I didn’t know you could fucking see that someone viewed your profile on LinkedIn and the guy I’m supposed to go out with on Tuesday texted me asking if I “found what I was looking for”. Goodbye.
My ex would always flex how real his jewelry was and how much his shit cost. Tell me why I go to pawn the earrings he left at my house some months ago and them hoes $30!!!
#sick
... this guy was like “hey u down to shoot a scene for my music video?” And I was like “Yeah of course bet!”... ONLY to discover he wants me to actually shoot the music video.... as the camerawoman!!
Still traumatized that this girl at the bar was hyping me up to shoot my shot at the bartender only for him to tell me he has a girlfriend and then they started making out in front of me. 🤘🏼
Sometimes.... as co-parents u gotta set ur differences aside for ur kid... i always got love for my BM. Gave me the greatest blessing a man could ask for! 🙏🏼
When I was in school we used to say “That’s why your teeth are throwing up gang signs”… well come to find out the kids are now saying “That’s why your teeth are social distancing.” 💀💀💀
Never forget the time I went on a date with a guy and I suggested sushi. Once we arrived he revealed he’s deathly allergic to shellfish and never carries an epipen because he’s “ready”. Honorable mention: he was mad there was no chicken on the menu. I hope he’s well.
So I was all in my feelings about a guy and went to grab a water before bed when the fucking takeout he left all open in my fridge fell all over my fucking floor... the universe doesn't answer ur questions, it only gives u signs.
I feel like too many men ask “Who’s pussy is this?” and not enough women ask “Who’s dick is this?”.... I am going to start. I will let yall know how it goes once my experiment is complete!