru. It's a no-win situation, but perhaps with the right sacrifices and by some impossible cheat I might still get though it.
Thank you
#cancer
community for being supportive and loving to me.
I used to be very jaded about strangers (especially on the internet) and this is the one place everyone is kind and empathetic.
I hate having cancer, but I really appreciate you all 🙏
@ThanksCancer
Not all of us can even hope for "remission," with my most recent
#braincancer
Dx my doctor said "because of the 99% recurrence rate we don't use that word."
My mind is degenerating and I feel it happening. Reading is harder. I have severe aphasia & memory problems. I have walked past my own husband of 8 years without recognizing his face. Please stop with the "prognosis doesn't mean anything."
That's just a denial of my reality.
Doctors acting like you don't have
#ChronicPain
from
#cancer
treatment because you are no longer in "active treatment" is a denial of the reality of many patients.
The surgeries & treatments I endured left long lasting pain & Quality of Life issues, there is no back to normal.
I'm especially proud that I earned my Masters Degree WHILE I had a giant brain tumor.
I didn't know I had
#braincancer
at the time, but looking back it makes this achievement extra special for me.
#livingwithcancer
#braintumor
Dear docs, if you want to do something horrible to me like a lumbar puncture or marrow sample you WILL have to knock me out. Don't rely on people to hold perfectly still during painful or stressful procedures & then blame us for MOVING during a critical moment.
I used to resent the "fight" language of cancer as the implied "losers" didn't make it. As time goes on I identify more with the fight. That I will sacrifice many things, money, sleep, time, and risk losing everything just live. I will suffer to live. I will fight to live.
I'm so over doctors telling me everything is fine and not to worry when I know something is really wrong. Sometimes it feels so pointless to fight the illness AND the medical system. Sometimes I feel like it's all a big waste of time & why bother if this is going to be life.
After 20 years of being told I "just have migraines" and then having to DEMAND a brain scan to convince years of doctors that something was really wrong, my faith in medicine is shook.
Why did I have to diagnose my own brain tumor? Don't give me "odds are low" give me SCIENCE.
Just a reminder: cancer support groups are not an appropriate place for caregivers to discuss:
1. How annoying their partner with
#cancer
is
2. How they are the real victim for having to take care of a loved one.
3. How they are thinking about abandoning their sick family members
How are we all doing out there in
#cancer
land? I'm living in limbo & denial for now, trying to ignore everything that makes me think past the next 6 months when my current treatment will either help or I'll be having more brain surgery. 😅
#cancer
muggle: complains about something they're dealing with, follows it up with "nothing like what you're going through".
Me: "suffering is not a contest. I know
#cancer
sucks, you don't need to dismiss your pain by telling me mine is worse."
@ThanksCancer
#livingwithcancer
Got my MRI today & for some reason my arsehole brain was like "3 hours of sleep is enough. Also everything is probably fine."
Living with
#cancer
means living in Schrodinger's denial: Assume everything is fine until proven otherwise.
Today I get to go get a FMRI (functional mri) so they can map how my brain works before I get another craniotomy. I want to keep my memories very badly, but I also want to live. Real quality/quantity issues with the brain
#cancer
.
You know how Doctors have the policy "you will be charged a fee if you cancel your appointment less than 24 hours before its supposed to start"?
I think if your doctor cancels an appointment with less than 24 hours notice they should pay YOU the fee. My time is just as valuable.
Thinking about the future is different after a cancer diagnosis that forces you to realize the best years really are behind you. The ones where you were young & felt immortal. It's hard for me to enjoy those memories without grief for young me who could do anything.