Delicious Disaster @BooksAndAxes Twitter profile

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

If she texts "Wow," followed by a period, get your affairs in order.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

Miracles still exist.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Sorry I called you by your username during sex.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

I'm in love with the fact that you exist.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

23 days

Haters gonna hate, witches gonna levitate.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

Shut the fuck up and let me show you how loved you are.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

11 months

I'm very sweet, but I'm an absolute pervert if I trust you.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Never settle for anyone who is less than obsessed with you.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

You deserve some happy tears after all of the sad ones.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Stop looking for people who make you feel good, and start looking for people who improve your quality of life.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

A booty call, but for snuggles.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

I don't know who needs to hear this, but cleavage isn't porn.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

11 months

Real talk: If we're mutuals and have never talked and I randomly DMed you how awesome I think you are, would you be upset?

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Just quit my job. 🖕

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

You deserve to be held gently and gripped tightly.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

The removal of the block feature will hurt women the most by taking away their ability to restrict abusers & harassers from their account. Thus forcing them to go private & restricting their ability to gain followers & monetize their tweets like everyone else. @x @elonmusk

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Last night, my oldest daughter asked me to stop so she could get a burrito when I picked her up at 8pm. She plays sports and works to earn her own money, so this is pretty normal. She came out with an extra burrito for me to say thank you for always picking her up. My heart...🥹

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

7 months

First ever bathroom selfie.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Why the fuck aren't Braless Sundays a thing?

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

10 months

Her eyes are painted with the colors of all that she's survived.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I want the type of love that begins with the best friendship and ends up being the filthiest porn you've ever seen.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

15 made her first charcuterie. 🥰

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

8 months

With great age, comes great filters, not maturity. This is 47.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Date idea: Have really fancy food delivered, and have a pajama party in the living room while we watch movies from our pillow fort.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

5 months

Imagine if everyone was mature enough to talk to you before passing judgement...

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Hi I have abandonment issues so as soon as you give me attention I think you'll leave me thanks.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you look tired.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I don't know who needs to hear this, but socks do NOT stay on for sex.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

I woke up with my dick hanging off the wrong side of the bed again.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

The best things always come out of the blue.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

10 months

@GoToBedRory This is very on brand for Danes. 😂

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

I say too much. I will always say too much.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

6 months

I call my style of tweeting "How to not get DMs."

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I'm still here, and that's good enough for today.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Might fuck around and put "I love you" as a reply to every tweet I see.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

How to have a happy relationship: Fuck her brains out, then make HER a sandwich.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

30 days

Clumsy girls fuck better.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

6 months

Well well well, if it isn't my arch nemesis, reality.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

I always thought I had to fix myself for someone to like me. It turns out, I just needed to find someone who likes me as I am.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I'm taking my 14yo son to his first concert tonight! 🔥

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

3 months

My type is cutie patooties with big booties.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

11 months

The last year nearly broke me, and I'm more thankful for a lot of you than you know.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

8 months

Missionary so neither of us have to watch this dumbass Superbowl.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

7 months

It's exhausting being a sex symbol every day, but someone's gotta do it.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 month

Another day fades into the dusk and we regret nothing.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

Why is it that when you give up on love you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

You can't make people love you like you love them.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

5 months

I don't mind being a person in your phone because I get to stay in your pants all day.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Here's my face. How's yours?

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

6 months

No one cares if your bra and panties match when they're on the floor.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 months

Meet me at sunset.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

5 months

Hey babe, wanna break some public decency laws with me?

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Today seems like a perfect day to go off the rails.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Surround yourself with people who make you want to make better porn.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Drop a pic of you that could be an album cover 🖤 🎶

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Look, bro. If you won't follow me back, I'm gonna unfollow you and follow your wife.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Ready for our lunch date!

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

10 months

The well seems to be running dry for everyone, and it's time for a refill. I love you.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

8 months

You're allowed to go from "Can't" to "Fuck it let's do this!" for any reason. It's called decanting.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Hi. Say it back.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I can't be your sugar daddy, but I can be your candy corn man. I'm on a budget here.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

5 months

Idk if anyone knows this, but I went ziplining today.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

I quit chasing sunsets and started looking forward to sunrises.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

I'm saving some colors to settle into you.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

I woke up to the sky on fire.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I almost forgot to post tonight's sunset.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Stretch marks aren't flaws; they're trophies for leveling up.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

8 months

Regardless of how good your tweets are, there's a 90% chance I follow you because I think you have pretty hair.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

5 months

Women wear dresses with pockets so they have a place to keep your balls.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

8 months

Never the damsel, always the distress.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

10 months

Neither distance nor time can break the permanent bonds of covalent hearts.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

7 months

Finding someone who makes time for you when they don't have it and makes an effort when they're exhausted is truly amazing.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

@treydayway My oldest used to throw her cup and say, "Hemmitt!" After a couple of days, we realized she was trying to say, "Damnit!" 🤦‍♂️😂

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

We all get lost a little, but I don't mind if I'm holding your hand.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

7 months

Tired but happy.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

How to get women to like you: 1) Be a human being 2) Treat her like a human being 3) Be respectful

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Why's it called a quickie and not a cum and go?

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

8 months

Sometimes it's good to feel lost and broken to point you in the right direction.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

11 months

If you come to Twitter to attack people for their tweets that have nothing to do with you, please find anything else to do with your pathetic life.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

5 months

I haven't had sex in four months, so the rest of the world's problems are irrelevant.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

My TL looks like the zombie apocalypse hit a nudist colony right now.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

11 months

I talk a lot of shit for a guy who's currently shirtless in the kitchen, making shepherd's pie like some kind of tatted up June Cleaver.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

All I really want is for someone who won't run away.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

6 months

It's cute that you don't respond to any of my messages because you're afraid you'll fall in love with me.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're worth the headache.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

4 months

Plot twist: Your crazy ass can't handle me.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Let's compare scars.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

If I love you, I'll make you laugh and have orgasms.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

8 months

#NewProfilePic in a hat

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

10 months

Imagine being perfectly happy in each other's silence.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

5 months

I hope y'all don't mind that I talk to my girlfriend about you.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

8 months

If you treat me like an after thought, I'll make sure you never have to think of me again.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

It's just Twitter. It's good to keep that in mind when you think you're good with anyone here.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

A perfect blend of romantic and perverted, and I'm not letting go of either.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

Never shut up, never stop telling me how you feel. Bring me your awkwardness, insecurities, and frustrations. I gotchu.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

9 months

She's the type of taste that sinks into your skin and leaves you begging for more.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I fell in love with you long ago, when you were just an echo of the future.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I have zero tolerance for people who laugh at others' misfortune.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

2 years

Sorry I said "oopsie daisy" when I forgot to pull out.

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Delicious Disaster

@BooksAndAxes

1 year

I want the kind of relationship where none of my t-shirts fit right because she stretched them out with her boobs.

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