alanna @AlannaVizzoni Twitter profile

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alanna

5 years

just cried at a wedding for two people i’ve never met. how THE F am i ever gonna get married ?! what mascara do you wear ?!

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i would do almost anything to be stuck in a sweaty dark bar that i can’t move in that takes 45 minutes to get a 17 dollar beverage and is filled with averagely attractive people that are too drunk and kind of rude. legitimately close to anything.

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

nothing brings me more pleasure then watching all the little bitmoji heads pop up in a snapchat group chat

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

6 years

the best part of my walk to work is when i have to hold my breath for an entire avenue because it smells so bad. ily new york 🥰

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

okay i’m covered in chills

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

if a hotel room doesn’t have huge fluffy white robes what’s even the point !!??

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i understand that i can make avocado toast and chocolate chip pancakes at home for very cheap, but i just prefer to spend $35 plus tax on it to watch my friends get too drunk and flirt with our waiter

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

rewatching sex and the city and i’m smiling at the tv like these are my friends. the gang’s all here !! haha good one carrie love you !!

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

progression of getting my bf into sex and the city: episode 1: “ugh do we have to watch this” 2: “no no you don’t have to change it, it’s okay” 3: “hah so this whole episode‘s about giving head?” 4: “this is like entourage, but for girls!” 5: “omg lmfao!!!! samantha WOULD🤣🤣”

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

today i will cleanse my instagram of people who don’t bring me joy, for example my friend’s study abroad roommate from 5 years ago that’s from iowa that i have never met or spoken to once

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

first thing i did when i woke up today was shave my legs and put a bikini on, and i already have more serotonin then i’ve had in a month

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

the highlight of my day at this point is waking up to snap memories from 3 years ago as a reminder of what a joy life once was

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

the thought of someone willingly drinking a 🤢 glass of 🤢 milk with meals 🤮🤮

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

obsessing over john tucker must die as a blossoming 12 year old shaped me into the woman i am today

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

why do i willingly drink coffee at 8 pm and tell myself it’s “just a lil pick me up”. for what bitch? bed?

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

another day spent just looking forward to it ending! carpe diem baby!

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

ill never be one of those girls with a big collection of designer perfumes (rich) whom i envy. ill just continue to wear my one middle tier scent every day for every occasion, to train people to think of me every time they smell it. as a narcissist, this is most important to me

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

was complaining to my dad about my loud neighbors and he (a lawyer) yelled “they’re disturbing your right to quiet enjoyment!” and the fact that that is a civil right is absolutely sending me. i will now be saying this to anyone who speaks to me out of turn, thank u

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i just won’t be happy until this is over and empire state of mind comes on at the bar for the first time and everyone starts singing and crying and 6 strangers hand me free drinks and i l kiss all my friends

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

me thinking about my grandma sitting in her house alone for the 17th time today

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

naps just don’t hit the same when it’s your only option to pass time

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i didn’t ignore your text, i was just uninterested in what you said so i’m just waiting for the next one

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

if someone calls me “girlie” i instantly just stop listening to the rest of their sentence

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i’m on a bender i need all the reese’s peanut butter eggs REMOVED FROM THE VICINITY

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

all three of the hadid siblings have an entire album written about them and i honestly don’t think any other family will ever beat that level of success

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

ever have to explain to a complete stranger on the street that they look undeniably like your friend from the back and that’s why you just flicked their butt cheek

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

quarantine means i took 4 showers in the last 24 hours simply to pass time, but haven’t washed my hair in 6.5 days

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

after i wake up and have my fancy tik tok coffee, my entire day is spent just waiting to have it again the next morning

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

yayyy @KenzieSzymarek and i have been working really hard on making original video content for @Chicks & i’m so excited to finally start putting it out 💃💃 check out this first video series with my very dear pals @holy_schnitt & @Jared_Carrabis

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

was having a spiral about my entire existence and then i realized it was the only spiral this week compared to the usual 3-4, so things are actually looking gggooooodddd hunnnyy!!!

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

thinking about how i sent an email 2 days ago without a single exclamation point so definitely come off like a bitch

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

actual photo of me and @MikeGrinnell_ from last friday

L.A.S.

@SartoriallyInc

4 years

e girl and her podcaster boyfriend

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

if you haven’t had an oreo or a dorito in a while, i highly recommend you go do it right now, it’s shocking

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

nvm i just hit a bird with my car i’m sobbing

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

been sleeping in cute n sessi pajamas instead of oversized shacking t shirts, and id just like to say, it is officially over for you bitches

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

you ever just be sitting there and someones like “omg i just took such a good picture of you!” and you look and are just appalled like “i 🤢 look like that??🤮” and they’re just like yeah.... and youre like oh..... and then think about it for 6 weeks cause hi me right now

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

the true super bowl today is about who brings the best dip

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

what psychological disorder do i have that makes me only want pork fried dumplings for every meal

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

being home has taught me that i get my inherent thirst for gossip and a negative outlook on things happening around me from my mother, and for that i thank her

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

about that time of night to blink and eat an entire buttered baguette and feel zero remorse about it

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

people that enjoy to eat cottage cheese, explain yourselves

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

was absolutely shocked about how short this girl across the room was and then she came over and was my height if not taller and i am SHOOK to the core

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

my apartment is absolutely freezing but i refuse to turn the heat on because it’s may and i have too much pride (? not sure towards who or what) so i’ll just be here shaking wearing 3 sweatshirts until further notice

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

someone must please remind me when this is over how to have conversations that go beyond “what did you eat today” and “what are you watching on netflix”

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

the fitness people on tik tok are bullying me every time i open the app i’m sick of it!!!

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

halloween is really fun in nyc cause you can’t tell if people are wearing costumes or just being themselves

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

friends texting me to tell me about music they think i’d like is my main source of 🦋 🦋 🦋 currently

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

going home to be quarantined is all fun and games until you’re forced to watch 4 hours of my 600 lb life with your mom

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

11 pm is the new 3 am

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

might go grocery shopping tonight to wait in the one in one out line just for a lil taste of the thrill of going out to shitty bars

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i am bagel

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

just showed my mom my new lock screen and she put her glasses on and squinted so hard and goes “who is tha- is that you?” ...... my lock screen:

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

we all unanimously hate fictional characters like joffrey and voldemort, but jesus christ when is it flo from progressive’s turn

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i have watched and thought about that tik tok of pilot pete (aka the biggest wiener ever) dancing (?) in his hallway every day since he posted it, and every time it’s just as shocking

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

inject “the shore is central to our jersey identity” into my veins

Governor Phil Murphy

@GovMurphy

4 years

BREAKING: The Jersey Shore will be open in time for Memorial Day Weekend, with social distancing guidelines in place. The Shore is central to our Jersey identity and we want to ensure that families can safely enjoy it this summer.

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

i have imposter syndrome when one of my friends asks me style advice down to her bra while i’m currently wearing my brothers jeans from 8th grade

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

hello help my bar ears so are bad i’ve been smiling and saying “yeah totally” for 15 minutes should i just leave

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

cried at my desk this morning then went on a walk and now i’m like lol who the fuck was that bitch let’s go record and THAT is crying but thriving people @schnitt_talk

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i’ve been running around bragging about having a 30% off coupon to madewell and i LOST IT i am shook i hope i never win the lottery i’m too much of a bragger

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

a really weird new jersey trait is being literally obsessed with the parkway. like i would straight up die for that highway and compare all highways to it in terms of greenery, traffic, and excitement level

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

fine, i’m ready to admit that last year my best friend and i were both fully falling asleep at pete davidson’s stand up show, & kept having to elbow each other in the gut to wake up. is he funny, or did he just convince us he is because he has super hot girlfriends??? 🧐

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

someone teach me to use a term of endearment other than “bish”

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

why is this making me feel like i have actual plans to go out tonight?! join!!

schnitt talk

@schnitt_talk

4 years

one hour till our virtual girls night live on twitter,,,,, get a drink and get comfortable

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

my king

Archive: Governor Andrew Cuomo

@NYGovCuomo

4 years

People will die if we get cocky about reopening. To those who are upset about our careful approach — don't blame your local official. Blame me.

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

yay, it's Sports szn!! get the perfect fit for all us major Sports Enthusiasts who just want to tag along for the dips and drinks on sundays buy here--->

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@holy_schnitt charlie is SHOOK

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

SOS does anyone else have a vizio smart tv and it’s like the worst piece of technology you own? idk if mine is defective or if i should just return it and get a different brand HELP

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i really miss my coffee cart guy i hope he’s okay 🥺

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@holy_schnitt my lil pink peep 🐰

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

me: :( lil sweet: it’s the sweeEEt ooNE me: :)

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

fun fun fun fun looking forward to the weeEEkend

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

💅🏽

Clay Walter

@claywalter17

5 years

@AlannaVizzoni checking her dms after the @schnitt_talk episode

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i am in love w a law

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

just ordered $60 worth of thai food to philadelphia by accident so my nights going to absolutely suck

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

@holy_schnitt das ma bayybee

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

specifically, my queen

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@MikeGrinnell_ i want to tell you to fuck off, but this is accurate

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

i would do anything to wait in your line for 8 hours this summer, all hope is lost

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

2 years

ALEX 📢 ALEX 📢 ALEX 📢

meangirlpod

@meangirlpod

2 years

Big announcement!!! @Justalexbennett is fighting in @roughnrowdy 🥊

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@BarstoolRia that rafe was impeccable 👏🏼👏🏼

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@holy_schnitt @schnitt_talk i cannot make eye contact with him

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@holy_schnitt @a_schrank1 LMAO everyone knows! and if you’re not a little annoying you’re boring, it’s simple!

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

@holy_schnitt @schnitt_talk @honey oh wow and no typos i love me

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

two most hated men in the country currently

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

omg patiently waiting for figz to text me and freak the fuck out

sky

@skyybaby7

5 years

“Now when someone’s crazy we’re like ‘stop figging’” 😂 @holy_schnitt @AlannaVizzoni

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

@holy_schnitt @bumbogbeag in the beginning of september yes i don’t like you

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@redditships i know you said to stop tagging you in stuff about bad sexy talk but..... @holy_schnitt you doing role play

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

ok like will i get anything at all done today or just continue to repeat the same things about the jordyn/ tristan/ khloe drama into different group chats lmk

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@MikeGrinnell_ i didn’t pick that song out of thin air idiot. and i am just a living typo i don’t even see what you’re talking about

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@DanaB_Number3 @MikeGrinnell_ LOL you chug i shotgun and we’ll get you to a milli 👏🏼👏🏼

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@holy_schnitt wow i love him, he had weird balls is legitimately a conversation we have often

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@holy_schnitt @redditships arguing about the logistics of the location being a state or a territory mid sex

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@MikeGrinnell_ ily but sir are you kidding with this picture

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

@holy_schnitt @schnitt_talk Mr. Fuck M. Krill

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

@holy_schnitt @schnitt_talk i’m sweating

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

ellie claims the black eyed mother fuckin pees performed at the bar we were at last night but NO ONE REMEMBERS AND CAN CONFIRM

ellie’s elaborate prank

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we’re all drunk idiots

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

every jersey girl is GLOWING watching bruce right now #JERSEY4JERSEY

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

4 years

arguably one of the best songs ever

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

uhhhhh....

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alanna

@AlannaVizzoni

5 years

@JourdynBerry @schnitt_talk @MikeGrinnell_ who needs a boyfriend when your friend has one

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