GREAT NEWS, FLORIDA STATE!
Saturday night is OPEN BORDERS NIGHT at WOKE CAMPBELL STADIUM!
Cal will bring THOUSANDS of UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS to the game!
ALL IMMIGRANTS will be WELCOMED with FREE TICKETS and FREE BEER funded by a modest surcharge on YOUR tickets! DIVERSITY!
CONGRATULATIONS to CAL FOOTBALL, CHAMPIONS of the TRUE SPIRIT OF SOCIALISM!
While Cal could have earned a W this weekend, starving FSU NEEDED IT MORE! So, when in the red zone, rather than greedily taking TDs, Cal GENEROUSLY jumped offside and missed FGs! MARX would be PROUD!
PEOPLE OF TALLAHASSEE: Cal's WOKE ENFORCEMENT unit is TAKING YOUR GUNS this weekend!
You MUST place all firearms in our rainbow bins conveniently located throughout FSU's campus.
YOUR GUNS will be confiscated and DESTROYED for your safety!
Thanks for your prompt compliance.
FLORIDA STATE FANS! Here come your very own PARTICIPATION TROPHIES!
We know you're feeling down about being 0-3, but CHEER UP! This weekend, Cal is bringing PARTICIPATION TROPHIES for each of you to boost your self-esteem!
There's no shame in TRYING YOUR BEST, guys! Way to go!
Before the big game between Cal and Florida State, it's TAKE A KNEE TIME with the CAL BEARS!
We'll choose several LUCKY YOUNG FSU FANS to join us on the field for the NATIONAL ANTHEM, where they will LEARN TO RESPECT OUR FLAG the right way - by TAKING A KNEE to PROTEST RACISM!
The sentiment is appreciated, but I'm afraid this is a non-starter.
UNC joined FSU and Clemson in voting against Cal's inclusion in the ACC, which was tantamount to voting for our death.
UNC also employs Mack Brown, who is the most vile human on earth.
There will be no mercy.
Credit where it's due to FSU fans:
Presnap penalties, especially in the red zone, were a huge factor in this game.
That's crowd noise.
Not a lot of fan bases, after 3 disappointing gut shots to open the season, would still show up and get loud enough to make a difference.
Auburn guy with a cooler backpack full of beers just came up to me, said "Welcome to Auburn, would you like a beer?" I gave him the correct answer, he offered me a selection of local beers, and I chose a really nice brown ale.
Auburn is fucking awesome.
The
#Calgorithm
is about the VIBES.
We're not here to "talk shit." Not here for grade school name-calling, or tough guy posturing. If that's what you're about, keep it to yourself.
Cal Twitter is here for fun. The laughs. The Ws. The Ls. The VIBES. And we aren't going anywhere.
FWIW, I don't really intend to talk shit at/with Auburn Twitter. Every Auburn fan I met who came to Berkeley last year was awesome, and their fan base in general has been cool.
Heading into Alabama on Saturday in peace, looking for a good time.
In 2004, QB Aaron Rodgers led Cal to a 10-1 record and what should have been a Rose Bowl berth (were it not for Mack Brown's corrupt BS), so that's something...
But here's a more recent achievement: we won more than 0 games in this calendar year, which is more than FSU can say.
Hey, I have to admit, 10-1 isn't quite as good as FSU's undefeated season last year!
Surely such a great season must have been followed up by a National Championship, or at least a big time bowl game win, right?
As an OG Cal fan (not quite an old blue but well on my way), I can tell you:
There is a life and an energy around Cal football right now that I have not seen since pre-2010. It's a beautiful thing to see and I hope we can sustain it no matter what happens on the field this year.
FSU Hate Week has been a flop, and I can see why.
Any FSU fans who are remotely normal people who might have been fun to banter with have gone into hiding. Which is a common sense response to starting 0-3.
What's left of FSU Twitter is a bunch of humorless freaks and weirdos.
PEOPLE OF TALLAHASSEE: Cal's WOKE ENFORCEMENT unit is TAKING YOUR GUNS this weekend!
You MUST place all firearms in our rainbow bins conveniently located throughout FSU's campus.
YOUR GUNS will be confiscated and DESTROYED for your safety!
Thanks for your prompt compliance.
STUDENT SECTION: Where is your enforcement? If you see someone throwing anything at the field, punch them in the fucking face. Do your job, guys.
Mic man, seriously? Nothing to say about this? That's two 15 yard penalties on you. Get your shit together.
Embarrassing, guys.
Beautiful stadium, awesome team, amazing night, and the seats are not anywhere near full enough. Got a bit better later, but still below standards.
The tides are turning. Oski is on the rise. Be there. Bear witness. Buy the ticket. Take the ride. Go Bears now. Go Bears forever.
It's not that we *like* Malort. I doubt very much that anyone *likes* Malort.
We endure it, and we celebrate our suffering. So it is with Malort, and so too it is with Cal football. For it is through darkness that the light shines brightest.
Maybe the funniest thing that I’ve discovered about Cal Twitter in their newfound celebrity is that they also really like Malört for reasons that I haven’t yet been able to fully piece together.
@Craiggens
As you can see, the Cal Bears have a long memory.
NC State literally saved our athletic program by breaking ranks with UNC. We will not forget.
@Tylermi65942082
@EliJames27
@goldenbearwire
@RedditCFB
If I lived in bumfuck Iowa I'd go to a lot of shitty college football games too. What else is there to do, other than fuck goats?
Sorry, I have to stop this conversation. Picking on Iowa State fans feels mean, like making fun of the handicapped, and I don't feel good about it.
Winning this game and proving to a strong SEC program that Cal is legit was awesome, but real talk: there is a LOT Cal as an institution could learn from Auburn about improving game day experience and attendance, and cultivating a bigger, better, and more passionate fan base.
This account is usually on private. I went back to private for about half an hour for the wave of cowards who bookmarked me all week and had nothing to say until after the game. And what they had to say after the same was mostly gay slurs, which isn't fun or interesting. So, 🤷♂️
Question for my new Auburn fan followers:
Everyone says get Toomer's lemonade, and I'm all for it... but if it's this popular, am I gonna be waiting in line for an hour to get it?
I understand why it's happening, but any and all takes suggesting Cal/Stanford should consider going back to the newly reconstructed Pac are unserious, and anyone who is offering such takes should be regarded as unserious.
If your coach is such a piece of shit that a whole fan base is rooting for the team that has been their hated rival for 127 years because they want to see his fat ass lose, that ought to be a sign, compadre.
Banter is fun. Blatantly making up lies and passing them off as facts to suggest that others are less American than you is not fun.
Auburn, I'll be at your beautiful stadium tomorrow with my U.S. Marine veteran father. He doesn't appreciate lies about our military. Neither do I.
Here's the big test, Cal Twitter.
16-0 UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE is a fun meme but obviously we know it's 99.999% likely we will lose a game at some point this year. Could happen soon. Hell, it could even happen tomorrow.
Don't let it ruin our fun. Win or lose, we ride. Go Bears.
Cal created and invented the concept of "card stunts." It's a century old tradition and a fun way for the students and alumni to interact at halftime, looks cool on TV, and sets the Cal student section apart from all other college football student sections.
And it's now at risk.
You know what schools actually would be a fit in the new Pac? The Arizona schools. Athletically, academically, culturally, and otherwise. Nobody talking about them going back. Why not?
I understand why it's happening, but any and all takes suggesting Cal/Stanford should consider going back to the newly reconstructed Pac are unserious, and anyone who is offering such takes should be regarded as unserious.
Enough of this loser talk about whether 5 win teams should accept bowl invites. We are beating UCLA this weekend, so that shit doesn't matter.
Cal is undefeated since I declared Six Win Szn, and I ain't called it off yet.
Go Bears.
We played like shit. They are getting hometown calls. Ott has barely gotten started. And we still go into halftime down by only 1. And we get the ball first.
FSU is trash, and we know they don't know how to win close games.
4-0 is right there. Just take it.
Florida State will be the first true Hate Week of the season for me
#onhere
Can't talk shit at Davis or SD State. Smack talking at double digit underdogs isn't cool.
Couldn't really talk much shit at Auburn. They're too damn friendly.
But FSU is a bunch of assholes.
Cal should be an attractive job for OC candidates.
We have a defense-minded HC who will stay out of your way. Good young talent, including a solid young QB. Moving to a softer conference. And arguably the best RB in college football.
Being Cal's OC is a great opportunity.
TALK YOUR SHIT COACH
Glad somebody finally said it. People in sports media have been talking like the ACC is in Australia or something. Adding an hour or two to flight times 4 times a year is not THAT big of a deal, guys. And now everyone knows the Cal fans will travel, too.
Justin Wilcox bringing the funny at 9 a.m. when asked about Cal's travel this season: "There's like this great new technology called airplanes, and they go super fast."
@PatMcAfeeShow
It's great if you go into it with the right attitude and expectations.
Don't expect interesting characters or a meaningful plot.
Expect an intentionally dumb, campy 90 minutes watching a coked up bear on a rampage killing people you don't like, and you will not be disappointed.
Quick reactions:
- Way too many pre-snap penalties
- Does Nando not have hot reads? Multiple times in this game AND Auburn, they brought heat and Nando was just a sitting duck
- I don't understand why we can't run Ott or Jet outside the tackles? Toss play? Anything?
Bloesch elevated to OC and
@CalFootball
used
#Hogs4Bloesch
to announce it
Basketball team is currently winning against a respectable opponent
CFP is in shambles
The vibes are OUTSTANDING
Now that the Pac 12 is over, let's continue to be honest:
It is puzzling that UCLA, a respectable academic institution with a very smart alumni base, consistently had the stupidest fucking fans in the conference.
Sounds like Auburn will be simplifying the offensive playbook for New Mexico this week. “I can promise you the package will not be big," Hugh Freeze said.
Enough of this loser talk about whether 5 win teams should accept bowl invites. We are beating UCLA this weekend, so that shit doesn't matter.
Cal is undefeated since I declared Six Win Szn, and I ain't called it off yet.
Go Bears.
I cannot emphasize enough what an embarrassment UCLA's fan base is.
I have been a visiting fan in several places, including 8 different Pac 12 venues.
UCLA fans are easily the worst I have seen, hands down. Rude, hostile, shitty people who show up late, bitch, and leave early.
I hope John Fisher goes to bed tonight knowing that he's one of the most hated men in America, and that he will go down in history as one of the most dispicable villains in the history of professional sports.