Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation & Infidelity
is out in print!
It joins my first book, The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism & Pleasure in Women's Infidelity.
You can find it here:
Starting a PhD at nearly 41 (2011) & finishing it at 44.5 (2015).
Oldest in my cohort & cohorts around me. Older than most of my professors.
It's never too late. Whatever you're thinking about doing, but keep pushing off thinking you're too old, you're not.
Go get it.
Please remember that college is hard, being away from home is hard, and your students are under far more stress than you likely realize.
Periodically remind them of campus resources. Be sure to let them know you're in their corner bc college campuses can feel really lonely.
In the midst of so much that is going wrong in our world, I got some good news.
My tenure has been approved. Beginning Fall 22, I'll be an associate professor.
Someone I follow had a great email signature about how they work outside of typical business hours, but you shouldn't feel any pressure to respond at that time.
I need to add something like that.
Anyone want to share theirs?
I don't know who needs to hear this but my 40s are WAY better than my 30s. And I'm anticipating my 50s will best my 40s.
Aging is a privilege denied to so many. Embrace your age and enjoy your days.
I don't know who needs to hear this but-
My 30's are WAY better than my 20's. The fear of getting older is nothing but an advertisement for cars and skin care.
Trust me. Situations come and go, but you will get better at almost everything over time.
Guess who just sent her editor the FINAL draft of her next book, Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation, and Infidelity?
12 days ahead of schedule even!!!
I think this calls for taking the rest of the day off.
Y'all! There were 101 nominations this year & your girl won the Judy for research in social science!
TWO different people nominated me, which required filling out an entire packet. Organizers came up after, congratulated me, & said, "Really beautiful packet. So well deserved!"
Got the lovely news that I've been nominated for a Judy Award (an award that recognizes excellence in our college). I don't know if it was for teaching or research; I won't know if I won until next month. No idea who nominated me, but what an honor!
#socaf
#AcademicTwitter
Students often cry in my office and they get so embarrassed and apologize.
No need!
Tears are an appropriate response to many circumstances. No need to apologize for having an emotional response to your life.
#firstgen
experience of being in academia is so different from those coming from a family of academicians.
My dad didn't graduate high school. No one in my family has a PhD & they struggle to understand my job/academia. They love me and they're proud, but it is isolating.
Today I heard someone say โYeah my dad did his postdoc with them.โ And I almost lost my mind. You people have parents with PhDs and theyโve done postdocs?!? My parents have no idea what a PhD is and watchedThe Big Bang Theory to try and understand.
This is what 50 looks like.
It's been a long, strange trip filled with highs, lows, and the pleasantly mundane.
And I've survived it all.
Hello, 50! Looking forward to what the next 50 years bring.
2 things that shocked me abt academia: even presenters have to pay to attend conferences (can be no conference w/out them) & you don't make a dime off your books or articles.
Both of these facts still baffle my mother, who then says she doesn't understand academia. Me either.
I'm so excited to announce that I've been invited and approved by the board to serve a 3-year term as a member of the editorial board of Teaching Sociology beginning January 1.
Headed to Philly for daughter's graduation. From there to Paris & Rome. I'll be gone 12 days.
Harvey got me up 12 times last night solely for pets & comfort. He knows a suitcase means I'm leaving & he's been so sad. He wouldn't look at me when I said goodbye at the airport.
1/ Four years ago today, we lost our Alex. He was 23.
Valentine's Day was a favorite holiday of his bx we've always celebrated it as a day to honor all of the different types of love in your life. We've all always been each other's valentines.
Alex
9/11/93 - 2/14/17
My new book, Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation, and Infidelity, is now available for pre-order.
It joins my first book, The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women's Infidelity, now available in paperback.
In ref letter for law school, my most admired & favorite prof wrote "P.S. and she's really cute, too."
I was horrified & embarrassed. And somehow felt at fault & as though the p.s. indicated I didn't belong there.
(Was still accepted. Opted not to go the law school route.)
Impossible to believe that today marks 5 years since my beautiful boy left this plane. We're still learning to live w/out him every day.
Someone you know is touched by addiction, a relentless disease. Alex died of an accidental overdose after a 10-year battle.
9/11/93-2/14/17
Daughter just tested positive for COVID with an at-home test. ๐ญ (So far, no one else is symptomatic.)
I'm trying to get clarity on our next steps (e.g. to whom should we report this, does she need another test) and not getting much help. ๐ค
@DSlakoffPhD
@BlkGrlBrilliant
I keep it on 66ยฐ in the winter. If it gets intolerable, I'll turn it up to 68ยฐ for 20 min or so.
But in the summer, I keep it on 68ยฐ.
I'm willing to be cold (I can always put on more clothes, get a blanket). I'm completely unwilling to be hot.
I freely admit when I don't know answers to questions students ask in class.
I ask if anyone else knows. I suggest we research it together & report back.
It's important to model that learning never stops & that being a professor doesn't mean "knowing everything."
Or you could model the acceptability of not knowing and say "I really don't know, but will try to find out and report back" and then do it. This idea may encourage them more to ask questions when they don't know and even think it is compatible with becoming a professor.
Y'all!!!!!!! It was accepted!!!!! The Revise and Resubmit that took me so long to do and had more than 100 separate items got accepted for publication!!!!!!
Thanks again for all your support,
@AlanSMartino
!!!! You're a gem!!
๐ตโ๐ซI finally finished a Revise & Resubmit that had been sitting on my desk for much longer than I'm willing to admit. โบ๏ธ
In my defense, there were more than 100 numbered items from 4 different reviewers to address.๐คช๐ต
๐คit's accepted.
Thanks,
@AlanSMartino
for your help!!!
On our walk this evening, my dog Harvey rescued 3 of the tiniest kittens I've ever seen. He drug me w/great determination down a street where we discovered them in the road (they were dumped). Then he sat very patiently while we sorted out their care.
Happy ending: some
Friends, I said no to an article review for the 1st time bc I'm truly overextended at present. Normally, I'd just try to work it in somehow.
Look at me taking care of me.
The 1st Thanksgiving after Alex died, we just couldn't. We just couldn't carry on like nothing happened.
So, we went out to eat.
I'm so grateful for the folks who worked that day cooking & serving us a meal. It helped us get thru a really tough day.
And, yes, we tipped BIG.
This will be our 3rd holiday season without my eldest child, Alex. It never gets easier tbh. Grief is just a beast you battle the rest of your life.
Check on your folks in grief.
This Thanksgiving will be the 5th w/out my dad. Despite being gone awhile, the aftershocks from his death continue. Grief changes people. It changes families. It changed me.
Please check on your friends, even if itโs been awhile since their lives changed.
Sending โค๏ธ to you all.
Y'all, I'm *this* close to being finished w/my upcoming book, Chasing Masculinity: Men, Validation, and Infidelity.
This close.
Like, one more print out & read through & I'll be sending this to my editor (hopefully ahead of deadline). ๐ค
Sig bx I thought I wouldn't make it.
๐๐ ๐คฃ Why do ppl think saying your bag is cheap is an insult?
Heck, yeah, my bag was cheap! Bought it on sale. Got a real deal on it, too!
Let me detail all of the other deals I'm wearing while we're at it. ๐คฃ๐๐
Today, you should be blowing out 28 candles. Today, we should be picking up birthday cakes & hastily wrapping presents. Today, we should be hugging you to celebrate your milestone.
Instead, today, we miss you like we have everyday of the last 4.5 years.
Alex 9/11/93 - 2/14/17
URGENT: If you are or know of a foster youth who is staying in a college dorm room that is going to be closed due to the coronavirus, please email info
@togetherwerise
.org and they will provide or help you find housing during this transition.
RT
My adjoining fence neighbors got a puppy, Milo. Last week, my dog, Harvey, who hates other dogs, coaxed Milo thru a gap in the fence.
A beautiful friendship was born & Milo comes to play several times a day now.
Just learned that I'm the recipient of the 2023ย Directorโsย Awardย for Outstanding Faculty Research from our Honors College.
Total surprise; no application. You're nominated, and then a committee selects you. Nice end to the week!
"What do you research?"
"Intimate sexual relationships, gend--"
[Interrupts] "Oooh. So you could teach me some things. I'll bet you're into freaky freaky stuff!"
๐
Woot!!! Just got word that I was accepted to present at SSSP (Society for the Scientific Study of Social Problems) in San Francisco in August!!! So excited!!!!
Just like that, it's my birthday again! Happy 51st birthday to me! Aging is a privilege denied the many. So, I'm beyond excited to see another yr & it's on Thurs, my favorite day of the week! Gonna be a good one!
Daughter, granddaughter & niece of veterans born on Veterans Day.
@tressiemcphd
@meicholtz
My mom is in this club.
I'm actually allergic to milk, have been my whole life. Mom has taken me to the ER bx my throat swelled from consuming it.
Now that I'm an adult, she can't remember that I'm allergic. Offers it to me every time I'm at her house.
Y'all, I'm an only child.
"Simply put, feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression. ย I liked this definition because it did not imply that men were the enemy. By naming sexism as the problem it went directly to the heart of the matter..."
--bell hooks
So, a stray kitty, who is clearly hungry, but also somewhat feral has taken a liking to me.
This would be fine except that I'm terribly allergic.
Today she once again followed Harvey & I home. I once again broke my own rule & let her inside.
Next thing you know...
Really wish conferences would drop the university affiliation from the nametags. Research areas would be far more useful and tamp down some of that looking down the nose that goes on.
If your university is taking classes online, try
@presentio_us
.
You save your PowerPoint slides as a PDF, upload them, and then record your lecture slide-by-slide. Post the weblink for your students. Even self-produces transcripts.
So easy to use! Little time investment.
One of my students gave me these and said, "I know last week was tough for you, and chocolate always makes me feel better. So, I got you these."
Y'all! I nearly cried. My students really are the sweetest.
Alex, you would've been 30 years old today.
We should be celebrating with you today rather than grieving you.
Love you, my Big Bird
Alex Matthew (9/11/93-2/14/2017)
ReturnIfPossible
#addiction
#fentanylkills
#accidentialoverdose
Too many ppl just don't understand qualitative methods.
I've literally had learned ppl tell me I was "othering" my participants bc my sample was "only" 70-some folks.
Ummm... yeah, that's not how that works.
Anyone else feel like all you do now is plan the menu, get the ingredients to your house (i.e. delivery, pickup, or risking your life), cook the meals (sometimes improvising bx said ingredients don't arrive), and then clean up after the meals?
Just me?
The good news: I've finished my manuscript for my upcoming book. (No more rounds of reviews. Finished)
The bad news: Now I have to approach folks to provide endorsements for my upcoming book.
@TwoLemonades
Honestly, I've boiled so many pots dry it's just not funny. I'm not allowed to cook on top of the stove without a timer set and I must stay within earshot.
The Ritalin helps, but if I try to beat the water filling up or the boiling pot, I'm gonna lose that challenge.
#ADHD
NOT COOL! The
@UMich
University Health Service will stop covering STI testing, forcing students to bill their parents' insurance & compromise confidentiality. That or students must pay out of pocket.
Best overheard comment of the day:
Student to fellow student: "There *is* a God, and her name is Alicia Walker."
๐คฃ๐๐
Okay, let's be real: best comment of my year.
Indeed. I was incredibly proud of my son both while he was in recovery, and when he was in active addiction. He was a lovely soul, who also struggled with addiction. I am still incredibly proud of him even though he ultimately lost his battle.
Addiction is a formidable foe.
Biden looking directly into the camera to say how proud he is of his son in recovery is the kind of clip that might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things โ but for anyone who loves one of the 20 million Americans with substance use disorders, wow oh wow what a moment.
@CruzKayne
@Sarah_McDonald_
Great thread.
Coming up on the 3rd anniversary of the loss of my son.
We're definitely not alone. So many fine ppl in this club no one wants to join.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I get called this a lot.
I'm actually very nice when you get to know me. Some even say kind, warm.
But I also don't take any crap, so maybe that's what ppl are responding to? ๐ค
Yes! I've no interest in being younger. Nothing could compel me to go back and do that over again.
Aging rocks and I'm wildly excited about getting older.
It's a privilege denied to so many.
No "anti-aging" products in my house. I'm 49 and it's cool if you can tell.
New kid at middle school. Tiny. Mercilessly bullied.
She walked in on 3 girls attacking me in the locker room. Chased them away. Walked me to the nurse, helped report it. When school did nothing, she walked me to every class the rest of the yr. We didn't have the same schedule.
--grad w/masters
--entered PhD prog at 40
--finished PhD: 4 yrs (on avg takes 9)
--worked: Visiting & adjunct
--rescued Harvey dog
--started TT
--survived death of child
--wrote & pub'd book
--wrote another book & got pub contract
--pub'd 8 articles
--youngest to Temple U
Today in class, S: Are you finished writing your next book yet?
Me: I am THIS close. So close.
S: You need to stay off Twitter.
๐ณ๐ณ๐ณ
They ain't wrong.
I bought the plane tickets, so this is happening!
Daughter & I are going to Europe after her college graduation. Finally getting some stamps in our passports!
Headed to Paris & Rome. Can't wait to see more of the world w/
@averyrwalker
!
We've road tripped most of the U.S.
Guy next to me in baked goods section: You know, it really shouldn't be that difficult to pick something out.
Me: Well, see, I'm trying to eat my feelings, so... I don't think cookies are gonna cut it. I need something heavy duty.
His wife: Got it. We'll be praying for you.
Y'all, Saturday is Alex's birthday (his 5th since his death), and the closer it gets the more I'm feeling all the things, despite all my efforts to eat these enormous feelings.
Grief stinks.
Pro tip: don't send snarky emails for prof to read upon waking. Esp don't when the error is your own (your failure to scroll down, making what you seek visible) & you're doing work from weeks ago. Further, do not do this & tell your professor that you "don't have time for this."
Today is Day 70 in this
#QuarantineLife
.
I find myself tired for no reason at all. I often forget what I was about to do and cannot retrieve that information. I lack the bandwidth for hobbies, including reading.
How are y'all doing?
#StayHomeSaveLives
#StayAtHome
#Covid_19
Daughter: "Of course, you did that job. You've done everything. You're like Barbie!"
In response to the revelation of yet another job in my employment history of which she was previously unaware.
๐๐คฃ๐
(I took the long road to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.)
Daughter's uni just canceled for the semester. Understand the decision.
But I've got 11 days to get her moved out of a dorm that's 2 days' drive from me in the middle of my semester (we are not canceled).
So many of us carry this grief. I lost my beautiful, beloved son Alex to accidental opioid overdose just over 3 yrs ago.
My heart goes out to Melissa & the thousands of other parents who know this pain. Thanks for speaking out & helping end the stigma.