Alex @AlexShaneMoore Twitter profile

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 months

Oh really? We’ll see what the same 6 people who always agree with me think about that

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

3 years

The older woman I’m dating is taking me to the park so I can run around really fast

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

3 years

You should be able to smoke in McDonald’s. Who cares.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Living in France would be so cool. You get to be rude all day, the hospital is free, your wife has 6 boyfriends, and all you’ve thought about since you could remember is dying

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

The alcoholic dude at work isn’t here and his computer is open to directions to a Dave and Buster’s on google maps

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

You should have at least a couple friends who are truly bad people at their core

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

That look the time traveler gives you before returning to their own time

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Close enough

Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

We’re less than 12 hours from the billionaire’s stepson calling a celebrity the n word on here

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Come over at 6, I’ll make us some really bad pasta, and then I’ll put on a movie you won’t like

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

3 years

Just a regular sandwich for me, thanks. Nothing weird.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Whenever the song radioactive by imagine dragons comes on in an Uber I say “this song saved my life”

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

6 months

We’ll do a bowl of cigarettes for the table

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

14 days

“Burger or hotdog?” 15 beers and hitting my head on the side of your pool

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Beer 1: thinking about beer 2 Beer 2: thinking about beer 3 Beer 3: hanging out, chilling Beer 4: I tell you why Aaron Hernandez was the most unique TE in the history of football Beer 5: I order nachos for the table Beer 6: I repeat all the Aaron Hernandez stuff

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 months

Heading to the local gym and telling one of the 23-year-old personal trainers they have 6 weeks to get me to this level

Football’s Greatest Moments

@FBGreatMoments

2 months

Myles Garrett casually doing 64-inch box jumps.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

7 months

6 years ago today I took a 400mg edible at Knott’s berry farm and forgot I was scared of rollercoasters

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Interviewer: “What’s your 5-year plan?” Me, knowing I’m going to shoot myself at the Denny’s in Ely, Nevada (501 Aultman St) on February 13, 2025: “Hopefully be in a leadership role of some kind.”

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Yoda had 800 years to stack his bread properly and he ended up broke and dead in a swamp

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Your honor, here is a picture of my client with the gender swap filter on. Not bad, right?

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

3 years

It’s 1971. I’m drinking beer and driving, which is legal. I pick up my buddies and head to the quarry. We accidentally killed a kid here when we were 12, but we all took a blood oath to keep it a secret. Graduation is coming up. We don’t know Elvis only has 6 years left on earth.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

3 years

@jededededed They can smoke too if they want

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Your friends will get out of bad relationships and call their ex a “master manipulator” and it’s a guy you’ve seen hold a firecracker until it explodes whose nickname has been “Evil Jeremy” since middle school

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

No yeah I think tattoos are fine. Unless you want to get into heaven

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

I’m in a group chat with a guy who’s 6’8” and the rest of us just kind of run errands for him

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

10 months

I miss the old me (unemployed)

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

I just saw a guy put his dog’s poop in a little baggy and walk off. What kind of a pervert do you have to be…

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

“You can’t put metal in the microwave” yeah okay keep thinking small your entire life

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

The Stanford prison experiment is probably the most overblown thing in history. People acted weird for a couple days. So what. I do that all the time

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

You have 21 notifications from LinkedIn about absolutely fucking nothing

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

3 years

Treat covid how you would want to be treated. It’s that simple

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

They should put my uncle in Fortnite

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

There’s no point in going to the dentist after you’re 20. They’re just going to be mean to you

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

The first day of a new job is the most humiliating shit in the world

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

The customer should fear you. The customer should feel like prey in the jungle.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Making this girl at the gym take her earbuds out so I can ask what her favorite color is

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Guy who only refers to sex as “monkey business”

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

I’m teaming up with modelo to free every animal in this pet store

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

The jury finds the defendant guilty on all charges of riffing with his buddies, chilling, and providing positive vibes

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

He won’t hurt anyone ever again

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Hey my buddy over there thinks he can fix you

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

We’re less than 12 hours from the billionaire’s stepson calling a celebrity the n word on here

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

What would you recommend for a guy looking to get into being addicted to gambling

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Young love 💛

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

We need to turn the war on drugs into the war of drugs. Pot smokers vs heroin addicts. Coke fiends vs meth heads. Only one faction takes home the glory.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

3 years

Wearing a plain shirt that just says “covid-19” on it so no one really knows what my deal is

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

I wouldn’t date a girl who I think would do poorly on Survivor

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

4 years

I have a bad feeling there’s going to be another day tomorrow

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

I’m the Michael Jordan of being unemployed

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

My kids can do what they want when they turn 18, but until then they will smoke cigarettes

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Gotta give it up- he’s kept the weight off

ppigg

@s4m31p4n

1 year

Subway Jared Check

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

I would never open a small business. I’d open a huge one that makes a bunch of money instead, but that’s just me

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Being an NPC is underrated. I only have one outfit and 3 actions to worry about

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Date someone you could rob a grocery store with

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Breakfast in bed, princess?

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

4 months

I need the Iowa women’s basketball team to win tonight

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

*crying and holding a knife* you think I’ll be married someday, right??

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Driving on the wrong side of the road is one of those pranks that never gets old

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Once you’re like 24 you can just tell people you were a state champion in high school and no one will check

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Calling 911 to let them know I can help out if they need me today

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

11 months

They should open a Drake themed restaurant

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

This is the most amount of physical contact a man and a woman should ever share.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Showing random women at the gym Family Guy clips on my phone

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Sending my resume to the cartel

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Everyone should crash a car at least once

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

I have a framed picture of every twitter mutual on my desk

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

If you like onions and fun, I have the perfect snack for you

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

*going through the worst time of my life voice* pretty good, you?

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Is she… you know… living la vida loca?

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

Here goes nothing

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Spiraling into control

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

7 years

my patronus on its day off

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Put the fear of god in the customer

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

The human body was designed to smoke cigarettes

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Being in a group chat with people who go to bars in a city you don’t live in: “Chumbo’s tonight?” “Come to The Side Yard” “We’re at Slime Rodger’s” “I’m at Pink Deer and then I’m going to Dern’s roommate’s ketamine party” “Where’s that?” “It’s right next to Dance Pants”

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

4 years

I won’t be traveling for thanksgiving and potentially spreading the virus. I’ll be working and thinking about killing myself like usual because I’m a good person

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

If I woke up tomorrow as a lobster I don’t know what I would do. Probably pinch some stuff with my claws… but after that? I’m just not sure.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

“Steph Curry.” Steph: *nods* “Four championships.” Steph: “Yep.” “The greatest shooter in the history of the game.” Steph: “Thank you.” *leaning back in my chair* “What would you say is your biggest ick?”

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

I love paying rent and I never think about killing myself

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

The world is ready for a 100z can of beer. You can call me The World by the way.

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

*reaches for a cop’s gun but accidentally grabs his ass*

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Everyone wants to be in a group chat until we add you, insult you, and then strategically ruin your life via a series of online attacks

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Your honor my client was unemployed at the time

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Drinking and driving with the woman you love has to be the ultimate high

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

The average height for men is 6’4”

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Beer is a slippery slope. You have 1, 2, and then BOOM- you’re having a great time with your friends

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

4 years

Before I go into the grocery store, does anyone know why I’m here or exist at all?

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

No babe I think it’s cool that you think the moon is your god or whatever

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Doctor: If you keep living like this, you are going to die Me: Are you extra hard on me because I’m your favorite patient

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

I’m not sure I ever need to see Europe in my lifetime. I think I kind of get the gist

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

So I’m a sellout just because I compromised my morals and ethics for cash? Okay

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Your email found me at the lowest point of my life actually

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

I’ll see you folks on the plane. I’ll be the guy being loud

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

*seeing two of anything even if it’s something shitty and horrible* Could be us

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

I usually wait to hear what Drake thinks about a topic before I open my big mouth

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Sweet the game is on

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Coworker said he’s “been meaning to email Chipotle about giving people more chips” I can’t fucking do this anymore

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

1 year

The customer should think of you as a ruthless, unforgiving god

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

3 years

Going freak mode on a saltlick out in the woods. Say what’s up if you see me

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

Compensation isn’t important to me as long as I have a fast-paced work environment at a company that likes to think of itself as a family

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Alex

@AlexShaneMoore

2 years

If you send me a 2 minute video it better change my life

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