🚨TONIGHT🚨Here’s a clip from my stand up special “Brain Noise” premiering tonight at 8pm EST on my YouTube channel. I’ll be in the chat alternating between freaking out and answering stuff. Join me! Share if you’re feeling charitable. Premiere link:
Hey
@NYCMayor
, long time listener, first time tweeter. 30th Ave in Astoria is like Spring Break in Panama City. Clean this shit up or we’re all going to die. Thanks dawg.
🚨SPECIAL IS OUT🚨Here’s another clip from my free stand up special “Brain Noise.” I made this by myself so I appreciate all the shares, RTs, views, comments, everyone who’s been helping get the word out. Thanks so much. Keep that going! Watch here:
Taking a bath I become 3 different versions of a person as the bath goes on. Just water: I’m a cowboy in a whorehouse. Add bubbles: I’m a woman in a tough marriage. Water drains: I’m a dead musician.
Ran a show there. Met my girlfriend there. Recorded an album there. Bombed beyond measure. Ate a lot of Mexican food. Clogged toilets. The Creek will always hold a special place in the history of NYC comedy.
Crazy having a kid during these times. Telling them about their future like “work hard and you can be whatever you want, from ‘gasoline gang warlord’ to ‘machete salesman.”
Dominos will do anything but get better at pizza. They’ll give out free lava cakes and fix street potholes but they won’t rethink their cheese to sauce ratio.
Here’s a joke from my special about mass shooters. Wish this bit wasn’t so perpetually timely. Crazy when Steve Kerr makes more sense than a senator. But if you like the joke, watch my full special “Brain Noise:"
I was just in Indiana, what a wild state. So open minded about food but not people. They don’t see deep frying a cream pie as unnatural but same sex marriage? They’re like “whoaaaaa, slow down.”
People ask about my favorite stand up bit. 10 years ago, when I was the only other person at an open mic and I watched a guy spiral for 5 mins how NASA is a government cover up for aliens. And he ended with “so that’s why I didn’t like the movie Armageddon.”
Daniel Day Lewis hanging out with his daughter. They’re playing pretend, she calls him a “poopy head.” To inhabit the role, he lives in a toilet for a month.
Best part about doing comedy: waking up at noon to write jokes. Worst part: needing to have a take on Jake Paul. Real worst part: checking to see how my Jake Paul tweet is doing.
Thanks so much to the staff
@AcmeComedyCo
and all the people who came out to the recording. Fingers crossed there’s a special in there. God. Glory. Guns.
Hello everyone! I’m working out my one person show
@UnionHallNY
on 1/19 at 7! Come see “Italian Nanette,” so far it’s gotten a lot of positive reviews from close friends who are extremely biased. Check it out for yourself!
No more marijuana testing in the NBA? Post game interviews about to be different. “LeBron, what happened tonight?” “You know, the balls gonna do what the balls gonna do. If you really think about it, balls are crazy man.”
You know you’re wrong when Howard Stern has the moral high ground. The guy who made a living throwing ham on porn stars is like “these anti-vaxxers are fucked up.”
Hey, Canada. My set from
@justforlaughs
is airing July 14 at 10pm on CTV Comedy. I remember bombing for most of the set, then picking up steam towards the end. Watch for yourself.
We’re 10 minutes out from the premiere of my YouTube stand up special “Brain Noise.” Hawaiian shirt is on. I’m two tiki drinks in. Pants? Where we’re going we don’t need pants! Join the chat. Let’s party ⬇️⬇️⬇️
🚨TOMORROW🚨My stand up special “Brain Noise” premieres on my YouTube channel at 8pm EST. I’ll be in the live chat answering questions, giving away prizes and offering advice on subjects I know nothing about. Should be fun! I’m nervous. Here’s the link:
I’m producing
@AnthonyDeVito_
‘s new stand-up show about his family and insane experience in organized crime. It’s very funny and also incredibly fucked up and fascinating, He’s running it at Union Hall in Brooklyn 4/17 at 10PM. Highly recommend checking this out.
🚨MINNEAPOLIS!!! 🚨 I’m taping my next album/special
@AcmeComedyCo
on October 27-30. Come out and be a part of history! Grab tickets, link in my bio. 📸:
@heyjuliajohns