Akshar Pathak @AksharPathak Twitter profile

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

An honest wedding card. Please RSVP

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

working on a new game

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

mom saying 'if you're with your friends then make me talk to one of them' was the original 2-factor authentication

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

me: alexa who is not the richest person in the world anymore alexa: baap pe mat jaa

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

it's honestly sad to see all these TV news channels fight over TRP. learn something from radio channels who have made peace with the fact that each one of them is India's # 1 radio station

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

2 years from now you'll be tweeting from your Jio phone on Jio 5G network wearing Jio glasses watching Jio TV in your Jio Room while walking on a Jio treadmill that mines a Jio Coin

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

unbelievable how this potato has the same wide range of expressions as Arjun Kapoor in Panipat it's blowing my mind

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

back when I learnt that bappi lahiri has a son named bappa lahiri I thought nothing could possibly ever beat that but today I learnt that kumar sanu has a son named kumar janu

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

No one has this range, and no one ever will. #IrrfanKhan

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

mother 🤷‍♂️🤗

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

6 years

Priyanka: 36y old Nick: 26y old Malaika: 45y old Arjun: 33y old Milind: 53 y old Ankita: 27y old Don't make a big deal about the age difference. Nothing really matters as long as you fucking love each other. Akshar Pathak: 29y old Chicken Malai Tikka in the fridge: 3 days old

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Age 10: "I'll buy an island and make my own Jurassic Park" Age 15: "I'll buy a beachside mansion" Age 20: "I'll buy a 3 BHK" Age 30: "Thaaaaank god papa ne apne time mein ghar le liya tha"

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Monday mornings in office be like

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Reach the office. Take the laptop charger out. Connect it to the laptop. Take the phone charger out. Connect it to the phone. Take the smart watch off. Connect it to the laptop to charge. Take the headphones out. Connect them to the laptop via bluetooth. "ok lunch time"

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

I'm getting married in December and I was designing an invitation with this header of Amrish Puri feeding the kabootars from DDLJ, but this idea has been unanimously rejected by parents from both the sides.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

kanye west has announced he's running for president and I can already imagine watching aaj tak in 2021 where he's meeting the supreme leader of north korea and the headline says kanye ne kiye kim ke darshan

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

could have waited 3 more days to release the new education policy honestly they have robbed aaj tak of the chance to say raksha bandhan pe hua kaksha bandhan

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

the new nike ad is just too good

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

every country right now

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

modi ji's address always reminds me of my school attendance bhumika? present sir lakshya? yes sir manav? yes sir pragati? present sir sankalp? present sir samriddhi? yes sir vikas? yes sir present sir

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

sukhwinder singh in chaiyya chaiyya

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

when you're making cold coffee but didn't close the dhakkan properly

Salman Khan

@BeingSalmanKhan

4 years

Respect to all the farmers . .

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Every time I open Instagram, I see someone is eating at a fancy restaurant, and not me. Someone has bought a cool gadget, and not me. Someone is flying business class, and not me. But guess who is financially stable because he doesn't spend money on stupid shit? Woh bhi not me.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

My friend came to pick me up in his Wagon R. Mere mooh se apne aap OTP nikal gaya.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

the funniest person you know in real life does not have a twitter account, just an instagram with 12 followers where one picture of a sunset was posted in 2015

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

gmail is down, can't really work so I thought I'll take a break. opened youtube, but that too is down batao kya karu main marjau meri koi filling nahi hai

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

It's 2001. You call your friend up on the landline. His mother answers. You ask if you can talk to your friend. She screams his ghar ka naam out loud "CHINKOO, TERA PHONE HAI". You laugh for 20 minutes. Next day, the whole school calls him Chinkoo. Good times.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

childhood is your parents getting mad at you for not taking your health seriously adulthood is you getting mad at your parents for not taking their health seriously

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

me today 🇮🇳

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

jhadoo maari latak matak kapde dhoye patak patak wifi jaaye atak atak aata majhi satak satak

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

these lockdown extensions are eerily reminiscent of the bas 10th paas karlo fir toh aish hi aish hai scam

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

I don't understand why some people are saying there's no progress. Name one other country where you can get free Netflix, 2GB of data, free Apple TV for 3 years, a job in an MNC, and even talk to Sunny Leone by calling on just one number.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

stepped out in the balcony to sing songs with all my neighbours but woh sab kapde sukhaane mein busy hain

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

me walking in to 2020

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

just cooked breakfast, it's a quick and easy recipe so thought I'll share it with y'all

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

modi ji jaldi se agla bigg boss task de do I am ready

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Ab koi mera charger touch nahi karega

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

9 pm for 9 mins

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

@imVkohli *teacher steps out* entire class:

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Phone: dark mode aaya Twitter: dark mode aaya Instagram: dark mode aaya Sunny paaji: ek mode aaaya, main uthe dil chhod aaya

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

6 years

Anil Ambani: "Bhaiya thode paise–" Mukesh Ambani: "Kitna chahiye?" Anil: "5.5 billi–" Mukesh: "Pagal hai kya $5.5 billion bohot zyada hai." Anil: "Dollars nahi bhaiya, rupees" Mukesh: "Oh. Accha. Jaa sofa cushion ke neeche check kar."

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

haven't been able to concentrate on work or anything else ever since I read the news of sara ali khan and kartik aaryan unfollowing each other on instagram pls stop 2020 we've had enough

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

SO HAPPY THE VACCINE IS FINALLY HERE ᵒᶠᶠᶦᶜᵉˢ ʷᶦˡˡ ʳᵉᵖᵒᵉⁿ ᵏʸᵃ ᵏᵃʳᵘ ᵐᵃᶦⁿ ᵈᵃʳʳ ʲᵃᵘ

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

We lost a legend. Your legacy is and always will be glorious. #RishiKapoor

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

me, after my 25th birthday

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

4 years

STOP THE COUNT!

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Dabangg is on Netflix. Dabangg 2 is on Hotstar. Dabangg 3 is on Prime Video. I believe an agreement was made between the three because a single platform's servers couldn't have possibly handled them all.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

I'm not saying I've designed the perfect phone, but I have designed the perfect phone

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

me: *wakes up* phone:

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

me making new year's eve plans

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

6 years

Deepika Padukone: "Ranveer and I are getting hitched" [30 seconds later] [news channel writer hurriedly typing] "RAB NE BANA DI JODI. DEEPIKA NE BOLA RANVEER KO HAAN. EK CHUTKI SINDOOR KI KEEMAT JAAN GAYE RANVEER BABU. KYA AB RANBIR GAAYENGE CHANNA MEREYA? AAYIE DEKHEIN."

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

aayega apna time aayega pani puri bhel puri sab do do plate khayega doston se ek baar fir se tu mil paayega jaake apne baal professionally katwayega jitna tune khaaya hai gym jaa ke sab pighlayega aisa mera khwaab ki traffic bhi sataayega kyun kyunki apna time aayega

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

tiktokers change more clothes in one video than I have in the entire lockdown

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

subject: URGENT: office re-opening

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Supreme court is the highest level of keh diya na bas keh diya.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

marriage is just two individuals asking each other what they want to eat and saying 'I'm good with anything' and 'whatever you want' 34 times twice every day

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

good morning don't forget to check linkedin today and be reminded that you're the only person left who hasn't written a blog or a book yet

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Shit that made 2019 absolutely fucking fantastic: Avengers: Endgame Fleabag Chernobyl Russian Doll Money Heist Joker NOT stupid Game of idiot Thrones dumbass Season 8 fuck off you single-handedly ruined everything I am still so pissed John Wick 3

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

all of a sudden with sheer suddenness there are so many streaming services netflix, prime, hotstar, zee5, voot, SonyLIV, can't we just combine them all and pay a lesser monthly subscription amount maybe we can call it cable tv or something I can't keep giving all the good ideas

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

me: okay it's FINALLY out of my head thank god brain: me: brain: me: brain: kaun tha

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

when they make a bollywood movie on coronavirus, akshay kumar will play the role of a selfless doctor who finds a cure against all odds, and katrina kaif will play the role of quarantined katrina kaif washing bartan

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

hollywood: film studio logo > movie starts bollywood: film studio logo > this is purely a work of fiction > special thanks to ruin the surprise cameo > brand partner digital partner media partner radio partner mirchi partner do you want a partner oh partner love me love me say

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

6 years

Sanjeev Kapoor: "Jeera jale, jaan jale" Wife: "Please" Sanjeev Kapoor: "Pardesi pardesi, jama dahi" Wife: "Please stop" Sanjeev Kapoor: "Yeh jo halka halka masoor hai" Wife: "Get the fuck out" Sanjeev Kapoor: "Jaati hoon main...*dodges jutti* haldi hai kya?"

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

bechaare saturday sunday ki toh koi izzat hi nahi rahi

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

they are planning on re-opening movie theatres, and yeah 2 tickets cost as much as an annual streaming membership, but there's something about that BIG screen and the feeling of knowing that chaaron taraf danger hi danger hai wait did someone just cough or was that the mukesh ad

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Movie Review: JOKER Rating: 6/5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Visually gorgeous. One of the most spellbinding, uncomfortable, and iconic performances. Oscar-worthy acting. The portraits of madness in Paglapur village are intense. Take a bow Akshay and Sonakshi.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

St. Paul's college from Main Hoon Na was preparing its students for 2020.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

love their image selection

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

7 years

*Batman points to his car* "That's the Batmobile" *points to his cave* "That's the Batcave" *points to his wallet* "That's the Batua"

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

my wardrobe is: 5% clothes I wear on daily basis 5% clothes I can but don't wear on daily basis 90% clothes that one day when I start dieting and going to the gym, yeh mere ko theek se fit honge, tab I'll wear them on daily basis

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

please watch the first 20 seconds of this poha recipe video, this is the quickest I've subscribed to a youtube channel

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

*searches for a movie * netflix: we don't have that one but here's a similar movie prime: we won't have that one but here's a movie with a completely different name from an entirely different genre and language bhi pata nahi kaunsi hai

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Scrolling on Instagram is like scrolling through an endless catalogue of bhai paisa ho toh kya kuch nahi ho sakta.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Amazon: ₹250 + ₹30 delivery charge Me: 😡 😱 😵 Amazon: ₹280 + FREE shipping Me: 😍 🥳 😎

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

linkedin: 39 people viewed your profile me: okay wow who linkedin:

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

people in delhi to each other in standing 2 feet apart

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

kareena and saif announced that they're expecting their 2nd child. times now journalists inserted a new column next to taimur's potty schedule. viral bhayani screamed with joy, passed out. karan johar looked at his whiteboard and put one tick in front of student of the year 17.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

6 years

Internet: "Anushka has a doppelgänger" Me: "Wow" Anushka Sharma: "Wow" Julia Michaels: "Wow" Manyavar meeting room: "Bas ek gora Virat mil jaaye toh US mein bhi launch kar sakte hain"

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

7 years

Twitter (140 characters): "Hey guys, I'm Vijay" Twitter (280 characters): "Vijay Dinanath Chauhan, poora naam. Baap ka naam Dinanath Chauhan. Maa ka naam Suhasini Chauhan. Gaon Mandwa. Umar 36 saal, 9 mahina, 8 din, aye aur yeh solva ghanta chaalu hai."

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

WAR has already made 300 crores. Kabir Singh made 350 crores. I don't understand WHY. If we keep giving them our money, they'll keep feeding us trash. I didn't give my hard earned money to either of those films because I'm saving up for Housefull 4.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

afternoon naps are 100% guaranteed premium quality sleep

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

me, watching a trashy movie: haha this should get an oscar me, watching one that actually won an oscar: what the fuck is this shit

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

no one: me, every time I use moisturizer: kisi ko chahiye kya mere se zyaada nikal gaya

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Hahahaha all these dumbass JIO users will now have to pay 6 paise per minute for outgoing hahahahahaha thank god I stayed with Vodafone, I pay 0 paisa because kisi ka number lagta hi nahi

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Cancelled all my weekend plans because of coronavirus. Staying home. Once this dumbass idiot coronavirus goes away, then I'll think of other reasons to cancel plans.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Me, on a flight: "I shouldn't recline my seat, peeche waale ko problem hogi" Uncle in front of me: "Twinkle twinkle little star, bistar bana ke so jao yaar"

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

Some people say Chak De India is Shahrukh Khan's best work. Some say Swades is his best work. Why are we arguing with each other, why can't we just agree that they are both equally good and Baadshah is his best work.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Twitter: "Time for a haircut" Instagram: "Before and after haircut pictures" LinkedIn: "Embracing change is almost essential to growing as an individual. I fervently believe in the magical powers of getting a haircut. Thrilled to start this new chapter in my life."

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

every morning I wake up with these 4 words on my mind – vaccine aa gayi kya

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Me: "Let's order Mexican rajma chawal with dahi" Her: "Burrito bowl?" Me: "Haan plus red and green chutney" Her (shaking head in disbelief): "Salsa and guac–" Me: "And a cheese parantha" Her: "You mean quesadilla" Me: "And folded masala papad" Her: (given up) *adds a taco*

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

twitter is testing a feature where you can tweet something that no one can reply to, which will I believe be the ultimate level of keh diya naa bas keh diya

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

4 years

murphy's law of pakoras: by the time you're done making them, it'll stop raining

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

how do people just casually say 'oh my phone battery is on 1% battery lol', I switch on power-saving mode at 50%, panic when it reaches under 35%, carry two powerbanks with me at all times and one luminous inverter just in case

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

when I'm losing in ludo: yeh kya bakwaas game hai bas dice roll karte raho, it's all luck when I'm winning in ludo: it requires thinking kab kya move karna hai, strategy hoti hai

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

me: do I have to go above the flyover, or under it google maps:

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

I've done loads of silly things in life, for example back in the 00's I used to pay 30 rupees a month for a Hello Tune so people who called me could listen to dus bahane kar ke le gaye dil, le gaye dil.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Mukesh Ambani – bought Hamleys in a $88mi all-cash deal. Didn't think twice. Ratan Tata – bought Jaguar Land Rover in a $2.3b all-cash deal. Didn't think twice. Akshar Pathak – bought half plate chicken momos in a ₹35 all-cash deal. Thought twice. Then bought a Pepsi also.

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Someone has left a sheet of Preeti's dialogues from Kabir Singh on my desk

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Mom: "You're adopted" Me: Boss: "You're fired" Me: Girlfriend: "I'm leaving you" Me: Uber guy: "I'm cancelling the ride" Me: "NO NO NO WAIT, PLEASE, NO, NO BHAIYYA NO PLEASE NO"

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Akshar Pathak

@AksharPathak

5 years

Imtiaz Ali woke up one day and said WHY should I make a new movie when I already made one last time. Same movie. Same script, bitch. Won't even call it Love Aaj Kal 2, what you gonna do? You know what, no new songs either, I will reuse the same songs, fuck you.

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