Ali Lerman @AliNotAlli Twitter profile

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

9 years

Oh no, tell me more about your podcast. *rolls eyes forever*

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

If Elon Musk brings Trump back to Twitter I am moving to Canada.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

If Elon Musk buys Twitter I am moving to Canada.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Welcome to Twitter: A lot of you don't get sarcasm and it shows

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Getting a vaccine is cool but have you ever tried shutting the fuck up about it.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

@BuzzPatterson I was 100% joking, as are all of my tweets, but this is a big moment for me!! Thank you for your service!! omg my old boss is such a fan he's going to lose it.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Let me know when the FBI raids Ghislaine Maxwell's client list.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Welcome to Twitter. Someone will be along shortly to threaten your life because you enjoy laughing.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Gonna gain 200 pounds, become a Victoria Secret model, and own you all.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Jussie Smollett is guilty. Water is wet. Epstein didn't kill himself.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Exciting news I watched a Justin Bieber documentary and now I'm a Belieber.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

You guys are gonna lose it when Elon releases Ghislaine Maxwell's client list on Friday.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

AOC is vacationing maskless in Miami because she's better than us.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Today I am 11 months alcohol-free. I hope that is ok with all of you.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

6 years

Today I am 60 days alcohol free. I've also saved myself $33,392 in Amazon purchases which isn’t great for the economy so I'm sorry about that.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

@brethordark Catch your breath, Bree. It's ok to have fun on here.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Bad news guys, I have a breakthrough case of Idontgiveafuckanymorevid-19.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Thoughts and prayers to everyone literally shaking right now.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

5 years

@TheRealOJ32 but what about michael jackson liking kids buttholes tho

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

BREAKING: You can still wear a mask on an airplane if you want to, bitch ass complainers.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

So lemme get this straight. Congress, the USPS, anyone coming over the border, and Afghan refugees are exempt from the vaccine mandate. OK, got it.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

I loved Louis CK's new special. I hope that's ok with you.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

I don't want to take the shine away from Veterans Day but today I am 1 year alcohol-free and I really wanted to type it out.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Changing my name to Ukraine so I can get 1.7 billion dollars.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

I can't believe hilarious Louis CK won a Grammy for being hilarious.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

If Elon Musk brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours, I could teach you, but I have to charge I am moving to Canada.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

AOC has covid because it wanted to fuck her.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

7 years

OK WE GET IT EVERYONE SHOWED THEIR DICK TO EVERYONE BUT ME

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

5 years

How delicious would it be though if the Queen served McDonald's, Wendy's, and Burger King at the State Banquet.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

I'm old enough to remember last year when frontline hospital workers were heroes.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

2020: Believe all women 2022: wtf is a woman how dare you

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT VAXXED JEN PSAKI GETTING COVID IT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL oh wait unvaxxed Aaron Roger's also got covid?!?!?! HILARIOUS HE IS A DEMON!- Twitter

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

7 years

We get it. Alec Baldwin hates Republicans.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

BREAKING: In order to keep affording to live in 2022, I have decided to change my name to Ukraine so I can also get 33 billion dollars.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

Imagine being so delusional that you think a total stranger owes you an explanation for anything.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Imagine how drunk that booze bag Pelosi is right now.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

6 years

I am 37 days sober and I hate everyone and everything. Happy Friday.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

It's only ok to tell a president to get fucked if you're Robert De Niro.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Having sex with Jada Pinkett is cool but have you ever tried getting her to shut the fuck up about it?

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Nothing gives me more comfort than hearing our great president attempt to threaten someone while fumbling over reading a teleprompter.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

@LandauDave Good. Morning. Mug. Club. 🔥☕ #LwC

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Alec Baldwin didn't delete his Twitter account. His Twitter account deleted itself.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Grateful to have been part of this. 🙏💔 #RIPBobSaget

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Pssst. You don't get to control what I listen to.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

omg can you even imagine how fucking hammered Nancy Pelosi must have been if her husband was the one that got the DUI?!

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

@Breaking911 Lol the double down!

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Good morning to everyone except people who think January 6th was an actual "insurrection."

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

I can't believe someone let Brian Stelter finish in them.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

I once walked around the Irvine Spectrum with Norm MacDonald smoking weed out of pipe that was shaped like a dick. One of my favorite moments in life and one of my favorite people. #RIPNorm

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

5 years

Sorry to get all political here but I'd still let Justin Trudeau hit it.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

Super jealous of the people in Philly bc they're already done with their holiday shopping.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

@LandauDave is way too early for this. Shout out to coffee. #MugClub #LwC

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

5 years

Chef @CarlRuiz was hilarious, kind, a bad speller, and omg so talented. He was a light. RIP #Ruizing #HotDogsInHeaven #PinkiesOut

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

Just tested positive for Covid-69.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

I liked it better when definitions of words didn't change while I was sleeping.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Rihanna is my favorite lip syncer.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

Say what you want about Amy Coney Barrett but homegirl has the eye-rolling restraint of a saint.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

I get all of my gun advice from Reese Witherspoon.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

1 year

In my day we didn't have Ozempic we only had bulimia.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Not many people know this but omnicron is a longer way to spell a cold.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

I've changed my name to Volodymyr Zelenskyy. Please give me $7 billion dollars now too.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

brb about to give myself a Brazilian waxing

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Imagine believing anything anymore.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Just got back from not wearing a mask at Costco. Hi haters.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Vaxxed 17 times with 412 boosters and I’m feeling amazing suck it haters!

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

please also send 31 Abrams tanks to my house so I can sell them for gas money

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

*Putin peels off his mask to reveal it was Hillary Clinton all along*

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

TEAR IT DOWN!!!

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Grateful that the Biden administration is working on banning methol cigarettes because there is absolutely nothing more important right now.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

Changing my name to Omnibus so I can get $1.7 trillion.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

remember AOC lol wtf was that about

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

6 years

I hope it's cool with everyone that I'm still a fan of Louis C.K. oh good thanks.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Maybe if celebrities just sang to the Taliban they'd back off.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

It's a great day to get out there and be terrified and panicked. 🌈🌼🐀

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

A homeless dude just told me he'd fuck me and you know what? I believe him.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

Not sure what the big deal is. The people rushing the Capital are just expressing their fweedom.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

5 years

@TheRealOJ32 Happy birthday! Nice tits!

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

@michaelmalice so jelly you got a shout out

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

4 years

Nancy Pelosi is morbidly alcoholic. 🌈🥔🍹

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

Congrats to Gavin Newsom on getting 80 million votes.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

If you haven't seen Dexter, season 4 is the best because that is when Rita dies.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

I never wanted "Norm Macdonald: Nothing Special" to end. It's brilliant and needed. 🙏 #RIPLegend

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

3 years

I'm old enough to remember when there was a fake coin shortage last year.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

My rent in CA is also $49,910 a month.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

New covid is just like old covid but only 37 people care.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

2 years

I can't believe people got laid off from their job like on what planet does that happen

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

6 years

My parents would be appalled if they knew what I'd do for a Klondike Bar.

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Ali Lerman

@AliNotAlli

5 years

It pains every fiber of being to type this out but since you’ve somewhat shared in the life of the sweetest pupper to ever do the damn thing, Angel is now making heaven as hot as hell. Angel had one job to do, and she did it to perfection. She was a bad ass bitch. 💔 #RIPAngel