That Pesky Willow @AubriePesky Twitter profile

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

I accidentally knocked my client's glasses off his face, so I gasped and said "Superman?!" but he didn't laugh

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

My ex asked if I have a boyfriend, saying my daughter keeps talking about 'Jerome'. Jerome is our roomba.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

The glasses were unharmed

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

A dating app, but for people who pay attention during board games and don't need to be CONSTANTLY REMINDED WHEN IT IS THEIR TURN

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

A $50/hr sex worker and a $2000/hr sex worker are equally worthy of respect and protection and rights

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

My daughter: can I wear your hoodie? Me: not to school My daughter: but school is shit and it's fucked

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

My 15 year old just called his brain cells "knowlecules"

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

My therapist said that "everyone is stupid except for me" is not a helpful mindset. Sounds like something a stupid person would say, if you ask me

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

When I watched scary movies as a child I figured out that if I rooted for the villain the movie was way less scary and I realise now that's how lots of people deal with capitalism

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Hello, from my nipple

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

The beautiful blonde at the end of the bar puts a cherry stem in her mouth, skillfully knotting it with her tongue. I put an entire banana in my mouth, regurgitating the peel. You're going home with her, but you will never forget me

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

'we' is just 'ew' backwards. stay single.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

When my clients compliment me on my blowjob skills I like to say "I know, I should make a career out of it" and then we both laugh because I never get tired of my own jokes

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

My favourite position is the decriminalization of sex work

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

I love when dudes insist on being my first appointment like I start my day a virgin

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

If I say "don't get me started" it's already too late I am so fucking started

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Applebees is short for apple bottom bees, boots with the fur

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

It's such a mindfuck when you get your heart broken by someone who manipulated, cheated, and lied to you for your entire relationship. I'm sitting here missing someone who never existed. My heart aches for a fictitious partner I never had. I invested a year of my life in nothing

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

I asked my daughter which chore she wanted for this week and she said "vacuuming", while turning on the roomba

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Do I look like I sucked 7 dicks today? Because i sucked 7 dicks today

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Hi, my name is Willow. It's nice to actually meet you. My real name is Willow and I'm a proud whore. I am tired of giving interviews as Aubrie. I am giving a public speech next month as Willow and I am planning to share it here. So, hi. My name is Willow.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

You've heard of Elf on a Shelf, now get ready for Whore at your Door! Let me in, it's fucken freezing out here

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

I always release men back into the wild after mating

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Sometimes when I pass by a stranger I like to whisper "I was just thinking the exact same thing"

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Don't get mad, get even. Even more mad.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

After a few glasses of wine I realise that I'm so charming I should be charming even louder

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Here I am, overcaffeinated and underqualified...let's fucking do this

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

People in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

My great-grandma was such a vibe in 1898

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

@jbassset @salchimamas I was raised like shit, and I still don't treat people like that. No excuses for adults.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Guys, he slept over last night. I never want anyone to stay over, but i wanted him to. He is coming back tonight. I'm a total fucking puddle of goo and I love it so much.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

If I start a sentence with "here's the thing" I'm actually gonna say a lot of things

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Men are shit at taking good selfies simply because they haven't been taught that their purpose in life is decorative

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Took my non-binary 13 year old to the Pride event with me today, and I assumed they would want to distance themself from the sex worker org table I was working at. But they proudly put on a pin that said "Someone I ❤️ is a sex worker" and they hugged me many times, openly, and

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

It's officially my bday. I'm 36. I'm an old.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

I put on a bra every morning to remind me titties who's the boss and then I take it off 10 minutes later because my titties are the boss

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

My pet rock, Simon, died and I was going to bury him outside but I set him down and now I'm not sure which one is Simon oh no

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

It's been a while...anyone remember me? 😛

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

My client was grumbling about having to do something nice for his wife for mother's day even though she is not his mom and I was like "she birthed and raised your kids, Frank, this is why you have to pay me for sex"

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Shoutout to Kyle, a client from last week who told me I'm "actually pretty attractive for a prostitute". We're all attractive, Kyle, it's a key part of our business model. Hope you and your hand will be really happy together

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

"can you explain this gap in your employment history?" Oh sure that's when I ran my own successful business that's not recognized as valid by society

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Sex worker gf and evolved, secure bf

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Today was my single highest-grossing day. This whore made $2500.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

I'm in a really fucking good mood

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

I'm obsessed with this

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

Fun fact: my cervix is not my g-spot

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

My client telling me how he is such a good husband to his wife while his dick is in my mouth

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

I've always been ridiculously honest with y'all, so why stop now? I haven't been posting because I am super duper depressed. I'm trying to get myself back into alignment. I'm confident that I'll be fine, and I'm okay with the reality that I don't feel fine right now. I'll be back

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

@izumabakumatsu Please note my 2nd tweet in the thread. We were on the bed. They landed on bedding. They were okay. He was okay. You're okay. It's all gonna be okay.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

My neighbours don't need to know that I have a butt plug in my ass while I smoke this joint, but you guys do. Hey guys, I have a butt plug in my ass while I smoke this joint teeheehee

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

My daughter asked which age I enjoyed her at the most and I said she has been an absolute delight and pain in the ass at every age and she responded "perfect, that's what I was going for"

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

You call it a dad-bod belly, I call it a trampoline for my forehead

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

The best part of washing dishes is jerking off the silverware

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

A client was asking me "will I be able to get in and out? I have a semi" and I thought he was talking about his dick but he meant a truck

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Okay, I did the thing. Do we like it?

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

A journey of a thousand miles begins with putting on pants, so no thank you

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

"Haiku is 5 syllables, 7 syllables, then 5 syllables" No, it's literally 2 syllables

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

I'm a 37-yr-old mother of two. I know my clients don't visit me for my perfect body lol. That has so little to do with good sex. People aren't remembering how much cellulite or stretch marks you had. They are remembering how it felt to be around you and how it felt to fuck you

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

I enjoy sucking dick because I'm so good at it and I'm so good at it because I enjoy sucking dick so much and I think that's beautiful

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

[cranking up the heat on my slow cooker] Me: *whispers* slow cook it faster

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Oh no, another middle-aged man on the internet is disappointed in my life choices

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

so stoned I typed "search" in the search box to look for a movie

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

If you drink enough coffee with your morning joint you can wake and shake and bake

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

RIP Mary Magdalene, you would have loved Onlyfans

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

This summer has been one hell of a ride and I'm learning a lot about myself

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Clients before sex: sure is beautiful weather today, eh? Clients after sex: so, my wife left me and my mother has cancer...

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

This dude messaged me to tell me to just block the dudes that annoy me so I replied "good idea" and then blocked him and he was so right it felt so great

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Them: sex workers are so exploited Me: (sitting on my front porch at 3pm on a Tuesday in a fluffy robe, smoking a fat joint) okay

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

Sometimes "all due respect" is none

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

I am a whore and 90% of the time I'm wearing baggy sweatpants and baggy hoodies. Think about that next time you want to say someone is dressed like a whore

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

I suck dick for money and then spend most of it on feeding and sheltering those who have been forgotten by society. This is why Jesus loves whores

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

I was massaging my client's back and I told him he had silky smooth skin and then realised that might sound creepy, so I panic-added "I don't want to make a lampshade or anything" for good measure

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

"Awe" is a word and "awww" is a sound and they are not as interchangeable as everyone seems to think

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

them: why are you wearing a cape? me: i feel naked without it them: but you are naked Me: no, I'm wearing my cape

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

am so honoured to be their mama. I just didn't know how honoured they are to be my kid. My heart is very, very full. Happy pride, everyone!

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

For those who ask if my whoring affects my personal sex life, I saw 7 clients yesterday and then had passionate and amazing sex with my boyfriend last night, so...no

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Misheard my elderly neighbour when she asked to borrow some tongs and now this fistful of underwear dangles awkwardly between us

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Y'all ready for an update on the former client I've been seeing? If I'm honest, I think I'm falling in love. He's pretty fucking special

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Sometimes people see me making large cash deposits at the bank machine, and I will say "I'm a drug dealer" and then they laugh and I laugh and then I say "just kidding, I'm a hooker" and then they laugh and I don't

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Just spent 12 hours at tent city and will be heading back for the midnight shift tonight. My kids are out of the province and i spend more of my time at tent city than i do at my home. All of the teens at the encampment have taken to calling me Mom and I love them fiercely

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

I like sucking dick. I like getting paid. I like getting paid to suck dick.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

name abbreviations are so funny, like how Nick is short for Nicholas and Dick is short for Ridicholas

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

I'm ba-ack! 7 day suspension of my account was rough, I missed you guys

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

Maybe let Canada hold on to your democracy for a bit, and we'll give it back when you're ready to take care of it properly

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

I realised that they are proud to have me as their mama, even when I'm donning my sex worker activist cap. In radically accepting and loving my kid in all their glorious iterations, they have loved all of me in return. Even the parts I don't expect them to publically embrace. I

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

Dudes will be like "my wife never wants to have sex" and then ask if you came after 2 minutes of arrhythmic penetration

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Some people are a little TOO comfortable with being naked. Some people accidentally walk outside without first putting on pants. Some people seem to forget that they are naked, because they are too used to being naked. It's me. I am some people.

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Beyond exhausted, grieving the loss of my friend, real and raw. Heading to a night shift at Tent City. Send me good vibes, please. ❤️

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

I find that writing out a to-do list really keeps me on track

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Introducing...the boyfriend 🥰

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

4 years

I pride myself on living life on my own terms while letting my cat decide what time I get up in the morning

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

3 years

My kid recently came out to me as non-binary and I've been working hard to switch their pronouns, but I sometimes slip up so we've created a secret hand signal so they can alert me non-verbally and it's working great

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That Pesky Willow

@AubriePesky

2 years

Hi